Would you recommend this forum to a BDSM newbie?

[Mr Blonde]

Why or why not?

My answer: This forum is a good resource but I would caution any newcomer that it contains a huge amount of information that does not really apply to most people's BDSM relationships. This forum is good for asking questions and hearing other people's perspectives, but it is more important to focus on your own reality and not get caught up in mimicking others. With all that said, this forum gives newbies a gracious yet more informative introduction than other sites.

So personally I would recommend it but give a few disclaimers to help put it in perspective.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I count it as a good resource among many.

I give it out to others when they need a place to go and find like-minded people and discussions on just about any topic.

I don't consider it a sole source of information, and do my best not to portray it as such.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Why or why not?

My answer: This forum is a good resource but I would caution any newcomer that it contains a huge amount of information that does not really apply to most people's BDSM relationships. This forum is good for asking questions and hearing other people's perspectives, but it is more important to focus on your own reality and not get caught up in mimicking others. With all that said, this forum gives newbies a gracious yet more informative introduction than other sites.

So personally I would recommend it but give a few disclaimers to help put it in perspective.

Now there is diplomacy. *grin*

Would I recommend this forum to newbies? Sure. With some caveats.

First, this forum tends to validate online as being the same as realtime. If you're online this is probably a great place for you. If you're in a realtime relationship, I've got some better recommendations. I don't think realtime and online are the same, and I'll probably get flamed for this one, but, hey, I feel very strongly about Lit BDSM moving in this direction more and more over the last year or so.

Secondly, there aren't alot of people who are in long-term, successful, 24/7 relationships on this board. THOSE are the people I wanted to learn from when I was new. If you're new, glom onto those people. You'll find out who they are.

Thirdly, resist those friendly domly types who promise to mentor you. Sharks to the kill, babes. New subs are blood in the water. Find a friendly submissive and glom on to HER. You'll learn more in one IM conversation than you'll learn from Mr. Friendly Domly Dom. He's interested in your ass, not in teaching you anything about submission. (Oh, by the way, this isn't a Lit BDSM phenomenon, just so you know...it happens everywhere )

That's all I can think of on short notice.

~anelize

 

[Netzach]

Yeah, but after I recommend getting out of your little rabbit hole and seeing what in your hamlet there is to do.

 

[FungiUg]

I'd recommend it, sure. We're not too hard on answering the same questions over and over, and most newbies do tend to have similar issues.

I think I'd also recommend to a newbie that they NOT be shy about asking questions. And not to take discussions personally. Don't fall in lust with AA (join the queue.) And if pain persists, see a doctor.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Yes, I would & have done. I tend not to use Lit for searching & reading about things, but rather as a way of communication with like minded people. I enjoy the different views & ideas put forward. I actually quite enjoy the heated discussions too. It's good when people are passionate about their lives, interests & sexuality.

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Well, as a relative newbie i have found this forum to be extremely validating. For years and years i struggled with accepting my needs, desires, tendencies. I had thought i was strange and twisted and that what i wanted was wrong. But reading this forum has helped me to learn that:
1. I am not alone. There are many others who share the same interests.
2. There is a whole contiunuum of levels of interest and need (dominance, submission, pain, etc).
3. There is no "right way" to live.
4. There are many out there who have much more "extreme" needs than i.


Thanks all!
ASB
(who lurks more than posts but is slowly dropping some of that shyness ... been inspired by dolf )

 

[morninggirl5]

I would recommend this forum to a newbie. I'd also suggest that they use the search function and set the search to threads from anytime and read the oldest threads they find first.

If they still can't find a good answer, then they might try newer threads or starting one.

Like Anelize, i think there was more emphasis on the very real differences between online and real time when the board began.

 

[esclave_PP]

Re: Re: Would you recommend this forum to a BDSM newbie?

Originally posted by AnelizeDarkEyes
Now there is diplomacy. *grin*

Would I recommend this forum to newbies? Sure. With some caveats.

