WriterDom

[Todd]

Is Dom full time with you or do you go for regular type activities as well?

 

[cymbidia]

There's a wide misconception regarding the "putting on" and "removing" of one's Dominant or submissive nature. In most cases, one is just like everyone else in daily life. However from a sexual perspective one either is or is not Dominant or submissive. It's a much a part of one's sexuality as is one's gender.

Of course D/s people have regular, nilla sex. Of course it's sometimes very good. However, we also have a trove of alternative richness and depth to draw on in the case of the expression of our sexuality that isn't available to nillas.

Is he always "in costume"? Does he never act like a regular man? That's an insulting question, Todd, although i know you didn't mean it to be and i know you and he have a friendship of sorts. It would be like asking you if you're always on the superstitious side of the evolution question or if you ever just relax and go with how most people think on the issue.

 

[Problem Child]

I thought it was a pretty good question actually. Considering some of the activities that I've heard that go on in the BDSM lifestyle, it's pretty difficult for us "nillas" to know what qualifies as an insulting question.






[Edited by Problem Child on 05-06-2001 at 08:50 AM]

 

[Todd]

Thank you.

I did not mean it to be insulting.

I just didn;t know if like normal sex offered any thrill to someone of a D/s lifestyle.

It was curiosity, I am sorry.

Concerning Evolution, yes, I once bought the government lies like we were all trained to. For 18 years as a matter of fact.

 

[cymbidia]

Considering some of the activities that I've heard that go on in the BDSM lifestyle, it's pretty difficult for us "nillas" to know what qualifies as an insulting question.

Let me help you, then, PC.

An insulting question is one that deliberately seeks to cast someone, or their beliefs, into an absurd, ridiculous, or silly light. It is a question that attempts to strip away the dignity we all deserve for and with our lifestyle choices. It's a question that arises from ignorance and attempts to point a finger of "not like me, therefore it's bad" at people and lifestyles not our own. Most of the time, sarcastic questions don't actually seek after information, instead they exist to poke at whatever is in their sights.

Almost everyone involved in an alternative lifestyle welcomes sincere questions and the chance to clear up popularly held misconceptions. Ask away.

 

[Todd]

It's a question that arises from ignorance and attempts to point a finger of "not like me, therefore it's bad" at people and lifestyles not our own. Most of the time, sarcastic questions don't actually seek after information, instead they exist to poke at whatever is in their sights.

Almost everyone involved in an alternative lifestyle welcomes sincere questions and the chance to clear up popularly held misconceptions. Ask away.

that is why I asked the questions to gain understanding, I admit that it is not my lifestyle, but i hold nothing against anyone who does. I do not think that is is bad. The only way it would be bad that I can think of is if a D took a complete stranger of the street and started making them an s without permission, in other words rape. between two concenting partners, which i understand it is, i have absolutely no qualms with D/s lifestyle, just curious about it is all.

sorry that I was so insulting.

 

[Problem Child]

Well, I didn't think it was insulting, and Todd said he didn't mean for it to be insulting. Looks to me like you're just hyper-sensitive.

And by the way, I don't need a definition of insulting. Perhaps you need one of condescending though.

 

[cymbidia]

that is why I asked the questions to gain understanding, I admit that it is not my lifestyle, but i hold nothing against anyone who does. I do not think that is is bad. The only way it would be bad that I can think of is if a D took a complete stranger of the street and started making them an s without permission, in other words rape. between two concenting partners, which i understand it is, i have absolutely no qualms with D/s lifestyle, just curious about it is all.

sorry that I was so insulting.

You weren't "so" insulting, Todd, and as i said, i know you and WriterDom have a friendship going. However, there's an alarming tendancy for the immature and close-minded members of Lit to get up in arms about things they don't understand. My original response to you was partly an attempt to stem that sort of "yeah, you D/s people are freaks" kinda illogic. Additionally, it's really crucial to a basic understanding of BDSM, and those who practice it, that being sexually Dom or sub isn't something we chose to do cuz we thought it would be fun. It's part and parcel of who we are as sexual people, as much as our breast size or penis girth. A Dominant or submissive is part of *who we are*.

