Why I do not enjoy it???

[CelticFrog]

I'm going to be checking back on this one for sure. Like I said, though, if it doesn't change - get outta that relationship and move on.

I am curious, though; have you ever had this problem with other women?

Well. Proof given yet again.

Seriously, oh ye of little moral... and brain... and wit... oh, I could go ON.
But I shan't. Much more enjoyable to observe the audacity of a witless dullard. It stimulates the recesses of the mind that lie fallow when surrounded by educated individuals.
Ah, but I doubt you know anything of education. It is entirely possible that you couldn't handle the rigors of senior high school. No matter, you will likely receive an education like none other here, under the tutelage of those much more enlightened than yourself. Enjoy it, as it will be much more pleasant than interaction with people in real life. They will likely sneer.

Ang

 

[James G 5]

golden, I am curious, HOW do you masturbate? For a lot of guys the way you masturbate can have an effect on your ability to enjoy, or orgasm, during sex
Too much of ANY masturbation in one way can create a problem by getting you so accustomed to a particular grip or pressure that your body is accustomed to it and other things dont' work as well
But a few things are paticularly bad...I've read several articles in the last 2 years about guys who masturbate while lying face down on a bed, sometimes using their hands, sometimes making piles or pilows or clothes to hump against...something about that type of pressure and friction creates problems that sometimes require actual thereapeutic re-training to overcome, as well as a complete sensation of that sort of masturbation
Another issue is if you masturbate "dry" using your hands you can, do to friction and pressure, actually desensitize the nerves in your penis
Again, the answer is to stop for some time, let your sensation return, and re-train yourself to enjoy different sensations

As for your partner, many of the previous comments about women taking more time, not enojoying it as much till they're older, etc are dead-on
Keep in mind on average only 30% or so of women reach orgasm thru PIV sex alone

Good luck!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Just a real quick hijack...I never would have guessed that you're older than 39! I always thought of you as much younger.

I'm 43! You're my new best friend! My real best friend is 4 months younger than me and calls me old lady all the time! lol

 

[goldenboar]

golden, I am curious, HOW do you masturbate? For a lot of guys the way you masturbate can have an effect on your ability to enjoy, or orgasm, during sex
Another issue is if you masturbate "dry" using your hands you can, do to friction and pressure, actually desensitize the nerves in your penis
Again, the answer is to stop for some time, let your sensation return, and re-train yourself to enjoy different sensations

As for your partner, many of the previous comments about women taking more time, not enojoying it as much till they're older, etc are dead-on
Keep in mind on average only 30% or so of women reach orgasm thru PIV sex alone

Good luck!

Thanks.
I do use hand to masturbate, with some 'oil' to make it 'smooth'..he.he.he..
It looks like I really need to do fasting. Problem is, the sex urge is too great.. I used to have sex with my gf at least 3 times a week, and she used to do either bj or hj.
Sigh.. 3 more days to go to weekend.
Rgds
Goldenboar

 

[catsr2wild]

I'm 43! You're my new best friend! My real best friend is 4 months younger than me and calls me old lady all the time! lol

Just a note, you really don't look 43....Look much younger

 

[BirdsWife]

Oh, and "Bird (brain) wife:" you can make all the sarcastic remarks you wish, but the reality of this person's situation will not get any better with bogus fantasies of "working it out together" and all that nonsense. Better you focus your comments on our friend with the problem here.

And what, exactly, did your mean spirited comment regarding women contribute to this discussion or to the resolution of our friend's problem?

Whether or not your points have any validity will never cross the minds of half the people here because they stopped reading your post the minute you insulted a good portion of the population that reads the threads on this forum.

Do you talk about women that way on your "couples" board? Better yet, does you wife know the low opinion you have of the women you've had sex with?

When you decide to act like a grown-up, then the rest of us here will take you seriously. Until then, I do believe I have found my first candidate for the ignore button.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Actually, my "mean spirited" comment as you call it is simple truth. In my youth, I had indeed shacked up with any woman I could. One was even nicknamed "The Thing," as she was so hideously ugly that even this was being kind. Remember, I'm not discounting that I myself was quite the pig slime skank guy back in those days. But my point is that even sex with The Thing was better than masturbating. The original point is that Goldenboar does not find sexual intercourse with the woman he loves as pleasureable. I believe this is a problem. Masturbation should NOT feel better than a human being - period. Add to this that BOTH of them feel this way and you have a recipe for disaster - one that should be completely solved before even considering having a child.