First, this forum tends to validate online as being the same as realtime. If you're online this is probably a great place for you. If you're in a realtime relationship, I've got some better recommendations. I don't think realtime and online are the same, and I'll probably get flamed for this one, but, hey, I feel very strongly about Lit BDSM moving in this direction more and more over the last year or so.

Secondly, there aren't alot of people who are in long-term, successful, 24/7 relationships on this board. THOSE are the people I wanted to learn from when I was new. If you're new, glom onto those people. You'll find out who they are.

Thirdly, resist those friendly domly types who promise to mentor you. Sharks to the kill, babes. New subs are blood in the water. Find a friendly submissive and glom on to HER. You'll learn more in one IM conversation than you'll learn from Mr. Friendly Domly Dom. He's interested in your ass, not in teaching you anything about submission. (Oh, by the way, this isn't a Lit BDSM phenomenon, just so you know...it happens everywhere )



That's all I can think of on short notice.

~anelize

I second what she says

 

[A Desert Rose]

... I would recommend it but give a few disclaimers to help put it in perspective.

So would I.

I would most definately direct someone who asked my advice to many excellent threads in our library. I have several personal favorites.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I've recommended this forum not only to newcomers, but also some who have been lifestyle (r/l) for some period of time. Along with this forum, I recommend a number of other sites, such as AltSexBDSM, Castle Realm, Fetish Alliance, BDSM-education.com, etc. I also strongly recommend finding a local (or near-local) munch group and meeting people who are "real-lifers" and who can welcome them into the lifestyle in a slightly more "personal" manner.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Thanks for the replies.

I think an online forum can only be an extra reference to someone focused on real time relationships. Not to be disagreeable, but while the old discussions were good they were far from definitive or sacrosanct. That said, we really should try to get some new skin-to-skin based discussions going in this forum.

 

[Never]

AnelizeDarkEyes:
"New subs are blood in the water."
I think that needs to be branded on quite a few Doms' foreheads.

Once upon a time, I thought this was a wonderful place for BDSM newbies. I knew that whenever I managed to hook up with someone willing to explore BDSM this board would be great recourse and guide.

Now, well, there's always the link library.

 

[Etoile]

Yes, But.

I have referred people here when they have asked me about kink and related topics, but only for very specific reasons. For the most part, I don't think this forum is particularly friendly to new members who know nothing about BDSM. They get library threads thrown at them left and right, which is as it should be. I think a solution to this would be having the main library thread renamed "Newbies: Read Me First!" or something like that. Even then, though, people won't always read. And they really should, because there's more to be learned about BDSM just by reading than by asking specific targeted questions.

 

[Aeroil]

hmm, this site has been interesting to me so far, and quite informative....there certainly aren't as many male subs or female dommes as I thought there would be though, kinda surprised me to see almost all were female subs and male doms....I have seen a few male subs in the personals but none on the forums here.....maybe I'm just overlooking them, oh well, if I'm right maybe I'll be one of the first....'course I'm totally inexperienced, so I won't really be able to provide any insight or anything......well hopefully I can learn something to remedy that here.....

 

[Harrowborg]

Straight up truth, when I first had a look at that forum, despite not really being a 'newbie' it was quite intimidating to me as I'm not really into that kinda stuff. I guess if someone came to it with an open mind and knew, generally speaking, the type of things that went on there and the people who posted messages they might find it useful but to me I was slightly taken aback at the weird stuff people did to enjoy themselves.

 

[shy slave]

I'd recommend it, sure. We're not too hard on answering the same questions over and over, and most newbies do tend to have similar issues.

I think I'd also recommend to a newbie that they NOT be shy about asking questions. And not to take discussions personally. Don't fall in lust with AA (join the queue.) And if pain persists, see a doctor.

FungiUg

Your in lust with AA??

 

[MissTaken]

Short answer

It depends.

 

[H piltdown]

Primarily, I'd recomend more educationally oriented sites and those more specifically targeted toward that person's interests. Then, I may offer up this type of forum as a place for understanding better how to interact with others.

