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Writing Challenge: Disappointment

Rumple Foreskin said:
That's what everyone else seems to have been thinking.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
Click to expand...
Okay, make that everyone except, Imp.

What'll be the punishment for missing 150, Imp? Huh, what's it gonna be?

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
 
Fair enough, 150 words. This will be my first writing challenge thing -- I have a lot to write about on the subject so I'll do that a bit later.
 
“Fuck it all,” James cried out to no one in particular as he let his car idle onto the railroad tracks. Sometime soon he knew from his worthless unlived years spent commuting across the country on the rust bucket, the clanging would start and then release. Absently he pulled out the clean cigarette pack he had bought at the corner store and fumbled through the dashboard for his lighter, a relic of a long-gone age before he had gone “healthy.” His lips curled as he thought of the word. How much nicotine-induced joy had he forsaken for that lie? How much pain had he committed unto himself? He cursed allowed as he lit up and felt it all creep back into him. The crumpled doctor’s letter began to blissfully fall out of his memory. He almost didn’t hear his cell phone ring.

“James,” the phone cried as he angrily picked it up and tried to listen over the roar of the clanging railroad signs. “The doctor just called. It turns out you don’t have cancer. Isn’t that wonderful? James, is that a train? James?!?”

He dropped the phone and his cigarette as the bright light of a train engine filled his car.

“Fuck,” he muttered.




-205, so a little over. And a bit of a black humour take to the whole thing.
 
Rumple Foreskin said:
Okay, make that everyone except, Imp.

What'll be the punishment for missing 150, Imp? Huh, what's it gonna be?

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
Click to expand...

Hung by the toe nails and lashed with a wet noodle for each word off 150, in either direction.

Capellini : < 10 words off
Spaghetti : 10-to-20 words off
Fettucini : > 20 words off

(You don't WANT to know what I do with the fusilli.)
 
impressive said:
Hung by the toe nails and lashed with a wet noodle for each word off 150, in either direction.

Capellini : < 10 words off
Spaghetti : 10-to-20 words off
Fettucini : > 20 words off

(You don't WANT to know what I do with the fusilli.)
Click to expand...

For 55 off am I getting the dry fettucini treatment with extra starch?
 
Lucifer_Carroll said:
“Fuck it all,” James cried out to no one in particular as he let his car idle onto the railroad tracks. Sometime soon he knew from his worthless unlived years spent commuting across the country on the rust bucket, the clanging would start and then release. Absently he pulled out the clean cigarette pack he had bought at the corner store and fumbled through the dashboard for his lighter, a relic of a long-gone age before he had gone “healthy.” His lips curled as he thought of the word. How much nicotine-induced joy had he forsaken for that lie? How much pain had he committed unto himself? He cursed allowed as he lit up and felt it all creep back into him. The crumpled doctor’s letter began to blissfully fall out of his memory. He almost didn’t hear his cell phone ring.

“James,” the phone cried as he angrily picked it up and tried to listen over the roar of the clanging railroad signs. “The doctor just called. It turns out you don’t have cancer. Isn’t that wonderful? James, is that a train? James?!?”

He dropped the phone and his cigarette as the bright light of a train engine filled his car.

“Fuck,” he muttered.




-205, so a little over. And a bit of a black humour take to the whole thing.
Click to expand...

Fuck, indeed. (And it's the fettucini for you.)

LOVE the AV!
 
impressive said:
Hung by the toe nails and lashed with a wet noodle for each word off 150, in either direction.

Capellini : < 10 words off
Spaghetti : 10-to-20 words off
Fettucini : > 20 words off

(You don't WANT to know what I do with the fusilli.)
Click to expand...

*shudders* Got it. ;)
 
LC,

Great story with a neat O Henry-like ending. Just next time, after you finish heeling, or healing, as the case my be, from Imp's pasta punishment, remember, COMMA is not a four-letter word.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
 
Re: Re: Re: Writing Challenge: Disappointment

Rumple Foreskin said:
Even if the rest was terrible, which it isn't, that opening line would have been enough to make it a good read.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
Click to expand...

Thank you! :eek: I really appreciate the kind words. They mean a great deal to me coming from someone like you, who writes with such lovely, understated elegance.

Luck,

Yui
 
Re: Re: Re: Writing Challenge: Disappointment

impressive said:
Hardly. I enjoyed the imagery! Thanks.
Click to expand...

No, thank you! ;)

I liked your airport disappointment - it was more disappointment in lieu of angst. I get all angsty when I try to write this sort of stuff. :rolleyes: I'm such a twit.
 
She kissed the filter one last time before putting the butt out in a nearby half-empty bottle carrying alcoholic temptation. Lately she hasn’t wanted to feel anything, alcohol cures! Everything is half-empty, optimism carries no real weight in life, in society. The once-full cigarette, salvation in a cancer stick, hissed out.
“You’ll never know what reality really is.”
“You’ve never worked a day in your life.”
“Kiss this shit good-bye, because you just keep fucking up, girl…you’re nothing but a stupid little punk kid anyway and you keep pushing everything good away.”
The words her father screamed the last time they really had a “conversation” rang through her rusted mind, everything is falling apart and she hated to admit it, but maybe in a way everyone she pushed away was right.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck” She whispered with a sigh. Everything is half-empty and optimism carries no real weight in life.
 
arienette said:
She kissed the filter one last time before putting the butt out in a nearby half-empty bottle carrying alcoholic temptation. Lately she hasn’t wanted to feel anything, alcohol cures! Everything is half-empty, optimism carries no real weight in life, in society. The once-full cigarette, salvation in a cancer stick, hissed out.
“You’ll never know what reality really is.”
“You’ve never worked a day in your life.”
“Kiss this shit good-bye, because you just keep fucking up, girl…you’re nothing but a stupid little punk kid anyway and you keep pushing everything good away.”
The words her father screamed the last time they really had a “conversation” rang through her rusted mind, everything is falling apart and she hated to admit it, but maybe in a way everyone she pushed away was right.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck” She whispered with a sigh. Everything is half-empty and optimism carries no real weight in life.
Click to expand...

