Would like some advice about telling my fantasy to GF

[RelationshipAdvice]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

 

[HoldYouDown]

I think it's good to be open. Do you watch porn together? Maybe watch relevant porn to get the discussion going...

 

[Babydolltoy]

I think it’s super hot! If you love her and really you just want to see her get fucked hard then she’s lucky!

 

[screwher]

Have a casual conversation with her about sexual fantasies. Both yours and hers. Maybe slip this one in mid conversation. Then gauge her reaction. If you wish to explore it further down the line, it will already be in her head.

 

[littlecordelera]

My husband told me before we were even dating. I thought it was the weirdest shit I'd ever heard in my life, and I wanted him as far away from me as possible. Now we're married and enjoying the cuckold lifestyle, but if we had been dating at the time, that probably would have ended it.

I suggest you find some way to say that someone else mentioned having this fantasy, and see how she reacts. However she might act, you could build the discussion from there on the premise of curiosity - a mind experiment - a don't-judge-a-book-by-it's-cover sort of thing.

 

[Conquen69]

Be open with each other otherwise it will haunt you.
I told my wife years ago and it definitely aroused her. We talked about it several times and fantasize during sex. It was great.

 

[Jseven82B]

It’s prefectly valid to want thing to only be fantasies or role play ideas. Telling her that you want to explore this idea within those boundaries is very dif than wanting to experience it IRL. Honestly a conversation about fantasies and role play ideas can open a lot of fun doors, and being able to openly discuss your turn one and fantasies now will make it easier as your relationship progresses.

if you do decide to tell her I’d love to hear how it turns out

 

[Goldenfinger]

Thank u for all the advice guys. I'll bring up the topic to her soon or later.

Better sooner than later.

 

[screwher]

Thank u for all the advice guys. I'll bring up the topic to her soon or later.

Don’t wait too long. I wish I had shared my fantasies with my wife about her having sex with other men years ago! All this time other men could have been screwing her!

 

[BlondieKatt]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

Rough idea to bring to the table because it can go either way and you cannot put it back in the bottle once everything is out. My advice would be to measure the level of kink your GF enjoys first. Does she like toys, different positions, bondage, dirty talk, and stuff like that? Chances are if she is pretty basic she will not go for it. Second would be the wording involved. Coming out and saying "I want to watch someone else fuck you," probably is not going to go over too well. Maybe suggest the idea of a threesome even if it is just while using a toy and feel out that situation. Take baby steps and don't rush anything as well as being open to the idea she might not be into it.

 

[IARainman]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

It seems like it really depends on how open you are with each other. Maybe a good starting point is talking about fantasy. Maybe you can establish that mutual understanding that you each have fantasies you don’t necessarily want to come true, or at least don’t know if you want to come true.

 

[Superbdelay7510]

I was in the exact same boat as you for a few years. All of the responses here are solid advice IMO. My wife isn’t overly sexual so I struggled for a while with how to bring the idea up with her. What I eventually did was while we were messing around and I knew she was horny I told her that I’d had a dream that I woke up in the middle of the night to find another man massaging her. She was surprised but I could tell she was intrigued by it. I told her that at first I was shocked but then it turned me on. We played with that thought while fucking and I could tell she liked it. Recently while she was sucking my dick I took it a bit further and told her that I think it would be so sexy to watch her sucking two dicks. She was super into it. Maybe try something like that?

I’m like you, I’m not sure if I’d really ever go through with it in real life but I really enjoy jerking off thinking about it. Message me if you’d like to chat

 

[LizVegas79]

This sounds like a great question for Doctor Liz (hint, hint )

Although I must admit you have already gotten some good advice on here.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[cumonkelly]

Unfortunately there is no way for any of us to know how your gf will react. Please consider will you continue to hide or suppress desires you may have? Do you want to be in a relationship where you don't feel comfortable bringing up fantasies that may or may not at some point possibly become reality? You may also want to consider whether or not you are giving her a fair opportunity. I'd hate to think that a partner would feel so uncomfortable with me that he couldn't ask what was my opinion was of a fantasy.

