When to call it a day?

[Deacon_Voss]

From reading some of this thread I think that the source of the problem comes from ones thinking of this as a wise place to make new friends and establish relationships.

That could happen but for the most part if a person is unable to find meaningful relationships in their real life then looking here is a mistake. Again, it could happen but for the most part this and other internet location are not the best place to make new friends. It servers other purposes perhaps but not a good place for lonely hearts to mend.

I dissagree, but I also know quite a few people that are here for all the wrong reasons. I've been here twenty years, and I've made some incredible friends, like the ones that are helping me through some tough shit right now.

 

[TheOriginalSA]

" ...I have to pry for details of their life.."

Oh I feel this one! I try to be understanding of anonymity due to crazies on the internet but I think after a while I begin to realize that while I may have been conversing with someone for a long time and I still don't know anything substantial about them, yeah I begin to think of calling it a day.




But then if it's serious, shouldn't they look to resolve it? Just my thinking but if someone wants to call it and not even discuss ways to save the relationship, then the relationship must not mean as much to them. Or am I overthinking it?

And you are nicer than I am! Lol. I can think of only one time when I've allowed someone to change their mind.



What would make you unable to "give the sexual"? If that's not too personal to ask.

2 reasons
1. When you're completely happy with what you do have and don't want anything else.
2. When you don't want to go through the whole cycle of possibly getting hurt

I agree with SA.
There was someone I was talking to who I was very sexual with, but I also thought we were friends.
I became serious with someone and met him in RL, so I told the guy, we can still be friends, but we have to stop with the pics.
He didn’t.
We are no longer friends.

His loss

I'll take you as a friend, his slot is taken

 

[TheOriginalSA]

https://voca.ro/1ex0S4StKSJn

Lmao

You're funny and we are most definitely friends lol. Once I have some privacy I'll put some voice messages up, for you to imitate, if you wish lol

 

[blulilacgrl]

2 reasons
1. When you're completely happy with what you do have and don't want anything else.
2. When you don't want to go through the whole cycle of possibly getting hurt.

Yes and YES! And might I add 2a...when you realize it always leads to being hurt eventually. That's why I no longer look for anything more than just friendship.

 

[blulilacgrl]

2 is rough.

What's even more rough is when you are firmly in camp 2 and someone comes along that makes you reconsider. That's when it gets scary! Lol

 

[blulilacgrl]

Even if the end result is the same.

Because it always does, doesn't it? I mean sure there are a few relationships (romantic wise) that maybe grow from here but I figure that's pretty rare. Maybe I'm just cynical or more probably pessimistic.

 

[beachbaby179]

Because it always does, doesn't it? I mean sure there are a few relationships (romantic wise) that maybe grow from here but I figure that's pretty rare. Maybe I'm just cynical or more probably pessimistic.

Try again. Realistic.

A vast majority of people come here because they're missing something in their married life. Ahem. Married life. There are very few happy endings here, simply because people are not really available. That said, we're all adults. And if both parties are consenting, there's fun to be had.

It's when the fun starts to get more serious for one person than it is the other... that's when things get dicey.

That said - when to call it a day? When you realize that you each want different things. Or when they call you the wrong name in a chat. Time to go.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Try again. Realistic.

A vast majority of people come here because they're missing something in their married life. Ahem. Married life. There are very few happy endings here, simply because people are not really available. That said, we're all adults. And if both parties are consenting, there's fun to be had.

It's when the fun starts to get more serious for one person than it is the other... that's when things get dicey.

That said - when to call it a day? When you realize that you each want different things. Or when they call you the wrong name in a chat. Time to go.

Or when they never call you by your name. Lol. Easy to keep straight if everyone has the same pet name/endearment.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Or when they never call you by your name. Lol. Easy to keep straight if everyone has the same pet name/endearment.

Or the same name like Randy, Randy, and Randy that I dated in my 20s. What are the odds???

 

[blulilacgrl]

I love you, ladies.

There was a friend of mine who called me a nickname and then someone else wrote a DL to him, and signed it by that nickname.
When I said something to my GFs about it, they said, Oh, he calls you that, too? He calls me that!

That's why I call everyone Bob. Bob is easy. Bob is universal.

 

[blulilacgrl]

On lit? I prefer Dick.

Very good point!

 

[blulilacgrl]

I’m the similar to Fara but perhaps a bit more of an arsehole.


(By a bit, I mean a lot.)

In general how long before you decide it isn't gonna work?

 

[blulilacgrl]

When I just don’t feel comfortable. When I don’t think they think I’m special or sexy.

So how do you do it?

 

[blulilacgrl]

I would tell them that it doesn’t feel right and I couldn’t do this anymore. Depending on how they reacted, I might get more stern, but I think that letting them know how I felt would be the most respectful thing to do. Nobody wants to be in the dark about how someone feels about them.

I would hope that we’d remain friendly but if we can’t, we can’t.

I gotta say I love how open everyone seems to be about just not feeling it. Simple, direct, ADULT, and honest.

 

[CleverCowardice]

When I don't care enough to put in the effort.
When I don't care enough to make them a priority.
When I don't care if they want to fuck someone else.
When I don't care if they ghost me.
When I just don't care.

If I'm indifferent, that relationship is dead.

 

[blulilacgrl]

When I don't care enough to put in the effort.
When I don't care enough to make them a priority.
When I don't care if they want to fuck someone else.
When I don't care if they ghost me.
When I just don't care.

If I'm indifferent, that relationship is dead.

So how do you end it?

And your points are really speaking to me.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm jealous of women more then men. I think jealousy can mean you care. But also insecurities.

 

[CleverCowardice]

So how do you end it?

And your points are really speaking to me.

Depends on the situation, the specifics of the relationship. Sometimes it sorts itself out, when we mutually come to the realization it's over and, little by little, we see less of each other, speak less often, and just slowly drift apart until we simply aren't a part of the other's life anymore. If a more direct approach is required, if something needs to be said, then we have The Big Talk. I'm open, honest, and direct. Not a fun conversation, but a necessary one.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Dude.
No.
I get jealous.

What do you get jealous over? Serious question but I'm also wearing my shocked face a little here. You are amazing!

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm jealous of women more then men. I think jealousy can mean you care. But also insecurities.

Same question as to Faralicious. Lol. Both of you are awesome. O can't imagine y'all being jealous of anyone.

 

[CleverCowardice]

The Big Talk often is broken up into sub talks.

It can be. Some people get it and, while maybe not happy about it, can accept it and move on. Others might need more. More time. More discussion. More understanding. That's the not fun part, trying to explain why you feel/don't feel this way or that, when and why things changed, how it's not something that can be fixed. (And I imagine that's where the appeal of simply ghosting someone comes into play. It's an easy out.)

 

[blulilacgrl]

You’re amazing too

I get jealous over feeling left out, I guess. Overlooked? I’m not consumed by it, and there’s no one in particular, but there are twinges sometimes. I think that’s natural. When that happens, I try and address it with that person. Or just check in. After that, if it turns out that that friendship/relationship isn’t healthy for me, I’ll move on.

So would you say you are jealous of people or the time and attention they are getting? That's my thing. I rarely get jealous of someone but I will get upset if I feel like I am not getting my fair share of time. I think that's more because I begin to feel less important.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I promise to respond better when I'm home later tonight. But yes. Fara is right. I meant friendships.

 

[Modern_drunkard]

When she puts mayo on her burger. Fuck outta herez.

 

[Modern_drunkard]

“Phew.”

Thats the sound I make when I...well.