You can now call me the bionic single Dom

[spott]

Now I realize that something has been missing
I am 53 and have no close friends or relaitives I can trust


Sad commentary on my life

It ain't over yet, Richard...fact is, no one has any way of knowing, until it happens, and as you know, it happens to peeps much younger than us ... It's a life wasted only if you did not truly live.
To live with too much caution is to be already dead.

Love is a risk. I have chosen to take that risk again, even though I am afraid. I have the Emotions Nazi inside of me that warns me of this and kicks my ass on a regular basis if I let her out. I have to trust, and it ain't easy...God, I hate liars. That's what I have to get past.

What is keeping you from living, wringing every last bit of joy and happiness from what life has to offer? you've hada number of relationships, which means that you are capable of loving and being loved. Think about that.
-spott

 

[lady-kat]

It ain't over yet, Richard...fact is, no one has any way of knowing, until it happens, and as you know, it happens to peeps much younger than us ... It's a life wasted only if you did not truly live.
To live with too much caution is to be already dead.

Love is a risk. I have chosen to take that risk again, even though I am afraid. I have the Emotions Nazi inside of me that warns me of this and kicks my ass on a regular basis if I let her out. I have to trust, and it ain't easy...God, I hate liars. That's what I have to get past.

What is keeping you from living, wringing every last bit of joy and happiness from what life has to offer? you've hada number of relationships, which means that you are capable of loving and being loved. Think about that.
-spott

*waiving hi to spott*

agreed-agreed-agreed......

.......being able to trust is a damn hard thing to do.....

i admire your courage...... U go girl..... you will make it work. i have faith in you.... being that you are capable of working up to your ass in alligators...lol.... i think you can accomplish anything...

 

[Richard49]

Honesty is a wonderful thing, when you can reach the place in your life that you no longer feel you have to make everyone happy and can just be yourself.

The problems with Doms? I'm strong willed, intelligent, a very deep thinker, I know what my worth is and I have a demanding life.

Bending my will to meet a dominants at times is not an issue, but not always. My professional life doesn't allow it and my professional life is one that can and does go everywhere with me.

Recently someone told me that my need for emotional validation did not meet with a true submissives main focus which, in his opinion, is service. My initial thought to that was "I spent too many years in college to be your domestic help, get a maid"

I have a big mouth too.

The only way to ever be happy with onesself is through honesty

The definition of self esteem that I like is
"it is the difference between what I say I believe in and how I act"

This requires honesty

There is a thread on these boards I started asking the question
'"What is the primary purpose of a submissive" You might enjoy it.

I also started a thread on what it means to be a Dom
that one has not had much action

 

[Richard49]

It ain't over yet, Richard...fact is, no one has any way of knowing, until it happens, and as you know, it happens to peeps much younger than us ... It's a life wasted only if you did not truly live.
To live with too much caution is to be already dead.

Love is a risk. I have chosen to take that risk again, even though I am afraid. I have the Emotions Nazi inside of me that warns me of this and kicks my ass on a regular basis if I let her out. I have to trust, and it ain't easy...God, I hate liars. That's what I have to get past.

What is keeping you from living, wringing every last bit of joy and happiness from what life has to offer? you've hada number of relationships, which means that you are capable of loving and being loved. Think about that.
-spott

Yup spott you have chosen to love again
That pleases me

All my realtionships prove
is that I do not know how to pick a female relationship partner
I have no reason to believe I would pick any better today

So why waste the emotional, financial and mental resourses ?

As to things ending/ me dying ........
I am tired
I fought the war with the VA
and I have won

Hopefully my wins will make it easier for others

What is that Kenny Rogers song about knowing when to hold them...when to fold them .......????????????????

 

[Georgia Girl]

The only way to ever be happy with onesself is through honesty

The definition of self esteem that I like is
"it is the difference between what I say I believe in and how I act"

This requires honesty

There is a thread on these boards I started asking the question
'"What is the primary purpose of a submissive" You might enjoy it.

I also started a thread on what it means to be a Dom
that one has not had much action

Its all there Richard, the core of submission, the desire to serve, the pleasure I receive from serving but before you reach that place there are layers of hurt and damage done from the past.

Trust takes time, its not something that I can rush and I know that for me trust in so integral, it is part of the foundation but also the load bearing walls of any relationship.

Getting past those things, letting down the walls or perhaps giving someone the key to get past the wall is something that takes time and patience.

But thats just me.

 

[Richard49]

Its all there Richard, the core of submission, the desire to serve, the pleasure I receive from serving but before you reach that place there are layers of hurt and damage done from the past.

Trust takes time, its not something that I can rush and I know that for me trust in so integral, it is part of the foundation but also the load bearing walls of any relationship.

Getting past those things, letting down the walls or perhaps giving someone the key to get past the wall is something that takes time and patience.

But thats just me.