However, I'd have to add that this is an anonymous forum, often geared toward pure fantasy, and people often act out in ways that would not always be acceptable in typical D/s relationships.

Personally we do not engage in online fantasy play. So, our personal interests, (biases), would lead us to advise a newbie to try interacting with real people at munches and eventually at parties.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no good forum outside of this type for single, submissive males.

 

[Aeroil]

*wonders if H piltdown is talking about Aeroil or himself* perhaps both lol

 

[Soulfiregirl]

I'm new here. (this is only my second post) but I like the "feel" of this message board already. I'm a member of other message boards (not related to sex) so I've had some practice with them overall. But I like that literotica has it's own message board related to sexual topics (and the submitted stories). Very cool.

And I must reeeeeeally need to get laid because even certain member's avatars on here are turning me on. LOL.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would and have recommended this board to a few newbies.....some have found it useful, some have thought it beyond where they were at that moment. I think overall it is a good place to come to explore and grow, listen and learn, share and think, as well as help define where people are at at a precise moment in time and their journey. It is fact that some are going to have more experience than others, some are going to have only online and/or fantasy on which to base their views, others are going to have both online and real life, and still others are going to have only real time experience to draw from. All have their value, but also it is worth remembering they are different type experiences, not better or worse just different, and do not necessarily speak clearly and in like across all genres....to feel slighted because your experience does not match or identify with another is going to lead to a variety of negative feelings.

I think it is also worth noting that though this board is much friendlier than most, people are at times going to find others do not agree 100% with what they think or say. This can be partly as I have said above, simply difference and diversity in taste which I think is healthy, or it can be because it has not been their experience and they cannot share the same viewpoint partly because of that. Whatever the reason it is worth remembering you can't please everyone all the time and that the point of discussion is not so much to please as it is to discuss and read a variety of viewpoints and experiences which add to the total picture of everyone's journey, not imposing one size fits all on everyone.

Most get through those moments and can hold on to the fact some people agree, some people don't, just as they do not agree with everyone...others take it personally and allow themselves to be emotionally overwhelmed (and I think all of us have been there at least once) and choose to lurk or leave. I think that is sad as it not only limits their own growth, but also tends to make others feel they then should begin to agree or ignore anything they do not like thus we arrive at a point where discussion becomes a non-happening thing purely based on fear and personal preferences. It is a discussion board, not a friendship chatroom group though many of us have found valueable friends here (and even friends do not often share the same view as each other 100%of the time because we are individuals).......that means discussion will take place, sometimes with many feeling the same, sometimes with few sharing the same visions and views....the best thing to remember is that it is through those most topical discussions that often the most growth occurs. I know we have changed some of our thoughts and views through such means, and no doubt will continue to do so....to think one has all the answers negates the point of coming to a discussion board unless you feel presence is to enlighten everyone else to the 'right way' and your view is the only right view and that often does not work well.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm new here. (this is only my second post) but I like the "feel" of this message board already. I'm a member of other message boards (not related to sex) so I've had some practice with them overall. But I like that literotica has it's own message board related to sexual topics (and the submitted stories). Very cool.

And I must reeeeeeally need to get laid because even certain member's avatars on here are turning me on. LOL.

Welcome to the board.....hope you enjoy as it can be a fun place as well as a place to gain some interesting conversations. LOL, and hope your other problem is taken care of soon.

Catalina

 

[Soulfiregirl]

Welcome to the board.....hope you enjoy as it can be a fun place as well as a place to gain some interesting conversations. LOL, and hope your other problem is taken care of soon.

Catalina

I'm working on it. LOL.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Short answer

It depends.

Longer answer.

No.

I have seen several newbies chastised for initial threads lately.

Further, anytime I have recommended this forum to a newbie, I always felt like I had to watch their back.

So, depending on the climate, which currently seems a bit intolerant, I probably wouldn't recommend this forum to a BDSM newbie unless they were experience in on line interaction and had thick skin.