Why Does He Get Mad When....

[sexualbeing]

ok here goes, this morning around 3.am while in a wonderful deep sleep my bf wakes me up wanting me too give him a blow job(it's fucking 3.00 a.m in the morning)I told him im sleep and why would he wake me up so early just so he can get his pleasure on. Now if it was sex maybe but oral he can wait for that shit. Anyway he gets mad and says why do I act like that , he's tired of me, and that I never give him what he wants. ( mind you I give this man full oral at least 3 times a weak). It's comes down to it being all about him he doesnt give a flying fuck if im satisfied or not (I say we have sex for 2 min once a week)
I know horrible isnt it. Im so fucking frustrated I want to cry, scream, just go crazy because after all this time we have been together(8 yrs) he is selfish and just everything a woman wouldn't want in a man. How do you walk away from a 8 year, 2 kid relationship

 

[M's girl]

From what you told us here my first reaction is "Wow, what an asshole, walk away!"

But it's never that simple, is it? An eight year relationship and two kids means something. It means that this probably not came about overnight and things are heading the wrong way for a longer time already.

It's always hard for outsiders (and even close friends sometimes) to tell people what to do in a situation like this, because only the two of you know what is REALLY going on.

In a relationship where partners are equal I would say these kind of things don't happen. To me there are a few basics for a meaningful relationship but I am the first to acknowledge that my checklist also did not always have enough checkmarks completed.

Mutual respect and support, communication, and being able to put the other ones wellbeing first every once in a while are crucial to any relationship of mine.

Have you talked to him about this before? Why do you think he feels like this when obviously you are the one missing out, at least in your sexual relationship (and as far as I know from what you've told us)?

It would help us to help you if you share some more of your past with him. Are there things (be honest) that he does for you that could make up, or at least give him the idea he has the right to have you make it up to him this way?

 

[sexualbeing]

to be honest everytime I try talking to him it turns into a argument where I am wrong and he is always right. And as far as the relationship being equal it's not! I work he doesnt, I clean he doesnt, I cook he doesnt, I pay all bills he doesnt, I do EVERYTHING.He watches the kids when im at work. The only reason he watches the kids is because he doesnt work( but if he gets a job I have someone else to watch our kids no problem) He doesnt have a job mainly because he hasnt been searching for one in almost a year it's like he gave up and decided he wants me to be his care-taker. I don't think thats fair, I mean I would like to be taken care of sometimes too. It makes me think what did I do to deserve this, I have never cheated I always treated him with respect but it seems the more I treat him good the worse he treats me. He doesnt attempt to do anything with hisself I cant even get him to exercise. My guess is that he is depressed because he doesnt have a job (at least thats what he told me) But if he really wanted a job to me it seems like he would try harder.It almost like he takes his frustration out on me or resents me for some reason, he will not talk about our problems he blows them off he's not affectionate in any way. His idea of being affectionate is saying "give me some head". It's just a mess right now and sometimes it makes me wanna ball up in a corner somewhere and cry or scream. Im only 23 years old and the burden is so heavy it feels as if im going to fall down.

 

[AnadaAtSea]

You're only 23 and been married 8 years? And two kids?

Aside fromthe getting married when I was 15 (really?) part I can sympathise, for the most part. I got the 2AM wakeup call myself just the other day.

Now - I do get satisfaction out of him, sexually - perhaps not as often as I'd like, but when I do...

No offense, but your husband sounds like a control freak, among other things.

You'e young - either get yourselves to counselling - or start again.

 

[sexualbeing]

thanks for your response

we are not married he says he's not ready

 

[AnadaAtSea]

thanks for your response

we are not married he says he's not ready

That speaks volumes, kiddo. Eight years and two kids? You might as well put it on paper - I'm not sure of US law, but there are some places that would already consider you married, in terms of property and such.

I know what it's like. I'm the only wage earner in my house. Yet there's still piles of laundry to be folded when I get home tonight. I will probably get a phone call "pick up some......., OK, babe?" Sometimes I refer to him as my second child.

Even if you can't drag him to counselling, it could be a good thing for you. You're under a massive stress load, and finding a source of strength can be difficult. Succumbing to depression yourself is a real hazard.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

 

[sexualbeing]

That speaks volumes, kiddo. Eight years and two kids? You might as well put it on paper - I'm not sure of US law, but there are some places that would already consider you married, in terms of property and such.

I know what it's like. I'm the only wage earner in my house. Yet there's still piles of laundry to be folded when I get home tonight. I will probably get a phone call "pick up some......., OK, babe?" Sometimes I refer to him as my second child.

Even if you can't drag him to counselling, it could be a good thing for you. You're under a massive stress load, and finding a source of strength can be difficult. Succumbing to depression yourself is a real hazard.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

thanks

 

[M's girl]

This all doesn't sound good....

