Who are you "out" to?

[Cirrus]

I was just wondering, since a lot of us here enjoy different levels of play, I'm sure we all are comfortable with different levels or privacy.

I know a lot of people, nilla or not or anything in between, tell NOTHING to NO ONE about what goes on in their bedrooms. Others tell some, other hint at it, and of course some tell everything.

On that note, who knows you're kinky? Are you very open about it, as in someone who just meets you will know you're into BDSM? Do only your close friends know? What about family?

Why or why not haven't you told certain people, if you keep it from some?

As for myself, only my 3 closest friends know I practice BDSM, and of those 3 only one knows the extent of things I've done. My reasons are a few. One, it's MY business what goes on in my bedroom...or kitchen, or den or shower... If I wanted everyone to know I'd invite them. Two, a lot of my friends and family couldn't handle it and/or wouldn't understand it, besides it just not being their business if I'm having sex at all, much less what kind of sex. My family is very religious and sort of prudish. They would consider me sick at worst, warped at best. I know I'm none of those, so I don't need their comments. Also, they'd take it to mean I just like getting the shit beat out of me, and not understand the emotional aspects of D/s and SM play.

And third, I suppose there's a little bit of shame. I'm not ashamed of my desires, or that I am submissive or like pain, I'm ashamed of the reactions of others who would judge me based on that. For example, I have a close female friend that would do anything for me and vice versa. She's a great person and I love her to death. Still, she'd probably think less of me if she knew I were kinky. That's just how she was raised...no sex before marriage, and nothing "left of center". So she need not know.

 

[Grvdigger]

Many at My work know. I do not go to work in leather or all black (that would not be good at My place), but if they ask I have no prblm talking. Also at home I have many books in My shelf covering many topics about D/s and bdsm, ppl see them and ask. I do not carry a sign around declaring it but neither am I ashamed of it in anyway or try to hide it.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

"Coming out as kinky"

Of course, all of you here know I'm kinky but I guess that doesn't count.

It really isn't anyone's business and it could be extremely damaging to my career so I keep it pretty quiet.

Some of my oldest and dearest friends know I am a freak but they probably don't know (nor would they want to know) the details. They have known me so long that they accept me for who I am, regardless. Same goes for my older sister.

I also have some conservative/religious friends who I like and enjoy spending time with. They would not understand, so they don't know.

My parents and younger sibs know I am different but they are not sure how.
My inlaws would hit-the-fucking-roof so the toys get hidden away and double padlocked while they are here.

...for what its worth.
-Vv

 

[~Dream~]

for me..

I havent told alot of people because of the closed-mindedness and judgements that society in general has for people who decide to "live out' their lifestyle ... My oldest daughter knopws ,but we have always been VERY close and she is a deeply understanding woman ,she knows it makes Mom happy ,and that's really all that matters to her..

 

[serijules]

Nearly all my friends are kinky...I prefer to hang out with and be with people that I can be myself with....which is kinky.

The few friends I still keep in touch with that are NOT kinky...2 of them know, one knows ALL the details and it fascinates her, the other knows generals.

I own a business so my privacy is important, but overall I don't worry obsessivly about keeping it private. I don't really hide away my toys much, I keep my stories and pictures right in a folder on my desktop so pretty much anyone that wanted to, could snoop around and see it. In my stories, I use my own name...heck, my nickname IS part of my name. My keychain has a flogger and a paddle on it. I have articles of clothing that have kinky themes to them.

I just don't feel right when I TRY to hard to hide it from people, I feel like I'm denying myself the right to be who I really am. However, I don't believe in shoving who I am down other people's throats when I know it will make them uncomfortable, so it's not something I flaunt or expose unnecessarily.

 

[kristydoll]

Family and close friends are aware of the lifestyle I lead. For me, "coming out" to them was an opportunity for me to share with them more of my life. What I do scene-wise or sexually though is pretty much kept to myself. But, it did give me the chance to share my writing and my site with those closet to me.

I also wear the bdsm emblem on a pin on my jacket. That is the only outward display I give of the lifestyle. I'm sure, to most, I just look like the mom next door.

kristy

 

[MissTaken]

My SO, of course.

My dear friend who I have referred to off and on throughout the last year and a half. He is vanilla and willing to learn. My belief is that he is a switch.

Then, my brother has some idea that I might play hard. He is my best friend and gets a chuckle out of it.

Oh, and my SO's family knows, in that they know about him, so when I met some of his family, they could only assume.



IT is getting easier to give out a bit of info here and there.

Phew!

 

[Red Menace]

None of my nilla friends or family knows about my kink. They just wouldn't understand and would probably worry about me. I feel it's best not burden them with things they're not comfortable with.

I have a few friends in the lifestyle that I met through Sir and it's been so great to meet other people, especially subfems, who I can talk to about issues that come up or share experiences with.

 

[yuppietowngirl]

my Sir and the hope to be soon ex-hubby (separated). Hubby went on to tell a lot of people before we separated. People that had no reason to know. I am submissive by nature...and that is all that people see when I am out with my Sir.

 

[Justine de Loup]

I have only one friend that really knows me and my kinky side. She doesn't agree with some of it but is turned on by other parts. She allows me to talk about what I want or need to talk about.....

At this point in my life, I'd not think once about telling my family or any other close friends. Being from a highly Christian background/ upbringing, it just wouldn't be understood...maybe one day but I doubt it!

Justine de Loup

 

[lark sparrow]

I am "out" regarding BDSM with all close friends, and some co-workers. This was my second "outing" and I think many were wondering what other "marginal, miniority" set I may link myself with next. lol.

I am completely out and open with my father and step-mother and they are incredibly supportive, as well as curious. In fact they just sent me on a visit to my Domme for my birthday (gotta love that!). I have broached the subject with my mother when the topic happened to come up, and before it got too personal she was honest enough to tell me that she had heard enough.

Everything in it's own time. I can respect her desire to let things lie as they are for now. Talking about one's sex life, especially w/parents, is not necessary, but I prefer not to censor one important relationship from another in my life. It can make it difficult to communicate and share with the person you are trying to avoid certain subjects with.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hmmm

My daughter knows, 16 year old sister suspects, my two cousins know. That is all the family I have.

My close friends know. Only cause they read my bookshelves, lol.
And they are my safe calls when I need them.

I tell my vanilla bfs when I have them cause it is only fair that they see what a great "asset" it is. None have complained yet, lol.

I like to keep my private life private at work.

Eb

 

[UCE]

I'm out to anybody my master wants us to be out to. In the past that included his parents, now that they are dead, it's usually his closest friends.

I'm out to my doctor and he doesn't approve so we agree to not talk about it, lol.

I'm not out to my family--they aren't the type who would understand and they are the types to use the information to try to harm up.

And I don't out myself to people at work, for one thing I don't work with the same group of people for years, I move from corp to corp and I never get to know anybody well enough in that situation to entrust with the information. You know, but even if I did know someone well enough in a workplace to trust them, I _still_ wouldn't ever tell them, not just because my personal sexuality is none of their business, but also because in the cutthrough competitive places I tend to contract in one's best friends become enemies overnight if it becomes politically useful to do so. It's the environment and the ways that it makes people behave that is not to be trusted. In different circumstances the individuals might be quite trustworty.

She did the Dildo Dance:

 

[Goddess Helena]

I am very careful about who knows anything about me. The fact that I am Domme is something that I would never share with the world unless online. I have a few close friends who know. I am a very private person and do not share more than I must with people. After all, it's no one's bloody business unless they wish to serve me.


Helena