Why do you choose to be a sub?

[EmilyMiller]

I have been talking to my college friend and fuck-buddy who came to visit to cheer me up. She has some dom tendencies, whereas I lean the other way.

For me, I think part of being submissive in a sexual context is because I am the opposite IRL. I’m probably the person who wants to be in charge and to have a plan. She is the opposite, IRL she wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but gets off on controlling people sexually.

It it like this with other people?

Em

 

[PaxNurgle]

I do not choose to be a submissive; because if I did, it is certainly not the choice I would have made. It is an innate part of my psyche, the desire to please, and to give. But it has not, thus far, been really conducive to a positive and fulfilling relationship.

 

[RachelWalsh]

I have been talking to my college friend and fuck-buddy who came to visit to cheer me up. She has some dom tendencies, whereas I lean the other way.

For me, I think part of being submissive in a sexual context is because I am the opposite IRL. I’m probably the person who wants to be in charge and to have a plan. She is the opposite, IRL she wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but gets off on controlling people sexually.

It it like this with other people?

Em

I am submissive and don't feel like I chose that, just like I didn't choose to be trans. Sometimes you just are who you are.

 

[SissySalina]

sissy is submissive to Her, sissy wishes to please Her and show the love sissy has for Her by doing as She wishes. sissy does not feel this way about all, it is Her that brings this out in sissy.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I do not choose to be a submissive; because if I did, it is certainly not the choice I would have made. It is an innate part of my psyche, the desire to please, and to give. But it has not, thus far, been really conducive to a positive and fulfilling relationship.

I realise it’s not an active choice for some people, it’s just how they are. But I think that it is a choice for another tranche of people, like me and others I know. I switch my submissiveness on and off. I know not everyone can or wants to.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am submissive and don't feel like I chose that, just like I didn't choose to be trans. Sometimes you just are who you are.

I understand. But it’s an active choice for others, like me.

 

[Bisexguy70]

I like being submissive for one reason. To give pleasure to another. If im going down on a guy i want him to experience pure bliss. Im submitting to his desires and needs. The fact that im doing what im told turns me on. I discovered by accident that i like verbally dom men. I was sucking this guys cock once and he started to be very stern. Telling me to suck it like a slut. I felt myself getting even harder. I was already aroused just having a dick in my mouth. But his stern voice brought about tingling in my body. I cant really explain it.
Dont get me wring, i like playing a more dom role too. Although if you think about it, the submissive has control. The guy is in a state of euphoric pleasure. Hes wiggling and thrashing about wanting you to make him cum. But you have full control of his body. Your the one bringing him to the point of orgasm. Essentially, you have him by the balls. Plus, its just hot telling a guy that my body is there for his pleasure. To use as he wishes. Ive found alot of guys will return the favor and have had men touch me in such wonderful ways if they sensed that i was going out of my way to submit and bring them intense pleasure. I ALWAYS had great orgasms from submitting myself.

 

[Primalex]

I understand. But it’s an active choice for others, like me.

But I think that it is a choice for another tranche of people, like me and others I know. I switch my submissiveness on and off.

Bitch, what's your problem? If you don't want to hear what people have to say, don't ask questions.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Bitch, what's your problem? If you don't want to hear what people have to say, don't ask questions.

I was looking to get a range of experiences. Not sure what I did to upset you. I’m sure you would agree that not everyone is the same.

Em

 

[davion2308]

You don't choose the sub life. The sub life chooses you.

 

[Primalex]

I was looking to get a range of experiences. Not sure what I did to upset you. I’m sure you would agree that not everyone is the same.

"Do you like green or red?"

"I like green." "But I like red. There are people who like red!"
"I like green, too." "Not everyone out there likes green."

If you don't see why you are annoyingly argumentative with this example, I don't think I can make you understand.

 

[BrendaBear]

What a wonderful reprieve it is to be loved, cared for, sexually stimulated and feel safe. Even if it is only for a few hours at a time. The only concern is pleasing your lover.

Delightful!

 

[EmilyMiller]

"Do you like green or red?"

"I like green." "But I like red. There are people who like red!"
"I like green, too." "Not everyone out there likes green."

If you don't see why you are annoyingly argumentative with this example, I don't think I can make you understand.

Your interpretation of the discussion would be very annoying. The discussion could be interpreted in an entirely different way however.

Let he/she who is without sin cast the first “bitch”.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

You don't choose the sub life. The sub life chooses you.

At the risk of upsetting yet another person, that is one experience. Maybe there should be a different word for someone who likes being submissive because it is a break from their general character. Alt-sub, or fake-sub maybe.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

What a wonderful reprieve it is to be loved, cared for, sexually stimulated and feel safe. Even if it is only for a few hours at a time. The only concern is pleasing your lover.

Delightful!

Thank you. I think that’s closer to what I feel, a reprieve from the rest of my life.

Em

 

[IrisAlthea]

But I think that it is a choice for another tranche of people, like me and others I know. I switch my submissiveness on and off. I know not everyone can or wants to.

I understand. But it’s an active choice for others, like me.

At the risk of upsetting yet another person, that is one experience.

I was looking to get a range of experiences.

To argue with, it seems.
But that’s already been pointed out.

What is striking to me is that you chose to put sub both in your nic and in your title.
When someone is overly adamant about telling me what they are, I tend to get a bit suspicious and wonder who they are trying to convince.

Maybe there should be a different word for someone who likes being submissive because it is a break from their general character. Alt-sub, or fake-sub maybe.

