Would like some advice about telling my fantasy to GF

[Kimlikes]

Hi I think you should start gently ask her about her fantasies while you are getting frisky it may be a while before she asks you about yours take your time and don’t push. I also think honesty is the best policy, I can’t count the number of guys here that say at lest that they have a sexless marriage

 

[hanban24]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

I think it totally depends on the girl. I know there are some women who would have no issue with your fantasy, others who would be mortified. You have to know the person you’re with, and if you’ve been together that long you probably do.

As far as how to approach it, I’d just have an open conversation. Ask her what sexual fantasies she has and let the conversation develop from there.

So be prepared for her to potentially thumbs down your fantasy, in which case, quickly move on and play it off like it isn’t really a big deal.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Lot’s of good info here. Whatever you do, START SLOW! From what I’ve discerned in your post, she’s not exactly in high gear yet sexually (strictly kink related there) and overwhelming her too soon will just make her hit the brakes.

What worked for me was a nice moonlight drive after a good meal and she was relaxed and we started the “what is your fantasy” game. Let HER take the lead. See what she likes and work from there. It took some time and effort to get around to MY fantasy but in the long run that tactic paid off.

Same tactic works if you enjoy a bit of porn together, or even a steamy Hollywood flick, or soft core flick. See what her reaction is to a certain move (my wife got hot-N-bothered over a Richard Gere movie where he took some chick in a stairwell up against a wall. I had to recreate that scene for a year after!) or scene and go from there.

Those worked in our case. Just understand it may take some time. Then again she may be like “I thought you’d never ask!”

 

[canogagrizz]

Having this fantasy maybe in your head is one thing. Fantasies are normal no matter what they might be. So long as they are kept fantasies. I've noticed (through just small discussions over almost 40yrs of marriage) that "my fantasies" haven't always lined up with my wife's in the least. I always got a "feel" through discussions of various sex topics, I've usually brought it up saying I seen this in a porno what do you think?" It's easy to talk but I never let my wife know all my fantasies because after 10yrs I basically already knew what would gross her out or not. I didn't push my fantasies onto her. For example: As much as I might FANATSIZE about say wanting to see my wife screw a male dog, or take my piss in her mouth, I KNOW she has her limits. LOL. I mean that is an example of the extreme I wouldn't actually want that. But to think about it or fantasize is totally different from actually doing it. However I understand some of these weird fetishes or sex senarios can make for some wild extra fantasy talk in the bedroom for fun.
What I don't understand is why, WHY would a guy who is married EVER want to see his wife with another man?
I personally don't understand that fantasy & never have. I wouldn't EVER want to share my wife with ANYONE else nor especially another man. I mean she is my wife. I don't understand this fantasy it seems A LOT of guys have wanting to watch their wife get screwed by another guy or do anything sexually with another man. I just don't get it. It's like giving her the ok to cheat & have affairs. I wouldn't personally want ANY of that kind of shit going on in her head. Even if she had that fantasy. See, this made for another great thought of how IF my wife had that fantasy I would get pissed off and would have not wanted to hear she had that kind of shit going on in her head even. So there is limits to ones own fantasies. Keep that in mind. However I understand the need or desire to get some fantasies out wanting to be open to talking about such things.
IMO If a guy doesn't know if his wife would be into it or not, then imho he doesn't know her enough or they haven't been together enough to be that "open". Which could lead to more problems divulging some fantasies. If a guy doesn't know his wife's own limits & thinking there usually already is a problem. I think most wives expect their husband to know them enough if they'd like this or that or have this or that fantasy. In my case BEFORE marriage we both knew going in there would never be no "open relationship" or swinging or any of that kind of stuff.
I tend to agree with Justmollymolly on this topic, and especially JadeNY's thoughts & response on this topic.

 

[FantasySharer1]

I personally don't understand that fantasy & never have. I wouldn't EVER want to share my wife with ANYONE else nor especially another man. I mean she is my wife. I don't understand this fantasy it seems A LOT of guys have wanting to watch their wife get screwed by another guy or do anything sexually with another man.

It can be really hard to understand and it takes time to get it, if you ever get it at all. I would think most guys never get it.

It all starts with a base assumption and some ideas that carry from there. The first assumption:

1. Your wife is a sexual being. She enjoys Sex. Not just sex with you. Not just sex with her husband. Not just sex with one person. She, as a human being, enjoys sex.

2. Sex is pleasurable and she enjoys it.

3. The actual physical pleasure feels good naturally to her.

4. There are men in existence whose penis can feel better for her pussy, than yours. They can reach places yours cannot. They can apply pressure inside her in ways that yours cannot. They can thrust harder and deeper than you. Their muscles are stronger and built better than yours. They have more experience than you do in pleasing different types of women.

