What's the motivation for visiting a professional?

[Etoile]

I have been reading Mistress Matisse's blog lately ( http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/ ) ...she is a professional dominatrix in the Seattle area. Some of the letters from her clients have got me wondering...what is the motivation for seeing a professional dominant? Is it because the client can't be submissive with a spouse, and they've agreed that seeing a professional is better than having an affair? Is it because they don't want anybody else to know they're submissive, so they don't want to post any personal ads? Also, has anyone heard of a professional male dominant, for gay or straight clients? I think I have more questions but I'm wondering if others have thoughts first...I don't know much about this!

 

[incubus'_sub]

I've previously suggested to Incubus that maybe he should consider a sideline as a professional male Dom as I'd also noticed that there are few if any out there. The idea came from attending a couple of play parties and noticing that the female subs outdid themselves trying to attract his attention. Apart from the odd spanking, they appeared to have little real experience and found his admittedly very strong Dom demeanor to be a new & exciting avenue to explore. With a couple of them he only had to stand behind them, doing nothing at all, and they were jelly. Was very interesting to watch & I know how lucky I am.

The main problem would appear to be women overcoming their reluctance to pay for it.

 

[Netzach]

1. women very rarely need to pay for sexual anything, there's almost always someone to take them up on the offer as male to female pervs are vastly skewed no matter how many unattached femsubs I might know at a given time. If Incubus is not adverse to playing shame and pain games with males and crossdressers and he's a looker I suspect you are sitting on a veritable goldmine.

2. Yes, there are male Dominant pros. There's even one FTM pro out there in the bay area, if I remember correctly. I'd venture about 90 percent of their business is with other men, see above, and you can find Master listings on max fisch.

3. You nailed the usual reasons, IMX. Married and wanting to draw a hard line of separation between sexual infidelity and having a discreet outlet for psychological needs-- finding a lifestyle Domme leaves certain emotional and sexual doors open, finding a (reputable non-prostitute) pofessional makes these doors definitively CLOSED.

There are also many men who have not found skilled and safe lifestyle Dommes--and want to give a long deep-seated fantasy a safe and expert spin!

I know for a fact my personal recreational dance card is ALWAYS full these days, and most femme Top people I know can say the same, it's still a supply and demand issue, and a lot of men would rather put some resources into making their fantasy a reality than wait and wait endlessly on the shelf.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Yep, he's a looker. A younger, brighter coloured clone of James Spader. Unfortunately he doesn't really find males appealing. Damn, we could have made a fortune !

 

[Betticus]

Yep, he's a looker. A younger, brighter coloured clone of James Spader. Unfortunately he doesn't really find males appealing. Damn, we could have made a fortune !

He doesn't have to find males appealing. There is no need for sex to be involved in domination/humiliation.

For me personally, I find it to be quite easy to dominate and humiliate other males. Not because I get a sexual charge out of it, that is the last thing on my mind. It is because they must be shown their place. Their place is beneath me in every way. If a man wants to be dominated by another man and have sex involved then he will have a much harder time finding it. It may be as NetZ said, they get their sex elsewhere but their partner can't supply their need to be dominated.

Just my opinion though for what it's worth.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Thank you. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but I'll let him know.

 

[mun1ch]

I have been reading Mistress Matisse's blog lately ( http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/ ) ...she is a professional dominatrix in the Seattle area. Some of the letters from her clients have got me wondering...what is the motivation for seeing a professional dominant? Is it because the client can't be submissive with a spouse, and they've agreed that seeing a professional is better than having an affair? Is it because they don't want anybody else to know they're submissive, so they don't want to post any personal ads? Also, has anyone heard of a professional male dominant, for gay or straight clients? I think I have more questions but I'm wondering if others have thoughts first...I don't know much about this!

I had my first experience with a professional dominatrix just the other day. I have been married for many years, but could not get my wife to indulge my fantasies either being dominant or submissive. I contacted the dominatrix through a Yahoo group, met her at a local motel, and had an incredible experience! I love my wife, but finally decided I had to know what the experience would be like. I don't feel like I was cheating because there was no sex or me touching her allowed, but she did let me come on her boot at the end as long as I licked it up...another fantasy my wife wouldn't go for.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have seen a few ads in Europe for professional services from male Dominants, often to women, as well as some professional Top/Dom/me couples...seems from what they said and how they were set up that they had no problem attracting clients and were kept quite busy. There are also professional sub/slaves/bottoms of both genders catering to both male and female and also seem to be popular. Some of the pro slaves I have seen make their sole income from it and definately live in style and are not starving.

Catalina

 

[Betticus]

I have seen a few ads in Europe for professional services from male Dominants, often to women, as well as some professional Top/Dom/me couples...seems from what they said and how they were set up that they had no problem attracting clients and were kept quite busy. There are also professional sub/slaves/bottoms of both genders catering to both male and female and also seem to be popular. Some of the pro slaves I have seen make their sole income from it and definately live in style and are not starving.

Catalina

I'm going to have to go through every Dom/me on this board for mentoring and then branch off into pro services and then finally start my own school.

Who wants to be a professor?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Paying for domination seems like a natural extension of the whole gestalt. What I don't get is paying someone to sub to you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Paying for domination seems like a natural extension of the whole gestalt. What I don't get is paying someone to sub to you.