Nice, ari! Thanks for playing.
 
For a highschool counselor, he dressed a bit on the flashy side and i couldn't help but wonder why he felt the need to douse himself in cologne. As i sat beside his desk, trying to breathe discreatly through my mouth, i watched as he flipped through my school records.
"well, ms. barron, seems like you can't seem to make up your mind what you really want to do. Perhaps you should concentrate on the more...easy school track."
"what do you mean?"
"Simply that you've shown no apptitude for college based classes, that you seem to only want to skim through life."
"I do?"
"Yes. Now, there are fine typing classes and steno that you could take."
"excuse me, but no one asked me what i would like to do."
"I'm telling you what your option is."
"I don't like this option."
"Let me rephrase: This is your only option."
"so, what youre saying is that i am too dumb to do the college based classes and im being shoved into classes that i dont want because there is nothing else for me to do? then, maybe i shouldnt be in school if this is all you have to offer."
"I only have 10 min. to finalize your schedule for senior year. Please make your class selection now."
"you only have 10 min to decide my life for me. thats very convienent. im not ready to make a decision yet, can we reschedule?"
"no, i have no time to reschedule you. you have to make the choice now."
i sat back in my chair, hating this man nearly as much as i hated my step father. who was this bastard to decide my future for me? i was seething. you motherfucker! you slimyshitball...couldnt you just show me what i could do? couldnt you just hold my hand for five min. while i decide? when i next opened my mouth, i was almost appalled at what came out:
"When are you going to come out of the closet?"
the silence was thick. i could hear a very loud buzzing but im sure that was fear. was i insane????
"You, Ms. Barron will be nothing better than a navy wife and a mother of several children, sitting on your ass eating chocolate all day. The best you could ever hope for is a job in a secretarial pool."
My very last meeting with my highschool counselor.
 
vella_ms said:
For a highschool counselor, he dressed a bit on the flashy side and i couldn't help but wonder why he felt the need to douse himself in cologne. As i sat beside his desk, trying to breathe discreatly through my mouth, i watched as he flipped through my school records.
"well, ms. barron, seems like you can't seem to make up your mind what you really want to do. Perhaps you should concentrate on the more...easy school track."
"what do you mean?"
"Simply that you've shown no apptitude for college based classes, that you seem to only want to skim through life."
"I do?"
"Yes. Now, there are fine typing classes and steno that you could take."
"excuse me, but no one asked me what i would like to do."
"I'm telling you what your option is."
"I don't like this option."
"Let me rephrase: This is your only option."
"so, what youre saying is that i am too dumb to do the college based classes and im being shoved into classes that i dont want because there is nothing else for me to do? then, maybe i shouldnt be in school if this is all you have to offer."
"I only have 10 min. to finalize your schedule for senior year. Please make your class selection now."
"you only have 10 min to decide my life for me. thats very convienent. im not ready to make a decision yet, can we reschedule?"
"no, i have no time to reschedule you. you have to make the choice now."
i sat back in my chair, hating this man nearly as much as i hated my step father. who was this bastard to decide my future for me? i was seething. you motherfucker! you slimyshitball...couldnt you just show me what i could do? couldnt you just hold my hand for five min. while i decide? when i next opened my mouth, i was almost appalled at what came out:
"When are you going to come out of the closet?"
the silence was thick. i could hear a very loud buzzing but im sure that was fear. was i insane????
"You, Ms. Barron will be nothing better than a navy wife and a mother of several children, sitting on your ass eating chocolate all day. The best you could ever hope for is a job in a secretarial pool."
My very last meeting with my highschool counselor.
Click to expand...

Oh, wow! It sucketh muchly that this is not at all uncommon, eh?

:kiss:

(You really WANT that fettucini, don't you?)
 
impressive said:
Oh, wow! It sucketh muchly that this is not at all uncommon, eh?

:kiss:

(You really WANT that fettucini, don't you?)
Click to expand...

nothing wrong with being competitive.
i love carbs damnit.
 
Brilliant, Vella. *sigh* Damn, I wish I could ever pack meaning into a small space.

Wonderfully done.

Shanglan
 
vella_ms said:
sometimes i read something and im totally unsure of how to take it. empathy...sympathy...sadness...somethings are too deep to comprehend.
:rose: ??
Click to expand...
Sometimes the words are just that, it sounded disappointing to not be alive at Easter. I'm an unmarried woman so it has no personal meaning, just what popped into my head at the time.:rose: :)
 
Brilliant stuff here.

I'm going to track down vella's guidance councelor and kick his nuts in....after I hurt someone else's high school principle.
 
Vella,

For someone who hasn't mastered paragraph breaks or capital letters, that was first-rate. ;)

But seriously, folks, I thought the dialogue was especially good.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
 
Rumple Foreskin said:
Vella,

For someone who hasn't mastered paragraph breaks or capital letters, that was first-rate. ;)

But seriously, folks, I thought the dialogue was especially good.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:
Click to expand...

Sorry v, but.......PMSL!!!!!

okay, that's over.
 
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