Writing Challenge: Disappointment

[Guest]

Thanks Imp. Of course, a lot of agents and editors, not to mention other AH writers, have said my writing is disappointing.

Rumple Foreskin

not

 

[impressive]

Thanks Imp. Of course, a lot of agents and editors, not to mention other AH writers, have said my writing is disappointing.

Rumple Foreskin

Whadda they know, anyway?

 

[Guest]

Rumpleman, whether it's your posts or your stories you are one of the least disappointing authors on this forum. A matriarch should know.

Perdita


p.s. I just cannot get into writing anything sad or disappointing at the moment.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Thanks Vella, Perdita, and Imp.

Doh! I forgot the ultimate bit of depressing, dsappointing prose.

While your writing has merit, it does not meet our current needs.

Rumple "rejections r me" Foreskin

 

[carsonshepherd]

A stage.

A bare tree, broken.

Lights rise.

Lights fall.


Shanglan

(Or possibly I'm on "desolation.")

Waiting for Godot, are you?



edited to read, I didn't see the other post before I wrote this! I actually caught a reference! All on my own! *waiting to be praised now*

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Waiting for Godot, are you?



edited to read, I didn't see the other post before I wrote this! I actually caught a reference! All on my own! *waiting to be praised now*

Atta boy, Carson. You done did Godot good.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[carsonshepherd]

Atta boy, Carson. You done did Godot good.

Rumple Foreskin

*basking in praise*

 

[minsue]

*basking in praise*

Just don't forget to turn over in a bit so you bask evenly.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Mother died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know.

 

[fifty5]

Oh, my! I almost hoped ...

Me too!

Eff

 

[fifty5]

At first, he stood and stared at the grave, trying to make sense out of what had happened. But his mind wouldn’t function.

He reached down and began moving flowers aside until raw, newly-turned, red clay came into view. He knelt and put a hand on the grave, then he laid down beside it and placed his arm over the mound of earth. Now he could think of Amy and about what might have been and what once had been. The time when they were kids and went fishing with Willie and caught all those little fish. The time in high school when she missed that free throw and cried for days. The time last spring when they first kissed. The time at the lake when he knew he’d always love her. The time she screamed “Yes!” and jumped into his arms. Those were their times.

Good. I especially liked the way the final outcome came first of all! It's much easier (like my attempt) to put the end at the end. Putting the punchline at the beginning takes talent!

Eff

 

[yui]

Oooookay. Depressing as it may be, let's have your crack at 150 words of crushing disappointment.

C'mon! Get into the holiday spirit, one and all.

This a lame effort, but here goes:

I stood in a flood of people, a small Asian hillock in a river of white. I was drowning, couldn't breathe, and no one noticed. Too small boots pinched my feet. Tall and black, I wore them, not for comfort, but because I was vain enough to like how they made me feel.

David walked toward me, smiling.

Colored Christmas lights were strung in neat rows of twelve and I could hear instrumental Christmas carols over the undulating voices of shoppers.

I thought I could smell the ocean; David's cologne or me going under for the last time?

I opened my mouth to say, "I've missed you." I couldn't breathe.

Blank. David smiled, as if he had never, in passion, eaten the lipstick off my mouth…as if I had never licked his toes. He walked by me and didn't look back. I kept waiting, knowing he would turn.

He didn’t.

Melodramatic and clumsy, but, hey, I tried.

Luck,

Yui

 

[fifty5]

Waiting for Godot, are you?



edited to read, I didn't see the other post before I wrote this! I actually caught a reference! All on my own! *waiting to be praised now*

"Great minds agree", Carson!



Eff

 

[~hellbaby~]

Looking into the bright eyes of your wife and children Christmas Day, trying to remember it all. Loving your family with all you are. Smiling but trying to find the words to tell them your dying of cancer and won't be with them on Easter.

 

[fifty5]

Mother died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know.

It's all part of "growing up". Unpleasant but necessary (for most of us).

It's happened to me and to my wife. She doesn't come here, but if she did, it'd be both of us that were 'here for you'.

Suffer and grow!

Eff

*hugs*

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Re: Re: Writing Challenge: Disappointment

This a lame effort, but here goes:

Melodramatic and clumsy, but, hey, I tried.

Luck,

Yui

I stood in a flood of people, a small Asian hillock in a river of white.

Even if the rest was terrible, which it isn't, that opening line would have been enough to make it a good read.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[BlackShanglan]

*basking in praise*

Good boy

Shanglan

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hey BS, simply cutting the dialogue out of Godot doesn't cut the mustard!



Eff

You know, I was actually thinking of "Purgatory" by WBY, but what the hell ... I might as well borrow two at once

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

Good boy

Shanglan

*roll over*

You know, I was actually thinking of "Purgatory" by WBY, but what the hell ... I might as well borrow two at once

Dammit! I was so proud!

 

[Guest]

Mother died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know.

You're a strange one, Huck.

Perdita

 

[impressive]

Re: Re: Writing Challenge: Disappointment

This a lame effort, but here goes:



Melodramatic and clumsy, but, hey, I tried.

Luck,

Yui

Hardly. I enjoyed the imagery! Thanks.

 

[Guest]

Looking into the bright eyes of your wife and children Christmas Day, trying to remember it all. Loving your family with all you are. Smiling but trying to find the words to tell them your dying of cancer and won't be with them on Easter.

sometimes i read something and im totally unsure of how to take it. empathy...sympathy...sadness...somethings are too deep to comprehend.
??

 

[BlackShanglan]

*roll over*



Dammit! I was so proud!

1) *belly rubs*

2) Actually, I started in Purgatory but was thinking of Godot myself by the time I was done typing the post, so it more than counts

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

1) *belly rubs*


Shanglan

Uh... that's not my belly....

 

[arienette]

Is it 150 words maximum or minimum?
I'm thinking max, right?