What's up with being under consideration

[ultramarineblue]

I see a lot of people talking about that. Of course Fetlife has that as one of its options. I kind of see it as taking a step into dating exclusively. I'm not really sure though. What do y'all think of it?

 

[CutieMouse]

Blunt opinion?

The terminology/philosophy behind such things screams "junior high drama" [to me]...

 

[ultramarineblue]

That sounds about right. Maybe it should be delivered in the fashion of the check yes or no box?

 

[FurryFury]

Sound like a commitment phobic male ploy to me.

 

[CutieMouse]

See I hear "under consideration" and wonder what the rules are? At what point does one become "under consideration"? If you think about it, one can be interesting enough to be "considered" as a potential partner from the point of initial contact - else, why would contact be made? Is one under consideration from first contact? How about thrid? Or does some form of sex [cyber/whatever] have to occur, first? And how does that work, exactly? And does it work both ways?

"Lord MasterlyMaster is under the consideration of Susie SuperSubmissive; Susie SuperSubmissive is under the consideration of Lord MasterlyMaster! Let all who read this Rejoyce and Huzzah and stuff!"


(I probably should not have started thinking about this stuff after pouring that glass of wine...)

 

[ultramarineblue]

Sound like a commitment phobic male ploy to me.

I could definitely see that.

 

[ultramarineblue]

See I hear "under consideration" and wonder what the rules are? At what point does one become "under consideration"? If you think about it, one can be interesting enough to be "considered" as a potential partner from the point of initial contact - else, why would contact be made? Is one under consideration from first contact? How about thrid? Or does some form of sex [cyber/whatever] have to occur, first? And how does that work, exactly? And does it work both ways?

"Lord MasterlyMaster is under the consideration of Susie SuperSubmissive; Susie SuperSubmissive is under the consideration of Lord MasterlyMaster! Let all who read this Rejoyce and Huzzah and stuff!"


(I probably should not have started thinking about this stuff after pouring that glass of wine...)

I love it!!!!!!! That's exactly what I've been thinking about. Anyone you go out is being considered as to whether or not they could become a potential future partner.

I think in the end it just all boils down to symbols, labels, and semantics. Everyone interprets all of that slightly differently due to their experiences.

 

[FurryFury]

See I hear "under consideration" and wonder what the rules are? At what point does one become "under consideration"? If you think about it, one can be interesting enough to be "considered" as a potential partner from the point of initial contact - else, why would contact be made? Is one under consideration from first contact? How about thrid? Or does some form of sex [cyber/whatever] have to occur, first? And how does that work, exactly? And does it work both ways?

"Lord MasterlyMaster is under the consideration of Susie SuperSubmissive; Susie SuperSubmissive is under the consideration of Lord MasterlyMaster! Let all who read this Rejoyce and Huzzah and stuff!"


(I probably should not have started thinking about this stuff after pouring that glass of wine...)

LMAO!

 

[ZRT]

I've been pondering the notion, derived from Homburg's idea that BDSM and roleplayers are fairly similar mindsets, that BDSM is an intrinsically 'artistic' mindset.

Meaning that the 'community' as it were tends towards dramatic gestures and other artiste cliches.

 

[WriterDom]

It comes from the Old Guard Leather community. Mistress Steel has essays about the three collars.

http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I don't subscribe to it but whatever floats your boat.

 

[CutieMouse]

It comes from the Old Guard Leather community. Mistress Steel has essays about the three collars.

http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I don't subscribe to it but whatever floats your boat.

Some days I think I'm too jaded to bother with kinky/BDSM relationships anymore...

 

[ZRT]

Yeah, I knew that aspect of it.

My pet peeve is the whole 'subs use lowercase' thing. It's not something I hold against people, because y'know, whatever works for them. But man, it's jarring on the eyes.

 

[ZRT]

All that said, I can see how the 'under consideration' thing works in terms of 'work to prove yourself' tension creation, but that's just not to my taste.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Blunt opinion?

The terminology/philosophy behind such things screams "junior high drama" [to me]...

There's a huge amount of that in BDSM. 'Sir'; 'Master'; all the bloody Inappropriate Capital Letters, and the equally inappropriate self-conscious lack of capitals. We are adults. We are playing games which give us mutual (if, some might think, perverse) satisfaction. But they are games, and we know they are games. Within the scope of the game, yes, the game is real. But when the referee blows his whistle for half time and we all go back to the dressing rooms for tea and sandwiches, do we really have to take it so bloody seriously?

All right, Say it. I'm a light weight. I'm not a proper dom (sorry, Dom). I slip in and out of role, and look at my own behaviour with post-modern (and post-feminist) irony. I choose to analyse what I do as a dom - as a writer must - both introspectively and neutrally, unpicking the layers of my own self-deceptions. But, come on. This is still so not serious. It's play!

