WriterDom

[Problem Child]

Hey, I finished the song!

We’re all just vanilla people
Looking for some chocolate sauce
And a cherry on top

We don’t understand the way
Of the handcuffs
Or the nipple clamps
Or the leather crop

We like our sex all bland
We won’t be gagged or bound
Please don’t tie my legs or hands
When I cum I’ll make not a sound

We’re scared of whips
And those ropes do chafe
We’d rather do the missionary
Cause we know it’s safe

You’ll never see us dripping wax
Upon our tender teats
We only need our genitalia
To make our sex complete

Our buttholes are all virgin
Sacred as can be
Except when Deborah uses Buddha
On him or her, or me

We’re not into fisting
Cause childbirth hurts enough
Keep nipple weights away from us
We really aren’t that tough

We don’t like messing
With other peoples poo
And if you want to potty
Please keep it in the loo

I didn’t write this song
To call anyone a freak
Only to remind you all
That this thread is getting weak

 

[Siren]

Oh For Fucking Christ.

 

[Guest]

So, how 'bout that Patryn?









Just kidding!

 

[Renegade]

*Smacks Tiggs* Don't make me break out the whip and chains.

 

[Guest]

<Perk!!>

(See above! )

 

[WriterDom]

[QUOTE
Non-BDSM sex isn't Vanilla.

The word vanilla has nothing at all to do with sex. Sexually is a common thread that runs through all humans, and with a little luck, even Todd one day. We make no assumptions or judgments about anyone. To say someone is vanilla means they have no interest in participating in BDSM activities. Nothing more, and nothing less. I don't see why that is so hard to understand.

 

[KillerMuffin]

http://www.m-w.com/

4 entries found for vanilla.
To select an entry, click on it. (Click 'Go' if nothing happens.)
vanilla[1,noun]vanilla[2,adjective]plain-vanillavanilla bean

Main Entry: 2vanilla
Function: adjective
Date: 1846
1 : flavored with vanilla
2 : lacking distinction : PLAIN, ORDINARY

It's the second definition there.

I'm not sure what's so hard to understand here, other than a total lack of communication. Vanilla is a perfectly acceptable term within one community, it's a piece of jargon that helps define the way that community sees things.

Outside of that community, the term is insulting due to the connotations of it. I'm Vanilla because I don't practice the same thing cym and writerdom do. I don't feel the least bit lacking in distinction : PLAIN, ORDINARY.

Whether you meant it to be insulting or not doesn't always matter, because I perceived it as insulting. I'm not plain. I'm not ordinary. And I do not lack in distinction. I don't know your jargon, I'm not familiar with the terms you apply to others, so I have to apply my own meaning.

Merriam Webster is pretty much an authority on the subject. I'm sure if cym cracked her OEM it would apply the same connotations to vanilla and make no mention of it's use in technical jargon.

If I don't understand the jargon, what else am I to infer but that you think I'm lacking in distinction, plain and ordinary? My attempts to explain my position were met with "How can you expect them to understand? They think we're weird!" sorts of comments. Ya'll get irritated when you're referred to by certain terms, so do I.

Straight Vs. Vanilla is a bit of a fallacy as well. Straight is mainstream. Vanilla is a bit of jargon from a rather small and understandably quiet group of people. I don't like to be called straight and I prefer to not call homosexuals anything but Gay or Lesbians, and then only when it's necessary to refer to their orientation.

I accept them just as they are, just like I accept subs/doms/masochists just as they are.

I'm not sure why it's so hard to understand that in a public forum EVERYONE, including those in the opressed minority, should temper their words at times in the interest of getting along. When you apply terms to those not in the community, consider the connotations of those terms when you use them outside of that community. Is that so hard to do? Is that so difficult to understand? It doesn't matter what you meant because you didn't say what you meant. It's been misinterpreted. Rather than understanding that you've been misinterpreted and finding out that the term itself is derogatory and insulting, ya'll just kept on going, getting defensive about something that wasn't even appropriate to what people were having such problems with.

