Why do men cheat?

[Comanda]

I want to know, from both men and women, why men feel the need to cheat. And ladies, don't bs and say that you man has never cheated. Granted there are exceptions to the rule, but they are far and few between.

My ideas as to why they do are:

They need an ego boost.
They don't think they are getting what they need at home.
They get drunk.
They are easily flattered. (goes with the ego boost)

And of course there are more. So let me know what y'all think.

 

[perks]

how about why does anyone cheat?

 

[Comanda]

Ok, so why does anyone cheat? The only reason that I am asking about men is because I want some insight on men and their thought process.

 

[Guest]

how about why does anyone cheat?

Right on, Perks.

I think it's simple. People cheat because they want more. The "more" may be different for each person. It may be sex, fulfillment, connection, etc.

 

[JazzManJim]

Well, here's my very on cynical version about why men cheat.

A man may cheat because he will always find not only a women with whom to cheat, but a woman who will take him back after he does.

A man may cheat simply because he can. That's why people, men and women, are bastards - because they will find someone who likes their bastardly behavior and someone who will forgive them and embrace them.

 

[dreamer]

how about why does anyone cheat?

My thought exactly.

Lack of communication. That's my vote. I may be dreaming, but with open communication:

1> We would have an understanding of the person we were with and NOT choose someone who would EVER cheat.
2> The relationship would have ended before any cheating.
3> Any problems causing a desire/need to cheat could be dealt with between the couple.


Anyhow that's how I see things...maybe I'm oversimplifying. I can't imagine ever cheating on someone because when I am with someone I view myself as part of an US. And to be destructive to the team just seems counter-productive...

 

[CoolidgEffect]

Right on, Perks.

I think it's simple. People cheat because they want more. The "more" may be different for each person. It may be sex, fulfillment, connection, etc.

Hmmm, sexual capitalism?

 

[Comanda]

Well said Jazz and Dreamer.

 

[Guest]

Hmmm, sexual capitalism?

And, personal autonomy.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

I've never cheated when in a relationship.

I think there are far more people who don't cheat than you think, though I don't have statistics at hand, I have read them and found them higher than I would have anticipated.

 

[MissTaken]

I can hear thunder in teh distance...

But, yes.

If you need milk you dont' go to your fave ladies boutique? Does that mean that the boutique no longer holds your interest or loyalty? NO.


Will the boutique ever carry milk?

NO.

So, people who love their SO's cheat because they feel they have no other choice. They WANT their needs met with their SO, but for whatever reason, it isn't going to happen. So, they compartmentalize their needs and get them met elsewhere.

People who don't love their SO's cheat because they can and have nothing to lose.

Does this mean I have ever cheated? No, I haven't and expect I never will. Perhaps, if I had found some other man to meet my needs, I would still be married?

Hmmm right, wrong or indifferent, these are simply my random thoughts on teh topic.

 

[rosario]

why is it called cheating???

 

[Nicodemus]

Men cheat for many and varied reasons. Sometimes it is because they are seeking something they are not getting at home. Wether it be because there is a lack of communication between them and there partner or just a wondering eye, health issues or loss of interest.

Honest communication can head off alot of the possibility of cheating.

Of course that is one of the big mysteries.....how to communicate properly. Espeacially since sometimes you think you have communicated your feelings and they have not been conveyed how you wanted them to be to the other person (the you being both men and women).

 

[huskie]

Because they are NOT getting it the way they want it from there SO.

 

[dreamer]

why is it called cheating???

Because the 'rules' say not too...hehe. Seriously though, if you're on a TEAM with someone and you break that bond with your teammate...what else would it be called??

Sometimes I wonder if I look at relationships in a very unusual way...

 

[dreamer]

Of course that is one of the big mysteries.....how to communicate properly. Espeacially since sometimes you think you have communicated your feelings and they have not been conveyed how you wanted them to be to the other person (the you being both men and women).

Indeed, but all one can do is keep at it. Keep trying, keep working. I believe it's worth it. More than most anything I believe that.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I've cheated on one of my ex's a couple of times. I know I didnt, and I know I lied about it. But I also never felt guilty about it. I felt rather neglected and no matter how much I told him that I felt like he didnt care that much about me or that I really needed to cuddle, etc. he would never really be there for me. I was with a friend one night and we were talking and he was cuddling with me and I was getting the little bit of attention I really needed at the time. Just some strange thing in me and I kissed him, and a few other things happened.

I know why I cheated. and my whole reason was that I wasnt getting my needs fulfilled no matter how much I tried with him.

The other reasons I've found generally when someone cheats is that they really dont care anymore, needs arent being met, overall unhappy, overly drunk and not fully coherent.

 

[huskie]

I've cheated on one of my ex's a couple of times. I know I didnt, and I know I lied about it. But I also never felt guilty about it. I felt rather neglected and no matter how much I told him that I felt like he didnt care that much about me or that I really needed to cuddle, etc. he would never really be there for me. I was with a friend one night and we were talking and he was cuddling with me and I was getting the little bit of attention I really needed at the time. Just some strange thing in me and I kissed him, and a few other things happened.

I know why I cheated. and my whole reason was that I wasnt getting my needs fulfilled no matter how much I tried with him.

The other reasons I've found generally when someone cheats is that they really dont care anymore, needs arent being met, overall unhappy, overly drunk and not fully coherent.

Sad but SOOOOOOO true.......

