Never posted here before, but I need to sound off. I've told one real life friend, but can't bring myself to tell others right now.
Saturday night my wife goes out for a friends/ex-coworkers birthday with co-workers. She gets home from the bar at 4:00 AM (bars close at 2). I wake up when she walks in the door, ask her why so late, and she says they all hung out in the parking lot for a while & then she had to drive some people back to their cars.
She started rubbing on me, we started making out, but shortly after starting she asked if we could postpone until Sunday night. She said she wanted to do it, but was too tired. I was tired too (4 AM), so w/e and fell asleep.
The next morning her story didn't make sense (no way she'd be out in the cold that long). So I asked her again, and she repeated the story - seemed like almost word for word.
It gnawed at me all day, so I started to look for evidence of cheating (or not, which would have been considerably better). All the text messages on her phone from midnight until 8:00 AM were cleared by the time I got to it. She does that occasionally, I guess for privacy, and I've never thought much of it.
Obviously curious this time, so I check the text message log from the provider & it shows she was getting texts from the friends she was supposedly hanging out with from 2:15 until 2:45. Obviously, she's not with them if she's texting them.
I confronted her today, and told her "I know you lied to me, tell me the truth and we'll work it out - but do not lie to me again." She pushes me for how I know she lied, and I resisted telling her. I wanted to use the txt msgs to confirm her story - not tip my hand and give her something to explain away.
Regardless, she swears she's telling the truth, I maintain she's lying - eventually I bring up the txt msgs, she cracks and admits she went to another town to meet a coworker. She said she was "not going to fuck him, but was planning to make out with him."
Then she tells me nothing happened. She drove 30 minutes out there, met him in the parking lot, and told him she had a change of heart. The timing still isn't right, though - she was in the other town for at least 30 minutes, that's a long change of heart discussion. When I mentioned that to her, she said she also drove around town thinking.
I asked her to leave the house for tonight, there's nothing good that would come out of us being near each other right now. She was calm until she said goodbye to our kids, then she broke down. She asked if she could come home tomorrow, which I agreed (2/3 of the kids have sporting plans we both need to drive them to anyway).
I'm at a loss what to do. I do not think she had a change of heart before anything happened. If she had come clean before I showed I had evidence I'd be more inclined to believe her. Because she started trying to have sex with me the night she got home, I'm leaning towards her not actually having sex with the other guy. I'm not confident absolutely nothing happened, though.
So my questions are:
1. We're married with 3 kids in a no-fault divorce state that historically favors woman - divorce is a scary concept. But should I be contemplating that right now?
2. Do I push her to find out if she actually had sex, or "made out" with the guy? In reality, the damage is already done. I have nothing to gain from knowing the details, but I do not believe "nothing happened". I am not sure if I can even begin to forgive her if I still don't fully believe her story.
3. How do I get over this & move on? What realistic options are there? Are we supposed to go back to our normal lives tomorrow?
4. She lives a social life. Do I tell her to clear her social calendar? For how long?
Sorry this is so long & drawn out. Just looking for others thoughts.
Saturday night my wife goes out for a friends/ex-coworkers birthday with co-workers. She gets home from the bar at 4:00 AM (bars close at 2). I wake up when she walks in the door, ask her why so late, and she says they all hung out in the parking lot for a while & then she had to drive some people back to their cars.
She started rubbing on me, we started making out, but shortly after starting she asked if we could postpone until Sunday night. She said she wanted to do it, but was too tired. I was tired too (4 AM), so w/e and fell asleep.
The next morning her story didn't make sense (no way she'd be out in the cold that long). So I asked her again, and she repeated the story - seemed like almost word for word.
It gnawed at me all day, so I started to look for evidence of cheating (or not, which would have been considerably better). All the text messages on her phone from midnight until 8:00 AM were cleared by the time I got to it. She does that occasionally, I guess for privacy, and I've never thought much of it.
Obviously curious this time, so I check the text message log from the provider & it shows she was getting texts from the friends she was supposedly hanging out with from 2:15 until 2:45. Obviously, she's not with them if she's texting them.
I confronted her today, and told her "I know you lied to me, tell me the truth and we'll work it out - but do not lie to me again." She pushes me for how I know she lied, and I resisted telling her. I wanted to use the txt msgs to confirm her story - not tip my hand and give her something to explain away.
Regardless, she swears she's telling the truth, I maintain she's lying - eventually I bring up the txt msgs, she cracks and admits she went to another town to meet a coworker. She said she was "not going to fuck him, but was planning to make out with him."
Then she tells me nothing happened. She drove 30 minutes out there, met him in the parking lot, and told him she had a change of heart. The timing still isn't right, though - she was in the other town for at least 30 minutes, that's a long change of heart discussion. When I mentioned that to her, she said she also drove around town thinking.
I asked her to leave the house for tonight, there's nothing good that would come out of us being near each other right now. She was calm until she said goodbye to our kids, then she broke down. She asked if she could come home tomorrow, which I agreed (2/3 of the kids have sporting plans we both need to drive them to anyway).
I'm at a loss what to do. I do not think she had a change of heart before anything happened. If she had come clean before I showed I had evidence I'd be more inclined to believe her. Because she started trying to have sex with me the night she got home, I'm leaning towards her not actually having sex with the other guy. I'm not confident absolutely nothing happened, though.
So my questions are:
1. We're married with 3 kids in a no-fault divorce state that historically favors woman - divorce is a scary concept. But should I be contemplating that right now?
2. Do I push her to find out if she actually had sex, or "made out" with the guy? In reality, the damage is already done. I have nothing to gain from knowing the details, but I do not believe "nothing happened". I am not sure if I can even begin to forgive her if I still don't fully believe her story.
3. How do I get over this & move on? What realistic options are there? Are we supposed to go back to our normal lives tomorrow?
4. She lives a social life. Do I tell her to clear her social calendar? For how long?
Sorry this is so long & drawn out. Just looking for others thoughts.
