Who's gonna show up at my funeral

[DeservingBitch]

Somehow, the CM MIA thread made me think about this:

Since as long as I can remember, I would periodically start thinking about who would show up at my funeral if I was to die tomorrow. And everytime I do the countdown, I'm pleased to think of all the new people that have entered my life in a significant enough way to show up at my funeral should I die.

The few times I've mentioned this recurrent thought to someone, I've been met with weird looks. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.

So, am I the only weirdo around here who makes list of the people who would show up to say goodbye should I tragically die tomorrow??

 

[Netzach]

Not at all - I think this is a good way to take stock of your life sometimes. When my list gets too short I know I'm probably depressed and hangin' around the house more than I should.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Yeah. My list is probably running short lately.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Somehow, the CM MIA thread made me think about this:

Since as long as I can remember, I would periodically start thinking about who would show up at my funeral if I was to die tomorrow. And everytime I do the countdown, I'm pleased to think of all the new people that have entered my life in a significant enough way to show up at my funeral should I die.

The few times I've mentioned this recurrent thought to someone, I've been met with weird looks. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.

So, am I the only weirdo around here who makes list of the people who would show up to say goodbye should I tragically die tomorrow??

I dont really think you are "weird", but your thoughts are not healthy either. Try think of something nicer than this!

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Yeah. My list is probably running short lately.

Mine too, but honestly sometimes is so much better to be all alone than try explain whats wrong to someone who wont get it anyways LOL.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I dont really think you are "weird", but your thoughts are not healthy either. Try think of something nicer than this!

{{{{hugs}}}}

See, that's the reaction I don't get. Why do you see it as 'not healthy' or 'not nice'?

Making list of people who would make the effort to show up at my funeral usually makes me feel pretty good about myself. 'Cause more often than not, the list gets longer everytime I think about it. Means that I'm not getting stuck somewhere, that there are always new and interesting and meaningful people in my life, etc. What's not healthy about it?

 

[mickyp123]

Somehow, the CM MIA thread made me think about this:

Since as long as I can remember, I would periodically start thinking about who would show up at my funeral if I was to die tomorrow. And everytime I do the countdown, I'm pleased to think of all the new people that have entered my life in a significant enough way to show up at my funeral should I die.

The few times I've mentioned this recurrent thought to someone, I've been met with weird looks. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.

So, am I the only weirdo around here who makes list of the people who would show up to say goodbye should I tragically die tomorrow??

How about making a list of those that might go before you and do something nice for them

 

[DeservingBitch]

How about making a list of those that might go before you and do something nice for them

Why do you assume I'm not already doing nice stuff for people around me that I care about?

 

[FurryFury]

I never think about my funeral, because I don't want or expect to have on. I think more on a wake like celebration of life.

I want them to tell stories about me. I want them to have a good time. I want them to have mist in their eyes as they laugh their asses off.

But of course I'll be dead, so they can do whatever they wanna do.

What does bring me comfort is thinking over everyone I try to take care of and knowing they could survive without me though they might be sad. It makes me feel like I've done a good job so far.

 

[Marquis]

I have thoughts like this at times.

On a more sincerely macabre tip, I've convinced myself that life was worth living before while in the process of writing a suicide note. It seems like less hassle to just live on than possibly exclude someone worthy of a final shout out.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I want them to tell stories about me. I want them to have a good time. I want them to have mist in their eyes as they laugh their asses off.

Oh - that's a variation on the same theme that I also think about. Like, what will people remember about me. What funny stories they will tell about our time together. That sort of thing.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I have thoughts like this at times.

On a more sincerely macabre tip, I've convinced myself that life was worth living before while in the process of writing a suicide note. It seems like less hassle to just live on than possibly exclude someone worthy of a final shout out.

I have a friend who tells something similar: that the only thing that saved him from committing suicide was the anxieties around writting a suicide note.

Strangely enough, for all my thinking about my tragic death and funeral and the recent depression stuff, I've never once had suicidal thoughts.

 

[Marquis]

I'm often really skeptical about people who say they never have suicidal thoughts, but I'm willing to entertain the idea that I'm just that fucked up.

I tend to get a little panicky if I don't feel like I have a good suicide plan that I can execute should I need, just in case and shit. Something poetic.

 

[Netzach]

For me it's more of a reconciliation, more a desire for all my mistakes, my regrets, the people who have been subjected to my foibles still getting together for a party, that gives me kind of a warm feeling.

