When seeking a partner through ads, what gets your attention or ensures you pass by?

[BlondGirl]

It seems that so many of us who are active singles into SM have used personal ads in an attempt to meet potential partners.

What has attracted you to an ad?

If online, was it something about the title or the picture that made you curious enough to open it?

What in an ad strikes your fancy?

Are you one able to overlook grammar/spelling errors or do these automatically make your cringe?

What makes you thankful that you can screen these folks out before tolerating them face-to-face?

What ensures that you will not respond?

What responses have you gotten that made you want to respond versus the aspects that made you reach quickly for the delete button?

Where have you successfully placed/answered an ad?

I am hoping this discussion will be helpful in getting us Lit-SMers laid.
I mean, spanked.
Oh hell, spanked, then laid, then laid while being spanked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edited 4-7-2003
For those of you who are new to this thread, I must apologise in advance for the very immature displays that one must tolerate to read and/or participate in this discussion thread. The only way I can see to be able to get past the childish displays would be to block the offending person (child?) while participating here.
Seeing this makes me empathize all too well with those cherished folks who fled to KT.
Thank you again to those who have participated and thank you in advance to those mature, experienced people who reply.

Blondgirl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Shadowsdream]

Good questions!
The ads that get My attention are the ones that do NOT provide a laundry list of desired kinks but sprinkle enough into the mix to add some mystery. A little humour goes a long way and an opening of the heart with a touch of vulnerability that cannot be mistaken for stupidity!
What attracts My itchy DELETE finger is the chat room type grovelling *bow* *kneeling at Your feet* *i am worthless* make me Your slave!
Those messages where a submissive claims to be a sex slave do nothing for Me...I create sex slaves...I am not looking for a self creation ~~grin~~
Thank you for opening this provocative thread...

 

[BlondGirl]

I suppose it would be most appropriate for me to respond for myself.

The pictures on the search don't attract me if it is a facial shot. I tend to automatically assume those folks are rather full of themselves and don't waste my time.

Pictures in the ads themselves are also an issue. A guy who posts a pic of his cock there is probably too full of himself. I am assuming he is the owner of one and unless it is unusual, there is no need to photo it for your ad. I can look at a picture of that once we are corresponding. (Some self control in one's display is a bonus too--if you can't refrain from showing off your average willy, hwo on Earth can I expect you to show self-restraint later when my safety can be compromised.) If there is anything unusual about your cock, by all means, a photo upfront is fine but not necessary. (piercing/s, tattoos, whatever)

Grammar is a biggie. If there is one error, no biggie. Two, ditto. But 47? I don't think so.

A title that is witty or original attracts me. I prefer a lover who can think and challenge my mind. Displaying this without overdoing it certainly attracts me.

Location is an issue for me. I do not care at all for someone who "passes through regularly" and I don't meet folks online for a one nighter.

I have met several folks. Typically I meet the person for lunch at a favorite location (the Kemah Boardwalk, for those of you familiar with the Houston area. Lots to do. Lots of cops around.).

I like to get a few drinks into the person to get that social lubrication going and to loosen the mouth. (I have learned some really important information that way!)

Anyone who stresses they want only someone who is H/W proportionate or thin or a certain height/titsize makes me feel the person is shallow. (I don't go for someone who expresses ANY preference in the ad or the first response.) I know that our bodies change and that anyone who is so hung up on his version of perfection is a waste of time

Guys that have good communication skills that are displayed in their ads or responses certainly get my attention. Guys that use abbreviations such as "r" or "u" are indicating they are underaged or are striving to be.

And lastly, the bullshit of the Y/you, i, W/we is distracting and makes me feel the person is much more interested in showing off all they "know" from online play as opposed to being a realtime partner. These last two paragraphes are what make me reach for that delete button at lightspeed.

 

[Shadowsdream]

continued....
the r...u...ur..wanna... also turn Me off..it is lazy..and generally deceptive and disrespectful.
As do ads all in CAPS...yelling is obnoxious...and again disrespectful.
Posted crotch shots and cocks bore Me..Ya seen one Ya seen 'em all. But...butts are nice..as they indicate sensuality and vulnerability to Me. I do respond better to ads that include a picture because I feel an honesty through that exposure.
A submissive wanting to try the relationship out in Email or MSN will not get My attention as I do not Dominate online..but an ad that states Email exchange to get to know each other may attract My attention as it shows self respect and caution.
Location or the ability to relocate is also an important aspect as are general likes and dsilikes outside of the BDSM arena.
One liners make Me laugh as I move on and a typed book better be interesting if I am going to complete it...