Good luck no matter what you decide.

 

[FantasySharer1]

hmmmm lets say my bf wanted to see me with another guy. I would immediately think its his way of wanting to fuck someone else and maybe he is tired of sex with just me and wants out. OR he just wants to pimp me out LOL

That's unfortunate - I would LOVE to see my wife fuck someone else (one person in particular) but have no need to fuck others. I just see her as such a gorgeous, sexy, awesome, sexual being that I'd love to have her enjoy this other person's VERY large cock, and would love to watch her as she loses herself.

Just the idea of her sexually being pleased at a 10/10 level that I can't possibly provide makes me so happy and excited. This fantasy for most guys is about being recognize their wife's sexuality and knowing that she DESERVES more than what some of us can give.
Even though I have fantasies of joining in, I'd love to just serve. Have him enter her, shave her for him, pick out her lingerie, eat her out after he cums inside her, rub her feet, serve them dinner.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

If she is into sucking your fingers during sex, or being penetrated with a dildo during 69, you should communicate tactfully with her about your interests. Clean the house, take her for dinner, have some drinks, lots of chocolate, and ask her about her sexual fantasies. Inevitably, she will turn if back on you after her answer and that's your opening.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Personally I think that one of the challenges with broaching a potentially sensitive topic is that you are asking someone to put themselves "out there" at risk of judgment for whatever they say. The best way to make them feel comfortable in doing that is to first put yourself "out there." Otherwise no matter what you say or do to make them feel comfortable you are basically asking them to "go first" so to speak. If you are the one bringing up the subject why should they feel comfortable being exposed on the topic when you haven't done likewise?

Of course there is still the risk that she will react negatively to your expressed fantasy. But I think that the best way to manage that is to move forward in small increments. Mention an article you read on a relevant topic and express an openness or curiosity. Start a discussion on how sexual attitudes (and views on monogamy) have changed over time. Give yourself space to talk about non-traditional views of sex as a point of interest. That gives you the opportunity to explore different thoughts and perspectives and express understanding of different viewpoints without having to stake out a position. Her willingness to engage and her responses will tell you a lot.

If you do work your way up to the main topic you will be at the point of being able to saying something like "I can see the appeal of watching your wife or gf with another man, if one can put aside learned jealousies. I don't know that that is possible or that I would ever want that to happen but I comprehend the appeal of the fantasy." The key is that isn't a comment out of the blue, but part of a wider discussion and you aren't asking her to do anything or even express a view, but rather are taking the initiative to express yourself.

 

[policywank]

Personally I think that one of the challenges with broaching a potentially sensitive topic is that you are asking someone to put themselves "out there" at risk of judgment for whatever they say. The best way to make them feel comfortable in doing that is to first put yourself "out there." Otherwise no matter what you say or do to make them feel comfortable you are basically asking them to "go first" so to speak. If you are the one bringing up the subject why should they feel comfortable being exposed on the topic when you haven't done likewise?

Of course there is still the risk that she will react negatively to your expressed fantasy. But I think that the best way to manage that is to move forward in small increments. Mention an article you read on a relevant topic and express an openness or curiosity. Start a discussion on how sexual attitudes (and views on monogamy) have changed over time. Give yourself space to talk about non-traditional views of sex as a point of interest. That gives you the opportunity to explore different thoughts and perspectives and express understanding of different viewpoints without having to stake out a position. Her willingness to engage and her responses will tell you a lot.

If you do work your way up to the main topic you will be at the point of being able to saying something like "I can see the appeal of watching your wife or gf with another man, if one can put aside learned jealousies. I don't know that that is possible or that I would ever want that to happen but I comprehend the appeal of the fantasy." The key is that isn't a comment out of the blue, but part of a wider discussion and you aren't asking her to do anything or even express a view, but rather are taking the initiative to express yourself.