Sound like a commitment phobic male ploy to me.

Well, that too. Speaking as one, it seems to me that many male doms are rather immature and selfish.

I've been pondering the notion, derived from Homburg's idea that BDSM and roleplayers are fairly similar mindsets, that BDSM is an intrinsically 'artistic' mindset.

Meaning that the 'community' as it were tends towards dramatic gestures and other artiste cliches.

This may be something to do with the sort of person who is prepared to out themselves publicly as being into some form of 'deviant' sexuality. If you look back thirty years the 'gay scene' looked enormously camp and theatrical, because gay people who weren't camp and theatrical kept their heads down. Then, there probably were gay bank managers but you'd never know it. Now, being gay is something which is accepted, and if your bank manager wears a pink triangle in his lapel it isn't a big deal. The day you go into your bank and see the manager wearing an in-your-face slave collar, you'll know our particular deviance, too, has come in from the cold.

I'm not holding my breath.

 

[ZRT]

This may be something to do with the sort of person who is prepared to out themselves publicly as being into some form of 'deviant' sexuality. If you look back thirty years the 'gay scene' looked enormously camp and theatrical, because gay people who weren't camp and theatrical kept their heads down. Then, there probably were gay bank managers but you'd never know it. Now, being gay is something which is accepted, and if your bank manager wears a pink triangle in his lapel it isn't a big deal. The day you go into your bank and see the manager wearing an in-your-face slave collar, you'll know our particular deviance, too, has come in from the cold.

I'm not holding my breath.

I get what you're saying, but homosexuality doesn't intrinsically carry with it a defined style of sexuality, whereas that is precisely what BDSM is. BDSM is inherently theatrical, and as such the participants are more than likely to have something of a theatrical mindset.

We have our titles, our positions, our styles of play, etc. It's pretty much guaranteed to be dramatic.

 

[MisterSir]

It's an ego-trip for the sub in question (because it's always been the sub who's been under consideration, in my experience), because they get to go "HEY GUYS SOMEBODY WANTS ME AND NOT YOU", or something to that effect. It's also utter bullshit, like the whole promise/pre-engagement ring bollocks; if you want to get engaged, don't waste your time with pre-engagement shit and the same goes for taking submissives.

 

[kitten_candy]

i'd like to have an option that says i'm considering SuperDomSadist (or MuchToBeFearedBeastMaster or insert cleverusername here...)

 

[ZRT]

i'd like to have an option that says i'm considering SuperDomSadist (or MuchToBeFearedBeastMaster or insert cleverusername here...)

Maybe if you grovel enough you'll be allowed one.

 

[rida]

I took it as the BDSM version of "dating" (and as such I think it should go both ways, afterall the sub too is considering the Dom)

As for the below:

There's a huge amount of that in BDSM. 'Sir'; 'Master'; all the bloody Inappropriate Capital Letters, and the equally inappropriate self-conscious lack of capitals. We are adults. We are playing games which give us mutual (if, some might think, perverse) satisfaction. But they are games, and we know they are games. Within the scope of the game, yes, the game is real. But when the referee blows his whistle for half time and we all go back to the dressing rooms for tea and sandwiches, do we really have to take it so bloody seriously?

All right, Say it. I'm a light weight. I'm not a proper dom (sorry, Dom). I slip in and out of role, and look at my own behaviour with post-modern (and post-feminist) irony. I choose to analyse what I do as a dom - as a writer must - both introspectively and neutrally, unpicking the layers of my own self-deceptions. But, come on. This is still so not serious. It's play!



Well, that too. Speaking as one, it seems to me that many male doms are rather immature and selfish.



This may be something to do with the sort of person who is prepared to out themselves publicly as being into some form of 'deviant' sexuality. If you look back thirty years the 'gay scene' looked enormously camp and theatrical, because gay people who weren't camp and theatrical kept their heads down. Then, there probably were gay bank managers but you'd never know it. Now, being gay is something which is accepted, and if your bank manager wears a pink triangle in his lapel it isn't a big deal. The day you go into your bank and see the manager wearing an in-your-face slave collar, you'll know our particular deviance, too, has come in from the cold.

I'm not holding my breath.

More than being the more theatrical types the one willing to out themselves publicly and as such the whole "lifestyle" looking rather heavy on symbols, I think it the other way around:

The more you separate the BDSM and vanilla aspects of your live, and you consider it just a role you get in from time to time, the more you need symbols and titles to manifest and underline the transition from one section of your life to the other. The more people really live it 24/7, the less they feel the need to stress the difference.

Now of course, if you are a BDSM performer or public figure of any kind, you are first and foremost and artist and as such being theatrical is just part of it.

