What's with the degrading names?

[Cirrus]

First off, I'm not bitching or complaining, or saying anyone who uses these terms is wrong. Even though BDSM is our common thread here, we all enjoy different things and different "levels" of play. I know some, both Dom and sub, find humiliating or being humiliated enjoyable, and that's fine. I just don't.

I've noticed a lot of Doms, probably about half and half in my experience (and I admit it is limited), refer to their subs in a degrading manner, such as calling them sissy, slut, bitch, things like that. For some, it's a full time term of reference, for others it's only during play.

What I've also noticed is that when subs are "degraded", male subs are usually feminized. Why is this? Is it because the role of the submissive is often a female one?

So...if you are a dominant, why do you use those terms? What do you find erotic about immasculating a male sub if you have one and play that way? And for the subs...what do you like about being humiliated or degraded?

 

[Desdemona]

In all honesty, I hate being called a slut or a whore. But that's just me and based on my own issues.

 

[Cirrus]

At times, in certain situations, I don't mind it. For example, when I wanted to have sex for the second time the other day, my boyfriend said to me something to the effect of "you just can't get enough, you're such a slut, aren't you?" We were in the heat of passion, it sounded good at the time. I felt slutty and uninhibited right then, but if he were to call me that outside the bedroom, or even at certain times in it, I wouldn't hit the roof but I'd make certain he knew I didn't like it used in that context.

 

[gumbie]

Situational Slut

It certainly does depend on the timing with me. In the heat of the moment i enjoy being called "slut", "whore", "cocksucker", "asslicker" and "pussyface". Those terms are a major turn-on, especially when used in complete sentances! They really enhance the difference of status between us for the duration of the scenario.

But outside of the sexual situation, the only nicknames She uses on me are "honey", "sweetheart" and "darling".

i guess that makes me a Situational Slut. It's all in the timing.

 

[Lancecastor]

So...if you are a dominant, why do you use those terms?

I generally don't use those terms unless it's Degradation Day at the Sizzler or Humiliation Night at TGIF's.

So, I resent the "When did you stop beating your wife?" choice of wording you've used above.....bitch.



Lance

 

[Cirrus]

So...when did you stop beating her? Cuntlicker.

 

[MsWorthy]

I use the *degrading*, nasty terms (slut, nasty girl, bad girl, slutty) only during play, and I use them only because my partner finds them erotic. It seems to actually help her let go and enjoy herself.

What is important to her is that these terms describe how she *feels* (not what or who she is), how much she wants to let go, and not that I really believe these things about her - I don't - and she knows this. If she thought that I believed these descriptors I don't think she would find the terms erotic.

 

[spankableBelle]

'My sweet little whore'
'My slut'

i don't know what it is about those terms...i don't see them as degrading or humiliating...i revel in them, in the tone of voice in which they are said...half endearment and half lust...it sends my own arousal off the scale...

i used to hate them...i used to find them disgusting and degrading and humiliating...then during a particular conversation with someone a couple years ago...(blush) he whispered over the phone 'my little slut, cum for me'...in the heat of the moment he pushed me past that limit...and ever since then, anytime a lover has refered to me in that way, at the right moment, in the right tone of voice...i just come completely undone and my body responds...

it's also a bit forbidden, very naughty, raunchy...i grew up in the bible belt where self respecting people didn't speak that way of those they care for...it's that being a dirty little girl feeling...pushed over the edge with a little wicked nasty talk...i'll take that over sweet nothings any day...though i think i'd rather have both...~smile~...mixed and mingled...and i know One that can do it and send me soaring...

go figure...

belle

 

[SierraMoon]

Belle, i know exactly how you feel!! the Master that i spoke of on the other thread, uses names such as that when he is talking to me... i don't mind it one bit!! It's meant as an endearment, so i take no offense to it..
to hear me being called names like that, at certain times, will send me right over the edge.. as you said, it's forbidden, naughty, raunchy, etc... and i LOVE it!!!

 

[artful]

Just Another Thought

On reading the prior posts,...I take it that as long as you KNOW the person, at the right TIME, it's an ok thing for most of you ladies to be called these, "Terms of Endearment", (I know,...there ARE exceptions).

So what is it that OFFENDS many of you, when a Dom would offer a response in first communications ONLINE of,..."Ok SLUT,...on your fucking knees", or,..."I will spank you till you cum", or,... "Here,...lick THIS bitch?", or using many of the other TERMS in addressing you.

(just asking)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Whatever trips your trigger......

A lot depends on the context of the terms being uttered, mumbled, shouted or screamed.....

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

First off, I'm not bitching or complaining, or saying anyone who uses these terms is wrong. Even though BDSM is our common thread here, we all enjoy different things and different "levels" of play. I know some, both Dom and sub, find humiliating or being humiliated enjoyable, and that's fine. I just don't.

