Your qualifications as a writer

[KachinaDoll]

Nothing at all. I just read some stories on Xhamster when they still had a stories section and thought, 'I can do better than this crap'.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have a PHD in smut from Oral Roberts University and had several stories selected for their annual erotic literature collection, and have put in thousands of hours of fantasizing independently.

Fantasizing is research

 

[lovecraft68]

Nothing at all. I just read some stories on Xhamster when they still had a stories section and thought, 'I can do better than this crap'.

My wife found lit before me and enjoyed reading here. When I started writing she pushed me to post here, and I'm like I don't know if I'm good enough. Her response was, "Well, there are some really good stories there, but there's a ton of shit, so you won't be the best, but you won't be the worst."

Quite motivational she is.

To finish the story I hedged, and she created this ID and when I still hadn't done anything for months she told me to post something or she was going to pick one of my stories and do it for me.

 

[lovecraft68]

Alright, funny anecdote.

The company I used to work for used a lot of pop-rivets to mount various equipment and so forth. The tool used for popping the rivets was known as a "pop-rivet gun" or sometime a "popper" for short.

And the most popular brand of pop-rivet gun was known as a Cherry™.

You can probably imagine the shock that fell across a poor new guys face when I turned to him and asked him (with the utmost sincerity) to go to my bag and bring me the "Cherry-popper".

He looked at me as if I'd just asked him to go grab the "Virgin-Fucker".

A co-worker of mine does stand up and the first night he did it, a bunch of us went to support him. One of his lines was simple, but funny

"I got a job working construction and I'm helping someone out and they dropped their wrench, and they say to me, "Hey, grab my tool will you?" and he responds "Wow, this job does have great benefits....he wasn't amused."

 

[32aa]

If you were writing about plumbing connections, I imagine the word "nipple" might have come up a time or two.

And electrical engineers use "female" and "male" fairly liberally when describing electrical connections. I remember reading about the adapter that lets you connect two cables with male ends so they can become one longer cable. It was seriously discussed whether this adapter should be called "Lesbian" because it had two female apertures or "gay" because it "connected two males."

Actually, I wrote a lot of reports regarding construction so the words "Erect" and "Erection" were used a lot. Never thought about it to much at the time but now they seem to take on a whole different meaning.

 

[lovecraft68]

Actually, I wrote a lot of reports regarding construction so the words "Erect" and "Erection" were used a lot. Never thought about it to much at the time but now they seem to take on a whole different meaning.

At one point my wife worked for a local chapter of Goodwill, she was in charge of the "Leap" program which helped people who were coming off long term disability or welfare(some kicked off it) to get back into the work force.

In one of her classes she'd ask what people had done before and a young attractive girl announces "I was a fluffer."

My wife said she couldn't help saying "You were what?"

"A fluffer, I worked at Target and I'd go around fluffing the pillows and towels in the displays to make sure they looked good."

My wife was like "Oh, okay"

She told me that night she kept looking around and no one else seemed to be smirking or looking surprised, and wondered if she were the only one who knew what the term meant in porn terms.

Then blamed me for corrupting her.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

At one point my wife worked for a local chapter of Goodwill, she was in charge of the "Leap" program which helped people who were coming off long term disability or welfare(some kicked off it) to get back into the work force.

In one of her classes she'd ask what people had done before and a young attractive girl announces "I was a fluffer."

My wife said she couldn't help saying "You were what?"

"A fluffer, I worked at Target and I'd go around fluffing the pillows and towels in the displays to make sure they looked good."

My wife was like "Oh, okay"

She told me that night she kept looking around and no one else seemed to be smirking or looking surprised, and wondered if she were the only one who knew what the term meant in porn terms.

Then blamed me for corrupting her.

Years ago, I was driving around with a friend from college, and she pointed out the window and said,

"Look those people are gangbanging."

I immediately looked out the window and saw a group of guys, just walking down the street. They were possibly wearing gang colors, it was hard to tell.

I turn to her and said, "Girl, those are Gang-bangERS... they are not Gang-bangING."

At which point, I had to explain the difference between a street gang and a gang rape.

I'll be honest, I didn't even think people used the term "gangbanger" to mean gang member anymore, but she had never heard of "gang bang" being slang for either rape or even an orgy.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll be honest, I didn't even think people used the term "gangbanger" to mean gang member anymore, but she had never heard of "gang bang" meaning rape.