 

[virginleo20]

Comanda

not all men cheat just a small fraction that do it while they have all of their mental faculties and a bunch of idiots whom use drugs and/ or drink alcohol and are under the influence....

But on can assume that it has somehting to do with the fact that men can never be completely sure that they are tha parent to the ofspring they are takin care of.. there for some have the need to spread it around making it mathematically more propably that their genes are passed on... (just a guess...)

but thats just a bunch of crap.. anyone whom has the brain capasity to recognise their image in a mirror can override such instinctual needs even without thinking about it.
Anyone whom is a slave to such behavior models should not be bothered with... ever!
But women always go for guys like that and as such you ommit your right to complain about the behavior you most likely recognised before you got involved with them.



But here is a questiuon for you then on women and girls....

Why do all women "play" with guys.... especially those whom they know have not had much luck with women...
flirting with the geeky or nerdy fellow whom would gladly pay for dinner or help with work... never even once mentioning such things as long term boyfriends etc. that are in the picture.

Only after the guy has fallen for the lady she mentions that she is involved with an other and has no interes in the victim.


Well why do you do that the?.... is it for an ego boost or just because women are mean by nature.... or what?

Do you not realise that such behavior eventually kills off any ability the guy has had for love and affection...?

As regular development goes men usually lose that ability around age 40 or 50 unless they have been very lucky at love.
Those of us whom have had nothing but bad experiences from women lose it alot sooner.



To put it all in to 1 sentence.... if you date an asshole you can only blame your self... you chose them and they chose you
and due to that you ommit your right to complain just as they do.

By the way youll never meet the man of your dreams at a bar or a club etc. since the guys whom go there to hit on women want only 1 thing (ill give you 2 guesses).

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Why do all women "play" with guys.... especially those whom they know have not had much luck with women...
flirting with the geeky or nerdy fellow whom would gladly pay for dinner or help with work... never even once mentioning such things as long term boyfriends etc. that are in the picture.

Only after the guy has fallen for the lady she mentions that she is involved with an other and has no interes in the victim.

Well why do you do that the?.... is it for an ego boost or just because women are mean by nature.... or what?

Do you not realise that such behavior eventually kills off any ability the guy has had for love and affection...?

ya know, the guy I referenced above would be classified the nerdy type and I told everybody after we started dating cuz I was really happy and excited (he was my first boyfriend and all). So dont go classifying all women into playing with an asshole or leading someone on. I'm very picky about who I date. I'm not very trusting, so there has to be a little more than "hey babe, you're kinda cute wanna go out?"

and just a suggestion to you virginleo, dont classify everybody in the same group just because they are a certain gender, body type, or whatever. There are a lot of people in that group that will not fit your classifications and stereotypes.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

I saw a dear Abby response once that addressed this. I can't find it now, though I'm sure that I saved it somewhere.

It was written by a woman who signed her name something like "Seen both sides of this"

She explained that she'd been married and that another woman came and broke up her marriage. She said she was furious, upset and felt that it was terribly unfair.

She then started dating. She found a lot of married men were interested in her who were being ignored by their wives. She said something like, I don't take them for granted, I make time for them, I'm there for them, I listen, can you wonder why they cheat?

I wish I could find the file.

 

[truegentleman]

People cheat for all sorts of reasons.

I have seen guys cheat just so they can say that they got a certain woman in bed. I have seen them cheat because they were missing something in their relationship. Out of loneliness, for the excitement, etc.. All of those apply to women also.

 

[Chantal Marchon]

I just found out my husband cheated on me on our anniversary of all things. And it is really a confusing mess that seriously don't know how to cope with .

 

[rosario]

i don't view love and marriage as a business affair......therefore the word cheating I question..............having a roving eye and responding is as natural as the birds and the bees and I think has something to do with the grand sceme of things and making sure the planet has a diverse and abundant population...........now the religious institutions along with our governments have tried to rope in this natural instinct without much success...........nature is stronger than the ideas of humans

monogamy might be natural to eagles and to some humans maybe.......... but it doesn't look like the general state of existence for most of us

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

Found it, it was Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: My first marriage ended because my husband cheated on me. I was furious with him and angry with the Other Woman for making herself available to him. Now that I have walked a mile in the Other Woman's shoes, I see things differently. I became friendly with a married couple and discovered that her husband and I liked the same books, music, movies, and so on. We ended up having an affair. After that, I understood how easy it is for such a thing to happen.

I have some advice for the wives who read your column, and I hope they will listen. While your husband may be giving the best of himself to his girlfriend and leaving his socks on the floor for you to pick up, there is more to it than that. I am giving your husband the admiration and unconditional love he needs. He tells me he can't impress you anymore. You see him as the breadwinner, the guy who does the yard work. I see him as my knight in shining armor.

We laugh over things you have no time for. I never ignore him because the baby is crying or the dishes need washing. He shares sorrows with me that he would never burden you with because you have so much other stuff to deal with. I don't compare him to my sister's husband who earns six figures, or my friend's husband who just bought a beautiful four-bedroom house.

I think everything he does is wonderful. I don't make him feel inadequate because of what he doesn't have. To me, he is still sexy, even though he is older, grayer and has put on a few pounds. He doesn't have to change anything about himself. I love him just the way he is.

Married women should remember that all males have fragile egos, and tearing them down accomplishes nothing. I build my man up, and he loves me. I am -- The Other Woman in Wisconsin