White Women, Black Men, & Black Women

[CarolineOh]

As a white woman in a relationship with a black man, I encounter a wide variety of reactions from black women, ranging from an attitude of solidarity to outright hostility.
I'd like to ask the women of color on this board (not necessarily just the African-Americans) to give it to me straight. Do you see someone like me as an enemy or an ally, or is it a matter of indifference?
I'd also like to hear from other people in interracial or crosscultural relationships of whatever kind if they have encountered difficulties,and how they deal with them.

 

[LadyG]

I've heard black women say that white women need to find "their own men". I don't know what that is supposed to mean.

On one hand, people are screaming racism at every given opportunity, talking about be discriminated against.

Then you hear statements like that. It sucks.

Why does it matter so much? If I was to use that phrase about a white guy and a black girl, I'd be considered racist. If I met the relationship with open hostility, same thing.

Why is it such a big deal?

Oh and yes, I've dated black men, my best friend is married to a black guy and I have lots of friends of all colours.

 

[Wiggles]

I have absolutely no problem with it.

And I'm pretty sure there are enough people in this world to go around, enough for everyone.

Just do your thing, and don't let other people get you agitated and down.

 

[CarolineOh]

I agree with you, but I am also sensitive to the complaint by black women who can't find a suitable black mate, that white women like me are making it harder on them.

 

[LadyG]

Don't worry about it. As long as you are happy..who cares what anyone else thinks?

If they want to find someone, why not look outside their own race too?

 

[CarolineOh]

I have absolutely no problem with it.

And I'm pretty sure there are enough people in this world to go around, enough for everyone.

Just do your thing, and don't let other people get you agitated and down.

Thank you Wiggles. I am not down about it, because I know that I am following my heart. I am just interested in some straight talk on the subject.

 

[Monazwx]

Don't sweat it

CarolineOh, as a black woman, West Indian woman, woman of color or whatever I am (I'm new to the States, so I find all this catagorization kind of strange), I can tell you to just find the best guy you can, whatever the race.

Where I'm from, we're mostly black, but we don't have these kind of problems. Being here though, I see what you're talking about all the time. Usually these girls who are complaining are just too petty to get or keep a good man. If you got a good man, bravo (you doin' better than me).

I like to see interracial dating, marriages, etc. It makes me think that tolerance and love will win out in the end. Don't let the crazy and confused get to ya, (sadly, these are usually the same ones who fight for equality). Ironic ain't it?

 

[LadyG]

I do believe that Mona summed it up perfectly. When you see interracial marriages, etc., it DOES make you hopeful.

Don't let a few bad apples spoil it. Maybe they are just jealous because you have a great guy!

 

[Bob Peale]

I agree with you, but I am also sensitive to the complaint by black women who can't find a suitable black mate, that white women like me are making it harder on them.

Wow..it must be springtime again...

I never got the "suitable" thing. People fall in love with a person, not a color. Or an ethnicity. Or a regionalism. Or any one of a thousand other identifiers.

If a person wants to restrict their eligible talent pool, that is entirely up to them, and I don't think that they should be shamed or ridiculed for it. However, I also don't think that it's fair for them to impose their restrictions on others.

If you like this guy, there is no reason you should avoid dating him because it makes others uncomfortable.

 

[CarolineOh]

Mona, I was hoping you would respond, thank you.
Being in an interracial relationship allows me to see the way that relationship sends ripples through my surroundings, making my white friends and even family members face their own feelings about race, and in some cases, see a black person as a full human being for the first time, and not as a collection of media stereotypes. So, in that way, not to paint myself as some sort of heroine, I think my relationship does good not just for the two of us, but for those around us as well.

 

[Bob Peale]

Mona, I was hoping you would respond, thank you.
Being in an interracial relationship allows me to see the way that relationship sends ripples through my surroundings, making my white friends and even family members face their own feelings about race, and in some cases, see a black person as a full human being for the first time, and not as a collection of media stereotypes. So, in that way, not to paint myself as some sort of heroine, I think my relationship does good not just for the two of us, but for those around us as well.

If you think the relationship does that, I can vouch first hand that the wedding is REALLY interesting...

 

[CarolineOh]

If you think the relationship does that, I can vouch first hand that the wedding is REALLY interesting...

Yikes! Well, it's going to be a while before I consider getting married again anyway.

