You absolute...

Ummmm.... Coulda just gone with

You Absolute CD!

What is that anyway? Like an old timey record or something?
 
I'm not gonna read over 1000 posts to see if someone has said this but... and NEVER say this in the pub (unless it's to your best mate and then it's allowed as it's a term of endearment).

You absolute wanker!
 
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