Your Death

[Recidiva]

Born again virgins can commit to virginity postmortem, correct?


I was planning on them chucking my body in, no volcano suicide.

Can you recant your lack virginity on your death bed?

Do the last rites spontaneously regenerate "innocence"? (though it really should be 'ignorance')

I supposed if I worried about this stuff I wouldn't pick a volcano.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Not always in a good way, it should be noted. Life has a way of turning us into accidental assholes. Or on-purpose ones.

True, still I think if you try to do right by yourself and others, 'the loves' outweigh 'the I hope you die a fiery death ones.' I'm clinging to that delusion.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Can you recant your lack virginity on your death bed?

Do the last rites spontaneously regenerate "innocence"? (though it really should be 'ignorance')

I supposed if I worried about this stuff I wouldn't pick a volcano.

I'm not sure but they've got born again virgins. I figure as long as you don't pass during you last act of coitus, say 10 Hail Marys and you're a renewed virgin.

My plan is die mid coitus and leave a letter pledging my chastity in death, I'm pretty sure I can keep that promise.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

From what I know of you, which is admittedly little, you seem like a lovely, smart, interesting person who's living a great life. That doesn't sound depressing to me at all.

Well, it is and it isn't. I'm not a lonely person. I enjoy living alone. I have no problems going out to eat alone or seeing a movie or sporting event unaccompanied.

But since I've contracted a bad back a few years ago, I can't play as hard and as often as I used to. That's why leaving Colorado wasn't as much of a sacrifice as it would have been 10 years before. By the time I left, recreational skiing, ice hockey and white water kayaking had already disappeared in my personal rear-view mirror.

I love golf, but my back prevents me from doing that often enough to stay marginally good at it, which bugs me a lot.

But I've got to figure something out, because when mom is gone the days are going to start getting very long, indeed.

 

[OneThatKnocked]

Feed me to foxes.

 

[Saint Peter]

People ought to be able to reason.

I mean, "bone hits club, AJ dies" isn't a logical problem.

We need to know where the money is going.

Can we go back to hitting AJ in the noodle with a club?

That was fun.

Alrighty!

First, get a nice pair of egg beaters and give him a nice close shave. All hair above the neck is toast. Nice and close. Then, go to SaintPeter's Highlighter Thread and borrow a purple Sharpie from Wings. She will be more than happy to let you use it. Trust me.

Take the purple Sharpie and draw a pair of cross hairs enclosed with a circle. Scribble over it a few time. Nice a dark. Stay inside the lines. Don't put that Sharpie in your mouth as you have no idea where it has been.

Now take the club. Choke down on it. Get that fucker sticking out from your hands as far as you can while still holding onto it. Take a couple of practice swings like Tiger might do on the eighteenth. Stay loose. You are going to go through his head, not just stop at the skull. Be the club. Think the club. Love the fucking club.

I need a sandwich.

brb

 

[Colonel Hogan]

Or join Facebook.

Just shoot me now.

 

[Recidiva]

I'm not sure but they've got born again virgins. I figure as long as you don't pass during you last act of coitus, say 10 Hail Marys and you're a renewed virgin.

My plan is die mid coitus and leave a letter pledging my chastity in death, I'm pretty sure I can keep that promise.

Did you know that the Virgin Mary was not actually a virgin but had gone through a ritual to make her ritually a virgin?

I don't want to have to do that. I had sex, that's my story, I'm sticking with it.

 

[Recidiva]

Tinkersquash is back from the dead!

What's it like, Tink? What's it like?!

 

[parodyluvr75]

Did you know that the Virgin Mary was not actually a virgin but had gone through a ritual to make her ritually a virgin?

I don't want to have to do that. I had sex, that's my story, I'm sticking with it.

I want to be a ritually a virgin as long as I can have sex.

Then your desire to be tossed in a volcano is not as strong as I was lead to believe.

 

[Saint Peter]

Tinkersquash is back from the dead!

What's it like, Tink? What's it like?!

And she is a virgin again!

Woot!!

 

[Recidiva]

I want to be a ritually a virgin as long as I can have sex.

