Anonymous Secrets Thread

[neruda]

-40s, Female - I had a rule to never get involved with married men and I broke that rule. I let one get under my skin and this turned out to be a good thing. What's so good about it ? I've learned that the one thing that all married men have in common is this: They are married and, therefore, their time and their issues take precedence (always) over your own. Luckily, I've been able to see this in time to shake him off. I get the added bonus of knowing I was right to not get involved with married men

 

[neruda]

Love the theme! Wish I had something to share...

Still nice to have you around, as always.

 

[neruda]

-45, Female - While in the throes of passion with myself I got a leg cramp and was too close to the edge of the bed. When I tried to reach down to wiggle my toes to get my cramp out I fell off the bed. I wiped out my night table and everything on it and landed on my opened laptop on the floor. All I could do was roll over and lay there for a few minutes. I had deep bruises on my back and legs for two weeks.

 

[neruda]

-38, Female - I worked at a popular local sports bar back in my college days as a bartender. I had an asshole sitting at the bar one night that complained about everything. He had ordered hot wings and complained they weren't spicy enough. He sent them back three times to be "fixed". On the third time back to the kitchen I had a conversation with the cook that went something like this..

Me - "Asshole's back!"
Cook - "Again? Still not spicy enough?"
Me - "Hell no. This guy is pissing me off....complaining about everything. I don't have time for this shit."
Cook - "He's upsetting you baby?"
Me - *pouty look* "Yes."
Cook - "Want me to take care of him for you?"
Me - Thinking he would make them super spicy so the asshole screamed.... "Would ya please?"
Cook - "Anything for you baby."

With that he holds up the bowl he is resaucing the wings in and dumps them on the nasty kitchen floor mat. He smiles at
me and bends down to pick them up and place back in the bowl. He starts to mix them up again with new sauce and then spits on them. I am standing there in shock as he gives me the plate back through the window.
Cook - "There baby...that make you feel better?"
Me - "Yeah....it does..." I smile real big and he winks at me.

I served the wings to the asshole with a smile.

Moral of this story...Don't piss off the wait staff and wrap your own food up togo. Trust me when I say the horror stories you have heard are all true.

 

[neruda]

- Female, Age Withheld - Years ago when dating my boyfriend at the time. We were watching tv with all the lights out at his parents house. Lying on the floor under blankets on our sides, he pulls up my skirt and enters me from behind. He's slowly grinding into me as his Dad walks in and starts talking to him about his truck. Then he comes and sits down and proceeds to have a conversation about mechanics as he gives me a small thrust about every thirty seconds. I'm cringing inside, and all I can do is lie as still as possible. Finally the Dad got up and left and never suspected what was going on.

 

[neruda]

This story was told to me by a coworker years ago. She was in her 60s at the time, and had a very rural background. The story takes place in the 70s.

She had been out dancing that night and had taken a man back to his place for a one night stand. They had sex and both of them fell asleep.

During the night she got a really bad leg cramp and the pain was so intense that she woke up "praying". She explained to me that it consisted of her screaming "Oh, God, Oh Jesus, Help me!" over and over at the top of her lungs and kicking her leg wildly to work out the cramp.

When the cramp was gone, she simply rolled over and went right back to sleep. (She had had a lot to drink that night.)

The next morning when she woke up the guy was sitting on a chair across the room from her, clutching a rosary, staring at her like she was a mad woman and said "Baby, you gots to go!"

So apparently he had just seen The Exorcist and she had freaked him the hell out.

 

[BradBigBrain]

- Female, Age Withheld - Years ago when dating my boyfriend at the time. We were watching tv with all the lights out at his parents house. Lying on the floor under blankets on our sides, he pulls up my skirt and enters me from behind. He's slowly grinding into me as his Dad walks in and starts talking to him about his truck. Then he comes and sits down and proceeds to have a conversation about mechanics as he gives me a small thrust about every thirty seconds. I'm cringing inside, and all I can do is lie as still as possible. Finally the Dad got up and left and never suspected what was going on.

Ummm....some of the dads are smarter than what we give them credit for.

 

[Kudram123]

Ummm....some of the dads are smarter than what we give them credit for.

Ah yes, the double bluff!

 

[Edensgarden]

I can just see me doing this. My heart goes out to the boy, but only because I'm legitimately surprised I've never dine the same thing.

I can see myself doing it too. I just thought it was cute that was his big secret.

 

[BradBigBrain]

I can see myself doing it too. I just thought it was cute that was his big secret.

No doubt.

Yells into the bathroom, "Hey honey, was yours the green one or was mine?"

 

[neruda]

Ummm....some of the dads are smarter than what we give them credit for.

That's what I was thinking.

 

[neruda]

- Female - Years ago one time I was 'shrooming' with my boyfriend. We were watching Heavy Metal earlier and then after that, Fritz the Cat. The X rated version. It's an old naughty cartoon. So that was over and amongst all the laughter that mushrooms make you have, we started fondling each other. I climb on top and straddle him and I look down and I swear he had Fritz's head. I was fucking Fritz! Which made me laugh even more.