The "put yourself out there" aspect is spot on. It is ok to take it in small increments so you don't over step what she is prepared to accept. But the best way to get her to open up is if you open up (all the assurances in the world don't compare). And don't be coy or circumspect to avoid facing it directly - that will just frustrate and confuse.

 

[LizVegas79]

Hello everyone. So, I know these posts about this topic can be a little weird. But I'd like your honest thoughts about if I should let my gf know about my fantasy.

I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. We've been in a multi-year relationship and we're really close and everything is great. Here's where I need some advice. I have a fantasy of watching her with another guy. No one in particular. Should I let her know about this fantasy. Not because I actually want it to happen, but because we could share this fantasy together and just use it in the bedroom, not actually act on it.

It'd be great if I could get some thoughts from the women on this board. If you're husband or bf told you this, how would you react? Do you think I should let her know? I don't want to mess up a good thing. Replies from all are welcome, not just women

There has been some excellent advice on here. It really is all about how you feel about the idea, how well you communicate with your gf, and timing.

As a woman, I cannot urge this enough, TIMING IS EVERYTHING WITH US.

Watching some porn together and talking about it is one option. Another is just randomly bringing it up and see where she takes it. Like if you both watch Survivor or some other stranded on an island TV show - what would you do if you were stranded on an island with two guys (or ten guys!) and you were the only girl? if you weren't rescued you'd eventually have to pick one, right? would you maybe pick more than one? what if they worshipped you and made you their queen and you could make them do anything you want? - That kind of stuff. See where her mind goes and how she answers.

That way you explore the fantasy first, before you even try to talk about the possible reality.

Good luck! Do it soon! I'm sure I'm not the only one dying to know what she says!

 

[LizVegas79]

hmmmm lets say my bf wanted to see me with another guy. I would immediately think its his way of wanting to fuck someone else and maybe he is tired of sex with just me and wants out. OR he just wants to pimp me out LOL

True. That's where our minds typically go at first. (it's true, sorry guys!)

BUT, depending on the girl, if you can soothe over that initial rough start guys, and assure us that you do NOT want to fuck our best friend, some of us, more of us than you may think, very possibly might enjoying talking around this idea a little. To be honest, we've all thought about what it might be like. I mean, what if this elevator gets stuck? i'm the only girl here. what if these guys decide that they want to take turns fucking me before we all die? how will i stop them? do i even want to stop them? - those are all thoughts most women have at least once in their life.

And hey, there's an upside to being pimped out. Don't knock it until you've tried it Molly!

 

[LizVegas79]

Not sure if you ever checked back on my Ask Dr Liz thread but I did answer your question a little differently there too btw.
Dear Dangerous Dreamer

 

[LizVegas79]

I was with my bf at the frat and we squeezed in on a couch at a party. I sat down on the hand of the guy next to me. I could feel his fingers between my legs so I shifted so he could move his hand. He gave a little chuckle and started moving his fingers on me LOL I guess if I were in the elevator I would ask who wanted to go first LOL

omg, that would be so hot. I'm deathly afraid of getting stuck in an elevator. What a great idea for lowering my stress before I go into full panic mode freak out. I'm going to remember that. "So, who wants to go first?" will be the second thing out of my mouth (right after "Oh, fuck.")

 

[lustfulraj]

hmmmm lets say my bf wanted to see me with another guy. I would immediately think its his way of wanting to fuck someone else and maybe he is tired of sex with just me and wants out. OR he just wants to pimp me out LOL

What you have described was going on with a couple I had met many years back. I figured the guy wanted to try others and was letting his wife see others. She wasn't the type that would have brought up the topic of seeing others.

 

[LizVegas79]

oh shit ... now every time you get on an elevator you will be sizing up the potential sex partners and what the appropriate positions should be.

I already do that every time I get on an elevator. And at work, I probably get on and off an elevator at least 20-30 times a shift!

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

I already do that every time I get on an elevator. And at work, I probably get on and off an elevator at least 20-30 times a shift!

I'm curious if your assessment of the occupants of the elevator depends on whether the elevator is going up (rising), or going down (to a lower level)