I've noticed a lot of Doms, probably about half and half in my experience (and I admit it is limited), refer to their subs in a degrading manner, such as calling them sissy, slut, bitch, things like that. For some, it's a full time term of reference, for others it's only during play.

What I've also noticed is that when subs are "degraded", male subs are usually feminized. Why is this? Is it because the role of the submissive is often a female one?

So...if you are a dominant, why do you use those terms? What do you find erotic about immasculating a male sub if you have one and play that way? And for the subs...what do you like about being humiliated or degraded?

Degradation is in the eye of the beholder isn't it? I use them cause I want to.

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Just Another Thought

On reading the prior posts,...I take it that as long as you KNOW the person, at the right TIME, it's an ok thing for most of you ladies to be called these, "Terms of Endearment", (I know,...there ARE exceptions).

So what is it that OFFENDS many of you, when a Dom would offer a response in first communications ONLINE of,..."Ok SLUT,...on your fucking knees", or,..."I will spank you till you cum", or,... "Here,...lick THIS bitch?", or using many of the other TERMS in addressing you.

(just asking)

IMHO, it comes across as a basic lack of respect to speak that way to someone you don't know. Trust and respect take time and haven't been developed in the case of first communications online.

Giving prior posts further thought, I can see that under certain circumstances I might find the terms hot. It would definitely be based on a trusting relationship and the context.

 

[Ebonyfire]

What do you find erotic about immasculating a male sub if you have one and play that way?

Why do you think a male sub is emasculated by anything that occurs between a Domme and sub?

I find that more interesting than the question you are asking.

Eb

 

[MsWorthy]

Re: Re: Just Another Thought

IMHO, it comes across as a basic lack of respect to speak that way to someone you don't know. Trust and respect take time and haven't been developed in the case of first communications online.

Giving prior posts further thought, I can see that under certain circumstances I might find the terms hot. It would definitely be based on a trusting relationship and the context.

I agree, Des. I think it has to do with knowing that your partner doesn't really believe you are a slut, bitch, or nasty. In order to know this about someone, you must know her, first. If it comes out of your mouth before you know the woman you are speaking to, it simply comes across as your fantasy and objectifies her.

In my opinion, it is a way of giving her permission to be as wanton (sensual) as she wants to be, in a sexual context. To be free to revel in her sensuality; to let all of her feelings out. This is incredibly freeing. We are so constrained in society, so many rules of behavior if we want to be respected, that to be free of any moral judgement can be wildly erotic.

"if you want to spread your thighs wide and lift toward my thrusts, baby, do it!!! I think you are beautiful and special and your body is just for my (and your) pleasure. Let go and and come to the place I want to take you."

I think this is the sentiment.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: Just Another Thought

I agree, Des. I think it has to do with knowing that your partner doesn't really believe you are a slut, bitch, or nasty. In order to know this about someone, you must know her, first. If it comes out of your mouth before you know the woman you are speaking to, it simply comes across as your fantasy and objectifies her.

In my opinion, it is a way of giving her permission to be as wanton (sensual) as she wants to be, in a sexual context. To be free to revel in her sensuality; to let all of her feelings out. This is incredibly freeing. We are so constrained in society, so many rules of behavior if we want to be respected, that to be free of any moral judgement can be wildly erotic.

"if you want to spread your thighs wide and lift toward my thrusts, baby, do it!!! I think you are beautiful and special and your body is just for my (and your) pleasure. Let go and and come to the place I want to take you."

I think this is the sentiment.

yahooooooo.com

Truer words were never spoken and so articulately as well!

 

[Desdemona]

I'm taking baby steps over towards the camp that doesn't mind the names in the right context although I haven't really felt the need for much permission to be wanton in the last few years. It seems to come naturally when I'm with the right partner.

 

[MsWorthy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Just Another Thought

yahooooooo.com

Truer words were never spoken and so articulately as well!

Thank you, SD, you honor me. ~smiles~

 

[Cirrus]

Re: Re: What's with the degrading names?

Why do you think a male sub is emasculated by anything that occurs between a Domme and sub?

I find that more interesting than the question you are asking.

Eb

I think you might have interpreted that a little differently than how I meant it. There is nothing inherently immasculating about a man being a submissive. There is nothing inherently masculine about a woman being dominant.

What I was asking was: I know sometimes male subs are nicknamed/referred to as "sissies" or another term that insinuates they're not "manly" men. This can be full time, in scene, or not at all...depends on the people and the relationship. I've also seen and heard of instances where male subs are dressed in feminine clothes, made to put on makeup, conceal their penis, etc. So my question, rephrased was, if you are a female Dom or male sub that engages in this kind of play, what is the turn on ?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: What's with the degrading names?

