Cadoras
Master Plotter (Brat)
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2004
- Posts
- 20,907
Essa said:You’re in luck today it’s Friday and you know how generous I am on Fridays, I shall breath some air into a fancy pot and present it to you. Obviously it’ll be the sweetest air you have ever breathed in, ignore the little specks of blood, that’s just my liver caving in.
The results for innocently smiling vodka thieving Caddlebears are far worse than the normal vodka thieving creature. You see Caddlebears give an innocent smile to lure people under false pretences, they pretend to be your friend but as soon as my back is turned they’re snaffling my vodka. Death would be far to easy a punishment ‘cause that would mean they’d feel no more pain. I hope you get my drift?
I was hoping we could fine them and pirate prod them, then chuck them on a bonfire with their medals rammed into their mouths, do you think that’s going a little to far? People wouldn’t get suspicious of my chanting I’d tell them I was ridding your soul of evilness, they’d definitely believe me. Don’t worry about me coming back as a super zombie, I wouldn’t yell at you, what kind of Queen do you take me for? I’d suck all your blood from your body and roast you in a stew pot but I’d never shout at you, I’m actually upset you’ve even suggested such a thing.
The camels with the best wallets are easy to spot, they’re the ones buying bottled water with fancy credit cards, the ones crowding around a waterhole I’d personally leave well alone, they’re obviously unemployed. They won’t kill you I promise, remember bad publicity and all that, I shall have a word with Camilla the Chaircamel just to make sure.
You really need to start saying what you mean more clearly, I was all ready to test out my new super skin pinching gadget on you and now I can’t
I didn’t use it the wrong way, maybe it was tuned in to some one else’s thoughts hang on I’ll try it again….“Ooooooo I say” maybe I’ll just give it you back, I’m far to young and innocent for that.
You’ll be fine, I’ll chuck a few fleas on you so you can scratch realistically. I’ve even got you one of those silly pink bows people insist on putting on cats heads, just so you’ll blend in. Believe no one will ever guess you’re not a real cat.
I certainly wouldn’t want to go in there with the crazy posties…that’s why you are. How about you knock ‘em out, prod them awake, knock ‘em out again for daring to wake and I’ll watch from the a safe distance. Sound good?
Good idea, you go and buy the cameras and microphones and I’ll stand guard in case the tv people decide to make a run for it. We can’t have anything ruining my show. I’d like you to find a heavy rock band, they’re the in thing at the moment, plus they have long hair, better for you if they dare to play a wrong note. Being picked up by the hair and slammed to the ground actually hurts.
I shall allow myself to accept your humble apology, I hope you realise you only get two chances with me and you’ve used up one of them?
Yuck, that is nasty, I think I’m about to be sick…you’re actually feeding them dry cat food!! Can you not see where you’re going wrong? Cats need a special diet of budgies and chicks if they’re gonna fly, how on earth can they be expected to fly if they’re not eating living flying things?
You know I’ve never actually tasted a cat do-gooder person yet, they don’t smell very nice, perhaps you could kidnap one, wash them and send it along, I’d save you the bones so you could make a lovely cat do-gooder person soup, invite your neighbours around for the grand tasting, charge them for the privilege, that sort of thing.
Of course you can play, I wouldn’t be that cruel to you. The cyclops can stand and yell strange things and I’ll poke you, perfect, when can I start?
Oh, you’ve found that distracting as well have you. You’d think they’d keep their gobs shut wouldn’t you, I mean you need a very steady non distracting hand to aim perfectly, this is also why blood gets everywhere, they can’t even be bothered to stand still while you’re working out the best place to shoot them.
*crosses fingers for the time machine not to start working, it was a very crap question* Yes it was the bestest question ever, maybe it’s best if you didn’t see what it was. It was so good people would faint at the greatness of it and they might bang their heads as they fall, we wouldn’t want that on our conscience would we?
True, you ever tried picking up a slice of lemon that’s fell off your plate? By the time you’ve retrieved it off the floor it’s covered in dog hairs, cat hairs and mice droppings, or is that just my house?
I understand it, but you’re right I don’t like the truth, them damned wabbit politicians are as corrupt as ours. We really need to do something, perhaps we could give the unemployed wabbits an allotment and a packet of carrot seeds, throw in a couple of spades and a few pairs of wellys and the world wabbit problem will be solved. I happen to have a spare torch here somewhere, for the wabbits whose eyes have long since stopped working, I’m afraid there’s no batteries they’ll have to buy their own but it’s a start.
Why Caddlebear do people give you presents that require batteries and not give you any batteries to put in the said present?
*sumo style breath squashing huggles for the adorable Caddlebear*
Have the bestest night ever
Oh yays! You have the most bestest air there ever was! Hmmmm.... You know.... If we did happen to bottle your air, we could auction some off for absolute squillions! There'd be a bidding war like there's never been for anything ever! And you'd only need to breathe to get it! *Nods!* It'll work!
