Why does Interracial "cause mixed feelings"

[NawlinzWUT]

I'm black and I love all kinds of women. Mostly caucasian and hispanic, and as that goes when I'm with a woman of another race we get weird stares yes. But I thought America had came past that!? Well I guess it hasn't I'd just like some input on what you all think.

 

[Bob Peale]

Goodness knows this is going to be another pudding fight, but if you want serious responses, try posting this same question on the genearl board. Typically, that is the appropriate place for non literary debates...

 

[Jadely21]

Ignorance. People stare because of that. I live in the Midwest and had a puerto rican boyfriend from Florida and God knows we got all kinds of stares... and even when I'm out with guy friends that are black people still look at us funny, even though we aren't "together". My ex and my black friends are just really nice to the people who stare... they say things like "Hey, how are you?" Then they don't know what to do... haha, I found it amusing to watch the people squirm.

Jade

 

[Laurel]

Am I the only one expecting a "Why Do Lesbian Stories Take Such A Licking?" thread to come along any minute now?

Just wondering.

 

[Bob Peale]

Am I the only one expecting a "Why Do Lesbian Stories Take Such A Licking?" thread to come along any minute now?

Just wondering.

Someone's been spiking your coffee again, haven't they?

 

[Weird Harold]

Ignorance. People stare because of that.

I know from personal experience that there is more at work than ignorance. I'm not quite ssure exactly what it is though.

I was raised in a small virtually all white town and taught very little racism while growing up -- the opportunity never arose for it to be expressed. By the time I'd spent a couple of years in the USAF, I was foolishly proud of how unprejudiced I was.

Then I encountered a mixed race couple -- a very fair blonde and a very dark man -- who weren't afraid to show affection in public. I was atonished to find that I found the situation abhorant!

There was no logic or ignorance involved -- intellectually I saw nothing wrong with this couple's affection for one another. However, something deep within me just screamed that this pairing was wrong.

That revelation was over twenty years ago, and I still don't know what buried trigger caused my abhorance of that mixed race couple. I'm glad to say that I've (mostly) suppressed it and am not consciously bothered by blonde/black couples any longer. Still, there is the occasional twinge of jealousy(?) when there is a great contrast between the partners, and I still don't have any explanation for it except a deeply seeded jealousy that the woman doen't prefer a man of her own race -- specifically, me.

 

[Jadely21]

I know from personal experience that there is more at work than ignorance. I'm not quite ssure exactly what it is though.

I was raised in a small virtually all white town and taught very little racism while growing up -- the opportunity never arose for it to be expressed. By the time I'd spent a couple of years in the USAF, I was foolishly proud of how unprejudiced I was.

Then I encountered a mixed race couple -- a very fair blonde and a very dark man -- who weren't afraid to show affection in public. I was atonished to find that I found the situation abhorant!

There was no logic or ignorance involved -- intellectually I saw nothing wrong with this couple's affection for one another. However, something deep within me just screamed that this pairing was wrong.

That revelation was over twenty years ago, and I still don't know what buried trigger caused my abhorance of that mixed race couple. I'm glad to say that I've (mostly) suppressed it and am not consciously bothered by blonde/black couples any longer. Still, there is the occasional twinge of jealousy(?) when there is a great contrast between the partners, and I still don't have any explanation for it except a deeply seeded jealousy that the woman doen't prefer a man of her own race -- specifically, me.