I haven't really dwelt much on offing myself because I really still hate the thought that shit is happening somewhere and I miss it when I sleep. If I could just be everywhere in all cities I would. I've thought things like "if I swallow all those pills at once I'll never have to deal with this shit again -- but then I won't know what happens

Sometimes it's just like not wanting to miss next weeks' episode, simple as that.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I'm often really skeptical about people who say they never have suicidal thoughts, but I'm willing to entertain the idea that I'm just that fucked up.

I tend to get a little panicky if I don't feel like I have a good suicide plan that I can execute should I need, just in case and shit. Something poetic.

Yeah, I know that they say most people have suicidal thoughts at least once in their life. I'm assuming I just haven't gotten around it yet.

But now you're making me think that I should really give some thoughts into coming up with a good exit plan.

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Somehow, the CM MIA thread made me think about this:

Since as long as I can remember, I would periodically start thinking about who would show up at my funeral if I was to die tomorrow. And everytime I do the countdown, I'm pleased to think of all the new people that have entered my life in a significant enough way to show up at my funeral should I die.

The few times I've mentioned this recurrent thought to someone, I've been met with weird looks. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.

So, am I the only weirdo around here who makes list of the people who would show up to say goodbye should I tragically die tomorrow??

I think about this sometimes. I also think though that I've been to a couple where I wondered why some of the people I saw were there as I didn't feel they cared before the person passed so was wondering about their motives in attending.

On another note but somewhat related..it was refreshing to me...when I had a baby shower to see how many of my coworkers turned out. It wasn't a funeral of course but it was something that most of the staff only attended in small numbers. Usually a token person from each team would show watch the gift opening and leave. That didn't happen for me and it was quite nice.

A similar thing happened for my father at his surprise 50th. I think everyone takes stock like that and for him...the party was a surprise..but it was also in a way eye opening to see all the people that had passed in and out of his life for different reasons at different times..all of the sudden in the same room...and to celebrate..him and his life. In standing back to watch as I was recording the moment on video it was like seeing someone walk into heaven to find all of those people they touched..waiting in welcome. I know I'm sappy but you get the picture.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

See, that's the reaction I don't get. Why do you see it as 'not healthy' or 'not nice'?

Making list of people who would make the effort to show up at my funeral usually makes me feel pretty good about myself. 'Cause more often than not, the list gets longer everytime I think about it. Means that I'm not getting stuck somewhere, that there are always new and interesting and meaningful people in my life, etc. What's not healthy about it?

When I think of those few people to who I might actualy mean something I dont usualy think about them in the context of seeing them cry at my funeral cuz I know they would hate to see me death and I just hate hurting peeps.

I dont have a prob talk about funeral, but I dont have a need to talk about it either. Talk about death usualy make other people feel weird IMO. Its always sad when someone dies and guess people giving you weird looks cuz everyone is scared to lose their close ones.

I dont really care who will or will not show up at my funeral, I just wanna be sure that people I love, like my mum and my kids, will be okay without me once I leave.

I had days when I wanted die, its gone tho, thanks God LOL. I dont feel like dancing but my mum, my lil girl and the unborn needs me. Enough for me to stop thinking about diing. I might have crap days and feel low, stressed and depressed, but thats it. When I feel shit I usualy spearate myself from the rest until I know I wont anoy them with my fucked up moods. I might smile while day for them and cry thro the nights so they wouldnt worry about me, but I would never ask them if they would show up on my funeral.

Something tells me saying them "Ya know I am okay, I am just asking!!" wouldnt work then LOL and I have no need to make them wonder why I think about such things.

 

[intothewoods]

What does bring me comfort is thinking over everyone I try to take care of and knowing they could survive without me though they might be sad. It makes me feel like I've done a good job so far.

That is such a lovely thought, Fury. Seriously. Makes me tear up a little.

If you are obsessed with death, it's unhealthy. Otherwise it's just a fact of life.

And I also have never had suicidal thoughts. I don't mean that in a nyah nyah way. I have my issues. That's just not one of them. I think some sort of self-protective (and now maybe also, motherly ??) instinct in my brain takes over in my darkest moments, and I just don't go there. Interesting.

 

[Marquis]

But now you're making me think that I should really give some thoughts into coming up with a good exit plan.

Yeah, you don't want to be like Bush.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Yeah, you don't want to be like Bush.

I hate you Marquis. I'm going be awake all night trying to come up with a feasible and not cliche suicidal plan. I'd hate to write myself off in a cliche way.

 

[rida]

........

