When a relationship ends ...

[krazeekat]

What do you do? Keep to yourself and brood about what went wrong? Do you go out and get drunk? Do a little jiggy dance? Go to a karaoke bar and sing your heart out?

I gotta say I'm so tempted by that last option.

 

[silverwhisper]

kat: so long as you're w/ friends, i think the rest doesn't matter quite that much. sorry about the relationship. :>

ed

 

[Succulent-one]

Find a good friend and pour your sole out and let it all go. Then, I clean the house. And I mean clean there is not one hair left, not one particle that reminds me of them. It is so satisfying. Sorry you had to go through a break up, what a drag.

 

[krazeekat]

Thank you both ... it was a very difficult decision for me but I had to do it. I chanced upon this quote ....

I would also have to say that even "unconditional love" is not enough of a reason to stay, if the rest of the relationship does not meet one's needs. Unconditional love, to me, means I will love that person regardless of what they do. It does not mean I have to be with that person if the relationship did not meet my needs.

After I read that I can't help but cried out "thank you! thank you!"

 

[AppleBiter]

What do you do? Keep to yourself and brood about what went wrong? Do you go out and get drunk? Do a little jiggy dance? Go to a karaoke bar and sing your heart out?

I gotta say I'm so tempted by that last option.

It's been a long time, as I've been married quite a while. But, what I used to do in the event of a breakup was to wallow in it and cry and eat junk food. But, I don't really think you should follow my bad example.

 

[Bandit58]

My best friend was a lifeline to me when a relationship I thought was going to go places ended badly When he broke it off I immediately called her and she dropped everything and told me to come round (we only lived a few streets away). We drank so much coffee and I cried so many tears - lol she didn't have any tissues so I had to use a roll of toilet paper

Over the next few days and weeks we spent time together, we went out and I did drink a bit too much on several occasions.....she just let me vent off and cry on her shoulder and then she was with me when the relationship with Gil began..... That was the best part, that she was there not only for the bad stuff but the good stuff too

 

[silverwhisper]

kat: you're quite welcome. :>

bandit: friends are w/ us through the tough times b/c they're our friends. but as their friends, i've always felt it my duty to share the good times w/ them. looks to me like you share that philosophy. :>

ed

 

[krazeekat]

My heartfelt thanks to everyone for their thoughts on this subject. I'm off to meet up with a few of my girlfriends and yes, spilling and sobbing my heart out is on the agenda.

 

[dollface007]

What do you do? Keep to yourself and brood about what went wrong? Do you go out and get drunk? Do a little jiggy dance? Go to a karaoke bar and sing your heart out?

I gotta say I'm so tempted by that last option.

All of the above! Karaoke is an especially good cure for the break-up blues. Try "Since you've been gone" by Kelly Clarkson, or, if you're looking for a classic, "Love Stinks" by J. Geils Band.

I also agree with the quote you found whole-heartedly. A relationship cannot survive on love alone, it takes work!

 

[babydoll2u]

I'm having a really hard time with the recent ending of a relationship, even tho I'm the one who said goodbye. We decided to remain friends... he's a very sweet and loving man and I wanted to remain his friend, at least. But tonight I found some posts here where he seems to be becoming friendly with a lady here who so obviously hates me, and makes no secret about it.
He hardly ever posted with her before, so why now? THAT really hurts me, almost as much as the ending of the relationship.

If you find out how to handle the ending of your relationship KK... PLEASE pass it on would ya? I need the advice....

 

[M's girl]

......We decided to remain friends... he's a very sweet and loving man and I wanted to remain his friend, at least.

That's what I always wanted too, well, most of the time. But it never worked. I've had a few long-term relationships and when they ended I always thought we at least could remain friends. Something always got in the way.... feelings, new partners.... In the end you will realize there was always a good reason of course why you split up. Sometimes people are just "done" with each other. Sometimes so much has happened and you always seem to remember the really good times just after you (decided to) split up. It's part of the greeving proces and it's what makes us want to hang on to at least one last piece of what once felt sooo good.

Look back in a year or so and ask yourself this question then: "do I really miss him (her) that much"? Most of the time the answer is: "no".... you will see. I can understand how it's hard to imagine that now though...

Not very helpful at this moment eh? Maybe it's not what you hoped to hear...

