First story, feedback welcome

[BiCuriousWriter]

Hi all,

I am not new but registered when I felt the wish to try and write a story. I've written a lot of short stories and poems but never in genres that would fit Literotica. Also, it's been a while. Anyway, if you care to read and give feedback, this is my first story here. Category: transgender; tags: bisexual, anal.

https://www.literotica.com/s/randis-wish

Thanks!

 

[AlinaX]

I don't know if this a true story, but it has that sense of overdoing the exposition. There's a lot of telling at the start that could really have been worked into an intimate and playful scene. Don’t tell us what you like, show us. Make us want to be you. Make us want to be the bisylvanian Randi.

I'm something of a broken record on this point, but your job as author is to seduce the reader. Don't just suck her cock, wrap your lips about it and revel in the taste, the smell, the texture...

 

[BiCuriousWriter]

I don't know if this a true story, but it has that sense of overdoing the exposition. There's a lot of telling at the start that could really have been worked into an intimate and playful scene. Don’t tell us what you like, show us. Make us want to be you. Make us want to be the bisylvanian Randi.

I'm something of a broken record on this point, but your job as author is to seduce the reader. Don't just suck her cock, wrap your lips about it and revel in the taste, the smell, the texture...

Thanks for that, that is good and clear feedback. I think I understand what you think, but that will be clearer with a next story. The "don't tell us what you like, show us" is something I will keep in mind.