Your guide to Auto-Fellatio

[JoeBanana]

I am one of 'the capable,' here to help any of those out there who've gone for the gold, but only ended up with a bruised spine.


Definitions:

Auto-Fellatio: sucking on ones own penis.

Autofellatiator: a greasy person who auto-fellatiates


My Story


It happened one day as I was slouching at my computer, watching some porn, and looking down I thought, 'hey, that's not too far.'



Some info on my body type.

I'm 6'2 (so it's not just for shorties), a bit flabby around the midsection as you can see in the pics in my sig (so you don't have to be super skinny), and have a 7.5 inch penis (the above-averageness of which I don't believe is THAT big a factor as I can manage while only half-erect).

So there is hope.

Some warnings. You will get your neck sore the first few times, so don't sue me or anything if any major damage occurs. You know the risks (if not, watch 'Clerks').


FAQ

Q: If you can do it, why would you ever leave the house?

A: Cause it's a strain, and something you won't feel like doing everyday. Also it doesn't beat the real deal.


Technique

The first successful run I had was doing it with an empty stomach(important) and at the end of the day (when my muscles are nice and loose) in the 'C' technique, which is where you lay on your upper back, raising your legs and lower body over your head so your penis droops down over your face. Try resting your feet on a wall or a chair, and if needed, prop your head up slightly with a pillow.

now pull your ass towards you and go for it. Also, prepare your penis so it's at its maximum stretchness.

Some people can do it sitting down. I can barely, but not as well.

I've found it easier lately to simply do the yoga-thing by putting my knees on either side of my head, which is a load off the neck.

There it is, hope it works out for you. Goodluck.

 

[Eilan]

I'm curious. Does autofellatio fall under masturbation or homosexuality/bisexuality?

And how does one prepare one's penis so as to achieve maximum stretchiness? I need to be able to tell my husband what to do.

 

[EJFan]

I'm curious. Does autofellatio fall under masturbation or homosexuality/bisexuality?

it has to be masturbation. i dont' think it could be considered homosexuality as there's only one individual... homosexual activity requires at least two people.

 

[JoeBanana]

I'm curious. Does autofellatio fall under masturbation or homosexuality/bisexuality?

Masturbation. I'd suck my own, but I wouldn't suck another guys dick, just like I wouldn't give another guy a handjob even though I give them to myself on a bi-daily basis.

And how does one prepare one's penis so as to achieve maximum stretchiness? I need to be able to tell my husband what to do.

when it's semi-erect in a rubbery state, pull basically. Plenty of outward strokes. Plus, when you're in the tangled up process of 'going for it' push down on the taint towards your face.

 

[bisexplicit]

This certainly falls under the category of things that don't turn bi on.

 

[Sybarist]

HEY, You and Ron can start a club together!!

Of course, that begs the question....

WHY??

LOL!

 

[Eilan]

Until I discovered Lit, I thought that autofellatio was giving someone a blow job in a car.

Thank you, Lit!

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

This chillingly reminds me of the driveway scene in The World According to Garp

I've posted about this in threads that have to do with blow jobs and cars. For some reason, it's never well-received.

Poor Michael Milton.

 

[Guest]

 

[Timkitten]

Not sure about this

Hi, I've spent many hours over the years trying to see if there was any position I could do this in. And no suckess!

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been doing that stretch (it's a yoga position called "The Plow") for years and I still can't get anywhere close to my penis. My torso is too long.

 

[bisexplicit]

Hi, I've spent many /hours/ over the years trying to see if there was any position I could do this in. And no suckess!

Where do people get all this time to spend on masturbation (or on practicing techniques for it)? I'm continually amazed.

 

[Eilan]

Michael Milton, is that Robin Williams' character?

I remember two things from that movie. The driveway scene and "No glove no love." Can't recall much else.

Robin Williams was Garp. Michael Milton is the grad student who, during the driveway scene, gets most of his dick bitten off by Garp's wife.

The book is even better than the movie. I like the Ellen Jamesians the best.

