Whose Privilege?

[SexyChele]

"For serious things, sometimes ignoring her for a period of time works. It can drive the point home that being with you is a privilege, not a right and that you are in control."


The above line is a quote from Miss T as used by Eating_Scarlett in another thread. (Are we confused yet? ) This quote and the subsequent responses from a couple of the subs got me thinking and then wondering. I didn't wish to highjack that particular thread, so I thought I would start another for those willing to expres an opinion.

Many here might say that being with their Dom/me is a privilege, as the above quote speaks to. But do Dom/mes consider it a privilege to be with their subs? And do subs consider themselves to be a privildge with?

Perhaps this might be just one of many reasons why I can't do the 24/7 thing. While I do consider my S/O to be a very special man, and I do feel it a privilege to be with him, I am of the mind that he should feel privileged to be with me. Admittedly, I've only played with 2 Doms - one for an extended period and one only briefly - and neither lead me to think or feel that being with either of them was in any way a "privilege". The one I had for an extended period was one I had a relationship with. The other was one I simply played with a few times.

So, do you consider it to be a privilege to be with your Dom (if you are a sub)? Is that what works for your relationship? Or do you feel that it is inconsequential? And I would really like to hear from the Dom/mes on the board as well. Always interesting to hear what all sides have to say!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

It is a privelige for me to be with Sir.

But it is his privelige to be with me.

Both of us has the choice of whether to continue involvement or not, and so our agreeing will to stay involved makes that a privelige for both.

Make sense?

 

[MissTaken]

Anytime I care for someone and someone cares for me, there seems to be a certain "privileged" feeling for me.

I have been with Dominants for whom my being there seemed to be a matter of course, rather than something special, but those relationships didn't last long and left me feeling a bit hollow and used.

Then, the two Dominants I have shared time with and relationships who share that special feeling, "You are here with me because you want to be and I cherish that" have been instrumental to me in so many ways. Those relationships and experiences ring of some incredibly special and always will.

I am not talking about the whole "submission is a gift" routine. I am talking about two people finding something special together. There is a real gift and is mutually given.

 

[Etoile]

Interesting topic.

I definitely feel privileged to be with Daddy, for a large number of reasons I won't go into here. We were friends before we started dating, and to be honest I felt privileged to just be friends with someone as smart as my Daddy is.

I feel that Daddy should be appreciative of me and my efforts to fit myself to what's wanted of me. (The two of us have talked about this, and I was told that Daddy does appreciate those efforts.) Because we love each other and the relationship is very deep, I think Daddy appreciates my submission, too.

In my case, at least, I think it does go both ways. I'm the more vulnerable member of the relationship, though, so I think I feel luckier to be with Daddy than Daddy does to be with me. But it still does go both ways.

 

[StarCandies]

To be alone is a right no one can or ever will stop you from being alone, but to be with someone is privilege and you have to work for it to deserve it.

 

[FungiUg]

I think for me, the "privilege" goes both ways.

I would never ignore a submissive as a punishment, as an aside. Basically, why should I punish myself by denying me something I enjoy -- spending time or talking to a submissive?

Of course, if I don't want to spend time or talk to a submissive, then that's a whole 'nother issue.

 

[Solitude]

I'm in much the same boat. In my mind the privelege goes both ways. In fact she and I "argue" frequently over who is the luckier. *chuckles*

 

[His_sugar]

I'm in much the same boat. In my mind the privelege goes both ways. In fact she and I "argue" frequently over who is the luckier. *chuckles*

i am indeed luckier *wink*

 

[Ebonyfire]

Of course it goes both ways. When it comes right down to it, both Dom/me sub choose each other for very different reasons.

But the privilege is reciprocal. Otherwise it is not an power exchange.

<edited to make sense >

 

[AngelicAssassin]

If either partner doesn't feel privileged, something went wrong.