Rape has nothing to do with BDSM. In all cases, it's the absolute antithesis of what BDSM is all about. The theme, or logo, or watchwords, of almost everyone involved in BDSM are "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". As a broad statement, we *detest* that rapists sometimes use elements from the expression of BDSM sexuality (gags, bondage, etc) in the commission of their crimes.

I always welcome sincere questions about stuff i have some knowledge of. I ignore stupid questions, though, and all people who get off on flaming. I don't put energy into that kinda thing because it disturbs my wa. http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/happy/11zwinky.gif ("Wa" means "harmony" and is a fundamental of Zen philosophy.)

 

[WriterDom]

Well, I didn't think it was insulting, and Todd said he didn't mean for it to be insulting. Looks to me like you're just hyper-sensitive.

I don't think she's hypersensitive. We do share a strong sense of community and take care of own. Maybe she's a little tired of defending something that has been hashed and rehashed many times on this, a porn board. You don't see many threads challenging the gay lifestyle here. Or the swinging lifestyle. A few perhaps about incest fantasies, but they die out pretty quick.

Here's a few threads you can read if you want Todd. There is another long one somewhere that I couldn't find.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=28874&pagenumber=1

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=24972

From cymbidia
Of course D/s people have regular, nilla sex. Of course it's sometimes very good. However, we also have a trove of alternative richness and depth to draw on in the case of the expression of our sexuality that isn't available to nillas.

very true. So many "normal" couples experiment with aspects of bdsm it's hard to draw a firm line. Perhaps it's the pain aspect that is confusing. There is very little actual pain. A sub being flogged is in a very blissful and wet state. A Dom never drags a sub to where she doesn't want to go, but rather he leads her to ecstasy.

I've read that most Dom tendencies don't manifest till around the age of 35-40. That was the case with me. It been my experience that most submissives knew what the wanted very early, even if they didn't know such a thing existed. I'm sure this lifestyle would have sounded just as strange to me at 25 as it does to you.

 

[Hecate]

I wasn't asked but ...

being a Domme doesn't mean I am ONLY a Domme. I am just me and that is one of the streaks of my character.

Meaning: I am not constantly dressed in steel and leather, meaning I am not constantly bossing people around, meaning I am not only having sex with my partner tied up and whipped and beaten to bits and pieces.

Being a Domme means I am a female who likes to be in control - and mainly being a female who likes to be spoiled rotten, a female who likes to be invited out for romatic evenings on the beach , picnicks with candle light and sun sets, ... a female taking long baths and spending way too much time in front of her wardrobe, claiming that in 4 meters of stuff there is nothing to wear ... you catch my drift?

I am just me, and part of me is being a Domme, as is being a loving and caring auntie, a considerate friend, as is hating visits at the dentist and as is being shit scared of spiders. It is just another faccet of my personality so yes, I am "always" Domme, because I am always me, but I am not always emphasizing that section of my personality.

Did any of that make sense? And did the answer go with the question??

 

[Todd]

Sort of I guess, what I was really asking that being a D/s lifestyle can one have enjoyable sex by standard sex practices? I know I am coming across as a complete idiot here.

From what I understand in a gay lifestlye yes they can have standard male/female but don't get the enjoyment that they have with gay style sex what ever that may be for each particular couple.

On a side note Hecate, I would love to invite you out for romatic evenings on the beach, picnicks with candle light and sun sets.

 

[Guest]

What I was really asking that being a D/s lifestyle can one have enjoyable sex by standard sex practices?