To put it bluntly. I am NOT Vanilla. I am NOT plain. I am NOT ordinary. I am NOT lacking in distinction. For my part of the issue, I generally try to be un-inflammatory in referring to sexual choices of others. With the exception of pedos and snuff practitioners.

Now, why is that hard to understand?

 

[Laurel]

The word vanilla has nothing at all to do with sex. Sexually is a common thread that runs through all humans, and with a little luck, even Todd one day. We make no assumptions or judgments about anyone. To say someone is vanilla means they have no interest in participating in BDSM activities. Nothing more, and nothing less. I don't see why that is so hard to understand.

That's a fair explanation. Thank you for providing a non-judgmental definition. I wasn't offended by anything on this thread, but I could see how some might have taken offense at the characterization of non-BDSMers as boring, less adventurous, or less imaginative. So long as every one of us excited by the sex life we choose - no matter what form it takes - I don't think anyone has the right to judge. We have the right to an opinion, but not a judgment of worth. I respect the BDSM community, the gay community, the various fetish communities - even though I don't feel as they do or eengage in the same activities. In my stint as webmistress, I've seen things that I found repellent, that I would never wish to participate in. I have the right to be turned off by those activities, but it would be ignorant of me to deem those activities as "wrong" or "inferior" to my personal tastes. Nor are they superior - they are simply different. So long as all involved are adults and all are consenting & enjoying the act, who am I to tell anyone else how to live their lives?

I think that each one of us needs to understand that we do not hold the monopoly on truth, that our view of the world is highly subjective, and that the way we choose to live our lives it not the Only True Way to live. This applies to everyone, regardless of kink (or lack of kink).

IMHO one of the greatest evils people commit is to try to force others to believe/think/live as they do. Live your life, and let others live as well. Share your viewpoint, but resist the temptation to scoff or sneer in disgust at those with a different opinion - they have just as much right to their beliefs as you. It's an easy trap to fall into. I see many people say "Freedom's great, up to a point". You either believe in freedom of choice, or you do not. You cannot say you believe in freedom of choice, so long as you agree with all of the choices. Unless my actions impede on your freedom to live, you can't tell me I'm wrong. Open your mind. Instead of dismissing those who aren't like you as "poor blind fools", be happy that they've found their path in life - even if that path goes in the opposite direction as yours.

Tolerance. What a great word.

</rant>

I'm going to get Mexican food. Anyone want anything?

 

[Laurel]

http://www.m-w.com/

4 entries found for vanilla.
To select an entry, click on it. (Click 'Go' if nothing happens.)
vanilla[1,noun]vanilla[2,adjective]plain-vanillavanilla bean

Main Entry: 2vanilla
Function: adjective
Date: 1846
1 : flavored with vanilla
2 : lacking distinction : PLAIN, ORDINARY

It's the second definition there.

No, I think they meant the first definition. You don't use vanilla extract in sex?

Oh please, I KNOW I'm not the only one...

 

[DarkAngel]

MEMEMEMEMEMEM....

A barrito dam can't spell ahhh just surpise me

 

[cymbidia]

Vanilla

~sticking my nose back in here oh-so-cautiously~
Soooo, just trying to get this all straight now, without fanning the flames of outrage again. Peace.

It's okay to use "vanilla" as an adjective now, right? Not nilla, as we in the BDSM community have used for so many years among ourselves to refer, as WriterDom succinctly put it, to those uninterested in pursuing any kind of BDSM activities in their explorations of sexuality, but vanilla.

Right?

 

[cymbidia]

what can one do with a really good dictionary?

Merriam Webster is pretty much an authority on the subject. I'm sure if cym cracked her OEM it would apply the same connotations to vanilla and make no mention of it's use in technical jargon.