 

[ammre]

Heh, since this more directed towards the doms and i'm a sub (obiviouslly i feel privlaged to be with him)

but i was reminded of my sophmore driving teacher who was like... "a license is a privlage not a right"
anyway yeah...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm in much the same boat. In my mind the privelege goes both ways. In fact she and I "argue" frequently over who is the luckier. *chuckles*

Can identify with this. We both feel very gifted to have found each other in this big, over populated world, and fortunately we both feel so strongly about our connection and blessings we mention our apreciation for each other, to each other, at least once a day, more often than not several times. I still find I am overwhelmed when I consider the 'what ifs' as in if we both bought in to the idea our ideal had to be local or at least in the same country, or settled for a person who made us mildly happy instead of holding out for the one who made us feel ecstatic and centre of each other's universe. We both feel it was worth the wait, the dissillusionments with others we met, and the at times seemingly endless search for our bliss.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

Its beginning to look unanimous. The privelege goes both ways in my mind.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Its beginning to look unanimous ...

Somebody take a picture quick.

This either won't last long, or the world is about to come to an end and no one told us.

Aw Hell. We never had the bacchanalian get together ...

 

[catalina_francisco]

These moments are rare and to be cherished...lol

 

[Red Menace]

Well, just to be the one dissenting voice in the crowd...

While I feel it is a priviledge to serve and be a part of Sir's life, I would be willing to bet he would not feel it is a priviledge to be with me. It is his right.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well, just to be the one dissenting voice in the crowd...

While I feel it is a priviledge to serve and be a part of Sir's life, I would be willing to bet he would not feel it is a priviledge to be with me. It is his right.

That is true in part for us as well but as I initially had the choice to become his slave or not, he feels though it is his right now, it is his priviledge I accepted his offer of a lifetime collar.

C

 

[Ebonyfire]

That is true in part for us as well but as I initially had the choice to become his slave or not, he feels though it is his right now, it is his priviledge I accepted his offer of a lifetime collar.

C

That was My thought. Whether it be a right or privilege, depends on what stage the relationship is at.

Rights of a Dominant are not assumed. Consent has to be given, or the Dominant has no right(s) in the first place.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Come on over to the dark side Red Menace.

It might sting a little at first, but it'll be over before you know it ... and oh what treasures we have to show you.

BTW, in case you haven't guessed from my poor attempt at humor, look below.
http://caraudioaustralia.com/ubb/graemlins/bsmeter.gif
i'd never hold your opinion against you.

 

[Red Menace]

Lol @ the bullshit meter.

Catalina, after considering your post, I have to admit, it probably still couldn't be considered his priviledge to have me serve him. In fact, it could probably be better defined as a burden and a liability. I was horribly unsubmissive, caused all sorts of problems (unknowlingly, but he paid a price for my behavior just the same) and was just generally a lot of work without giving much in return. For some reason, he saw something worth investing in and it's now starting to pay off for him.

I know he's proud of how far I've come and I know he has high expectations as to how far he can take me... but priviledge? I don't think that's really part of his feelings towards me.

I wish I could say he initially thought of it as a priviledge as in your relationship, but I have a feeling if I were to ask him about it, he'd have to laugh.

 

[catalina_francisco]

RM I hear what you are saying and perhaps you are right, or perhaps you are selling yourself short and would be surprised with his answer. I am far from the perfect slave also, but as he says, all he asks is I try and continue to try. He came into my life at a point when I had just been told I should be dead (according to medical science...this seems to be a pattern of mine...LOL), and my life was full of huge personal, financial, and family problems which naturally impacted on my ability to serve to the best of my ability.

The problems are still not all resolved, and now I have moved here and left my daughter and granddaughter behind, I am often not the cheery slave I am sure he needs....but we persevere as he realises I am human, even when I don't accept that as an excuse. Try not to be so hard on yourself...as you say, things are improving and I am sure he knows how hard you have worked to make that possible. Sometimes the effort is far more appreciated than actually succeeding. Take care.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Sometimes the effort is far more appreciated than actually succeeding. Catalina

I find this to be true. In MY case, I appreciate the honest and true efforts of my subs above all else.

 

[Red Menace]

Lol. Well, I certainly hope so, Eb and Catalina. Sometimes effort is all he has to work with.

 

[Croctden]

In a good relationship

I consider a privledge that we are together, not that she submits. I walk a fine line.