There is no easy solution to turn things around fast. If you feel like you have the energy left and if you still want to be with him for whatever reason, it sounds like you have to be the wise one.

I can understand how you are probably beyond the point of reasonable conversation with him, but if staying together is what's your goal then I think there is no other way than start communicating again, but on a different level. Give him an opening to (verbally ) vent his discontent and try to understand where he's coming from. At the same time (because you need not let him walk all over you) you need to tell him in a pieceful and controlled manner that this is killing you and the relationship. Ask him (and guide him) to look at things from your point of view. Bargain... and suggest things both of you can do to make things better.

It would be wonderful if a relationship would always work itself out but it hardly ever does. Why do we expect that anyway? When we start a business with someone we make businessplans and contracts for safety, yet when we start a relationship and have children we think everything will work itself out. It's a strange approach when you think about it. Make deals and propose something in return. Rewards if you will, but you can also just see them as things you like (or at least do not mind) doing for each other.

 

[silverwhisper]

sexual being: has he always been the selfish, self-centered, self-involved asshole you've described in your initial post? has his behavior changed recently?

ed

 

[M's girl]

we are not married he says he's not ready

People who are not ready after eight years and two children will never be ready (whatever that may be)

 

[sexualbeing]

sexual being: has he always been the selfish, self-centered, self-involved asshole you've described in your initial post? has his behavior changed recently?

ed

when we first met he was the most giving person ever. He would buy me things and take me places all the time. He has changed to a whole different person within the last 2 years. His family is actually this way too.The selfishness in them is rubbing off on him. I don't have a selfish bone in my body so if I have it to give it's his but on the other hand if he has money and the bills need to be paid he doesnt pay them he leaves it to me.He's no longer my backbone, you know how two people complete each other, well he doesnt complete me it seems as if he actually taking away from me bit by bit. I try talking to him but he gets affended by the truth and I try to avoid argument so im bottled up right now ready to explode. I am such a sensative person and to see someone act so foolish sadens me in the deepest way.

 

[sexualbeing]

People who are not ready after eight years and two children will never be ready (whatever that may be)

I agree I mean what is he waiting for? To tell you the truth the person that he is today I dont even want to be married to him.

 

[silverwhisper]

SB: in the name of all that is good and decent, throw him out, change the locks and invite (female) friends to visit.

i have to ask: does he use/abuse drugs/alcohol? and how old is he? he's behaving like a child.

ed

 

[sexualbeing]

SB: in the name of all that is good and decent, throw him out, change the locks and invite (female) friends to visit.

i have to ask: does he use/abuse drugs/alcohol? and how old is he? he's behaving like a child.

ed

he's 26 and he drinks sometimes, I agree he's so childish, its sad. I feel more like his mom than his girl.

 

[emap]

Normally i would say get some counseling for the two of you, but at this point It sounds like your past that, but give him one more chance, sit him down and tell him straight up, either you change how you treat me and us or I and the kids are leaving you.

Either he will suggest counseling and try to get better, or he will tell you to leave. Either way you and your kids are better off.

Wish this wasn't kinda obvious, but pretty sure he is seeing someone else, he lost his job a year ago, but 2 years ago he stopped being there for you sexually and changed into what you have now, sounds an awful lot like he has a sugarmomma. At least someone he goes to often for sex. rarely does someone go from being loving and there for you sexually to neither overnight with no other problems without them seeing someone else.

I'd say maybe he has a mental problem, except he would have acted this way before most likely, those show up gradually and in stages, they are either during puberty and just start because of the high amounts of hormones or gradually and n stages, means there would be days and weeks over the 8 years you have been with him he would just lay around or huddle in the corner. Unless he has done that it's not a mental problem.

 

[sexualbeing]

I really dont think he's cheating on me because he doesnt go out the house very often he sits at home all day on the computer or watching tv. He no longer has friends because he chose to stop hangin with the wrong crowd years ago, but he blames me for him making that decision. He says he still have money if he was hanging with the wrong crowd. I told him he welcome to go back to hangin with them but if its dirty money dont come around me. I even suggested that we both go to bars, clubs just to meet new friends he's never up to it.I dont know what to do

 

[M's girl]

I agree I mean what is he waiting for? To tell you the truth the person that he is today I dont even want to be married to him.

Very wise. Listen, You sound like you know what you want but I can understand how torn up you are right now because of his attitude, especially when he used to be different.

One of my closest friends was in a similar situation years ago. She was living together with the man she once fell in love with madly. They were best friends for the longest time, a really strong team. When you saw them at the beginning you would never have thought they would ever split up. She was the one telling everyone how she never wanted to have kids. They were free spirits like that. Imagine my amazement when she told me she was pregnant.

