What's something you've always wanted to ask the opposite gender?

[Interested_Girl]

There have always been men of all ages who can’t resist the urge to get into pissing matches or who attempt to impose a hierarchy. I’ve always thought of it as a result of some combination of individual psychological states (ranging from fear to delusions of grandeur) and testosterone run amok.

Maybe. Maybe not.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Expected by whom?

(Yes, I know that is an asshole comment. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to make a point about doing what's best for yourself/family vs external society). To me women unfortunately are very concerned with not pissing anyone off. It's not what I would tell a mentee, male or female.

It's not an asshole comment. It truly depends on a variety of things, doesn't it? Public vs. Private sector to start. Goals of the enterprise. Employee benefits. Freedom of Self determination. Work culture. Innovation vs. Profit, or innovation that can turn to profit. All of these things rear employees, and those things will determine the outcome, like you stated above...Women concerned with pissing people off. It's a product of work culture. If they work in an productivity based environment with steady support and stable benefits (things that are not determined by an immediate manager, who if they don't like you, can take your "stability" away) then you'll see the more forward behaviour come out.

 

[base10]

I think there is still a misconception that certain traits are male traits, and certain traits are female traits. I will give an example, I'm constantly told, "You think like a man". But I don't, "I think like a woman." What they perceive as male traits, are really just traits that we all encompass. Some of us are stronger in certain areas and vice versa. It becomes glaringly obvious amongst peers.

I agree with you there 100%. I don't see how thinking one way or another is specific to one gender or another.

I'm also realized I spend all day surrounded by overly aggressive lunatics (~50/50 in terms of gender). Perhaps not representative of wider experiences.

 

[Interested_Girl]

I agree with you there 100%. I don't see how thinking one way or another is specific to one gender or another.

I'm also realized I spend all day surrounded by overly aggressive lunatics (~50/50 in terms of gender). Perhaps not representative of wider experiences.

Their is evidence that suggests high achievers are also sociopaths.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Not everyone is interested in moving up. I know many people who are content where they are. They don't want extra responsibility or choose to manage work vs. People. What ever their reason they just choose to stay put.

I think there is still a misconception that certain traits are male traits, and certain traits are female traits. I will give an example, I'm constantly told, "You think like a man". But I don't, "I think like a woman." What they perceive as male traits, are really just traits that we all encompass. Some of us are stronger in certain areas and vice versa. It becomes glaringly obvious amongst peers.

Science and sociology shows that amongst groups of people either professionally or socially there is hierarchy. There is a pecking order and there are leaders and followers. It takes all types to ge things done.

Agreed. Since when is strong thinking a male trait?

 

[Interested_Girl]

Agreed. Since when is strong thinking a male trait?

It's not. That's my point.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It's not. That's my point.

I got it.
I was agreeing.
The question was rhetorical.

 

[Interested_Girl]

I got it.
I was agreeing.
The question was rhetorical.

Clearly required.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Clearly required.

Some people you have to spell it out for.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Some people you have to spell it out for.

Sure. Arguably some need to be told when they add little value to a topic.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

As men, do you feel like there is a hierarchy amongst yourselves? Whether it be socially or professionally?

Only in specific fields, if you're in the same field. I believe it's up to that individual woman to judge what importance we have in their life and different women value different traits. I don't believe most confident, strong men are comparing themselves to other men, at least I am not.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Sure. Arguably some need to be told when they add little value to a topic.

Exactly, but sometimes they play to the crowd.
Instead of being real.
So, we let them lie.
It’s good for the thread.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Only in specific fields, if you're in the same field. I believe it's up to that individual woman to judge what importance we have in their life and different women value different traits. I don't believe most confident, strong men are comparing themselves to other men, at least I am not.

What specific fields do you think this is more prominent in?

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I have always wondered why some women seem to take on a partner with the intention of 'fixing' or changing them? Where does this come from?

 

[SoulAssasin247]

What specific fields do you think this is more prominent in?

Sports, Law Enforcement, Military, Music, Dancing etc.etc


Men are very competitive, but I don't think they're looking at each other, ranking each other outside of their own profession. That shows insecurity and weaknesses

 

[AlwaysFara]

I have always wondered why some women seem to take on a partner with the intention of 'fixing' or changing them? Where does this come from?

I don’t know. Daddy issues?
Insecurity?

I don’t do this. I like you for who you are, or I move on.

