Why did you divorce?

[PapaRomantic]

There have been very few divorces in my immediate family, but my wife's family has been through several, including her parents when she was 10. So I'm curious - what were the reasons for your divorce? Was it somehow related to sex - either without permission or possibly not suited for each other sexually? Or maybe you just couldn't stand your spouse.

I'm asking about divorce, but I think if you were in a committed relationship for a year or more without being married, those answers would be fine also.

Thanks in advance for sharing!

 

[magicalmoments]

An interesting question. My ex and I divorced after 26 years of marriage. The last 18 years of that in an open relationship. For us we both realised the marriage had served it's purpose, The kids had flown the nest, the mortgage was paid, we were both in good careers and we realised, not without some anguish, that there wasn't a lot of point to staying together. She had reacted negatively to the kids leaving home, to the point of a nervous breakdown. I on the other hand rejoiced at the freedom and opportunities their departure created. I was looking at relocating cities for career advancement, she refused to budge. In order to cope better she suggested that I stop seeing other people while we focused on our relationship. However she was not prepared to stop seeing her "friends". In the end we were making each other miserable so decided to separate.

 

[Mile_hi]

My ex and I had an open marriage. I am not a jealous person at all. She was originally supposedly ok with the arrangement but she had a hard time with me going and seeing a side piece I had. When I started seeing one of her friends- with her approval originally- she flipped out and it was a swift downhill from there. 14 years into it.
She had multiple partners- some one night stands and several regular fuck buddies. The reclaiming sex after she got home was usually pretty incredible.
But, I don’t miss the roller coaster ride of going from being the best husband with the biggest dick in the world to being a piece of shit- sometimes within a very short period of time.
My second wife is a total sweetheart but is very vanilla. She has a heart of gold and wants to make sure everyone is happy- but she is very monogamous.
Monogamy is overrated in my mind. Is there a happy medium somewhere?

 

[PapaRomantic]

There seems to be a common theme to both of your examples - it was okay for her to have hers, but not so okay for you to have yours. I wonder if this is more prominent than I've thought before?

Thanks for your responses!

An interesting question. My ex and I divorced after 26 years of marriage. The last 18 years of that in an open relationship. For us we both realised the marriage had served it's purpose, The kids had flown the nest, the mortgage was paid, we were both in good careers and we realised, not without some anguish, that there wasn't a lot of point to staying together. She had reacted negatively to the kids leaving home, to the point of a nervous breakdown. I on the other hand rejoiced at the freedom and opportunities their departure created. I was looking at relocating cities for career advancement, she refused to budge. In order to cope better she suggested that I stop seeing other people while we focused on our relationship. However she was not prepared to stop seeing her "friends". In the end we were making each other miserable so decided to separate.

My ex and I had an open marriage. I am not a jealous person at all. She was originally supposedly ok with the arrangement but she had a hard time with me going and seeing a side piece I had. When I started seeing one of her friends- with her approval originally- she flipped out and it was a swift downhill from there. 14 years into it.
She had multiple partners- some one night stands and several regular fuck buddies. The reclaiming sex after she got home was usually pretty incredible.
But, I don’t miss the roller coaster ride of going from being the best husband with the biggest dick in the world to being a piece of shit- sometimes within a very short period of time.
My second wife is a total sweetheart but is very vanilla. She has a heart of gold and wants to make sure everyone is happy- but she is very monogamous.
Monogamy is overrated in my mind. Is there a happy medium somewhere?

 

[curl4ever]

I’m considering it after 38 years. (My wife stopped having sex with me 20 years ago, the fighting is getting worse, and we just became empty nesters when my son graduated.) I think this will be an interesting thread.

 

[AllenJames]

Divorced after 5 years as we realized we wanted different things and my emphasis was on having a family and hers was on her career. There was also some tension about her relationships with other men we knew including one boss and work contacts. Her level of tolerance and her insistence that she could handle these men was above the level of my repeatedly expressed desire that I would have to step in if she didn't control them more quickly.

 

[Not Normal]

There were definitely sexual and intimate issues with my marriage. There were other issues as well. Almost everything wrong was related to past trauma, including familial trauma. Those things coupled with never even making the top 5 on her importance list, and where I knew my own mental health was headed, meant I needed to go.

I saw on off ramp one day and had one of those moments of perfect clarity and I took it.