Well, since there were some very good answers from the first "set of questions", I didn't answer then. For this question, though, I can answer. In crude terms, I cannot cum from vanilla sex. Hell, I realize now that that is why I faked it a lot during high school and college. Sure, I can have 'nilla sex. Will I enjoy it? Maybe some. Will I get off? No.

 

[Todd]

What I was really asking that being a D/s lifestyle can one have enjoyable sex by standard sex practices?

Well, since there were some very good answers from the first "set of questions", I didn't answer then. For this question, though, I can answer. In crude terms, I cannot cum from vanilla sex. Hell, I realize now that that is why I faked it a lot during high school and college. Sure, I can have 'nilla sex. Will I enjoy it? Maybe some. Will I get off? No.

Perfect that was the type of answer I was looking for. Thank you thumbs up and a spank if it will help

 

[Guest]

Lol. Silly Todd.

 

[Todd]

Lol. Silly Todd.

 

[DevilMayCare]

I think all these people should be tied up and taught a lesson!

 

[Guest]

Even the Dom/mes??? lol They might not like that too well!

 

[WriterDom]

If I had the choice to either have a night of passionate sex with a nilla , or scene with a sub, but no sex, I'd take the sex anytime. But I perfer passionate sex with a sub.

 

[Guest]

Wow. I'd prefere the scene anyday! Then again, I can cum from having my ass and/or tits beaten. Whereas, like I said, I cannot cum from 'nilla sex.

 

[cymbidia]

A night of passionate romantic nilla sex or a hot and wild scene with a talented, demanding Master who will pull from me all i can give? Is THAT the choice?

C'mon!! ~laughing~ I'll take the D/s sex EVERY SINGLE TIME in that case!

Or is it a night of passionate romantic hot nilla sex vs a mediocre scene in which i don't even get off?

Well, since i wouldn't scene with someone i didn't know pretty damn well, and since S/He then would already know what gets me going and brings me off, the question is moot, is it not?

For me, nilla sex is nice enough but i always need elements (at least) of BDSM in the nilla sex to really get into it. For instance, i *love* my nipples being squeezed much harder than would a "normal" (what IS that, anyway?) woman and i *love* my hands bound or held (at least) in some fashion. Those kinda basic-to-me things, add immensely to my enjoyment of sex. Why should i go without them

 

[cymbidia]

I know I am coming across as a complete idiot here.

For what it's worth, Todd, and speaking only for myself, i don't think you're coming across as a complete idiot at all. You weren't insulting and you weren't trying to get us to see the error of our ways. You simply asked for info, a thing people in this lifestyle are all too happy to provide.

Forever, BDSM practitioners had to live very quiet lives, sexually speaking. Not too many years ago, we could have been imprisoned in most of the United States for doing what we need to do to be fully sexual beings. That time is past but there's still incredible misunderstandings out there with regard to what lifestyle BDSM is and who does it and what about that pain thing and what, exactly, we do with all those floggers and cuffs anyway.

The advent of the internet has given us, for the first time in history, an opportunity to be in contact with many others like ourselves and to answer the questions non-lifestylers have about our kind of sexuality.

Of course we welcome non-judgmental questions like yours. And we thank you for asking them, too.

 

[Deborah]

Hey, ProblemChild, are you a fucking farmer? You are so good at sniffing out the bullshit and the horseshit. Have you read my book on BDSM? I'm a mama cum loudly. What a fucking load of shit.

 

[Problem Child]

I am thinking of starting a fucking farm. For all us boring 'nillas. Missionary position only. No moaning allowed.

 

[WriterDom]

I am thinking of starting a fucking farm. For all us boring 'nillas. Missionary position only. No moaning allowed.

People raise questions and we try to answer. We are happy and not looking for converts. BDSM only works in harmony with yin and yang. It is not the only path to happiness.

 

[Nicole]

Perfectly put WriterDom, BUT I wouldn't bother.

Trying to explain a lifestyle to someone that dosen't want to understand is like trying to convert a sheep into being a cow ... it'll never happen.