 

[Richard49]

I want to be a smart ass and use lots of Us and rs
But.........

The fist thing I look for in an ad is location
I am not interested much in an interenet relationship
and if they are were I can not travel for ever

Then I look for compatibility and chemistry

 

[cellis]

Re: When seeking a partner through ads, what gets your attention or ensures you pass by?

It seems that so many of us who are active singles into SM have used personal ads in an attempt to meet potential partners.

What has attracted you to an ad?

If online, was it something about the title or the picture that made you curious enough to open it?

What in an ad strikes your fancy?

Are you one able to overlook grammar/spelling errors or do these automatically make your cringe?

What makes you thankful that you can screen these folks out before tolerating them face-to-face?

What ensures that you will not respond?

What responses have you gotten that made you want to respond versus the aspects that made you reach quickly for the delete button?

Where have you successfully placed/answered an ad?

I am hoping this discussion will be helpful in getting us Lit-SMers laid.
I mean, spanked.
Oh hell, spanked, then laid, then laid while being spanked.

This is an excellent discussion, BlondGirl.

I think that whether I am looking for a Dominant or another submissive these rules apply.

1. They have to be articulate. They need to be able to put a string of words together and make an interesting sentence.

2. Their ad needs to seem like they spent some thought on it and put some effort into it.

3. Poor grammar and misspelled words drive me crazy. I have dictionary on my computer desk that I use almost everyday. If someone uses poor grammar and has misspelled words it speaks to me of laziness. Who wants a lazy submissive or worse yet a lazy Dominant. I don't mind the W/we or Y/you stuff too much coming from a submissive. I think that sometimes it a way for them to show that they are submissive. I just let them know that it is not necessary.

4. As for photos, I do like to know what someone looks like only to be able to put a voice and face together. It is not necessary that they post one though.

There was one Dom that I wrote to when I was looking for a Dominant. He had a wonderful ad, well written and thought out. He knew exactly what he was looking for and stated that in the ad. He had photos only to show himself as a person. There were no cock and ball shots. Just a couple of nice photos, one in his fetish wear and one in street clothes. I mention this only because he had one of the best ads on alt.com at the time.

5. Location is important. I want to know whether someone is close to me or not.

I think if you put all those things together you can have a very interesting ad... and those that have done this have created ads that are attractive to me.

 

[RainCrow]

I like this line of topic. Quite interesting but yet very common.

I will say the first thing I go for is location. I wont even look at adds where the person is not in my location or not within an hours driving distance. That is a must, I am not interested on online relationships. I like to look into a persons eyes, feel their skin against mine, be able to nuzzle up against them and smell their scent. You just can't get that sitting behind a computer screen.

Now I have to admit the second thing I go for is a photo, I usually don't look at the add if it doesn't have a photo on it. Yes that may seems shallow but honestly I am not shallow. I believe that by having a picture of yourself you are being truthful and exposing yourself. I think it's the first step in being honest and honesty is one good building block in a relationships foundation. If the only thing you see in the pictures is genitals or breasts I immediately move on to the next profile. Yeah she has boobs or yeah he has a penis. Big whoop de do, does not attract me. I am a face person, I like to see the eyes, the curve of the lips, glow in the cheeks. Of course a picture is still not the real thing, but it will give you a pretty good idea.

I would say third they absolutely have to be articulate. I can not stand it when people are too lazy and just don't care about the way they present themselves. Obviously if someone does not take the time, to hell, even do spell check on their profile (something that takes 2 seconds), then they obviously don't care how they present themselves. I think that is poor judgment and I don't want to surround myself with that type of person.

Fourth one or two line profiles I pass right up. At least take the time to tell me a little about yourself. I don't want your whole life story that is something for later, but at least take the time to give me an idea of the type of person you are.