Then you desire to be tossed in a volcano is not as strong as I was lead to believe.

I just don't want to have to jump through theoretical hoops, I'm dead!

 

[Recidiva]

It's incredible. I have soooo muuuch free time!

I now want to have a pre-death party myself. And have lots of free time!

 

[parodyluvr75]

I just don't want to have to jump through theoretical hoops, I'm dead!

You're too picky. I'm telling you pledge your virginity, you're an instant virgin, until you fall off the wagon.

 

[Recidiva]

You're too picky. I'm telling you pledge your virginity, you're an instant virgin, until you fall off the wagon.

If someone lets me fall off the wagon on the way to the volcano, they're just assholes.

 

[Aquagal]

I've agreed to give my organs away, then I want to be cremated. Next taken to the warm Pacific waters, and have my loved ones toss me in the seas.

I think it should be upon a fishing boat, one last trip for me.

 

[butters]

Thank you for your kind thoughts! Actually, I moved back to Kentucky five years after my father died in order to be with my mom and care for whatever she might need. I just did not want to get a phone call one day and come back for her funeral. She deserves far better than that.

At the time I made that decision, I felt all noble and sacrificial and crap, but it turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. And if you had told me then that I would feel that way five years after I got here, I would have said you were nuts.

But that's the troof!

i'm very happy it's worked out well for you. you've touched many lives. people will remember you, don't ever doubt it.

plus, there's plenty of life in the colonel yet! stand by yer beds!

 

[parodyluvr75]

If someone lets me fall off the wagon on the way to the volcano, they're just assholes.

I agree, plus that would hurt, volcanic rock is sharp.

 

[Phelia]

Well, it is and it isn't. I'm not a lonely person. I enjoy living alone. I have no problems going out to eat alone or seeing a movie or sporting event unaccompanied.

But since I've contracted a bad back a few years ago, I can't play as hard and as often as I used to. That's why leaving Colorado wasn't as much of a sacrifice as it would have been 10 years before. By the time I left, recreational skiing, ice hockey and white water kayaking had already disappeared in my personal rear-view mirror.

I love golf, but my back prevents me from doing that often enough to stay marginally good at it, which bugs me a lot.

But I've got to figure something out, because when mom is gone the days are going to start getting very long, indeed.

I'm sorry to hear about your back. My aunt is just settling into an injury that will likely restrict her physical activity for the rest of her life. I know it's been very difficult for her, and I doubt she was nearly as active as it sounds like you were to begin with!

I hope you find something that engages you. I'm sure you will. There are so many cool things that I wish I had more time for. Like writing palindromes! I tried it once and it's very fun and quite tricky. I also think you should stage a revolution. I'd help.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

i'm very happy it's worked out well for you. you've touched many lives. people will remember you, don't ever doubt it.

plus, there's plenty of life in the colonel yet! stand by yer beds!

I wish that latter thought was true, but, hey, if there are 10 of them standing there, I'd say one or two might win the lottery!!

 

[butters]

I wish that latter thought was true, but, hey, if there are 10 of them standing there, I'd say one or two might win the lottery!!

*lines up*

 

[yossi]

How would you like it to be?

A big funeral? Roses and flowers?

Or buried in an unmarked grave?

It will happen, so, when it does, how would you like it to be?

I don't care about the funeral - whoever is left behind can decide how they want to grieve. As long as whatever organs can be donated are, and then I'm cremated, all else is moot to me.

I wouldn't mind being donated for science experiments and the like either.

 

[ndoorfin]

next time they put in a new power pole drop me in the hole first (please make sure I am dead not just really drunk)
and write my name in texta by time it fades so will my memory

 

[Recidiva]

next time they put in a new power pole drop me in the hole first (please make sure I am dead not just really drunk)
and write my name in texta by time it fades so will my memory

TIL:

texta (plural textas)
1.(Australia) A felt-tip pen, often coloured and usually wide-tipped for use by children.

(translation: colored)

 

[Saint Peter]

TIL:

texta (plural textas)
1.(Australia) A felt-tip pen, often coloured and usually wide-tipped for use by children.

(translation: colored)