*Gulps nervously* Um.... Of course I understand! But I am one of those super innocent, non vodka stealing Caddlebears.... So I have absolutely nothing to worry about.... Only vodka stealing creatures need to worry.... *Gwares at all those evil, vodka stealing things* I will make sure none of those types get to your vodka Essa! You can count on me!
Hmmmmmm.... My only problem with throwing them on a bonfire is, if we leave them on there too long.... How will we get any money out of them in the future? So we should just leave them there long enough to learn their lesson! *Nodulates* Awwwwww.... I didn't mean to insult you! Really! It's just that some people... When they come back as super zombies, they're just so angry, yelling at people, trying to eat their brains raw... It can be uncomfortable being around them..... But if you're only going to suck my blood and roast me in a stew pot, I have nothing to worry about! That should be fun!
Aha! I see! So I need to just look for those camels that are acting rich? Gotcha! But what if there are rich camels "slumming it" with the poorer camels? Is it possible that I'll miss out? I'd hate to overlook the best camels..... Does this Camilla friend of yours have an official camel rich list? That might be handy to find... Maybe I should huggle her!
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to mislead you... Or to make you lose your chance at testing out your skin pinching device! But.... I hear random people on the street are the absolute best people to try that stuff on... Then you get a good idea about how it works on lots of different people! *Nods*
Well.... The thinking cap is still a little new.... So it's possible it's giving you the wrong kind of thoughts! I guess it's back to the lab with that.... But one day! It'll be ready for you to use, I am sure of it!
Wows.... Fleas and a bow? I shall be the most stylish, realistic looking cat type person there ever was! You'll need to remember that I'm not a cat though... I don't want anyone to be scared by a talking cat.... *Puts on bow*
Oh sure! I'll just wear a video camera on my head, while I do it? That should work! You'll be able to see everything! And with sound, you'll even be able to hear the bottle hitting the semi-conscious postie! It shall be grand!
Okay, I'll get everything ready.... Just make sure you've got the prodder sharpened.... Some of those tv people look like they might try to make a break for it.... *Makes note* Long-haired heavy rock band..... Can we get them to hold lightning rods while they play? Just to make things more interesting..... Then we can penalise them if they sing wrong while they're getting electrocuted!
Don't worry! I won't need to apologise again.... I'm sure of it! Well, probably.... But you love me enough to give me some extra chances.... Right? *Huggles you hopefully*
Dangit! I have to admit that my scientific expertise doesn't go so far as to know the dietary requirements of flying cats.... I just thought, you give them food and they flap their wings..... I guess if I feed them enough small birds, they'll eventually be able to fly on their own though? So no chicken for them! Chickens suck at flying....
I am currently in the process of capturing one of those cat do-gooder people for you... They're just a little more elusive than I'd planned.... I shall deliver them, cleaned, when I finally manage to get one! Would you like to come over and enjoy the soup too? Free of charge, of course! I just thought I'd offer, since I know you're a gourmet! *Nods and smiles*
*Hands you a stick and the Cyclops' leash* Just make sure the Cyclops gets a turn at being poked! They love to be poked in the eye... It's like a hobby of theirs!
Yes! And the only reason you're going to such effort to aim, is because you don't want them rolling around in agony, whining about how they've been shot.... It's not like you're doing it to be mean! If you were mean, you'd just shoot them in the leg and laugh.... They're very inconsiderate! *Gwares at them*
The time machine doesn't seem to be working very well.... *Glances at the empty vodka bottles that were smashed into it* I'm not entirely sure what the problem could be.... But it might be a very long time before I can go back and check on that question of yours.... I guess those people will be safe from fainting for a while....
Oh yes! I believe that is a universal problem with lemon, actually.... The things just leap into whatever they can find.... Some of them even import if they think it will help make them look less appetising.... Crazy things, those lemons!
There are definitely lots of things that can be done to help our poor, wabbit friends.... If they just had a little land and a bag of seeds..... They'd be so much better off.... We just need to find somewhere for them... Away from the influence of the rich wabbits, with their 24 hour gambling dens! That torch of yours is a great start! With that, a team of poor sighted rabbits can cross the road on a dark night.... I'm sure the energiser bunny will help with batteries *Nods*
Okay, I have to say that there are multiple answers here.....
Answer 1: People suck and don't even think about that.... *Gwares at those people* Check these things first! I mean is it so hard to attach batteries to the present? Lots of people don't have batteries budgeted for unexpected devices!
Answer 2: Well, it's not entirely their fault... Sometimes it's not terribly clear whether or not a product actually needs batteries..... Some you just assume have them.... And then there's the problem with if someone would want to use rechargeable batteries... Or some other batteries.... And with so many batteries out there... It can be difficult with so many different kinds of batteries out there.... The heavy duty, the ones for high drain devices.... Confusing!
Answer 3: They're cheap bastards.
*Gasps and huggles Essa back!*
You always give such wonderful hugs!
Wishing you an amazing day