Walls are nothing more then boundries

We all have them
some have healthier ones then others

and for each of us those boundries move
depending on who we are with
and to the degree to which we want closeness to the
other person(s)

I have big/huge
abandenment issues
keeps me from getting to close
I fight this and get close
but fear they will leave .....
and they do...... have.........

If you have taken the time to read this thread it tells
my story through this chapter of it
cause my life is just a repetion of what has been

I no longer have much faith that I can have what I labled
my White Pciket Fence relationship

So why bother?

 

[Richard49]

Tonight I will be attending a lecture on a new herb program
for cancer........

It will give me a chance to see some people i have not seen for a year ....

and maybe give my head something to think about besides R

Today I have nearly been in tears over missing her ..........

When I look at the abandenment I have went through with my last two submissives .........

 

[bunny bondage]

Tonight I will be attending a lecture on a new herb program
for cancer........

It iwll give me a chance to see some people i have not seen for a year ....

and maybe give my head something to tthink about besides R

Today I have nearly been in tears over missing her ..........

When I look at the abandenment I have went through with my last two submissives .........

hey, perhaps there will be some ladies there as well! i'll keep my fingers crossed for ya, Richard! ^_^

 

[Richard49]

hey, perhaps there will be some ladies there as well! i'll keep my fingers crossed for ya, Richard! ^_^

Program was good
Turn out poor

About half way through program
I started thinking about R
and began to tear

I am home
tired in every sence of word

Paw Paw is excellent for cancer

 

[kayte]

Program was good
Turn out poor

About half way through program
I started thinking about R
and began to tear

I am home
tired in every sence of word

Paw Paw is excellent for cancer

{{{{{{Richard}}}}}}} and a gentle kiss on the cheek. Wanted to wish you a good night here too.

Hope you get the rest and sleep you need. I am looking forward to seeing you here Sunday.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Program was good
Turn out poor

About half way through program
I started thinking about R
and began to tear

I am home
tired in every sence of word

Paw Paw is excellent for cancer

Sorry the program did not provide what you needed and that you are hurting.

Rest well

Dawn


ps.......hey Kayte

 

[Azalea]

You have my sincere wishes for ease and joy where you may find it, Richard...plus, for whateevr little it may be worth, a piece of my heart, dear.

 

[Richard49]

kayte and Dawn

Thank you for your kind wishes

I sleeped through the night
but it was that hard sleep
and with nightmares

I am impressed with Paw Paw

I have been marketing a head lice
shampoo for some time that WORKS

This cancer program which includes Paw Paw
is very impressive

So my point is .......
though the evening was hard on my body
and I did not find any female compainghship
it was worth it

 

[Richard49]

You have my sincere wishes for ease and joy where you may find it, Richard...plus, for whateevr little it may be worth, a piece of my heart, dear.

When someone shares a piece of there heart with another
it has great value

 

[Georgia Girl]

kayte and Dawn

Thank you for your kind wishes

I sleeped through the night
but it was that hard sleep
and with nightmares

I am impressed with Paw Paw

I have been marketing a head lice
shampoo for some time that WORKS

This cancer program which includes Paw Paw
is very impressive

So my point is .......
though the evening was hard on my body
and I did not find any female compainghship
it was worth it

That particular type of sleep is so hard on the body. You wake up tired from it. Thats the way I sleep after seizures so I know very well.

Its good that you did find something that can help at least some.

Have a great day.

 

[Richard49]

Physically I feel like shit today
Emotionally a lot of sadness and depression

As I read threads here
I am more depressed

I know a thing or two about addiction and desire
If you want to stop doing something/feeling something
you have to stop indulging .....

When I stopped smoking
I stopped
cold turkey

Maybe it is time for me
to do that with relationships

 

[spott]

Yup spott you have chosen to love again
That pleases me

All my realtionships prove
is that I do not know how to pick a female relationship partner
I have no reason to believe I would pick any better today

ummm... why don't you let the woman pick YOU next time?
I am serious.

i didn't pick Dennie...he came after me. I resisted for a long time, but he must have seen something he liked, wanted, needed...
remember, we go back decades...since we were kids...more than thirty years apart and it still works. It is not that rare. What you look for is often in your own backyard...

Just be open and available. You might be very surprised...but for God's sake, don't pick 'em up in bars or meetings of the addiction sort.. that's where Dennie met his last three wives and we all know how THAT turned out....

Relationships are a big mystery to me too, but I'm learning. I used to think I had it all figured out, but....

-spott

 

[spott]

When I look at the abandenment I have went through with my last two submissives .........

I am still having issues with the last Dom, who fancies himself my "friend"...I don't trust him anymore. He wants to know why I don't share any detail of my life anymore...asshole...doesn't he realize that he hurt and betrayed me just like his predecessor, in the exact same way? he lied to me, he used me (physically, socially, financially, emotionally), he cheated on me (lined up a new one before he was done with me) and then just cut the rope...didn't even take the collar off, so to speak.

I hope he's enjoying his "depressed" life ..boo-hoo, wa-wa! He set it up himself.

