Who the Hell is Hanns_Schmidt??

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Who is this person and why did he send flowers, a love poem, and pictures of his naked ass to the theater where I work??

Look, I don't know what kind of sick person this guy is, but please tell him for me that I don't want him to "be my love pony" and I certainly don't want to "fire my seed into his lips with sniper-like precision".
 
Somebody had better kick down with some money pretty goddamn fast here! Don't let the pink satin shorts fool you, fella. The Gay Hooker used to box welterweight, if you get my drift.
 
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