Go ahead and hit the Ignore button. My point is valid, whether you like it or not. My wife is quite aware of my opinion of a great many of the women I've slept with and theirs of me. But heck, I've only been in an amazing, sexy marriage for 15 years, so I obviously know nothing compared to all of you.

And Celticfrog, I know men such as me are definitely not as "enlightened" as you and I look forward to the tutelage you'll all be giving me. Might as well hit your "Ignore" button right now and save yourself the waste of good typing.

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Ah I get it... reverse psychology... tell them to ignore you and they won't. Sneaky... very sneaky. I don't like ignore buttons... they're no fun. Kinda like cutting off the head to cure the headache.

J

 

[freddyandeddy]

Believe me, I'm going to be a "headache" around here for a long time to come - especially to YOU, Ranger!

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...(pause for breath)...Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!


Bring it!

J

 

[TxBelle]

Actually, my "mean spirited" comment as you call it is simple truth. In my youth, I had indeed shacked up with any woman I could. One was even nicknamed "The Thing," as she was so hideously ugly that even this was being kind. Remember, I'm not discounting that I myself was quite the pig slime skank guy back in those days. But my point is that even sex with The Thing was better than masturbating. Masturbation should NOT feel better than a human being - period.

I know exactly what you mean about the "Thing" unfortunately.

I guess the problem I've got is that getting mself off has always been better than intercourse any ol day. Unless someone has verbally or in writting kept me hot all day. Then the sex is great but still doesn't bring me to orgasm. Maybe I'm the frigid one. I've often wondered.

 

[catsr2wild]

I know exactly what you mean about the "Thing" unfortunately.

I guess the problem I've got is that getting mself off has always been better than intercourse any ol day. Unless someone has verbally or in writting kept me hot all day. Then the sex is great but still doesn't bring me to orgasm. Maybe I'm the frigid one. I've often wondered.

I go thru phases like that but then it switches around and its the other way for awhile...when I can't get enough of penetration. Most often though I orgasm by manual stimulation, however it has gotten easier as I've gotten older.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Trust me Tx, you can NOT relate to The Thing. I just refuse to believe it. And my old college friends will NEVER let me forget, either. I almost don't want to get together with them as they're going to pull that story out no matter how tired it gets...

Anywho, glad we're at least a bit more civilized. I can only speak for a man, but I've yet to meet a female who deep down wouldn't prefer intercourse with a loving man to masturbating (all things being equal). In my case, I just can't fathom any guy who'd prefer to oil it up and stroke over sticking it in. Just does not make any sense (even, gulp, with The Thing).

 

[DuckLover]

freddy, one very significant factor stuck out to me in your posts-- in both cases where you described how/why intercourse is better than masturbation, you mentioned a "loving" partner. I don't think anyone here would argue that a loving partner makes ANYTHING better. I've found that being with someone I don't care for can actually be very emotionally draining, can leave me feeling hollow and shallow, and doesn't satisfy my desires. In fact, it just reminds me even MORE of the joy and satisfaction I'm missing from sex. In those cases, I'd usually rather masturbate alone with the fantasy of fabulous, emotionally fulfilling sex than have a meaningless fuck.

I believe that you are correct that having a functional and satisfying sexual relationship is important to a marriage, and we would all applaud you for finding that for yourself. For you, intercourse always feels better than anything else, and there's nothing wrong with that opinion. It apparently works for you and your wife, hence your 15 years of happy marriage. For goldenboar and his wife, however, penetrative sex is not a major source of satisfaction or pleasure; he never said they actually dislike it, just that they prefer other activities. It sounds to me like they have a functional and satisfying sex life that focuses on things other than PIV sex. Their issue is the belief that something is wrong with them for that reason. I, and most of the others who have posted, believe that if the two of them are happy with "everything but", than there is no problem. Their happiness is what matters, not how they achieve it.

I do not believe that there exists any imperative that intercourse must feel better than anything else you could experience. Consider this: some religions (particularly Puritanism) consider intercourse to be solely for procreation, and they actively discourage members from enjoying sex! Or try an analogy: Sex acts are like ice cream-- you have a lot of flavor options and can enjoy many and avoid others. Goldenboar's favorite is vanilla (handjobs); his wife's favorite is strawberry (cunnilingus); they share many other likes too. However, neither of them is a big fan of chocolate (intercourse). Why is that wrong just because it happens to be the favorite of many other people? What matters in a functional and satisfying relationship is that they share similar opinions, not that their opinion matches that of other people.