5. If you came to your wife (or imagine your wife came to you and proposed the same exact proposal with women) - that:
a.) She may have sex with one of these people.
b.) She has full freedom to enjoy it as much as she wants.
c.) She will never, ever, be judged by you for enjoying it, anymore than she would be judged for getting a back massage.
d.) She will never, ever suffer any consequences from having sex with one of these superior men in terms of your feelings towards her, your emotions towards her, or your commitment to your family and home.
e.) You will love her just as much, always.
f.) She may choose anyone she wants to have sex with.
g.) You will take PLEASURE in HER pleasure. You will enjoy not the fact that someone else is fucking her per se, but the fact that SHE IS FEELING GOOD.

If you proposed all this to her (or if she proposed it to you), and she knew and trusted 100% certainty beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was true and there would be ZERO CONSEQUENCES for her actions. Ever. In the present and the future. And you proposed this again and again. And...let's say all her friends were doing it so she has ZERO peer-pressure or peer-led guilt keeping her from it.

How confident are you that perhaps after a year of you proposing this, her seeing all her friends do it and enjoy it, her knowing that there are no consequences - how confident are you she would say no?

I don't think there are many men who would turn down such a proposal if their wife offered to let them be with another women in the same way. I highly doubt most women who are not hung up on a religious moral code (and even if they were I doubt they could stand up to such openness, all their friends doing it, and the feeling of total safety).

Most women (and men) would say yes.

What does that mean? That deep down - this is something they want. They would enjoy. They would find pleasure in.

And fundamentally - we want our wives to have pleasure. We want them to experience more pleasure than we can give them. We want them to have their time of their lives. We want them to spend as much of this very limited time on the planet having an AMAZING time in bed. We want to watch them be sexual beings, not imprison them. We want to see what it looks like when they cum from every angle, all the angles we can't see them in if we are the ones fucking them.

You recognize your wife as a sexual being independent of just you. Then you affirm certain things.
Her pleasure is your pleasure.
Her happiness is your happiness.
Her orgasm, bigger, louder, better, is your joy.
Her sexual ecstasy is your goal.
Eventually you start to feel - letting her explore and have ultimate sexual pleasure....is your duty. And then, when it clicks, you get it.

The truth is, a man's wife isn't the only woman who makes him hard.
And a wife's husband isn't the only man that can get her wet.

Once you accept that desire for others is real, and not unhealthy within the bounds of a relationship, it will click. But it takes time.

One of the easiest ways to start is to imagine one's wife not with a stranger, but perhaps with someone she would never run away with and leave you. Perhaps her brother. He would be non-threatening to your marriage and it would just be sex. That fantasy can branch out to other men and eventually it takes on a life of its own where all you dream about is watching her be pleasured.

Try an experiment. The next time you masturbate, imagine the biggest, strongest, coolest, best looking guy you know - fucking your wife and cumming inside her. You will cum in SECONDS. There is a deep-seated mechanism that will take that thought and hot-wire your brain to cum immediately, and to cum A LOT. Why? Because it turns your brain on to know your partner is fucking someone else and it will tell you to cum immediately to reclaim her reproductive capacity from him as soon as possible by competing with his cum.

 

[canogagrizz]

It can be really hard to understand and it takes time to get it, if you ever get it at all. I would think most guys never get it.

It all starts with a base assumption and some ideas that carry from there. The first assumption:

1. Your wife is a sexual being. She enjoys Sex. Not just sex with you. Not just sex with her husband. Not just sex with one person. She, as a human being, enjoys sex.

2. Sex is pleasurable and she enjoys it.

3. The actual physical pleasure feels good naturally to her.

4. There are men in existence whose penis can feel better for her pussy, than yours. They can reach places yours cannot. They can apply pressure inside her in ways that yours cannot. They can thrust harder and deeper than you. Their muscles are stronger and built better than yours. They have more experience than you do in pleasing different types of women.

5. If you came to your wife (or imagine your wife came to you and proposed the same exact proposal with women) - that:
a.) She may have sex with one of these people.
b.) She has full freedom to enjoy it as much as she wants.
c.) She will never, ever, be judged by you for enjoying it, anymore than she would be judged for getting a back massage.
d.) She will never, ever suffer any consequences from having sex with one of these superior men in terms of your feelings towards her, your emotions towards her, or your commitment to your family and home.
e.) You will love her just as much, always.
f.) She may choose anyone she wants to have sex with.
g.) You will take PLEASURE in HER pleasure. You will enjoy not the fact that someone else is fucking her per se, but the fact that SHE IS FEELING GOOD.