There is.
It’s called bottoming.
Works fine for describing someone who wants to be the one done onto or submit in a specific scenario or situation.
There is the corresponding word ”top” for those who like to do unto others at times or hold the reins in a specific situation.
There is a sticky at the top about this.

ETA:
http://forum.literotica.com/threads/whats-in-a-label-stellas-essay-now-a-sticky.1360492/

 

[EmilyMiller]

I think it’s rather funny how argumentative people are about being submissive. Pythonesque almost.

OK - I’ll put my attentions elsewhere.

Em

 

[IrisAlthea]

Pythonesque almost.

That is high praise indeed.

 

[RachelWalsh]

I understand. But it’s an active choice for others, like me.

Ahhhh well is it the right choice for you?

 

[EmilyMiller]

I’m a feminist in the streets but a submissive in the sheets – and I don’t think there’s any inherent contradiction there. I like to be manhandled, mastered and restrained – but only with someone I trust. Pleasing & giving is just my nature.
Why is being ordered around in bed so damn hot to me?
In my daily life I'm about as far from submissive as it gets. But when I am told to perform any host of commands in bed, I am instantly turned on & aim to please 110% & be told how good I’m doing.

Yay! Someone like me. *waves hysterically*

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yay! Someone like me. *waves hysterically*

I’m a feminist in the streets but a submissive in the sheets – and I don’t think there’s any inherent contradiction there. I like to be manhandled, mastered and restrained – but only with someone I trust. Pleasing & giving is just my nature.
Why is being ordered around in bed so damn hot to me?
In my daily life I'm about as far from submissive as it gets. But when I am told to perform any host of commands in bed, I am instantly turned on & aim to please 110% & be told how good I’m doing.

I have quite a responsible job for someone my age and mostly guys working for me. I also work in a industry that is still quite male dominated (not in that sense). It makes a change to be able to let someone else decide what happens to me. To stop being a control freak for a bit.

Em

 

[seela]

It’s possible to not choose to be a sub and yet choose when and to whom to submit. That’s how it usually is for me.

Being submissive is not really a choice for me, it’s an integral part of who I am. However, when I submit to someone in the D/s sense, most of the time it’s an active decision to do so. It has happened that I’ve sort of just ended up in a situation when I find myself being very submissive to someone, sure. Sometimes it has happened so gradually that I’ve only noticed it afterwards or when things have already gone pretty far, and it’s usually been really scary to find myself in that position. Scary, but also something that feels kind of right. But usually, it’s an active decision.

So, why do I choose to submit to someone? It feels really good, sexually it gets my rocks off better than anything else. It feels like not having to put up a wall and being able to be free for a moment, not worry about if I’m projecting too much of this or that kind of a vibe like I sometimes do. I love being useful and helpful, it grounds me and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. It makes me happy and it allows me to make another person happy as well. Those are some reasons why I choose to submit. I don’t choose to be a sub, though, that’s kind of the default setting for me.

 

[BrendaBear]

It’s possible to not choose to be a sub and yet choose when and to whom to submit. That’s how it usually is for me.

Being submissive is not really a choice for me, it’s an integral part of who I am. However, when I submit to someone in the D/s sense, most of the time it’s an active decision to do so. It has happened that I’ve sort of just ended up in a situation when I find myself being very submissive to someone, sure. Sometimes it has happened so gradually that I’ve only noticed it afterwards or when things have already gone pretty far, and it’s usually been really scary to find myself in that position. Scary, but also something that feels kind of right. But usually, it’s an active decision.

So, why do I choose to submit to someone? It feels really good, sexually it gets my rocks off better than anything else. It feels like not having to put up a wall and being able to be free for a moment, not worry about if I’m projecting too much of this or that kind of a vibe like I sometimes do. I love being useful and helpful, it grounds me and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. It makes me happy and it allows me to make another person happy as well. Those are some reasons why I choose to submit. I don’t choose to be a sub, though, that’s kind of the default setting for me.

Beautifully written.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It’s possible to not choose to be a sub and yet choose when and to whom to submit. That’s how it usually is for me.

Being submissive is not really a choice for me, it’s an integral part of who I am. However, when I submit to someone in the D/s sense, most of the time it’s an active decision to do so. It has happened that I’ve sort of just ended up in a situation when I find myself being very submissive to someone, sure. Sometimes it has happened so gradually that I’ve only noticed it afterwards or when things have already gone pretty far, and it’s usually been really scary to find myself in that position. Scary, but also something that feels kind of right. But usually, it’s an active decision.

So, why do I choose to submit to someone? It feels really good, sexually it gets my rocks off better than anything else. It feels like not having to put up a wall and being able to be free for a moment, not worry about if I’m projecting too much of this or that kind of a vibe like I sometimes do. I love being useful and helpful, it grounds me and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. It makes me happy and it allows me to make another person happy as well. Those are some reasons why I choose to submit. I don’t choose to be a sub, though, that’s kind of the default setting for me.

I agree about the wall bit. I feel like that too.

Em

 

[Wonderer67]

I dunno if it’s a choice for me. I’m male and just I think it’s who I am. I like to please and bring pleasure to my wife. I think I’ve always been that way, sexually, I’d rather give orgasms and pleasure to my partner than receive.

We’ve been switching it up, and I like to also try my hand at being dominant, but it doesn’t feel as natural to me. I can do it, and certain aspects of it I really enjoy, but deep in my heart, I am submissive. I dunno if it’s a choice for me.