 

[babydoll2u]

That's what I always wanted too, well, most of the time. But it never worked. I've had a few long-term relationships and when they ended I always thought we at least could remain friends. Something always got in the way.... feelings, new partners.... In the end you will realize there was always a good reason of course why you split up. Sometimes people are just "done" with each other. Sometimes so much has happened and you always seem to remember the really good times just after you (decided to) split up. It's part of the greeving proces and it's what makes us want to hang on to at least one last piece of what once felt sooo good.

Look back in a year or so and ask yourself this question then: "do I really miss him (her) that much"? Most of the time the answer is: "no".... you will see. I can understand how it's hard to imagine that now though...

Not very helpful at this moment eh? Maybe it's not what you hoped to hear...

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm trying to be realistic and this really did help.
Truthfully, I doubt that he's posting with the woman who hates me, looking for a new "partner". I'm not sure why he's posting with her all of a sudden, really. I doubt he even knows. Fact is, I've had her on ignore for a while, so that I can't see her posts. But well-meaning people like to pm me and tell me what's being said, or posted, which is how I knew he'd posted on a thread of hers. Sooooooooooooooooo... pm feature is turned off, for a while at least.
That's an aggravation I really do not need, lol.

Anyway, I'm feeling better today, and again, thank you for replying
*hugs*

 

[kinky shy girl]

karaoke is really fun, and it's best when you're completely smashed. drunk karaoake is great!

i say all of the above, too. there's an equal amount of crying, moping, moving on, and having fun. good luck to you!

 

[Tighter]

What do you do? Keep to yourself and brood about what went wrong? Do you go out and get drunk? Do a little jiggy dance? Go to a karaoke bar and sing your heart out?

I gotta say I'm so tempted by that last option.

{{Hugs}} I'm so sorry, and yes I know exactly what you're going through. I fell incredibly hard for someone last year and didn't have a clue he wanted out until he told me.. on the phone. It's been over two months and I'm still crying. So right now I'm still brooding and beating myself up over what *I* did wrong to make him go away. He never told me why, or gave me a reason which makes it even harder. Out of everything, I miss our friendship the most. He was someone I spoke to all the time, talked to about everything, and now it's just gone. So I guess my answer is - I'm makingself sick with heartache. I just want to forget but I don't think I ever will.

My suggestion (even though I can't even take my own advice *weak laugh*) - is to just put your heart back together best you can and make the most of your life.

 

[Cathleen]

I tend to isolate, which isn't a healthy choice for me. Many times the methods of coping were harmful to me. I've had the most difficult losses this summer and I can see some improvements in using healthier behaviors - some.

I'm not sure there a universal way for how I deal with each loss. Each leaves a unique hole or rather a unique imprint on my heart and soul, which is a better what of thinking about it. It can feel like a hole but I'd rather imagine it as if my heart expanded from having had them in my life.

Not the right time for me to figure this out.

(BabyD, I'm sorry for your loss and the situation.)

 

[Eilan]

The only real experience that I have with this is the collapse of my first marriage. I don't count the few junior high/high school "boyfriends" I had; for some reason, those breakups never really affected me one way or another.

My ex-husband also happened to be one of my oldest friends (we met when we were in elementary school), so that made things tougher.

I relied pretty heavily on my friends for a few months, but I also threw myself into caring for my daughters, who were 2 years old and 2 months old at the time. It probably seemed to outsiders that I'd given up my life (outside of work), but, in reality, knowing that my girls needed me to stay strong for them gave me a reason to get out of bed every morning, even though it hurt like hell to do so for some time.

I tend to go back over little details and overanalyze situations, and I had plenty of time to do this. As time passed, I was able to look at things more objectively.

 

[wicked woman]

It can feel like a hole but I'd rather imagine it as if my heart expanded from having had them in my life.

ah little miss ponder...I like this.

 

[midwestyankee]

Each leaves a unique hole or rather a unique imprint on my heart and soul, which is a better what of thinking about it. It can feel like a hole but I'd rather imagine it as if my heart expanded from having had them in my life.

