Why are there more negative than positive words associated with sex?

[MsQuote]

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

 

[lovecraft68]

You could use loving/lovingly you can go with descriptions like slowly and sweetly. Satisfying, pleasurable. My wife is fond of "toe curling" to the point when she comes I try to look down at her feet to see if she's doing it.

I think the reason the emphasis here is on filthy nasty etc....

Is once again the endless debate of erotica vs porn.

Erotica can aim towards something beside the animal act of, porn is simply fucking and the nastier the better.

 

[sr71plt]

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

When they are used for arousal, I think they are invoked in the sense of the "taboo"--which can be a strong element in arousal--not because of their intrinsic meaning.

 

[loquere]

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

I think there are positve words as well, and many of them.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

I would say that the reason is because Christianity in general and the Catholic Church in particular have fought a war against sex for the past 2000 years. They're losing the war, but winning the propaganda battle.

 

[lovecraft68]

I would say that the reason is because Christianity in general and the Catholic Church in particular have fought a war against sex for the past 2000 years. They're losing the war, but winning the propaganda battle.

You make a good point, but when you consider the Catholics have now become synonymous with pedophilia(and worse covering up pedophilia) this is no longer true.

The Catholic church is dying. Their private schools are closing all over New England and their huge gaudy churches are next to empty.

Why? In addition to the blow against them from child molesting priests people have woken up to the fact the Catholics have tries to make people feel guilty about things they never should be guilty about.

People are freer than they ever were before and women are as much into pornography as men, so what we're left with is just the difference between "loving and fucking" or in web site terms "X-art vs Bang bros or reality kings, erotica vs porn.

 

[sr71plt]

I would say that the reason is because Christianity in general and the Catholic Church in particular have fought a war against sex for the past 2000 years. They're losing the war, but winning the propaganda battle.

Yes, that too.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Lucious, flush, lush, flesh, mango, expose, halo penas (hello penis).

Denude, display, possess, opulent, crimson, scarlet, wet, effluvia... Et cetera.

 

[Exquisition]

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

Naughty isn't negative, naughty's downright delicious. Now dirty...

 

[xelliebabex]

Lucious, flush, lush, flesh, mango, expose, halo penas (hello penis).

Denude, display, possess, opulent, crimson, scarlet, wet, effluvia... Et cetera.

Adding to the list:

sweet, quivering anticipation, toe curling, mind blowing, passionate, treasured, adored, enamoured, beloved, tender, soft, etc etc...

sex is often just the sweetest things whether erotica or porn.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Adding to the list:

sweet, quivering anticipation, toe curling, mind blowing, passionate, treasured, adored, enamoured, beloved, tender, soft, etc etc...

sex is often just the sweetest things whether erotica or porn.

Tender and soft mostly equals "I can't feel that, would you put a little muscle into it please?" Because I have a need for strong sensation.

I suggest; tough, strong, laughter, playful, wrasslin', sudden, sweaty, challenging, plenty

 

[mikey2much]

a slightly different questioon

In general, I find that there are more negative than positive words associated with sex ... words like dirty, filthy, nasty and naughty. Even when words like that are used in jest, they seem to imply that sex is shameful.

What I'm looking for are words other than beautiful and hot and other words that don't imply shame, degradation and embarrassment.

Why, when you think of somebody being really 'fucked' do you think of somebody in deep shit?
It would seem that being really 'fucked' could just as well bring a picture of a smiling man leaning back against his pillows, lighting up a smoke with a big smile on his face while his semi conscious wife whispers words of praise.

But when I think of some one being really fucked, I think of a guy helpless to avoid the shit that is about to hit the fan.

It would seem that being fucked would be a good thing in our minds but instead it is seen as something bad.

 

[MsQuote]

Why, when you think of somebody being really 'fucked' do you think of somebody in deep shit?
It would seem that being really 'fucked' could just as well bring a picture of a smiling man leaning back against his pillows, lighting up a smoke with a big smile on his face while his semi conscious wife whispers words of praise.

But when I think of some one being really fucked, I think of a guy helpless to avoid the shit that is about to hit the fan.

It would seem that being fucked would be a good thing in our minds but instead it is seen as something bad.

Fuck is such a fun and complex word. This video makes me laugh every time I see it.

I don't always see it as a curse or derogatory word. It all depends what context it's being used. As word used to describe intercourse, until recently I always thought of it as sex without love. But being with my lover, things usually start out very sensually but almost always amp up wild and fast. We have an extremely honest and open line of communication, which has made it very easy for me to beg him to fuck me (or to hear it from him) in the throes of passion. If it weren't for the fact that we're great friends, respects me, and treats me like a lady like no other man has, I wouldn't be so comfortable about using the word fuck with him.

 

[LunaSolara]

I think this is such an interesting question and shows how societal attitudes toward sex are embedded in the language that we speak. I used to find it troublesome, for example, that words for male and female anatomy seem to be separated into two opposing categories: clinical or slang. There seems to be no middle ground and the slang more often than not has a negative or "dirty" connotation. I think that is slowly changing though as we reclaim these words and create contexts for them that are more erotic as opposed to pornographic. (I like lovecraft's distinction between erotica and porn.) And this is not to say that there is anything wrong with getting down and dirty once in a while.