The first years with the kids (they had two) were fine. They had plenty of money (both had a good salary) but things changed I guess. People change also you know. You have changed too probably. When you're 23 now you were very young when you started your relationship with him. Women tend to be a bit more mature anyway, so there you go. You probably outgrew the guy in many ways big time!

It's, in a way, a pity you two have children. Breaking up is hard anyway, but with children it's even more difficult. Still... think about it (the way my friend did)... Although my friends man still had a good job at the time they split up he no longer was the man she knew before. He was selfish and the kids (although she worked too) were her responsibility, or so he figured. She was sick and tired of taking on all of the responsibility and felt like she had three kids instead of two (he was not very good at doing the household jobs too, said his job was too stressful to take that on as well). In the end she decided that she'd rather be alone with two kids than with three. It was not an easy decision and she is sad sometimes still it worked out this way. But she also knew (and still knows) things would never have changed, so she's happier like this than feeling all the resentment she felt because the relationship was not equal anymore....

 

[Recidiva]

If there's any advice I can offer, it would be that some people don't have the same idea of "fair" as you do. No amount of you being "fair" to them will change that.

Some people are predatory and trying to talk to them is like talking to a shark who tells you "You're my prey, I eat you. That's how it is."

The only thing you can do is get away from them.

 

[sexualbeing]

Very wise. Listen, You sound like you know what you want but I can understand how torn up you are right now because of his attitude, especially when he used to be different.

One of my closest friends was in a similar situation years ago. She was living together with the man she once fell in love with madly. They were best friends for the longest time, a really strong team. When you saw them at the beginning you would never have thought they would ever split up. She was the one telling everyone how she never wanted to have kids. They were free spirits like that. Imagine my amazement when she told me she was pregnant.

The first years with the kids (they had two) were fine. They had plenty of money (both had a good salary) but things changed I guess. People change also you know. You have changed too probably. When you're 23 now you were very young when you started your relationship with him. Women tend to be a bit more mature anyway, so there you go. You probably outgrew the guy in many ways big time!

It's, in a way, a pity you two have children. Breaking up is hard anyway, but with children it's even more difficult. Still... think about it (the way my friend did)... Although my friends man still had a good job at the time they split up he no longer was the man she knew before. He was selfish and the kids (although she worked too) were her responsibility, or so he figured. She was sick and tired of taking on all of the responsibility and felt like she had three kids instead of two (he was not very good at doing the household jobs too, said his job was too stressful to take that on as well). In the end she decided that she'd rather be alone with two kids than with three. It was not an easy decision and she is sad sometimes still it worked out this way. But she also knew (and still knows) things would never have changed, so she's happier like this than feeling all the resentment she felt because the relationship was not equal anymore....

Congrats to your friend
It feels good to hear someone else going threw what your going through and come out a winner.

I guess the hardest thing about leaving is that he is all I know. Im thinking what will I do, how will my life be without this man? what if it is a change for the worse?

Those sort of questions circle in my head everyday.He was my first real bf, we used to have good times but sometimes you cant stay connected to what it used to be (i know) you have to endure what it is right now. But it just so damn hard

 

[sexualbeing]

If there's any advice I can offer, it would be that some people don't have the same idea of "fair" as you do. No amount of you being "fair" to them will change that.

Some people are predatory and trying to talk to them is like talking to a shark who tells you "You're my prey, I eat you. That's how it is."

The only thing you can do is get away from them.

I agree with you on that.
It's just sad that those type of people will never experience the great things about life and one of the main things is giving. It not only makes you feel good but it makes you humble.

 

[Recidiva]

I agree with you on that.
It's just sad that those type of people will never experience the great things about life and one of the main things is giving. It not only makes you feel good but it makes you humble.

Yes, but they will experience who they are without worrying about you missing out on the better things.

They don't want humble. They want to feed.

A humble shark is dead.

 

[sexualbeing]

Yes, but they will experience who they are without worrying about you missing out on the better things.

They don't want humble. They want to feed.

A humble shark is dead.

what satisfaction is there to be so selfish

surely it doesnt make them feel good about theirselves

or does it?

 

[long_haired_lad]

Does he have a problem with rejection?

 

[Recidiva]

what satisfaction is there to be so selfish

surely it doesnt make them feel good about theirselves

or does it?

Well, the bunny loves grass. Yummy grass. It's so satisfying. Really, all you need in life is grass. What more could you want?

The wolf likes one thing. Dead bunny.

 

[sexualbeing]

Does he have a problem with rejection?

yes he does have a problem with rejection. If he doesnt get what he wants he starts arguments we have even got into fights