 

[psiberzerker]

I don't shop for playmates through personals because of WYSIWYG. It's what you don't see that can make this a scary proposition. That being said, I take a masochistic pleasure in reading them, mostly for the really bad ones.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but I see one more iteration of "No Fat Chix", and I'll answer the add with a quarter tonner, and a branding iron. I'll get her to sit on him while I burn that epithetic cliche on his forehead, then release him in a weight watchers meating.
That's not the worst infraction I've seen, just the most common. I positively delight in unrealistic expectations like "Live at home semiprofessional ISO "perfect 10" for anal sex, and posibly LTR. You've got to read between the lines here, but I always translated the former portion as "College age loser who lives with his mom."
On the other side of the dick, there's all the money grubbing and posturing of the WISOM section. Every other add says something about "Professional" in there just to make sure you know it'll be high maintenance. I guess it's more subtle than saying "No poor doodz" but only just.
The euphemisms are almost as much fun as the meet market. There's a whole category for "fat chix" alone. Rubenesque? I guess I wasn't the only one who watched Robert Downy Jr. hit on Molly Ringwald in the last official brat pack movie. BBW is cute, if only because it's easy to type, or hopefully, overlook. Why haven't I seen "Stout" yet, or "Nicely rounded". How about "Morbidly Obese?"(MO) I guess honesty is no longer a virtue.
One last Kvetch, if you're going to do a thematic post, try to make it good. No, guys, the babe's aren't as impressed by the Car analogy rife with puns, and sexual stereotypes. At least have the common decency to maintain continuity, I'm pretty sick of the literative atrocities followed by a compacted, and expurgated list of features, pet peeves, and pathological fixiations.
Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I don't use personals...but if I did, they would do me no good. I can't tell enough from three lines to do much good. Then again, you can come to Lit, and use those personals, and get an interaction with the person, and go from there. Personality is worth more than any other single trait a person can have.

 

[BlondGirl]

Johnny,
This thread is not about the validity of using personals. It is about what works and does not work.

Your response is no different than opening a thread about what kinds of foundation/base(make-up) are better at hiding a burn scar to the temple and responding with comments about how the person should love and accept herself anyway...

Yadda Yadda

Writing just to see what you have "thought up" in print.

~~~~~~~~~
Edited to add this:

I read your comments to my companion and got this response " Him? He is just a posting whore" I think that would make a most excellent title for you, Johnny.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Johnny,
This thread is not about the validity of using personals. It is about what works and does not work.

Your response is no different than opening a thread about what kinds of foundation/base(make-up) are better at hiding a burn scar to the temple and responding with comments about how the person should love and accept herself anyway...

Yadda Yadda

Writing just to see what you have "thought up" in print.

~~~~~~~~~
Edited to add this:

I read your comments to my companion and got this response " Him? He is just a posting whore" I think that would make a most excellent title for you, Johnny.

Excuse me? Is there a reason why you have singled me out? I was just saying what worked FOR ME, not making a judgment on anyone else.

If you've got a personal problem with me, PM me.

 

[MissTaken]

I don't use personals...but if I did, they would do me no good. I can't tell enough from three lines to do much good. Then again, you can come to Lit, and use those personals, and get an interaction with the person, and go from there. Personality is worth more than any other single trait a person can have.

So, what do you look for in a lit personal's ad that might draw your interest?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

So, what do you look for in a lit personal's ad that might draw your interest?

What I said: personality. Does someone's flaws mesh with mine? Are they going to drive me insane every time they open their mouth?

 

[MissTaken]

What I find odd is that the personal ads I have written that generated the most productive interest do not necessarily have the same components of the ads that gather my interest.

What I look for is:

1. Age and location: I am sorry guys, but I cannot fathom being Dominated by someone who is ten years younger than I am. In my mid thirties, oops late thirties, that would mean I would be playing with a twenty eight year old with leather and whips. A lot of growth happens between the 20's and 30's, IMHO. Location? I am free to locate, but do not wish to relocate too far from where I am because of the children.

2. I can overlook spelling errors. Not everyone types 70 wpm and uses spell check or has a good grasp on spelling and grammar. However, if there are too many errors and the ad is difficult to read, I will not likely respond.

3. I like a profile that tells me something about the man, not the kink specialist. A one line, "37 SWM seeks submissive" will not get a lot of attention unless his opening message is enlightening. Three well written highly erotic paragraphs about spanking, clips and floggers will not get my attention either. The play is a given, but who is playing is the mystery.

4. Ads that use the formal context of BDSM get a big eye rolling reaction from me. "You will submit to Me with all your heart, soul and body. In return, Your Master will provide...." Whoa, dood, slow down!

5. A profile that indicates an understanding and enjoyment of BDSM in the same context that I practice it will get my response. If the writer indicates a respect for submission and women, shows that he enjoys a woman who is intelligent and independent outside of the relationship and wants to get to know ME further, will get a nice response.

6. Ads that seem to show a "whiney" Dom will not draw me. "I am tired of women not responding." "Women who are not really submissive need to apply." It is best to say, "Serious inquiries only," or something to that effect.