 

[DVS]

See I hear "under consideration" and wonder what the rules are? At what point does one become "under consideration"? If you think about it, one can be interesting enough to be "considered" as a potential partner from the point of initial contact - else, why would contact be made? Is one under consideration from first contact? How about thrid? Or does some form of sex [cyber/whatever] have to occur, first? And how does that work, exactly? And does it work both ways?

"Lord MasterlyMaster is under the consideration of Susie SuperSubmissive; Susie SuperSubmissive is under the consideration of Lord MasterlyMaster! Let all who read this Rejoyce and Huzzah and stuff!"


(I probably should not have started thinking about this stuff after pouring that glass of wine...)

Actually, it's only submissives that are under consideration. Not that I condone such things. I think it's kind of stupid, but those on Fetlife seem to find it as a normal thing.

Oh, and susie supersubmissive probably wouldn't have her name with capital letters. Just sayin'.

OK, lady...step away from the wine bottle!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I see a lot of people talking about that. Of course Fetlife has that as one of its options. I kind of see it as taking a step into dating exclusively. I'm not really sure though. What do y'all think of it?

It's an excuse for people (particularly horny teen cyberdomlies) to hedge their bets. MasterDomlyCyberKnickers doesn't want to have to call of the search just because he's tallied a few online collars in various convenient timezones. He wants to be able to simultaneously announce that he has oodles of subs who want his collar.jpeg but also that he's open to better offers from other subs.

It's an excuse for greed and non-committalism. It also gives the diligent cyberdomly opportunity to dream up lots of silly hoops for his cybersubblies to jump through before he considers them worthy.

Simply out, it's additional wank-fodder for those who don't have flesh and blood RL pyls to fuck.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Thank you all for your responses. They've confirmed, just like most of the other discussions on here, that it's different for everyone. There's a guy in my local group that has recently taken a sub 'under consideration.' I've taken in their situation, it's that they are in an exclusive relationship but haven't made it to the engagement/collaring stage in a relationship.

I definitely can see how in a lot of situations it can be viewed as the "someone wants me" kinda thing. Also, in a stereotypical online relationship, I can definitely see it as just a way of stringing someone along. By stereotypical, I'm referring more to the negative stereotype of online relationships. Disclaimer - I do not believe all online relationships are bad. But the online thing can definitely go in a whole other direction that would need it's own thread.

 

[00Syd]

Now of course, if you are a BDSM performer or public figure of any kind, you are first and foremost and artist and as such being theatrical is just part of it.

I disagree with this. I know a lot of people who are performers (hired to do bondage performances at events, that sort of thing), and who are what I guess you would call a BDSM "public figure" (well-known in the community, respected teacher, a "name," etc), and of course theatricality is a part of their public role, but I don't think that they are first and foremost artists, at least not in the BDSM relationship/lifestyle sense, which is what I think you were suggesting (please correct me if I'm wrong). Being well known performers or personalities does not mean that their relationships are more theatrical (in the "under-consideration" sense) or contrived than others, only that they know how to bring that out when necessary.

 

[00Syd]

Simply out, it's additional wank-fodder for those who don't have flesh and blood RL pyls to fuck.

Not always. The "Under-consideration" relationship model isn't my thing, and I think its just as silly as many of the rest of the posters on this thread seem to, but I know that its a relationship model that does, in fact, work for many people both online AND in real life. Just because being "under consideration" is often an excuse for meaningless online wank-fodder for many, doesn't mean that it isn't a legitimate relationship-type that works for many other people.

A D/s relationship-model may seem like a silly excuse for meaningless masturbatory material to many, many people, but, as we know very well, that does not mean that it isn't an important and legitimate part of other peoples lives.

 

[Homburg]

"Lord MasterlyMaster is under the consideration of Susie SuperSubmissive; Susie SuperSubmissive is under the consideration of Lord MasterlyMaster! Let all who read this Rejoyce and Huzzah and stuff!"

This encapsulates my thoughts on the matter. I find it trite and ludicrous.

I am equally disdainful of "under the protection of" garbage. So, what, does this means that MasterDomlyCyberKnickers™is going to be looking over my shoulder while I cane the dickens out of you? What happens if I do it wrong, is he gonna beat me up? More juvenile idiocy.

It's insipid, self-indulgent pageantry that makes the whole lot look like tools. There's so much fucking narcissism floating around that I'm boggled that these people manage to move beyond mirrors and onanism. Oh, wait, of course they do. They need an audience to bask in the sound of how awesome they are, so theatre, kink cotillions, and self-importance becomes the order of the day.

I am not awesome, and fine with it. I'm fucking mean all on my own, and I don't need a narcissistic sycophant "under my consideration" to feel actualised.