To Goldenboar, I'll add this comment: If after all this discussion, you are still concerned about your and your wife's ambivalence towards intercourse, I urge you both to talk with a licensed marriage counselor or sex therapist. That person will be able to help the two of you identify causes and solutions for your situation. They will have a much fuller understanding of the issue than any of us have and will be able to give you precise, professional information to better resolve this issue. Most health plans will cover such sessions (ask about the Employee Assistance Program, or EAP; you don't have to say why), but even if they don't, the money you spend on one or two sessions will be extremely beneficial.

 

[catsr2wild]

freddy, one very significant factor stuck out to me in your posts-- in both cases where you described how/why intercourse is better than masturbation, you mentioned a "loving" partner. I don't think anyone here would argue that a loving partner makes ANYTHING better. I've found that being with someone I don't care for can actually be very emotionally draining, can leave me feeling hollow and shallow, and doesn't satisfy my desires. In fact, it just reminds me even MORE of the joy and satisfaction I'm missing from sex. In those cases, I'd usually rather masturbate alone with the fantasy of fabulous, emotionally fulfilling sex than have a meaningless fuck.

I believe that you are correct that having a functional and satisfying sexual relationship is important to a marriage, and we would all applaud you for finding that for yourself. For you, intercourse always feels better than anything else, and there's nothing wrong with that opinion. It apparently works for you and your wife, hence your 15 years of happy marriage. For goldenboar and his wife, however, penetrative sex is not a major source of satisfaction or pleasure; he never said they actually dislike it, just that they prefer other activities. It sounds to me like they have a functional and satisfying sex life that focuses on things other than PIV sex. Their issue is the belief that something is wrong with them for that reason. I, and most of the others who have posted, believe that if the two of them are happy with "everything but", than there is no problem. Their happiness is what matters, not how they achieve it.

I do not believe that there exists any imperative that intercourse must feel better than anything else you could experience. Consider this: some religions (particularly Puritanism) consider intercourse to be solely for procreation, and they actively discourage members from enjoying sex! Or try an analogy: Sex acts are like ice cream-- you have a lot of flavor options and can enjoy many and avoid others. Goldenboar's favorite is vanilla (handjobs); his wife's favorite is strawberry (cunnilingus); they share many other likes too. However, neither of them is a big fan of chocolate (intercourse). Why is that wrong just because it happens to be the favorite of many other people? What matters in a functional and satisfying relationship is that they share similar opinions, not that their opinion matches that of other people.

To Goldenboar, I'll add this comment: If after all this discussion, you are still concerned about your and your wife's ambivalence towards intercourse, I urge you both to talk with a licensed marriage counselor or sex therapist. That person will be able to help the two of you identify causes and solutions for your situation. They will have a much fuller understanding of the issue than any of us have and will be able to give you precise, professional information to better resolve this issue. Most health plans will cover such sessions (ask about the Employee Assistance Program, or EAP; you don't have to say why), but even if they don't, the money you spend on one or two sessions will be extremely beneficial.

YEAHHHHHHH I'm so glad somebody got out what I wanted to say, the way I wanted to say it. It sounds as if Goldenboar and his lady do truly love each other and I hope they find the answers they are seeking.

 

[SlickTony]

One was even nicknamed "The Thing," as she was so hideously ugly that even this was being kind.

Comments like this depress me. Do reflect, F&E, that God created her just as well as He created you.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Ducklover,

First, Goldenboar is not married to his girlfriend.

I do agree with most of what you're saying, however, though speaking as a male, I still hold that intercourse with a partneris always PREFERABLE to masturbation, which is what the original post is all about. He and his g/f prefer to masturbate over intercourse with each other. As you so eloquently put forth, but I would respectfully argue your point that "they have a functional and satisfying sex life." If so, I doubt it would be posted in these message boards as an issue for upon which all of us can speculate.

My point is that this phenomenon simply is not normal for most couples. As you point out, a "loving partner" is key, which these two (at least according to one) are. Hence, it is logically not "normal" to find masturbation preferable to intercourse with a loving partner. And, as they're not married, it is probably best to discover whatever the real reason is for this and address it before heading into something as serious as marriage and children. Of course, we'd all rather see them solve the issue and experience a fulfilling and lifelong sexual relationship; however, if they cannot solve the dilemma after exhausting all of the avenues available, it is simply not a good idea to go on with something missing such a key ingredient to lifelong commitment.