Me ex and I get on very well now that we can be friends and realize the other is a good person

 

[stiv837]

My first wife and I divorced because we got married to young and didn't really get to know each other . Her fucking other guy's was a factor as this was before i learned to enjoy a cheating wife and her Italian temper didn't help matters.

 

[ycym]

Basically two things:

First, I was a lot on the road and only at weekends at home.
Second: I am not into horses but she got one from me. Result was: She was having something with the stable owner and left me.

So my advice: Be as much at home as you can and avoid horses.

 

[cubbyfire04]

She was younger and I was smitten and lonely on the road for work. Probably should've never happened. After 8 years, we thought we could save it with non-monogamy. In hindsight, our decision to open our marriage was a symptom of our realization we were never meant to be. It was just a band-aid that helped us waste 3 more years.

Word of advice for couples considering consensual non-monogamy... Identify the "why" before you commit. It works for some (such as my current marriage), but it will eventually expose every weakness in your relationship.

 

[Openmymind]

As much fun as it might sound in the moment, I just don't see how non- monogamy helps your marriage. Same may be able to tolerate it but not most. Don't mean to pbe a Karen but just what I see.

 

[AsianGirlNextDoor]

Hubby had a problem in seeing Escorts and Travel a lot.

 

[Wonderer67]

My ex wife and I had just grown distant.

We grew apart, even though we had children together, our lives were just on auto pilot. Even though she was a fun lady, but by year 10 we just weren’t happy.

We went to counseling and tried to fix it, but that didn’t work well. Towards the end, I should’ve seen that she was fucking someone else. I stayed true through the whole marriage but the last four or five years were just about completely sexless.

At first, I was taken aback when she suggested a divorce. But it was a good opportunity for both of us to get our lives into a place where we wanted them.

I met my current wife shortly there after. She’s a very sexual woman, even though she is 10 years older than me. We get along well and have an extraordinarily great sex life. She is very monogamous, and I would love multiple partners, and a few other things that she doesn’t want, but it’s not worth throwing out the baby with the bathwater. We can at least talk about it.

My ex seems happy too, and our kids seem pretty well adjusted. No regrets, except for the pain I know divorce causes children…

 

[PapaRomantic]

Thank you all for opening up about what is normally a difficult time - either the divorce itself, or the events leading up to it.

Are there more who are willing to share?

 

[honestWithWifie]

I got married too young because of a pregnancy. Got pressured into having a second kid with her. Sexless marriage. Me having a few flings. Me meeting the most intelligent, sexy, fun, full of life young lady. I ditched the marriage and ended up with the girl of my dreams ... Still with her ... now she's the GILF of my dreams.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Bumping this to the front. Would love to hear more.

 

[live4thebj]

irreconcilable differences

 

[Silkreg0]

Married young and had a great time together but we outgrew each other. Not helped by me spending too much time at work and her sleeping with the guy next door. We split, but managed to stay friends. Remarried and it’s good but ex was much more adventurous and I miss that

 

[travelenman]

My first wife and I had an open relationship and occasional swingers, after 15 years she decided she wanted to live a life as a lesbian. After she left me with our two sons, we had a great life and met my second wife and who is shared as a hot wife, loves posing for photos while masturbating and fucking other guys.

 

[TallGuy14]

My ex-wife has significant mental illness issues and refused all treatment options. No sex in over 20 years!
We separated two years ago and divorce was finalized recently. Seems like a good time to make new friends.

 

[magicalmoments]

As much fun as it might sound in the moment, I just don't see how non- monogamy helps your marriage. Same may be able to tolerate it but not most. Don't mean to pbe a Karen but just what I see.

Assuming your name is a challenge then it would seem that a crowbar and dynamite would be required.

 

[PapaRomantic]

My ex-wife has significant mental illness issues and refused all treatment options. No sex in over 20 years!
We separated two years ago and divorce was finalized recently. Seems like a good time to make new friends.

That's a rough one. Sorry you had to endure that, but glad you're out looking for new friends. Good luck to you!

 

[NemoNautilus]

Because she’s a sociopath

 

[PapaRomantic]

Because she’s a sociopath

Certainly a deserving reason!

 

[kucked2x]

My first wife and I divorced because we got married to young and didn't really get to know each other . Her fucking other guy's was a factor as this was before i learned to enjoy a cheating wife and her Italian temper didn't help matters.

Very similar here.