From what I know of it a lot is much like why people pay for Pro-Dom/mes.....something they can't get easily elsewhere; anonymity; submission without the need to build a binding relationship with all it's responsibilities and obligations etc.,; and in many cases finding someone who will go beyond the limits many subs are prepared to accept. Seems to be a market here for it and I get the impression the standards of service and presentation are fairly high.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

Wow, I had completely forgotten about pro subs. I have heard of them but not in great detail; I will have to do some research.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I can definately see the advantages of a hired Dom/Sadist. No worries about falling in love from either side, no baggage, no hassles, no bullshit. Just straight forward dominance arranged at your convenience. hmmmmmm........ gods that sounds good.......

 

[Etoile]

But doesn't it also raise the spectre of "who's really in control?" (Serious question.)

 

[s'lara]

Good question Etoile.

i believe seeking out a professional could be motivated by a number of reasons. Lack of a partner, but need is great. Seeking to extend training. Curiosity. Most likely a long list. However, there are prosubs out there for sure. See the following:

http://www.professionalsubmissives.com/directory.htm

http://www.submissiveophelia.com/files/AlternateWelcome.html

http://www.professionalsubmissive.com/main1.htm

http://www.spankeefinder.com/pictures6.htm

lara

 

[Etoile]

That submissive Ophelia site led me to http://www.subslavexchange.com/ - does anybody have familiarity with this? It appears to be "Owner/slave personals"?

 

[incubus'_sub]

Interesting point Etoile however my feeling is that using a professional simply addresses the urgent physical needs and enables the fantasy of domination to be enacted when a true relationship is not possible. In this particular situation I doubt that it matters much who is in control as long as both the professional & the client play their roles well. Personally I see this as much more satisfactory than say an online session with a stranger.

 

[MissTaken]

Interesting point Etoile however my feeling is that using a professional simply addresses the urgent physical needs and enables the fantasy of domination to be enacted when a true relationship is not possible. In this particular situation I doubt that it matters much who is in control as long as both the professional & the client play their roles well. Personally I see this as much more satisfactory than say an online session with a stranger.

I agree with your perspective.

It seems as though paying for time with a Dom/me is more about "bottoming" than about "submission." At least, this would be true in terms of how we define "submission" in my life.

 

[Kaldaka]

I've had this conversation more than a few times. I've talked to Dommes online and at some point going to a Pro came up and always got shot down because it's just not as personal. For me it's on the line of hiring a hooker. The fact that you are paying for it in essense cheapens the experience. Atleast for me.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... For me it's on the line of hiring a hooker ... The fact that you are paying for it in essense cheapens the experience. Atleast for me.

Different strokes. Those looking for a pro generally ain't looking for a "living their life with" partner. They want the thrill without the fuss and muss, as others have posted.

For the pro, they've found something at which they excel. If a shrink can unfuck a head, and get paid for it, why not get paid for going the other route? Hell, for all we know, the pro might unfuck a head as well. As long as both parties understand what is involved, i don't see the problem.

 

[Etoile]

One thing I do want to mention is that I don't mean for my question to imply that I think visiting a pro (or being one) is a bad thing. I'm just seeking to understand the motivation for going.

 

[Kaldaka]

I didn't say there was a problem with others doing it. Whatever floats your boat. *shrugs* Just saying for me, personally.

 

[incubus'_sub]

LOL Etoile, I don't think that crossed anyone's mind. For a start, with your interesting relationships you simply wouldn't have the time or energy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think there is a huge misconception out there about anyone who charges for services which can be deemed as sexual in any context, and much of it comes from the puritanical ideals society imposes for it's own purpose. I don't see any reason why it is more right and respectable for the likes of Elle McPherson etc., to get their gear off and be photographed and paid knowing full well many looking at the end product are not going to be discussing the perfection of the lighting, artistic value etc., anymore than it is for someone who is a nude pinup model, stripper, or form of sex worker. All have their respective talents and needs and just as in any other profession have the right to be paid for that talent or gift. As for the depersonalisation of going to a sex worker or ProDomme etc., I think it depends on the client and worker as to how impersonal the interaction is. I know sex workers who have had much closer relationships with their clients than any of the client's friends or family members have, and as Netzach speaks of regularly here, being a Pro Dome does not necessarily mean you have no feeling or connection to your client.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting subject,I have been thinking of going that road myself several times. Becoming pro Dom for men and women, IMO Netzach is correct with her interpretation. If you are only domming for women I do not imagine you would have a very big income.

As a side note I have often played with the notion of making Catalina a pro Domme and pro sub, it would feed my ego to have for free what others have to pay for , and the notion that my sub is strong enough to dominate others but submits to me is another one of those ego boosters.

I do not think anyone compares pro domming with power exchange or submission/ dominance. They are different things but both can be very fulfilling for the persons involved in them for a variety of reasons. Also I do not see much difference between pro domming and having a scene with someone you have just picked up. With both the question of who is really in control can be asked. With both you create rules and agreements beforehand. I would say however that going to a pro domme is about a million times safer then being picked up or picking up a stranger in a party or club.

The chances of getting what you want and need is bigger, in retrospect I have often regretted never having used a pro sub, it might have shortened my path considerably and might have helped me understand and control my urges a lot sooner.

Francisco.