I'm with WW on this one, Cate. Here you have captured the essence of it for me. Of course, sometimes the hurt is so strong that it takes a while to see that your heart has expanded but once we can see that, it's so much better. Nicely said.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

Out of everything, I miss our friendship the most. He was someone I spoke to all the time, talked to about everything, and now it's just gone.

Exactly. I had a breakup last year that affected me much more than the dissolution of my marriage did.

And while I wouldn't go back and change anything that happened, good or bad, sometimes I wish we had met somehow as just friends...he was a great friend, and I miss that the most, even now.

 

[M's girl]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm trying to be realistic and this really did help.
Truthfully, I doubt that he's posting with the woman who hates me, looking for a new "partner". I'm not sure why he's posting with her all of a sudden, really. I doubt he even knows. Fact is, I've had her on ignore for a while, so that I can't see her posts. But well-meaning people like to pm me and tell me what's being said, or posted, which is how I knew he'd posted on a thread of hers. Sooooooooooooooooo... pm feature is turned off, for a while at least.
That's an aggravation I really do not need, lol.

Anyway, I'm feeling better today, and again, thank you for replying
*hugs*

No thanks .... I think I know how you feel but this will past... You're very wise turning off your PM feature when it bothers you that much (others drawing your attention to... etc), don't know if my wisdom in this matter would win from curiosity, haha. So you're already taking the right steps to move on. Very good....

 

[M's girl]

{{Hugs}} I'm so sorry, and yes I know exactly what you're going through. I fell incredibly hard for someone last year and didn't have a clue he wanted out until he told me.. on the phone. It's been over two months and I'm still crying. So right now I'm still brooding and beating myself up over what *I* did wrong to make him go away. He never told me why, or gave me a reason which makes it even harder. Out of everything, I miss our friendship the most. He was someone I spoke to all the time, talked to about everything, and now it's just gone. So I guess my answer is - I'm makingself sick with heartache. I just want to forget but I don't think I ever will.

My suggestion (even though I can't even take my own advice *weak laugh*) - is to just put your heart back together best you can and make the most of your life.

You know? You probably didn't do anything wrong. Otherwise you would have known. He was simply bored or tired or whatever you call it and that sounds harsh but some people are not in a relationship for the long run. It's more their "thing" (read: fault) than yours...

I feel very sorry for you... I see myself after a few of my break-ups. It's horrible, especially if you have no clue what happened. But I've been there and I know it doesn't help you one bit at this moment but trust me.... this feeling will subside and in a while you will ask yourself what the hell you were thinking spending so much time greeving over someone who (as far as I can see from here) is not worth the 'trouble'... mark my words....

 

[babydoll2u]

No thanks .... I think I know how you feel but this will past... You're very wise turning off your PM feature when it bothers you that much (others drawing your attention to... etc), don't know if my wisdom in this matter would win from curiosity, haha. So you're already taking the right steps to move on. Very good....

thanks... seems that everytime we talk we end up sniping and digging and accusing... happened on IM last night.
Guess we can't even talk civilly (sp?) anymore... It was more my fault than his tho.. I was upset that he didn't
ask how my son was when he knew he was sick. I have to keep reminding myself to keep my trap shut.....

 

[Dangerous Nymph]

I spend time alone and deal with it no matter how long it takes. Going out and doing any and everything to keep yaself busy is good short term but you still have to deal with it later. I just spend time by myself and try to get over or past that person. (depending on my connection to them). Being alone does me better than being out and about

 

[oxphocker]

The first girl I ever dated, we were together for five years and we broke up a little over three years ago. I'm not a person that usually has regrets in life, but that is one of the few that I have. To this day I still care about her and talk to her from time to time. However, she has met someone else and I believe they are engaged...isn't life grand? Add to that the fact that my career put any sort of relationship on hold for a year and now I am trying to find a 'paying' job in said career, I have neither time nor money to put into a relationship. So I go to my part time job, get home, look online for more job opportunities, and then get online...repeat. Somedays I get so sick of this rut, it's disgusting but there is not much else I can do... don't have the money to go out to places, still living at home with parents (that drives me up the wall), and everyone I know is either already paired up or people that I would never consider dating. Yay! In terms of advice, I did try dating someone else about six months after we broke up and I did forget about her for a while until that relationship started having problems. Been single since, so I can't say that is an actual working plan....

 

[Nightbird]

I'm sorry Kat..