 

[neruda]

-Male, 44 - I was at my girlfriend's house and we were in her room. We had started making out and at this polnt she was straddling me while I was laying on her bed. I had my hand up the leg of her shorts and my finger in her pussy when her Mom walked in, stopping at the door and starting to talk to her. The hand I was using was on the other side of our bodies from the door, so her mom may or may not have been able to tell what we were in the middle of when she came in.

 

[haha_on_me]

Yeah, but honestly who doesn't hate the Irish?

Of course I'm just kidding. As much as I've traveled I've never made it to Ireland and it has just occurred to me that the only thing I know about the place or the people are stereotypes from movies and books. That's probably not the most progressive way to look at a nation.

I thought the Irish hate thing was over years ago. Didn't it end when Rosa O'Parks drank ale on a bus, or something like that? Gotta love me, I'm Irish to the bone. Haha.

 

[neruda]

- 23, Female - I was one of the last of my friends to loose my virginity and I got teased about it a lot. Well one night we had been drinking and the guys were talking about how much they loved fucking virgins and I made an off hand comment that maybe I should sell mine if it was that valuable.

Well immediately the macho thing kicks in and they all start making offers and trying to outdo one another. Just a pissing contest and everyone was laughing. The next day one of the guys called me and told me to name my price. Whatever it was, he would pay it.

 

[BradBigBrain]

- 23, Female - I was one of the last of my friends to loose my virginity and I got teased about it a lot. Well one night we had been drinking and the guys were talking about how much they loved fucking virgins and I made an off hand comment that maybe I should sell mine if it was that valuable.

Well immediately the macho thing kicks in and they all start making offers and trying to outdo one another. Just a pissing contest and everyone was laughing. The next day one of the guys called me and told me to name my price. Whatever it was, he would pay it.

I remember that. I forgot what I paid her though

 

[neruda]

I feel like the thread is a little dead today. Anyone else feel like that?

 

[Kat73]

Worst sexual experience...

I dated one guy between my HS boyfriend and my husband. He would always give me back rubs with me in his lap and at some point, he would cum (we were 18). I kept asking him about sex and BJ's (that is what I was used to) and he kept saying no. We were driving home from a trip south and I was asleep in his lap in the truck that he was driving. I woke up to him hard against my cheek, so before he knew what I was doing, I proceeded to pull him out and take care of it. I discovered then that he was realllllly small and that is why he didn't want to have sex. He came almost immediately and was mad at me the rest of the trip for finding out how small he really was. I did end up having sex with him a couple times, but broke it off when he started dating another friend of ours.

 

[neruda]

Worst sexual experience...

I dated one guy between my HS boyfriend and my husband. He would always give me back rubs with me in his lap and at some point, he would cum (we were 18). I kept asking him about sex and BJ's (that is what I was used to) and he kept saying no. We were driving home from a trip south and I was asleep in his lap in the truck that he was driving. I woke up to him hard against my cheek, so before he knew what I was doing, I proceeded to pull him out and take care of it. I discovered then that he was realllllly small and that is why he didn't want to have sex. He came almost immediately and was mad at me the rest of the trip for finding out how small he really was. I did end up having sex with him a couple times, but broke it off when he started dating another friend of ours.

That does sound pretty bad.

 

[Prettywilling]

I can get quite vocal, at a boyfriends once, I thought we had the place to ourselves and was letting go with the moans, except we didn't, his mum was home and started the Hoover up along with the radio. It was pretty much an instant mood killer and made for some excruciating awkwardness after

 

[neruda]

I can get quite vocal, at a boyfriends once, I thought we had the place to ourselves and was letting go with the moans, except we didn't, his mum was home and started the Hoover up along with the radio. It was pretty much an instant mood killer and made for some excruciating awkwardness after

Ahhh, excruciating awkwardness... how I know thee well!

 

[starport968]

I can get quite vocal, at a boyfriends once, I thought we had the place to ourselves and was letting go with the moans, except we didn't, his mum was home and started the Hoover up along with the radio. It was pretty much an instant mood killer and made for some excruciating awkwardness after

I dont know whether to laugh or cringe at this one!!! Sorry!

 

[Prettywilling]

Ahhh, excruciating awkwardness... how I know thee well!

Sometimes think I'm a bit too familar with it

I dont know whether to laugh or cringe at this one!!! Sorry!

Do both, I do now!

 

[neruda]

-32, Female - I wanted to give hubbie a "special" present for his graduation so we found a friend for a 3some. It was an amazing night/early morning. We all were sleeping and did not notice the alarm clock go off, we just hear his family (mother, grandmother, uncle) voices and the door to his hall open. He spies that his dormroom is not locked and lunges for it. We were just saved for a horrible situation

 

[fungatorgurl101]

While sneaking out of my high school boyfriend's window one evening his Sheriffs officer neighbor came home and proceeded to give me the look. I all but pleaded with him to just let me go home. SO I sneak back home and get in bed. The next day at school my boyfriend asks me what happened cause the neighbor told him he owed him. So I explained what happened and my boyfriend freaked. Needless to say he mowed HIS lawn AND THE NEIGHBORS lawn that summer.