Who the hell approved this story?

[iloveskyrim1]

https://www.literotica.com/s/under-heavy-family-pussies The author used - instead of quotation marks which makes the story impossible to read due to how confusing it is? This story needs to be edited.

 

[burgwad]

I’m okay with stylized punctuation choices, but this piece feels like it got the free online translator treatment. If the author is in fact ESL, then their effort is commendable, but the piece still stands to benefit humongously from the help of a patient editor.

 

[Bazzle]

It's consistent?

Once you get the flow it works.

It's also got higher scores than many stories.

Hmmm

 

[Auden James]

The author should have used dashes (preferably the em dash) instead of hyphens, but, in principle, there is nothing wrong with using quotation dashes instead of quotation marks in dialog; one not exactly unfamous author who famously hated the latter was none other than James Joyce himself.

 

[Omenainen]

Quotation marks is not the only possible way to notate dialogue, even if it is the generally favored one on this site. That is pretty much how I did mine before I familiarized myself with the way it’s done here. By the author’s profile they’re from Brazil.

Also, this is the author’s first story, and I have a theory that the first stories get more lenient judgement on grammar and dialog notation than the following stories. At least that’s the way it happened to me. Seems reasonable, too, to not discourage new authors too much.

 

[iloveskyrim1]

Quotation marks is not the only possible way to notate dialogue, even if it is the generally favored one on this site. That is pretty much how I did mine before I familiarized myself with the way it’s done here. By the author’s profile they’re from Brazil.

Also, this is the author’s first story, and I have a theory that the first stories get more lenient judgement on grammar and dialog notation than the following stories. At least that’s the way it happened to me. Seems reasonable, too, to not discourage new authors too much.

1. The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:" not -. Punctuation marks have their assigned purpose for a reason. This is literature 101. 2. If your story not being approved discourages you as a writer, then you shouldn't be a writer. New writers aren't going to learn if they're given a free pass which such major mistakes. This isn't a couple of spelling errors, this is separation of dialogue and narration in a way that isn't understandable in the slightest.

 

[KeithD]

Mainstream publishers are increasingly letting authors use the hyphen in the place of quote marks to denote dialogue (they are letting authors not use dialogue separation marks at all). I haven't seen much of it, but it's there. Both UK and U.S. publishers. I'm surprised Laurel accepts it at Literotica, though.

 

[Omenainen]

1. The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:" not -. Punctuation marks have their assigned purpose for a reason. This is literature 101.

The US is not all the world. I live in a country where the notation that the author used is commonly used in mainstream publishing.

2. If your story not being approved discourages you as a writer, then you shouldn't be a writer. New writers aren't going to learn if they're given a free pass which such major mistakes. This isn't a couple of spelling errors, this is separation of dialogue and narration in a way that isn't understandable in the slightest.

“Isn’t understandable in the slightest” is simply not true. If you’re not able to wrap your mind a notation different than what you’ve used to, well okay, whatever I guess. I personally operate here in a language that is not my own, any notation is not going to be more difficult than that.

Now I haven’t checked if you have stories published, but I remember publishing my first. I was curious to see if what I’d written was good enough for this site, and nervous, and if it would’ve come back labeled “not good enough” I don’t know if I would’ve tried again. As a free site that gets its content from volunteer authors, I think it’s good form to encourage new authors to join. Also my theory could be wrong. I’m just speculating.

 

[ElectricBlue]

1. The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:" not -. Punctuation marks have their assigned purpose for a reason. This is literature 101. 2. If your story not being approved discourages you as a writer, then you shouldn't be a writer. New writers aren't going to learn if they're given a free pass which such major mistakes. This isn't a couple of spelling errors, this is separation of dialogue and narration in a way that isn't understandable in the slightest.

Mate, if you're going to criticise someone else's punctuation, it's a really, really good idea to be absolutely immaculate yourself.

I'll leave it to others to point out your error, since you obviously don't know it. This is from the first couple of hundred words of your only story on this site:

"You're late." Zoey said.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey." Aaron said. "The bus got stopped because..."

"I don't wanna hear your excuses." Zoey interrupted. "You were supposed to be here 15 minutes ago."

"Yes, I know, Mistress Zoey. I'll try harder next time." Aaron replied.

 

[Bazzle]

I can never be critical of punctuation...I am useless at it.

Especially as I cannot see anything wrong with @electricblue66 quote above...doh.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I can never be critical of punctuation...I am useless at it.

Especially as I cannot see anything wrong with @electricblue66 quote above...doh.

Commas, my friend, not full stops.

And to be pedantic, 'fifteen', not '15'.

 

[Bazzle]

Commas, my friend, not full stops.

And to be pedantic, 'fifteen', not '15'.

Should it be

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," Aaron said, "the bus got stopped because..." ?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Should it be

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," Aaron said, "the bus got stopped because..." ?

Yes. The second part of the dialogue runs on from the first, so this is okay.