I've used this term a few times in stories. Whether its a regional thing and I still hear it here once in awhile, or just my age.

Now I'm wondering if the center of attention is the gangbangee

 

[TxRad]

And your wife wonders if you are a bad influence.

 

[yowser]

Alright, funny anecdote.

The company I used to work for used a lot of pop-rivets to mount various equipment and so forth. The tool used for popping the rivets was known as a "pop-rivet gun" or sometime a "popper" for short.

And the most popular brand of pop-rivet gun was known as a Cherry™.

You can probably imagine the shock that fell across a poor new guys face when I turned to him and asked him (with the utmost sincerity) to go to my bag and bring me the "Cherry-popper".

He looked at me as if I'd just asked him to go grab the "Virgin-Fucker".

Great story. Reminds me of the time I was in an auto repair shop in San Francisco in the late 80s.

Lesbian couple has their VW in for service, one of the mechanics within sight (and hearing) asks a colleague over at his toolbox:

'Ron, can I borrow your 'dykes' (cutting pliers) for a moment?'

Both women's jaws dropped, then a death-ray stare ensued.

I did not feel it my responsibility to explain things.

 

[32aa]

At one point my wife worked for a local chapter of Goodwill, she was in charge of the "Leap" program which helped people who were coming off long term disability or welfare(some kicked off it) to get back into the work force.

In one of her classes she'd ask what people had done before and a young attractive girl announces "I was a fluffer."

My wife said she couldn't help saying "You were what?"

"A fluffer, I worked at Target and I'd go around fluffing the pillows and towels in the displays to make sure they looked good."

My wife was like "Oh, okay"

She told me that night she kept looking around and no one else seemed to be smirking or looking surprised, and wondered if she were the only one who knew what the term meant in porn terms.

Then blamed me for corrupting her.

That's funny.

 

[Bamagan]

I've used this term a few times in stories. Whether its a regional thing and I still hear it here once in awhile, or just my age.

Now I'm wondering if the center of attention is the gangbangee

Henceforth, I am going to advocate for calling that person the 'mash,' from 'bangers and mash.'

 

[lovecraft68]

And your wife wonders if you are a bad influence.

I learned it from watching you!

 

[lovecraft68]

Henceforth, I am going to advocate for calling that person the 'mash,' from 'bangers and mash.'

Cool now we can do an x-rated parody of the Monster Mash

 

[Bamagan]

Cool now we can do an x-rated parody of the Monster Mash

This Halloween story practically writes itself!
"Whatever happened to my Transylvania Twist?!" (Which I'm assuming is autofellatio, because why not?)

 

[Constories]

Great story. Reminds me of the time I was in an auto repair shop in San Francisco in the late 80s.

Lesbian couple has their VW in for service, one of the mechanics within sight (and hearing) asks a colleague over at his toolbox:

'Ron, can I borrow your 'dykes' (cutting pliers) for a moment?'

Both women's jaws dropped, then a death-ray stare ensued.

I did not feel it my responsibility to explain things.

We use Dykes (Dikes?) at my old job too. What would have been EVEN funnier, is if your colleague had asked for "a pair of dykes".

That's what I always call them, like a pair of pliers/scissors.

I'm sure "Let me borrow that pair of dykes" would have went over even better with those two ladies.

 

[jehoram]

We use Dykes (Dikes?) at my old job too. What would have been EVEN funnier, is if your colleague had asked for "a pair of dykes".

That's what I always call them, like a pair of pliers/scissors.

I'm sure "Let me borrow that pair of dykes" would have went over even better with those two ladies.

"Dikes" is short for "diagonal cutters." Just the tool for the job.

 

[intim8]

Curious about what background people here have as writers.

Hobby writer since the early 1970s, since just after I learned to read. Fiction and non fiction. Got called into the Principal's office in middle school so he could tell me that my school newspaper article on Memorial Day made him cry. In sophomore English class, one of the cheerleaders volunteered to read my short story in front of the class because she liked it so much (didn't do me any good in regards to getting with said cheerleader, or any others). Won an honorable mention in a magazine contest, back when print was the only thing.