Oh, and SlickTony, I don't believe in god. The Thing and I being created hideously ugly (and making hideously ugly love) was just one of those random unfortunate mistakes.

 

[TxBelle]

Ducklover,
Oh, and SlickTony, I don't believe in god. The Thing and I being created hideously ugly (and making hideously ugly love) was just one of those random unfortunate mistakes.

Oh the things we put ourselves thru when we were young. I had a beau that
was horribly ugly and I tried so hard to look past it. But truth be told this sweet boy had bad teeth, bad skin, lots of nose hair, and dressed awefully. Ugly is one thing, skanky and low self esteem is another. I finally got over it and broke up with him after a few years. He was sooo sweet.

Oh and I'm not sure if you are aware but there is a wonderful board you may want to visit if you have time. It's infidels.org. Great place for fellow atheists/agnostics to visit.

Toodles
Belle

 

[freddyandeddy]

"Infidel" is a perfect description for me. Thanks so much for the tip and I'll check it out over the weekend.

As for The Thing, she met most of the same descriptions as your former beau. However, a few, uh, a LOT of beers and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Funny thing, though, is that she was not a nice person to compensate for her appearance and wore clothing that did not flatter her. Oh well, I still wish her the best and a healthy sex life (she did seem to enjoy intercourse at the time - though I may be overstating my own powers as a lover).

 

[goldenboar]

Thanks all for all your opinion...
I will try to solve this problem with my gf.. Actually, we have been partners for more than 13 years, but only lately we start to think about marriage and family, and the stress of intercourse start to come. As per all the suggestion given, we will try to reduce our masturbation, and try different way to perform the sexual intercourse. If nothing goes correct, we will go for profesional help.
Thanks again for all the good response and your inputs...
Rgds
Goldenboar

 

[freddyandeddy]

And, if all that doesn't work - bail and be great friends.

 

[catsr2wild]

Best wishes Goldenboar. Let us know how things go please.

 

[DarkMuse]

Trust me Tx, you can NOT relate to The Thing. I just refuse to believe it. And my old college friends will NEVER let me forget, either. I almost don't want to get together with them as they're going to pull that story out no matter how tired it gets...

Anywho, glad we're at least a bit more civilized. I can only speak for a man, but I've yet to meet a female who deep down wouldn't prefer intercourse with a loving man to masturbating (all things being equal). In my case, I just can't fathom any guy who'd prefer to oil it up and stroke over sticking it in. Just does not make any sense (even, gulp, with The Thing).

You'd be surprised. I'm described as "cute"--my boyfriend's coworkers call me "hot" and I've been offered modeling contracts in the past (when I was young and a toothpick), so I guess I can't be too bad looking.

My ex (whom I was with for 5 years) preferred masturbating to porn over sex with me. He'd rather download a movie, watch a movie, or jerk off in front of the television rather than have sex with me. I'm glad I dumped the asshole before I ended up married to him...but yeah. As I said, you'd be surprised.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Um, I think you actually proved my point. The part about "dumped his ass before I married him." I take it you did not think his behavior was normal, correct? So you tried to work things out, right? And you ended up out of the relationship, right?

Attractive or not, he should have preferred you to porn and stoking (ok, I'm assuming you're at least decent in the sack).

 

[DarkMuse]

LOL! Apparently I'm pretty darn good...*grin* Ahem--my boyfriend finally came from a blowjob thanks to me, and he always tells me just how good I am. So yeah, I can say I DO have some talent in that area.

I'm not sure if it was his problem...his father was the same way (porn, porn and more porn).

And dumping his ass wasn't just over the sex--he was also a verbally and emotionally abusive asshole, and I put up with it because my parents were the same way, until I met a wonderful man (who is now a friend) who taught me that I can be treated well, and then I met my current beau through my friend. So, yeah...anyway...

No, I don't think men should prefer masterbating to porn rather than sex (the key word is "porn"--because, well, if you'd rather look at that then your woman, then, well--SOMETHING is wrong)...Masturbating is fine (honestly, when I do it, I fantasize about my boyfriend) but when it's something that just ends up demeaning your Significant Other, then something's gotta give, eh?