 

[Ebonyfire]

As a white woman in a relationship with a black man, I encounter a wide variety of reactions from black women, ranging from an attitude of solidarity to outright hostility.
I'd like to ask the women of color on this board (not necessarily just the African-Americans) to give it to me straight. Do you see someone like me as an enemy or an ally, or is it a matter of indifference?
I'd also like to hear from other people in interracial or crosscultural relationships of whatever kind if they have encountered difficulties,and how they deal with them.

To tell you the truth, I rarely date black men, so it never bothers me when I see a white woman with a black man. To each his (or her) own. It leaves more white boys for me! LOL
Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not in my family!

If you think the relationship does that, I can vouch first hand that the wedding is REALLY interesting...

My family is the rainbow coalition. On both sides no one even blinks anymore.

Part of my family is white, black, and hispanic. Hell, at this point, we are hard pressed to find any "pure" breeds!

Ebony

 

[Monazwx]

If anything shakes things up more than an earthquake, it's an interracial relationship. In my case (yours too it sounds), it was shocking to see people's initial reaction. People I'd known all my life, acted so weird, I couldn't believe it.

They weren't hostile, but it was obvious that they wondered where "I got him from?" You're so right about stereotypes, it was jokes all around from the minute I introduced him!

It is challanging sometimes, but it's an opportunity for so much growth for all involved like you said. When people take a long, hard look at themselves, they understand that it's all about love (yes, I love John Lennon too).

 

[Bob Peale]

Yikes! Well, it's going to be a while before I consider getting married again anyway.

LOL...sorry, didn't mean to rush you.

I just meant that marriage represents another point of reckoning. Even coming to grips with the fact that your friend/son/daughter/nephew/neice//grandchild is dating someone different, a wedding still has a sense of permanence. When I proposed to my wife, I chose to go to her parents first because I felt our union affected their lives (albeit in a different way) as much as it did ours.

Not that they really had veto privileges, but at least they could get a jump on the valium order

 

[CarolineOh]

Well, there's one stereotype I don't fight. When my girlfriends got up the nerve to bring up the allegedly greater sexual prowess of black men(and they ALL did), I was happy to tell them that from my experience it's true

 

[Ebonyfire]

I agree with you, but I am also sensitive to the complaint by black women who can't find a suitable black mate, that white women like me are making it harder on them.

As an African-American woman, I have to tell you to ignore them. Do not let a bunch of women who are discontent with their own choices keep you from enjoying your own.

I get negative comments from black women, more than I get from white women, cause I date white men. You are entitled to your own happiness. Cpmpatibility and shared values are more important that race. having th esame skin color is not enough to cement a lasting, relationship!

If you have found love, enjoy!

Ebony

 

[CarolineOh]

LOL...sorry, didn't mean to rush you.

I just meant that marriage represents another point of reckoning. Even coming to grips with the fact that your friend/son/daughter/nephew/neice//grandchild is dating someone different, a wedding still has a sense of permanence. When I proposed to my wife, I chose to go to her parents first because I felt our union affected their lives (albeit in a different way) as much as it did ours.

Not that they really had veto privileges, but at least they could get a jump on the valium order

That sounds like a wise idea Bob. It does affect the whole family, and while you can't , as you said, give them a veto, you do have to take care for their feelings.

 

[CarolineOh]

As an African-American woman, I have to tell you to ignore them. Do not let a bunch of women who are discontent with their own choices keep you from enjoying your own.

I get negative comments from black women, more than I get from white women, cause I date white men. You are entitled to your own happiness. Cpmpatibility and shared values are more important that race. having th esame skin color is not enough to cement a lasting, relationship!

If you have found love, enjoy!

Ebony

Thank you, Ebony. Your voice is one I have come to respect. I appreciate your kind words.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not in mine...

Well, there's one stereotype I don't fight. When my girlfriends got up the nerve to bring up the allegedly greater sexual prowess of black men(and they ALL did), I was happy to tell them that from my experience it's true

Now see, my experience has been the opposite. I do not find them all that! but then again, I like the white boys! To each her own!

Ebony

 

[CarolineOh]

Re: Not in mine...

Now see, my experience has been the opposite. I do not find them all that! but then again, I like the white boys! To each her own!

Ebony

I count myself lucky.

 

[CarolineOh]

And btw, Ebony, your new AV is awesome!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thank you!

And btw, Ebony, your new AV is awesome!!

It took me a while to search for a suitable one! Kinda makes you want to sit on a face doesn't it?

Ebony <counting the days until she is with her love>

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Not in mine...

I count myself lucky.

Girl, if you have a good man, then treasure him! To hell with the negative naysayers!

Good luck to you!

Eb