I've dated men of different races (Mexican, Puerto Rican, Brazilian, Italian, and black men) and I can honestly say that I don't specifically "prefer" one over the other. I'm white by the way. I was born in Oklahoma and I live there now and there is A LOT of racism around here. I've been lucky enough to have a family who isn't racist and also lucky in the fact that I haven't ALWAYS lived in a predominantly white area. I've also lived right outside Washington D.C. and in San Diego so I got to live in a culture where there weren't too many prejudice farm boys. =) Anyway - my point is... when I dated a man of a certain race, it wasn't that I "preferred" him because of his race or background, I just liked him. Maybe he had a good sense of humor, or a nice ass... =) (haha) But it certainly was never because of the color of his skin. And when I said that people stare because of ignorance, I'm talking about the people who so blatantly disapprove for no GOOD reason. For instance, I was dating a guy who was puerto rican once and one night I went to dinner with a group of friends, a couple of them close and a couple of them just barely acquaintances. Anyway - I was expressing to one of my good friends how I was a little uncomfortable around my boyfriend's parents because I knew they preferred him to eventually marry someone else who was puerto rican. And one of the other girl's, someone I barely knew said to me "Well maybe you're bothered because deep down you agree with his parents and know that people should stick with their 'own kind'". Now, to me, that is an ignorant statement. This girl didn't know me, she didn't know my boyfriend, and here she was saying how people should stick with their 'own kind'. Never mind the fact that me and my boyfriend had been together a couple years and just enjoyed each other's company. So I'm sorry if I offended you with that comment, I was referring to people like that girl.

 

[Weird Harold]

I've dated men of different races (Mexican, Puerto Rican, Brazilian, Italian, and black men) and I can honestly say that I don't specifically "prefer" one over the other.
...
Anyway - my point is... when I dated a man of a certain race, it wasn't that I "preferred" him because of his race or background, I just liked him. ... But it certainly was never because of the color of his skin. And when I said that people stare because of ignorance, I'm talking about the people who so blatantly disapprove for no GOOD reason.
...
So I'm sorry if I offended you with that comment, ...

No, you didn't offend me at all, nor did I intend to imply that the reason for mixed race dating was the race of either partner. (My younger daughter's two main boyfriends so far have been one black, and one hispanic and I like both of them a lot.)

I told my story, because I had no "good reason" for my feelings, and my feelings were exactly opposite of what I thought. I'm sure that I'm not alone in finding that what I know doesn't match what I feel.

Intellectually I know that there is usually nothing racial about mixed race couples, and I know that I'm probably not even a possibility as an alternative date. However, my hind-brain, or whatever part of my body does the "thinking" in that situation, doesn't take what I know or don't know into consideration.

It often isn't a matter of knowledge or lack of knowledge that causes the stares and thoughtless comments -- it's something deeper than thought.

Sometimes, it's a deeply conditioned cultural thing. I know my mother is of a generation that considers miscegenation a crime against nature, and that makes her very unreceptive to the fact that my daughter dates outside of her race.

I never even heard the term miscegenation until after I'd been away from home for many years, and thought it was a stupid concept when I did. That didn't stop the irrational hind-brain rejection of a blonde/black couple at first sight though. I've spent a lot of time trying to understand where that feeling came from, and don't fully understand it to this day.

I don't think most people ever bother to understand where feelings like that come from, so in one sense, "ignorance" is the reason for the stares. But it's not ignorance in the same way I think you meant, because it's ignorance about themselves, not ignorance of inter-racial relationships.

 

[Guest]

what's wrong with liking a different color?

Hi there,

Jadely21 wrote: But it certainly was never because of the color of his skin.

Why oh why not? I love the looks of black women, the dark skin is very appealing to me. Does liking a black partner for her looks make me a racist?

Regards,

An anomynous horny bastard

 

[Jadely21]

No, I don't think it makes you a racist, if that's just your "preference"... but my personal preference just isn't based so much on the color of someone's skin. Sure, all my boyfriends had physical features I liked about them... the puerto rican guy had extremely dark piercing eyes and kissable lips, the mexican guy had a nice body and soft hands, the brazilian guy was tall and just damn sexy all around... anyway - I was making a point to someone who had posted and was saying he was "jealous" when he saw a white woman with a black man because he didn't see why she would prefer a black man over someone like him... I was simply pointing out that there are a lot of women who aren't attracted to someone just because they are of a certain race, a lot of times something else attracted them. That's all I was saying.

Jade

 

[Natalie Nessus]

 

[TheWriter]

Most people don't seem to realise that we're all the same race - HUMAN - HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS. There are just regional differences that we have come to foolishly refer to as diffent races.