Lots of random, good feedback like that throughout the years. I've always had in the back of my mind the idea of wanting to be more serious, and occasionally have tried. Trying again. The internet is a huge boon, I can actually get eyes on stuff I write, for better or worse.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I started writing as therapy. It was suggested by my physiologist. Actually, a physiologist I was seeing, I didn't own her. Also, because my adoptive father was an author, I wanted to make him proud of me. I'm sure my early work was cringe-worthy. I believe I'm adequate these days, but I'd like to do better. Maybe not concentrating on eroticism would make me a better writer. I have a few stories that contain no erotic elements. Some of them aren't bad. But what's published has some amount of erotica in it. Even if the story isn't published as adult content, those elements are there.

 

[StillStunned]

My qualifications are that I have fingers and a keyboard. That's all anyone need, if they're willing to practise and practise and read their own work and reflect on it and practise and practise some more.

In the end, anyone's writing has merit in someone's eyes. No matter what it's about or how it's executed. It might not be to my tastes, but then my writing isn't to everyone's tastes either.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Gornit, aucune, keiner, nessuno, or none, not one thing qualifies me to be a writer. The only real writing I've done in my life was copywriting on ads.

 

[ChassonKnight]

I had no experience as a writer apart from writing a series of sci-fi stories for my own amusement when i was a younger. Weird, because I mostly read gothic stuff. Strange thing, but i used to write so far through a story, then turn a scene filthy, then delete the filthy shit and carry on with the story. Anyway, over time I accumulated a mixture of weird experiences and met a bunch of strange people that I thought lent themselves to an erotic story. But I wrote it as interactive fiction and shoved it on Kindle. It didn't do well but it was just a hobby.

Then circumstances intervened and I couldn't write for a few years, and when I could I wrote a story here. I was happy enough with how it did, and I think I'd like to write another as I'd intended, but at the same time it scratched an itch. I'm busy with other shit right now and no ideas are coming to me that are really story worthy. So, I guess, I'm not a writer, just some dude who has written. And I think that's fine. Write if and when you've got something that feels right, unless it's your profession. But I feel bad for the people who followed me and hoped for a follow up story that I've not provided. I don't know why.

 

[samhasstories]

My qualifications are that I write a lot, read a lot, and people even occasionally seem to enjoy what I write. That's about as qualified as I would like to be.

 

[mpeters]

Well, I’ve been writing since middle school (I’m 61 now), mostly fiction through high school and a bit beyond, did high school journalism as well as journalism in the navy for five years, always writing one way or another, including a pop culture blog for seven years and assorted fanfic. A little over two years ago I decided that dammit, I was going to take this seriously and started writing some of the books I’d been thinking of for years. And then last September I decided to try my hand at erotica here and it’s been well received so far!

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Qualifications as a writer... Well, let's see.

Other than a keyboard and an imagination, sometimes blessed by a touch of inspiration, Let's see...

I've run through the forests of the Sierra Nevada's, skinny dipping in the freezing waters of their streams, collected jellyfish from the San Francisco Bay in my wagon, travelled half way across the country in the back of a station wagon with my siblings. I have hiked the mountains of new Mexico, Colorado and Wyoming, seen Old Faithful, Mount Rushmore, and The Statue of Liberty, and paddled across southern Canada in a canoe.

The Southern Cross has caught my gaze from the deck of a 40' sloop as I sailed among the Society Islands and dug my toes into the sands of Bora Bora. I've sailed the straights of Juan de Fuca, witnessing the migration of a massive pod of Orca whales so close I could almost reach out and touch them. Diving with the turtles, playing golf at a four star resort on the Pacific coast, I've ridden my motorcycle at over 125 miles per hour, loved so hard it hurt, and then tried to maintain my sanity as she slipped away, falling into someone else's arms.

I've dealt with abuse, physical, emotional, and psychological, dealing with my ex wife's BPD while I did everything I could to keep my children safe, raising two of them to be fine young men, and losing the third far too soon. Gender dysphoria, I've fought that for longer than most that read this have been alive, hiding my truth from those I love lest I lose them, too, and struggling to find my way in the chaos it brings with it.

I have loved women and slept with men, done things, seen things others only dream of, I have fought the hard fights, winning some and losing more, coming out stronger in the end.

Through all this, I have emerged as a strong, honest, accepting, and peaceful soul.

What are my qualifications as a writer?

I have lived. Isn't that enough?

It helps that I seem to have been blessed with a modest ability to put ideas such as these into words.