You want me to crack open my OEM, KM? Seriously? I'm ALWAYS looking for a reason to use that thing, honestly, seriously. I love it. I lusted after it for 20 years before i got one and now i just squirm waiting for good reasons to run it's pages through my fingers, moaning a little in abandonment while it's still new-book scent wafts gently, softly, into my nostrils. Oh yeh... what else you want me to look up? C'mon... don't make me beg, babes... don't go all sadistic on me now...

(The preceding was brought to you by the letters S and T for Sick and Twisted. Anyone who gets off on a fucking dictionary [please note: i said "on a fucking dictionary" and not "on fucking a dictionary": let's stay slightly grounded in reality here, shall we?] the way i do is those things... and it doesn't even involve ice cream flavors!)

 

[BlondGirl]

This doesn't contribute much to the topic, but it might provide a diversion for a moment or two.

http://www.the-funny-farm.freeserve.co.uk/barbie-sm.jpg

 

[cymbidia]

a diversion

Speaking of diversions, HOW was that big weekend?????

 

[BlondGirl]

a diversion

Speaking of diversions, HOW was that big weekend?????

ACK! It was a reminder of just why it has been three years since we have seen each other. Things were nice. We got along okay. We did not click and are very different people.
As far as my toy collection, he was game to try, but it was not his cup of tea.
AND--to top it all off---
I just HAD to get my fucking period Saturday morning.

Oh well.

Such is life!

I'll find a suitable partner soon hopefully. Last night, I put a profile on alt.com (for Blondgirl116337--if anyone is so bored to actually go look). I don't really expect any luck from there, but at least it helps to pacify my thoughts to know there is at least a slight chance there that someone on that list might "click" with me. (I could never have a partner who is strickly vanilla again, I think. I tried last year and it was very frusterating--for both of us.)

 

[cymbidia]

Originally posted by BlondGirl I'll find a suitable partner soon hopefully. Last night, I put a profile on alt.com (for Blondgirl116337--if anyone is so bored to actually go look). I don't really expect any luck from there, but at least it helps to pacify my thoughts to know there is at least a slight chance there that someone on that list might "click" with me. (I could never have a partner who is strickly vanilla again, I think. I tried last year and it was very frusterating--for both of us.)

Hey! I've had very good luck over the years posting at alt.com. (Mine is there under my name, cymbidia, but it's in hiding for now because i'm not actively looking.) Anyway, i've posted an ad there for, oh, maybe the last 5 years, on and off. I've met two very good, long term Doms from there, too. I've met a bunch that weren't suited to what i need when i'm out looking but, well, that's gonna happen, right? That's why you correspond with a bunch, then meet someplace like a Denney's for coffee, THEN plan some kinda real scene.

Anyway, there's another place called bondage.com (i think) that's strictly BDSM oriented. I went there at the request of someone to look at his profile and had to do a quickie (and free) membership application to get in the front door, but the place seems pretty good.

Keep your hopes up with ads, babes. As long as you (know* who and what you're looking for, there's a good chance you'll find it/him/her through an ad if you word it carefully enough.

 

[KillerMuffin]

*rolling eyes*

Nilla is a rather nasty cookie. Just ewwww. You can label me as being sexually inclined toward, um, lesseeeeee... ultrasupermagnifc@. There. Nice adjective, neh?

 

[cymbidia]

Nilla is a rather nasty cookie. Just ewwww. You can label me as being sexually inclined toward, um, lesseeeeee... ultrasupermagnifc@. There. Nice adjective, neh?

You got it! ~crossing out "nilla" in all future posts (screw the reality factor) and substituting "SIU" instead~

So, about that OED work... you're gonna make me beg, aren't you?

 

[Guest]

Alt.com is a pretty nice site, but nothing constructive ever came out of it for me when I was looking. Oddly enough, I met my first Dom through a "personal ad" I posted at Yahoo. And, my current Love...I met Him in a chat room on AOL of all places.