Which came first....

[MissTaken]

For those of you in long term relationships, which came first, love or BDSM?

Or is this like the chicken or the egg?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

For those of you in long term relationships, which came first, love or BDSM?

Or is this like the chicken or the egg?

Easy answer.

BDSM.

The love came later. The BDSM stayed. No chickens. No eggs.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

I don't know what you consider a long term relationship. I am approaching a year with Snooze next month. We started out as friends and play partners. It was definitely BDSM first. The love came later and the BDSM remains.

No chickens or eggs here either. LOL

 

[Daddyslilpet]

We started off as high school sweethearts, moved to friendship, married 8 years later, and have been married now for 15 years. The BDSM has only been a recent (as in the last year or so) thing for us.

So for us the love came first.

 

[lilredwolph]

with my last Dom it was the love that came first, which is what made me not see some of the red flags as the BDSM flitered in, which i continued to look past until it was way to late

with Daddy it is strictly BDSM at this time love may come

 

[His_sugar]

I have no more eggs

BDSM came first, then friendship, then love.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, I stopped looking for BDSM which led to love.

Each time I tried this route, all too soon the relationship was so geared toward sexuality, that there was no room to get to know one another well enough for love to happen.

Of course, my mom always said I would draw the stray cats and troubled folks without invitation.

Oh, and I would never claim to be a relationship expert.

Now, I will admit, I have had some wonderful BDSM friendships/play partners sans love.

Wonderful! Just wonderful!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Most definately BDSM in all it's glory.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I was just out looking for a beer...

 

[James G 5]

I was just out looking for a beer...

Dergy's?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well, I stopped looking for BDSM which led to love.

Each time I tried this route, all too soon the relationship was so geared toward sexuality, that there was no room to get to know one another well enough for love to happen.

This is true for me too.

Ah well... so it goes and went.

 

[Wizard]

I was just out looking for a beer...

Did someone say Beer?..........


Really for us it was love then we both learned about ourself and bdsm came into play.............Been a part of us ever since....

 

[Quint]

BDSM. I did notice the problem you were talking about, MissT, about the difficulty of working on the rest of the relationship when sex is such a pleasant and easy option. (You didn't put it like that and I hope I didn't just put inaccurate words in your mouth!) It took a great deal of work--still does--to emphasize the importance of developing the other aspects that make us grow and develop as a couple. Sometimes it feels like there have been two Ts in my life, one with whom I shared lots of sexy (but fluffy) chatting with over long distance, and the one I'm living with and constantly doing "relationship" things with.

 

[BlueSugar]

comfort level/experimental level came first to tell each other what we were into loved liked and hated... then of course bdsm... and we both loved that

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

For me vanilla,denying who and what I am, illness then marriage turning to shite, then like a moth from a chrysallis (would say butterfly but....)

 

[SexyChele]

Love, definetely. We are still working on incorporating aspects of BDSM into the relationship, and we may never get there but it's okay. This one was too difficult to find and to special to let him go because he doesn't feel comfortable clamping my nipples.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Love, definetely. We are still working on incorporating aspects of BDSM into the relationship, and we may never get there but it's okay. This one was too difficult to find and to special to let him go because he doesn't feel comfortable clamping my nipples.

Good for you my lady,you'll do for me

 

[SierraMoon]

For those of you in long term relationships, which came first, love or BDSM?

Or is this like the chicken or the egg?

BDSM came first with us... then the love came shortly after for me. (i think He's still getting used to the idea )

No chickens here... but, He did make me hold eggs in my hands, as He teased me mercilessly... telling me to make sure they didn't break

 

[Etoile]

With my girlfriend there is not enough BDSM to say there is that at all. With Daddy, though, it was in a scene that I first realized I was in love. (I had been grabbing eir ass all day already, so I must have realized something, but it was the scene that afternoon that clinched it.)

 

[James G 5]

Hmmm
I can't answer for myself in my present relationship
But I am curious to your feelings on a friend of mine
He's a gay male sub who's been with one guy for about 2 1/2 years now
They met in Nawlins during Mardi at a gay bar and ended up in Dom's room at the hotel
they spent the next few days there & have been together ever since
sub friend told me "That first morning, we woke up and he ordered me to my knees to suck his cock. I went to work, and after I drank it all down, he started to pull away...I tried to hold on, wanting to keep him close. He told me to let go, that he had to piss. I just looked up at him and said, Why go anywhere? and went back to sucking, this time drinking his piss. He told me later that it was at that moment he knew he was in love."

So which was first?

 

[Mr Blonde]

Love is a strong word...but I would need to "very much like" any woman before she became my submissive. On the other hand, my feelings usually grow once she is my submissive because of the trust and intimacy involved.

So yes, there is some sort of symbiotic chicken/egg aspect involved.

 

[Netzach]

Friendship, sparks. Talked a lot about perversions. Would not have allowed myself to fall in love had there been no serious perversions, been there done that.

All kind of happened together.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I had a long vanilla history of love and sex, but my first experience with BDSM was so intense and overwhelming that there was no I way I couldn't fall in love with the girl who gave herself to me. And there's no way that I could ever again be satisfied with vanilla sex after knowing what's available through D/s.

So I wonder if a good D/s relationship just inevitably leads to love.

---dr.M.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I had a long vanilla history of love and sex, but my first experience with BDSM was so intense and overwhelming that there was no I way I couldn't fall in love with the girl who gave herself to me. And there's no way that I could ever again be satisfied with vanilla sex after knowing what's available through D/s.

So I wonder if a good D/s relationship just inevitably leads to love.

---dr.M.

I think this is in part true, though it still has to be the right person. My search for Master was undertaken realising both elements had to exist. I met many I could have had a great D/s relationship with, but that was all it would ever be, not love. With Master, from the first email I had a different feeling, and that was when my very being rung alarm bells...LOL....sor of like 'be careful what you wish for'....when it arrives you are so scared you will stuff it up you find yourself living on the edge.

Catalina

 

[tallguy78]

curious

This is a good question, and one which intrigues me. Love first for me, but I'm just learning about myself enough to recognize some tendencies...I'm engaged, we've played around a little, how can I expose her more to it in a manner most likely to succeed?