I will save how I have written my own for another post or even another thread. I have gotten different responses over the years in terms of how I tailored the ad and yes, *giggles* sometimes, have changed my ad just to see what would happen.

It has been a while, I may have to think on this one though!

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Good points, Miss T.

I would say that anything that looks out of the ordinary will grab my attention more than just another "Single sub seeks man for BDSM'. Incorporate something of your personality into it. For instance, mine might say, "Semi-single Master-in-training seeks single woman for fun. Prefer women who are laid-back, and like a little giggling with their flogging. Apply within, and getthe chance to watch me do a happy dance at the attention!" Of course, I would prefer to figure out something more about me...if someone works in a favorite movie or song into it, it gives me a little glimpse of personality.

 

[Richard49]

I have no personal ads out there

well none on Alt.com etc. at lest
I have thought about local paper
but.......

Anyway....

I do read others ads
Ads from Subs in search of

and everything you said in the aboce post
is a reflection of my thoughts
also

 

[SexyChele]

I generally don't respond to ads, but I place ads and wait for some one to respond. Confused yet?

However, when some one responds to my ad, I certainly go out and take a look at theirs before I make a decision.

Immediate turnoffs:

1. Married or otherwise seriously involved
2. Location, location, location. He should live close enough that I can see him each week. I want a relationship, not a fly by.
3. Major or many typos. If he can't take the time to express himself well in writing - which is my first impression - then why bother?
4. If they plainly have not read anything in my ad and respond to me anyway. Such as, if I state I am not really into pain and the guy is a total sadist. (Actually happened, btw)
5. Any disrepect at all.
6. Telling me what wonderful/beautiful/captivating eyes I have. Yes, I know they are my best feature, but after a while the line gets old.

Things that intigue:

1. Simplicity. He's just an average guy, he's not Adonis, doesn't have a 14" cock, and doesn't have to "impress" me with his car/house/career. He's just....him.
2. A picture is a must. But no gentalia. Quite frankly, I like the mystery of getting to know a guy and wondering exactly what is under those jeans. Let me imagine for a while instead of pasting 3 shots in my email addy. In the meantime, I nice, recent face does the trick.
3. He has hair. Sorry guys, but something happens to most of ya after 40. I love running my fingers through hair and feeling it against my cheek. As I get closer to my mid-40s, I'm finding this to be a very important quality, even if shallow. (But, hey, he can be 250+ pounds plus, so I don't think I'm all that shallow!)
4. If he has difficulty with simplicity, let him be witty and/or funny.
5. And imaginative and respectful way of answering my ad. Imagination doesn't take much, in my opinion. Just to show he tried.

 

[Richard49]

This typo and spelling thing
throughs me out of running
with a lot of you

 

[MissTaken]

Good point!

I always look at marital status.

No married men, no attached men, even if they think they are "married and available." There is no such thing to my way of thinking.



No Richard, your typos are part of your charm.

 

[Richard49]

No Richard, your typos are part of your charm.

Thank you Miss T

 

[BlondGirl]

I don't use personals...

Then why are you bothering those of us who are keeping to the topic? What you "would" do has nothing to do with this thread. Not any more than discussing what you "think" would be the best make-up for covering burn scars. Your "ideas of what could happen" have no validity when experienced responses have been solicited.

The purpose of this thread is not to increase your numbers of posts, although obviously, that is your goal. Otherwise, you'd have contribute to the topic itself with your REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES or had the courtesy not to post over and over. (I am reminded of my neighbor's rat-dog that just barks and barks and barks to stay amused.)

As to addressing you in PM, when the person who started a thread sees an effort to pull the topic away within the first page of the thread by an intentional distractor who has YET (all on that first page) to give an answer to the original question in 4 (yes, count 'em, FOUR) posts , then you can expect a public response.

If you have nothing to contribute to the topic of what has or has not elicted a response from you in a personal ad that you have either placed or responded to in your real life, please go start your own thread about whatever you feel is necessary to continue your post volumes to rise.

Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, back to the topic. I am curious of how much misrepresentation those of you who have used personals to meet others have experienced. Have you ever misrepresented yoruself? What were the outcomes in these scenarios?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Gummi bears are yummy.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Anyone else see Ozzy Osbourne in concert?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I use a cologne called Mambo...I think it smells nice, and women like it.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Did you ever see those episodes of Friends, with the monkey? Funny stuff!!