I do find that when writing there can be a fine line between creating something sexy and enticing that doesn't sound flowery and artificial versus crass and vulgar. But truly I think a great deal of the reason for that problem is that perceptions of sex tend to get polarized into those two categories. I think attitudes are improving but we're just not there yet.

 

[MsQuote]

I think this is such an interesting question and shows how societal attitudes toward sex are embedded in the language that we speak. I used to find it troublesome, for example, that words for male and female anatomy seem to be separated into two opposing categories: clinical or slang. There seems to be no middle ground and the slang more often than not has a negative or "dirty" connotation. I think that is slowly changing though as we reclaim these words and create contexts for them that are more erotic as opposed to pornographic. (I like lovecraft's distinction between erotica and porn.) And this is not to say that there is anything wrong with getting down and dirty once in a while.

I do find that when writing there can be a fine line between creating something sexy and enticing that doesn't sound flowery and artificial versus crass and vulgar. But truly I think a great deal of the reason for that problem is that perceptions of sex tend to get polarized into those two categories. I think attitudes are improving but we're just not there yet.

I completely agree. I could have written that observation in the very same way. I'm saving it for another blog post.

 

[MsQuote]

I finally got around to writing a blog post on positive/negative sex words.

I'm still coming up with angles on this topic, including ....

Does this make it a challenge to write good erotica?
Are negative words part of the reason why some people don't really enjoy sex or are afraid of acting out fantasies with their partners?

 

[LunaSolara]

Really great blog post. I agree with your sentiments.

Especially the part about exploring boundaries with a trusted partner. Talking dirty canbe very exciting but I agree that exploring those boundaries are definitely best with someone you trust.

Writing erotica is tricky because it's virtually impossible to write something that will appeal to all audiences all the time. Sexual attitudes and mores are all so different among individuals. Definitely not a case of one size fits all.

 

[MsQuote]

Luna, the first time he used those kinds of words with me, I was really put off and offended, but it didn't take long for me to see afterward that he was just as much a gentleman with me outside of the bedroom than before our lovemaking got a bit bolder. He was the first man I ever engaged in dirty talk with. It's not a regular part of our lovemaking, which makes it all the more exciting when it does happen.

But regarding what words I use in stories, I tend to enjoy writing more edgy romantic stories than anything hardcore or girls-gone-wild. That's why I'm always looking for words that aren't degrading or silly.

 

[SevenSquared]

I would say that the reason is because Christianity in general and the Catholic Church in particular have fought a war against sex for the past 2000 years. They're losing the war, but winning the propaganda battle.

And even in the propaganda they are one step behind. They have successfully managed to portray sex as being 'dirty', 'nasty' and 'naughty', but didn't anticipate those words being 'captured' and turned around to having positive connotations. Now they are the equivelant of the KKK being forced to listen to an an NWA album.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And even in the propaganda they are one step behind. They have successfully managed to portray sex as being 'dirty', 'nasty' and 'naughty', but didn't anticipate those words being 'captured' and turned around to having positive connotations. Now they are the equivelant of the KKK being forced to listen to an an NWA album.

Oh if only that was less a fantasy and more truth.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Love the blog post.
I think sexuality is core to figuring out who we are. So what does it mean that we view it as filthy and to be denied? Many of us are fucked up instead of being loved up in a world of sensual pleasures. Perhaps we can change that by writing fabulous loving erotica instead of degrading porn. Now there's a truth worth fantasising about.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

"degrading..." might mean: harmful to the mind or morals; or, injurious; or dishonourable; or bringing to a lower rank or status.

But I don't think the word is used in those ways. It is often simply used to say 'treating as of a lesser VALUE.'

And that is where the questionmarks arise over why some words, or ways of thinking and talking about sex seem - or are - negative.

For myself, I do not accept that sex, let's say even were it 'dirty,' is harmful to the mind or morals... Playing in the mud is not necessarily 'harmful to the mind or morals.'

I actually want to claim the (theoretical, metaphorical or potential) dirtiness of sex (for the sake of the discussion) as being a good thing, same as rolling in a volcanic mud bath might be a good thing; same as yelling out loud to release useless tension, or yelling to gain that last ounce of reticular energy in a sports event.

Therefore, as I see it, the only way these things become truly negative is by some twisted process in the mind that 'treats someone as of a lesser value than what they really are.'

 

[NaokoSmith]

as I see it, the only way these things become truly negative is by some twisted process in the mind that 'treats someone as of a lesser value than what they really are.'

I think that's absolutely it. Dirty sex can be life-affirming. Good dirty erotica can help us unwind the twisted processes instead of degrading our lovers and ourselves.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think that's absolutely it. Dirty sex can be life-affirming. Good dirty erotica can help us unwind the twisted processes instead of degrading our lovers and ourselves.

By 'dirty' do you mean explicit erotica?

 

[NaokoSmith]

By 'dirty' do you mean explicit erotica?

I mean with lots of stickiness and yuck and the smells of a bottom and rough hair against your nose and ... excuse me, I have to go and hang the washing out ...