I think you might have interpreted that a little differently than how I meant it. There is nothing inherently immasculating about a man being a submissive. There is nothing inherently masculine about a woman being dominant.

What I was asking was: I know sometimes male subs are nicknamed/referred to as "sissies" or another term that insinuates they're not "manly" men. This can be full time, in scene, or not at all...depends on the people and the relationship. I've also seen and heard of instances where male subs are dressed in feminine clothes, made to put on makeup, conceal their penis, etc. So my question, rephrased was, if you are a female Dom or male sub that engages in this kind of play, what is the turn on ?

In my case the turn on has very little to do with externals (how he is dressed). The turn on is his obedience to My will. As for having a "sissy" that is who he is submissively. I did not make him that way. I just control how he expresses that sissiness.

Bitchboy is a code name I use on Lit for my sub who's name I do not want to broadcast on a porn site. I call him worse, when I feel like it!
It makes his cock jump. His reactions turn me on.


Eb

 

["angel" eve]

<B><i>MsWorthy</i>"if you want to spread your thighs wide and lift toward my thrusts, baby, do it!!! I think you are beautiful and special and your body is just for my (and your) pleasure. Let go and and come to the place I want to take you." </b>

that is completely true. my girl can become a dirty cunt when i want her to let go. let go of everyone who ever suggested to her that she was not worth anyone's time, that she could not be sexy, that she was not a beautiful person who deserved for her sexual desirese to be met.

i didn't understand it earlier in our relationship. i had no problem with acting out a rape scenario, because we both agreed that it was a game, an act, it was fiction created by concenting adults and we love and trust each other. but i couldn't say the derogitory words to her i was afraid that she would at some point forget that i care, an let the hurt so many others have burdned her with seep through and i would be hurting her too.

it took me a few months to realise that she was asking for persmission to let go, and act the part of a slut. to be someone who isn't her exactly. to be completely uninhibited, and freed from who she is.

-

me, i'm not really an inhibited person like that. i don't feel guilty about being sexual. i can have a hard time describing my desires, but i don't mind acting like a slut, because i know i'm not a slut. the derogitory names are something i don't like, unless i'm already pretty deep in subspace, then i don't mind at all.

 

[zipman]

It's not the name...it's the context.

I have a gf/sub who does not love to be called a slut. She does adore being called MY slut. Her amazing sexuality is one of the many things I love about her. It is one reason our relationship is so good. It turns her on to be called that and it turns me on to call her that. I do not mean it in a demeaning way and she does not take it that way.

There are subs who do love to be verbally humiliated. Does that make it wong or bad to use those words? I would say no. It is just one more area of negotiation between a Dom and a sub.

It's all about the context of how it's used, why it's used and whether or not (and how) a D/s couple wants to use them.

 

[subtledecadence]

I use the *degrading*, nasty terms (slut, nasty girl, bad girl, slutty) only during play, and I use them only because my partner finds them erotic. It seems to actually help her let go and enjoy herself.

What is important to her is that these terms describe how she *feels* (not what or who she is), how much she wants to let go, and not that I really believe these things about her - I don't - and she knows this. If she thought that I believed these descriptors I don't think she would find the terms erotic.

At first, I took offense at His use of the words Slut, Bitch, etc. Then He explained it to me, much in the way that You have MsWorthy. This is exactly the way that W/we view "degrading" names. They are only used during O/our play, and are meant to describe the way I am feeling. With the word Slut, it is not used to describe me as a woman who sleeps around, but more that I am His little slut, that I love doing what He asks of me not just for Him, but for my own pleasure as well, and it is this enjoyment which makes me, at the time, sluttish.

subtledecadence

 

[Trainerman]

Another perspective...

My pet would probably not object at all to being addressed in these sort of terms....at least, not at the "right" moment.

These terms are not used because I dislike them. To me, they are undignified and I like my pet to "sub" with dignity, and I like to accept it with respect of and for her.

Now before the "I have come for an arguement" ** brigade try to jump on me, my philosophy is "whatever floats your boat" and just because I am stating how my emotions drive me I am not accusing those who incorporate such words or phrases in their play as not having respect or treating people with dignity.

I am purely and simply expressing a different perspective.

Dave

** = with acknowledgment to the Monty Python classic.

 

["angel" eve]

Dave,

i wouldn't suggest you were picking a fight at all. i had a problem with the idea of "degrading names" for quite awhile. i happened to change my opinion, but thatz because of the needs/desires of my girl. i changed my mind because she wanted it, i still find it repulsive, when i look at it and i'm not in the situation at the time, but in the moment, itz acceptable enough. i don't mind. it even feels kind of sexy. though nowhere near as much as other things.

i guess i've just decided itz something i'm willing to do, if it gives her pleasure.

i love her so i call her dirty names..... lol. great logic.