If you proposed all this to her (or if she proposed it to you), and she knew and trusted 100% certainty beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was true and there would be ZERO CONSEQUENCES for her actions. Ever. In the present and the future. And you proposed this again and again. And...let's say all her friends were doing it so she has ZERO peer-pressure or peer-led guilt keeping her from it.

How confident are you that perhaps after a year of you proposing this, her seeing all her friends do it and enjoy it, her knowing that there are no consequences - how confident are you she would say no?

I don't think there are many men who would turn down such a proposal if their wife offered to let them be with another women in the same way. I highly doubt most women who are not hung up on a religious moral code (and even if they were I doubt they could stand up to such openness, all their friends doing it, and the feeling of total safety).

Most women (and men) would say yes.

What does that mean? That deep down - this is something they want. They would enjoy. They would find pleasure in.

And fundamentally - we want our wives to have pleasure. We want them to experience more pleasure than we can give them. We want them to have their time of their lives. We want them to spend as much of this very limited time on the planet having an AMAZING time in bed. We want to watch them be sexual beings, not imprison them. We want to see what it looks like when they cum from every angle, all the angles we can't see them in if we are the ones fucking them.

You recognize your wife as a sexual being independent of just you. Then you affirm certain things.
Her pleasure is your pleasure.
Her happiness is your happiness.
Her orgasm, bigger, louder, better, is your joy.
Her sexual ecstasy is your goal.
Eventually you start to feel - letting her explore and have ultimate sexual pleasure....is your duty. And then, when it clicks, you get it.

The truth is, a man's wife isn't the only woman who makes him hard.
And a wife's husband isn't the only man that can get her wet.

Once you accept that desire for others is real, and not unhealthy within the bounds of a relationship, it will click. But it takes time.

One of the easiest ways to start is to imagine one's wife not with a stranger, but perhaps with someone she would never run away with and leave you. Perhaps her brother. He would be non-threatening to your marriage and it would just be sex. That fantasy can branch out to other men and eventually it takes on a life of its own where all you dream about is watching her be pleasured.

Try an experiment. The next time you masturbate, imagine the biggest, strongest, coolest, best looking guy you know - fucking your wife and cumming inside her. You will cum in SECONDS. There is a deep-seated mechanism that will take that thought and hot-wire your brain to cum immediately, and to cum A LOT. Why? Because it turns your brain on to know your partner is fucking someone else and it will tell you to cum immediately to reclaim her reproductive capacity from him as soon as possible by competing with his cum.

I understand we all have OUR OWN KINKS & fantasies. My point was this doesn't ring true for MANY others.

You stated:
"Try an experiment. The next time you masturbate, imagine the biggest, strongest, coolest, best looking guy you know - fucking your wife and cumming inside her. You will cum in SECONDS. "
NO I WON'T/WOULDN'T because THAT THOUGHT NEVER turned me on and still doesn't & wouldn't.
Your other statement could be rephrased (In my case): "imagine my wife not with a stranger, but perhaps with someone she COULD run away with and leave me for."

I understand you might feel all is natural & ok with your fantasy I'm not judging. But not EVERY GUY will "cum in seconds" imagining another guy with their wife. Big, small tall or otherwise. YOUR fantasy is your own (and other men's fantasies as well), but it's not mine & never has been & never will be. I'd rather my wife be into a male dog than any another dude. LOL. And you analogy of her fucking her brother. Well I wouldn't like that either however strangely odd that might be. I got your point though on that. Otherwise it's a HUGE NO for me on this fantasy of guy's that are turned on by wanting to watch another guy fuck their wife. I don't imagine dude's with my wife & never have. I can possibly see more excitement on a 3-way IF it wasn't in the case of it being my wife involved & I was back in the day when I was single before marriage. But even then I wouldn't of been fantasizing about any dude getting it on with any of my girlfriends either. Not in any "committed relationship" anyways. FWB situation maybe.
But I get your points. Some guys are just turned on by the thought of watching their wives be with other dudes & that is fine. Everybody's fantasies are their own & I'm not trying to judge. Whatever. To each their own fantasies & enjoyments. Whatever turns them on I guess.

 

[cubbyfire04]

...Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it...

I think it's always subjective as to which fantasies we should/shouldn't share with a partner. In this case, I would at least make this point perfectly clear. I've seen this one go wrong two different ways with two different couples I am friends with...

1.)  She actually wanted her husband watch her fuck another guy. It pressured him into a situation he didn't actually want, and it destroyed him.

2.) She was offended and felt her husband was objectifying her. Wasn't as devastating to the relationship, but wasn't pretty for a while after.

You know her better than anyone. Only you can make that call, but if you go for it; be crystal clear about what this fantasy is to you, what your boundaries are, and be prepared to deal with an unanticipated reaction.

