J
JAMESBJOHNSON
Guest
So last week the submit page told me I'd submitted my tale tho I knew I hadnt. And today it tells me the tale is in PREVIEW, which is where I thought it oughta be NOT in submission.
J
JAMESBJOHNSON
Guest
No dear. The story is submitted.
Its kinda strange how it is that you appear every time I fart.
TxRad
Dirty Old Man
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I didn't know you farted?
JackLuis
Literotica Guru
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JB, you ought to know that when others submitt, it's upin three days, but when your waiting for your first story it take Daaays and daays before your delicate prose is offered to a slavering horde of anxious readers.
It's a matter of perspective kind of like POV.
Hold on, and stroke occasionally, it helps.
It's a matter of perspective kind of like POV.
Hold on, and stroke occasionally, it helps.
sr71plt
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You zeroed out comments on your story, but you made such a big deal across a couple of threads that (cue trumpets here) you were posting a story, that I'll post the comment I tried to put on it:
"Well (and tightly) written and with an authentic voice. Kept my interest throughout and had a good ending. A few missing commas and a hyphen. Some backtracking was required in the middle where there was a run of one-liners with not enough slugs on who was talking (really got stuck on who was wanting to move in with who). Got lost after a while and had to count back. You need to throw in a speaker slug more frequently. You'll get comments on it being too short, but I don't think so. It does all a story should do. Deserves at least a 4; probably won't get many votes that high. "They'll" get you for the "nigger" word, but it fits the context. So it goes."
"Well (and tightly) written and with an authentic voice. Kept my interest throughout and had a good ending. A few missing commas and a hyphen. Some backtracking was required in the middle where there was a run of one-liners with not enough slugs on who was talking (really got stuck on who was wanting to move in with who). Got lost after a while and had to count back. You need to throw in a speaker slug more frequently. You'll get comments on it being too short, but I don't think so. It does all a story should do. Deserves at least a 4; probably won't get many votes that high. "They'll" get you for the "nigger" word, but it fits the context. So it goes."
JackLuis
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As sr71 said, concise. I'd say poor characterization as there was no tension between them. You force the reader to identify with a welfare whore or a Republican Social worker. The reader is left with only the perfidy of the pervert.
I would have put a 4 on it though.
I would have put a 4 on it though.
sr71plt
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Oh, this is where I start wanting to toss out assertions of the need for cliched formulas. The lack of tension between these two is one of things I found believable. They've been battling for years, each committing only so far. This is what it's like when the tension of a relationship gets tired before one or the other kicks off or before they part ways. The latter is how this story is resolved (and what helps make it a story).
And as far as always having to like any or all of the characters in a story: pffft. I left that need back in high school English. I don't mind reading some stories that weren't cast in Disneyland. I hated all of the characters in some of my favorite Flannery O'Connor short stories.
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