I may suggest a tie, though.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Sports, Law Enforcement, Military, Music, Dancing etc.etc


Men are very competitive, but I don't think they're looking at each other, ranking each other outside of their own profession. That shows insecurity and weaknesses

Mmmm. Interesting POV. I'll take it.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Mmmm. Interesting POV. I'll take it.

Not your average bear

Hey boo boo, get me some of that picnic basket

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I don’t know. Daddy issues?
Insecurity?

I don’t do this. I like you for who you are, or I move on.

I may suggest a tie, though.

Interesting. Not sure I understand how daddy issues apply. Usually women who have daddy issues are more looking for someone to be in power over them and lavish attention on them. Not trying to remodel them.

 

[Jada59]

Interesting. Not sure I understand how daddy issues apply. Usually women who have daddy issues are more looking for someone to be in power over them and lavish attention on them. Not trying to remodel them.

I looked this up recently. Involves a lot more than I realized.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I have always wondered why some women seem to take on a partner with the intention of 'fixing' or changing them? Where does this come from?

I have a feeling this is less about fixing and more about helping. We like to see people reaching their potential. So if you act like an idiot and you look like a slob, yeah. You might get some helpful hints thrown your way.

Taking them on as a partner, though? I'm guessing this is often (but not always) about nurturing and protecting. I also don't think it's exclusive to women. My Fair Lady, anyone?

 

[Jada59]

I have a feeling this is less about fixing and more about helping. We like to see people reaching their potential. So if you act like an idiot and you look like a slob, yeah. You might get some helpful hints thrown your way.

Taking them on as a partner, though? I'm guessing this is often (but not always) about nurturing and protecting. I also don't think it's exclusive to women. My Fair Lady, anyone?

I actually know women who think they can fix people. Not just men but people. Now whether they've actually fixed them or not, I don't know.

One problem I see is women being attracted to "bad boys". But then they fall in love and want to get married. If they do, they expect that guy to change into something they're not. The guy is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. If he doesn't change, she gets upset. If he does, then he's not the guy she was attracted to and she loses interest.

Actually, something like this happened to me. What you see here is how I am. Yes, I am nice but I can also be that "bad girl". That is what initially attracted him but suddenly repulsed him once we married. I guess it can go both ways but I still think there are more women than men who are this way.

Why? Someone told me it's human nature to want to change and fix things. me? I want to fix me. Not that there's anything wrong with me. But if I see a problem with myself, I want to address it. Otherwise, live and let live and give me the bad boys. We can be bad together!

 

[thefishfryer]

I have a feeling this is less about fixing and more about helping. We like to see people reaching their potential. So if you act like an idiot and you look like a slob, yeah. You might get some helpful hints thrown your way.

Taking them on as a partner, though? I'm guessing this is often (but not always) about nurturing and protecting. I also don't think it's exclusive to women. My Fair Lady, anyone?

I think this is pretty much true.

I think maybe people will take on as a partner some one who needs more "fixing" if they have low self-esteem or for other reasons don't think they could attract someone who needs less "fixing"

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Haha! Jada, you bad kitty.

I think this is pretty much true.

I think maybe people will take on as a partner some one who needs more "fixing" if they have low self-esteem or for other reasons don't think they could attract someone who needs less "fixing"

I've done it in the past. Unintentionally. Self-esteem factored in to it, but i think i also did it because it catered to what makes me feel loved. I like to be needed, to be given an opportunity to use my strengths to benefit those i care about.

I've known a couple of men who were like, 'I'm good, I don't need anything from you', and that was just devastating to me! I'm a giver. I want - I need to be able to give, to serve. I'm hard-wired for it, and it hasn't changed as my self-esteem has improved.

What has changed are my personal boundaries, my standards for who i will give to, and how. I'm still a giver, but i want healthy balance, and enough strength that i can walk away from anything that's not healthy. I think a lot of people struggle with those two things, balance and strength.

 

[lurkingguy1978]

I've known men that have done the same thing...getting into a less-than-healthy relationship with the assumption that they can "fix" their partner and make it a good situation.

Uh...no. That. Does. Not. Work.

I can't imagine even thinking like that. I don't want a "perfect" partner...flaws and imperfections are fascinatjng to me, and often even endearing. But I am so naturally empathetic that getting into a relationship with someone truly broken or unhealthily damaged would break *me* rather than helping the other person in that equation.