I haven't really dwelt much on offing myself because I really still hate the thought that shit is happening somewhere and I miss it when I sleep. If I could just be everywhere in all cities I would. I've thought things like "if I swallow all those pills at once I'll never have to deal with this shit again -- but then I won't know what happens

Sometimes it's just like not wanting to miss next weeks' episode, simple as that.

Same here. I have no problem with dieing one day, but ... damn! I hate that I am going to miss what is going to happen afterwards ... or at least until I get back again, if my believe in reincarnation is correct .
But if once I am dead, I can be everywhere anywhere and see everything than I hope I am wrong and I don't get sent back.

Somehow, the CM MIA thread made me think about this:

Since as long as I can remember, I would periodically start thinking about who would show up at my funeral if I was to die tomorrow. And everytime I do the countdown, I'm pleased to think of all the new people that have entered my life in a significant enough way to show up at my funeral should I die.

The few times I've mentioned this recurrent thought to someone, I've been met with weird looks. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything.

So, am I the only weirdo around here who makes list of the people who would show up to say goodbye should I tragically die tomorrow??

Nothing wrong with thinking about it. Actually, I think it is a very good way to see and realize how many people care for you.

Personally, I cannot afford to die right now. Funeral at all would be such an hassle (family needing to fly in, sending the body back home, up-routing the kids, etc). Still I have my will written in my desk at work, and I have told my Hubby what I wish him to do.

As for who would show up ... probably not that many people, but mostly because we all live too scattered all over the world.

 

[marieR19]

I can't afford to die right now either.... literally can't afford to. Funerals are expensive! And what I want would be even more expensive (being cremated and having my ashes scattered in the mountains in Croatia).

I think about it sometimes, DB. Usually when I'm talking religion or death with Beth (we tend to talk about that kind of stuff a lot). I think about who would come to my memorial, who would probably want to come but couldn't afford to, etc... And sometimes I wonder about people I haven't spoken to in years. Would they show up? Would they even try to show up? Would I want them to? Specifically, certain family members who betrayed my grandfather after he died... I don't think I'd want them there, but I do wonder if they'd even care, even want to go. The fallout was huge, do they even think of me anymore?
And Maudree.... would I want her to show up? I almost invision a catfight breaking out between her and Beth. Hell, I don't even know if Maudree would even find out I was gone, I don't know anyone who knows her or would notify her. But do I hope that she would at least feel something when she found out? Yeah.


Heather

 

[snowy ciara]

I'm often really skeptical about people who say they never have suicidal thoughts, but I'm willing to entertain the idea that I'm just that fucked up.

I tend to get a little panicky if I don't feel like I have a good suicide plan that I can execute should I need, just in case and shit. Something poetic.

That kinda makes sense to me. But a lot of people don't have what I consider an active suicide plan. Like this whole thing with me being sick lately. I found out in November that I have Crohn's disease. I know someone with it, and I suspected that's what was going on, or it was a bad reaction to the long term drugs I was on after my accident. Stomach ulcers and such. But I was going through an utterly dreadful bout of clinical depression at the time when I first started feeling sick, which was last summer. I didn't actively seek my own death, but I didn't care enough about myself so I didn't bother to get help. I've been symptomatic for Crohn's since last July and it was finally in November I went to the ER and when I went, it was because I was so sick I was afraid I was dying and didn't want to do it alone. Yeah, I'm a coward that way. Sometimes I don't care if I wake up in the morning or not, but please don't make me do it alone.

So even when someone says "I've never been suicidal" my immediate thought following is "but have you ever been at the point where you really didn't care if you lived or died?" Because that's suicidal too, in my mind.

But anyway, I don't think wondering and planning your own funeral makes you sick or bad. It can be a symptom of depression, but by itself, it's not too worrisome. And it can be a good way to take stock.

One thing that people do think is weird is that I have made a living will, and regular will, with instructions for my funeral. But that'd be another thread. There aren't a lot of folks my age who have a will. But you should. It can be a bit depressing to think about these things and plan stuff out, but better it be done now, before it's needed, than to give your family the stress of doing it for you.

 

[~His Kitten~]

I've never gone that far but I have made my own funeral plans and how I want to be taken care of.

I do wonder if I died suddenly what people might think of my belongings and the conclusions they would draw.

 

[marieR19]

snowy- I NEED to make a will. I've researched, gotten all the forms, etc, I just haven't actually done it. And I need to.

His Kitten- ACK. THIS is one of the reasons all my stories are in a locked safe and Beth is the only one besides me who knows where the key is. If I die suddenly, I want those stories out of the house before my mom gets ahold of them. I don't even want to think about what she'd think....


Heather