 

[Guest]

 

[Kryocide]

Some other ways to help achieve your goal:

Variation #1:

Place a pillow on floor, about a foot out from the bed. (If a normal bed pillow, fold in half and place the V toward your neck, and the "open" ends away--the extra "springiness will help later on). Facing away from the bed, lie on your back, with head on pillow. Swing your legs up over your body and wedge your feet/ankles/lower legs between the mattress. Depending how high up your box-spring begins, this may or may not work. The lower the better. The trick is to use your legs leveraging against the weight of the mattress to give you extra pelvic push toward your face. The pillow is to cushion the neckbone, and also to give the jaw an extra lift toward your cock.

Variation #2:

If you've got a bunkbed or low ceilings (or a very high bed), place a pillow under your head, with your eyes to the ceiling. Swing your legs over your head and align your pelvis with your jaw. Keep one leg over your head and extend the other one to the ceiling/upper bed frame and push against it. Doing this will bring your cock closer to your mouth. Experimenting with various distances and head/pillow positions will bear better results.

Variation #3:

Simply lying on your bed, with head on pillow and eyes to the ceiling, swing your legs over your head and plant your feet FLAT to the wall. Doing this will allow you to use your legs to help force your pelvis toward your face. You will need to try various distances from the wall to get the best alignment. Be sure your feet are clean, or that your walls have washable paint (or that you at least have some matching touchup paint...)

Variation #4:

This is the most dangerous, but most effect and less straining method. The object is to sandwich yourself between the box-spring and top mattress. First, squirm in between the mattresses (naked) with your eyes to the ceiling. Press your feet against the center portion of the top matress and practice balancing the weight before doing anything else. With mattress hovering, scooch more toward the center of the box-spring until you get good positioning. Place pillow under head, swing legs over your head and align pelvis with your face. Wiggle around until you get the best alignment of mouth and penis. Simply allow the weight of the mattress to push down on your legs and buttocks. It may take some tries before you're able to prevent the top mattress from falling off to the side. Removes breakables...

Have fun! And be careful!! And use at your own risk!!!

 

[FTW666]

I've done #3. Well I couldn't go all the way, due to my big gut and small dick, but I got my dick over my face. I ended up cumming in my mouth which was alright except it gave me a sore throat to go along with my sore back.

 

[ChicksDigGuitar]

#3's where it's at.

 

[BigM]

Oh man. All this hurts just thinking about it. I'd rather just get my wife drunk and coax her into giving me a bj.

 

[Kryocide]

#4 is the best because there's no real forcing of the body to contort to a position. Everything is relaxed and if you breath and go with it, it's very simple. BUT...my neck was sore for days after I first did that, and so was my lower back. Felt like a pinched nerve... Be careful! It's VERY easy to get excited and get into it and begin grabbing the sides of the mattress to use your arms to pull you in closer and closer... That's where it can can very hazardous. Know your limitations and be realistic about your flexibility. Also, it get's damned HOT between those mattresses, so you might want to place a fan on you to keep you cool...or turn on the A/C.

Having someone else suck your cock is great. But being able to do it yourself is just lots more fun...

 

[FastFastr]

I'm curious. Does autofellatio fall under masturbation or homosexuality/bisexuality?

And how does one prepare one's penis so as to achieve maximum stretchiness? I need to be able to tell my husband what to do.

If this qualifies as homosexuality, so does jerking off.

BTW, EIlan - I like your posts and LOVE your attitude!

 

[SelfSuckHowTo]

Learn How to Self Suck Safely & Quickly!

You know, I was under the impression that only 1% of guys could autofellate. Of course, anyone who's looked into it can see there's no real info on it, just speculation and silly jokes. It's real, because I tried for a while with no success. But later I found someone who wrote an entire "how to" on the subject, a complete manual!

Autofellatio is a mystery & impossible, until you get instructions: i found the only Manual with every bit of information you'll need at www.shewhowatches.com. It's the most fulfilling thing I've found when i want to "do my own thing", or when my gf is out. I can tell you that I can do it as well as any of my gf's have in the past.