They all leave me, and I don't know why...Dennie says he won't, he's not "them".... Trusting is so hard for me....
-spott

PS. wait... ex said he left me so he could feel good..I made him feel bad...nope, that was his guilt...he should feel bad...Integrity is when the inside and the outside of a person match....he has no integrity. Neither of those bozos have integrity. It is good not to be shat upon any longer...

 

[spott]

*waiving hi to spott*

agreed-agreed-agreed......

.......being able to trust is a damn hard thing to do.....

i admire your courage...... U go girl..... you will make it work. i have faith in you.... being that you are capable of working up to your ass in alligators...lol.... i think you can accomplish anything...

*waving back at lady kat...with all my fingers *

Trust...oh God...how?

Dennie is out camping this weekend...he called and asked for permission...this makes my skin crawl in one way, because I need to trust, but to ask...well, I expect lies and manipulation. I always trust until proven otherwise...it's like if I trust, they try to find the edges, how far the can go before I catch them...see, when someone lies to me, even if I know it, I never say anything..I just take note. It diminishes the liar in my eyes until I no longer have respect... then it is justifiable for me to challenge them at that point...they're always so surprised. I don't use tears as a weapon, either.

I know that is what he is doing, camping. Trying to keep a fellow drunk out of the bars and out of the package goods store and drinking alone in front of the television...ah yes, I remember those days....Friday afternoon, let the games begin...stop drinking by 10pm Sunday night so I could sober up enough to go to work...self-medicating myself out of my miserable life...that was a long time ago, but I remember....

The Emotions Nazi is on RED ALERT....
-spott

 

[spott]

hey, perhaps there will be some ladies there as well! i'll keep my fingers crossed for ya, Richard! ^_^

hi bunny!
That's what I have been trying to tell Richard...stop looking and they will come to him... let Universe do its work!
-spott

 

[spott]

Physically I feel like shit today
Emotionally a lot of sadness and depression

As I read threads here
I am more depressed

I know a thing or two about addiction and desire
If you want to stop doing something/feeling something
you have to stop indulging .....

When I stopped smoking
I stopped
cold turkey

Maybe it is time for me
to do that with relationships

Well, it is time to stop being so desperate about it... Just let things happen. Stay active and available...something will grow there. It will.

As for R, she has some healing and growing to do, too. Has she another relationship? We can't give what we don't have...we need to heal first.

You can have the White Picket Fence relationship if that is what you truly want. But you have to WANT it and put conditions into play so it can happen.

-spott

 

[Richard49]

Well, it is time to stop being so desperate about it... Just let things happen. Stay active and available...something will grow there. It will.

As for R, she has some healing and growing to do, too. Has she another relationship? We can't give what we don't have...we need to heal first.

You can have the White Picket Fence relationship if that is what you truly want. But you have to WANT it and put conditions into play so it can happen.

-spott

With my health I have limited energy to be active
I believe I use it best I can

As far as I know R is NOT in another relationship

I no long am sure what I want
but am leaning strongly towards
giving up on any and all relationships

I have fought to stay alive till I won this battle with VA
it is won

 

[lady-kat]

*waving back at lady kat...with all my fingers *

Trust...oh God...how?

Dennie is out camping this weekend...he called and asked for permission...this makes my skin crawl in one way, because I need to trust, but to ask...well, I expect lies and manipulation. I always trust until proven otherwise...it's like if I trust, they try to find the edges, how far the can go before I catch them...see, when someone lies to me, even if I know it, I never say anything..I just take note. It diminishes the liar in my eyes until I no longer have respect... then it is justifiable for me to challenge them at that point...they're always so surprised. I don't use tears as a weapon, either.

I know that is what he is doing, camping. Trying to keep a fellow drunk out of the bars and out of the package goods store and drinking alone in front of the television...ah yes, I remember those days....Friday afternoon, let the games begin...stop drinking by 10pm Sunday night so I could sober up enough to go to work...self-medicating myself out of my miserable life...that was a long time ago, but I remember....

The Emotions Nazi is on RED ALERT....
-spott

ah spott...*wiaving again*
dropping in to say hi.....

.... i think u will prevail..... put the emotional nazi back in the closet perhaps...?....

i'm pulling for U.....

..... i have had less than "steller" sucsess where relationships are concerned....

but your Dennie sounds like a keeper.....

but agreed... it is so hard to trust sometimes.....



also glad to hear U still have all your fingers.....

 

[spott]

also glad to hear U still have all your fingers.....

It's them alligators, I tell ya.....!
-spott

 

[spott]

but your Dennie sounds like a keeper.....

That he is, and I realize it more and more each day.

We'll see how this all works out when we start living together. I need some of that ..I told him not to evensay the M word for a while...I want some woo'ing and courting and some best behavior before I get taken for granted again....

although we have decided to start witha 25th anniversary and count them down instead of up... that's pretty romantic...

Now if I can only have him come around and understand what I need...
-spott