 

[davenjenn]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

You should mention it very casually or in a joke and if that doesn't get some interest move on -- some women would never do such a thing and you aren't going to win

 

[Katch123]

You should mention it very casually or in a joke and if that doesn't get some interest move on -- some women would never do such a thing and you aren't going to win

Since you're on here asking for advice you obviously want to If your relationship is as good as you think sit her down and ask if she has one. Preferably just after great sex, it won't seem weird after "just doing it".

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

If your relationship is as good as you think just tell her, preferably after having sex with her. It won't seem as weird, sort of on topic so to speak.

 

[IsabellaEmily]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

There is a really great online survey you can share with her. You both sign up with two email addresses, and then the survey is emailed to each of you and you both take it.

And then your results are shared with her, and her results are shared with you, but the great part is, the only results shared are the things you have in common.

If you have expressed interest in something that she has marked an absolute NO it won't share that with her. But if there are things you are both interested in you'll see those things in each other's results.

The categories aren't just yes/no, but there are several options, like WANT TO TRY, WILLING TO TRY, WILLING TO DISCUSS, NOT INTERESTED IN, and DEALBREAKER.

And the questions cover just about everything that two consenting adults can legally do with one another (including threesomes and orgies and performing sexually in front of crowds etc), so it's bound to jump start some conversations with one another.

Even if she considers your favorite fantasy a dealbreaker, you might discover that she's into some other things that interest you and some of the things that she's interested in might compensate for her lack of interest in your specific fantasy.

I hope I've done a good job describing this survey. I'll look for it and send you the link in a private message if that's alright.

 

[IndianaStevenJones]

hmmmm lets say my bf wanted to see me with another guy. I would immediately think its his way of wanting to fuck someone else and maybe he is tired of sex with just me and wants out. OR he just wants to pimp me out LOL

Not necessarily. It is a thing for some men to want to be a cuck. It turns them on to watch their wife or girlfriend to be brutally fucked by a huge cock. If someone slips you both drugs and it's the right one you'll both do freaky crazy shit. It happened to me the first time. Let's just say it was one wild freaky deaky night.

 

[Toplad1423]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

Took me 8 years to tell my partner, after long chats then ignoring it for another 6 months we had our first mfm, 8 years later she still insists its all foe me lol

Doesn't look that way as she lays panting after 3 plus me have treated her for hours....

 

[ShonnieBach]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

Go for it. She could get turned on or she could dump you. Best find out as the thoughts don't go away. If you need a hand give me a shout.!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Should I tell her or shouldn’t I tell her?

Let me ask you a question, how will not letting her know affect you?

Will this thought consume you? Will not telling her leave you sexually frustrated? Or worst, will it make you resentful?

Ask yourself this second question, regardless of her probable reaction; how will you feel if you tell her your fantasy?

Relieved? Excited? I assume that your feelings will be immediately tainted by her reactions.

Courage, good or bad, the outcome will, at the very least, be a better understanding of each other.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Be open with each other otherwise it will haunt you.
I told my wife years ago and it definitely aroused her. We talked about it several times and fantasize during sex. It was great.

Sometimes you the fantasy of it is enough to spice up your sex life!

 

[CuckGuy89]

There is a really great online survey you can share with her. You both sign up with two email addresses, and then the survey is emailed to each of you and you both take it.

And then your results are shared with her, and her results are shared with you, but the great part is, the only results shared are the things you have in common.

If you have expressed interest in something that she has marked an absolute NO it won't share that with her. But if there are things you are both interested in you'll see those things in each other's results.

The categories aren't just yes/no, but there are several options, like WANT TO TRY, WILLING TO TRY, WILLING TO DISCUSS, NOT INTERESTED IN, and DEALBREAKER.

And the questions cover just about everything that two consenting adults can legally do with one another (including threesomes and orgies and performing sexually in front of crowds etc), so it's bound to jump start some conversations with one another.

Even if she considers your favorite fantasy a dealbreaker, you might discover that she's into some other things that interest you and some of the things that she's interested in might compensate for her lack of interest in your specific fantasy.

I hope I've done a good job describing this survey. I'll look for it and send you the link in a private message if that's alright.

What's this survey? Sounds like something I could use with my gf

 

[IsabellaEmily]

What's this survey? Sounds like something I could use with my gf

Sorry I left you hanging! Haven't been on Literotica too often this month. I have the survey saved somewhere, so I'll look it up and come back and share the link with you!

 

[CuckGuy89]

Sorry I left you hanging! Haven't been on Literotica too often this month. I have the survey saved somewhere, so I'll look it up and come back and share the link with you!

Thanks for sending it. It has really helped