You could also punctuate it as two separate spoken sentences:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," Aaron said. "The bus got stopped because..."

The OP also expresses a curious belief that, 'The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:' - which is not true.

You could write:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," said Aaron. "The bus got stopped because..."

Or omit the speech tag completely:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey. The bus got stopped because..."

- the speaker being obvious, because Zoey has already spoken, and the context places only the two of them in the dialogue sequence.

So the OP really is no better than the writer they're criticising; worse, really, because they're spruiking nonsense.

 

[Bazzle]

Yes. The second part of the dialogue runs on from the first, so this is okay.

You could also punctuate it as two separate spoken sentences:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," Aaron said. "The bus got stopped because..."

The OP also expresses a curious belief that, 'The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:' - which is not true.

You could write:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey," said Aaron. "The bus got stopped because..."

Or omit the speech tag completely:

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey. The bus got stopped because..."

- the speaker being obvious, because Zoey has already spoken, and the context places only the two of them in the dialogue sequence.

So the OP really is no better than the writer they're criticising; worse, really, because they're spruiking nonsense.

Thank you! I will try better with my stories going forward

 

[iloveskyrim1]

Mate, if you're going to criticise someone else's punctuation, it's a really, really good idea to be absolutely immaculate yourself.

I'll leave it to others to point out your error, since you obviously don't know it. This is from the first couple of hundred words of your only story on this site:

And? I still separated the dialogue and narration in a way that's understandable and readable. So what's your point?

 

[KeithD]

And? I still separated the dialogue and narration in a way that's understandable and readable. So what's your point?

No, you just did it wrong. As noted, you used periods where there should have been commas. It was a valid point. You don't seem to know how to punctuate dialogue.

 

[iloveskyrim1]

The OP also expresses a curious belief that, 'The only other way dialogue is separated from narration is with "character name:' - which is not true.

Yes it is. As I said, different punctuation marks have different purposes for a damn reason. This is English-Literature 1 0 fucking 1.

 

[iloveskyrim1]

No, you just did it wrong. As noted, you used periods where there should have been commas. It was a valid point. You don't seem to know how to punctuate dialogue.

1. That has nothing to do with separating dialogue and narration. 2. While a comma would work perfectly fine, a period makes more sense in this case.

 

[KeithD]

1. That has nothing to do with separating dialogue and narration. 2. While a comma would work perfectly fine, a period makes more sense in this case.

Nope.

This is the rendering I saw and addressed and it's simply wrong, as was pointed out:

"You're late." Zoey said.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey." Aaron said. "The bus got stopped because..."

"I don't wanna hear your excuses." Zoey interrupted. "You were supposed to be here 15 minutes ago."

"Yes, I know, Mistress Zoey. I'll try harder next time." Aaron replied.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

A lack of quotations as a dialoge indicator isn't something new to me. I've seen it multiple times in my short story literature class where there's no indications of speech at all or the standard quotations are replaced with a convention the author has made up. I hate reading it but I can't say this sort of thing doesn't have precedent in short story publishing.

Some authors treat grammar in the way that poets do and unlike novel publishing some short story publishers are willing to allow this.

Again, not my cup of tea. But off the top of my head, James Joyce's "The Dead" and "Girl" by Jamaica Kincaid come to mind as examples of this particular quirk of short stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

The story itself isn't the issue as much as this gets through but so many don't for lack of quotation marks. The sites half ass enforcement of all its rules is what leads to threads like this more than the story itself.

 

[KeithD]

A lack of quotations as a dialoge indicator isn't something new to me. I've seen it multiple times in my short story literature class where there's no indications of speech at all or the standard quotations are replaced with a convention the author has made up. I hate reading it but I can't say this sort of thing doesn't have precedent in short story publishing.

Some authors treat grammar in the way that poets do and unlike novel publishing some short story publishers are willing to allow this.

Again, not my cup of tea. But off the top of my head, James Joyce's "The Dead" and "Girl" by Jamaica Kincaid come to mind as examples of this particular quirk of short stories.

This is something seen in standalone published works, not so much in short story collections, which is, essentially, what the Literotica story file is. Standardization of styles across the entire spectrum of the file is what you typically get with short story collections--a single chosen style for this and that. That's why it's surprising to see more than one way of rendering quotes being permitted here.

 

[Bazzle]

Plus writing can be seen as a art.

Is this story just art?

 

[ElectricBlue]

And? I still separated the dialogue and narration in a way that's understandable and readable. So what's your point?

My point is the full stop, as you use it in your dialogue, is incorrect. It should be a comma.

 

[iloveskyrim1]

My point is the full stop, as you use it in your dialogue, is incorrect. It should be a comma.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Zoey." can be a full sentence. "The bus got stopped because..." had not been interrupted can be a full sentence. In fact it makes sense for them to be 2 different sentences if there's narration in between like how I wrote it.