What's something you've always wanted to ask the opposite gender?

[johnrael]

As men, do you feel like there is a hierarchy amongst yourselves? Whether it be socially or professionally?

Nobody seems to have answered your question, so I'll take a stab at it. The answer is basically yes. Male friends divide into three basic categories: mentors, peers, or proteges. A lot of the time, this is simply a function of age: my older male relatives are mentors (until/unless they demonstrate that they are not reliable in that role); guys my age are generally peers, and guys younger than me are generally proteges (unless they have demonstrated that they are more competent than me at something). Obviously it's not that simple; a man may be a mentor to me on one topic, but a peer or protege on another. We work it out as we go.

At work, females that we work with will kind of fall into the same basic categories. I've been a mentor to female employees, and there have been women that I have looked up to professionally, and a fair number of women that I've regard as valuable and trustworthy co-workers. (And a few that I've regarded as trouble on two legs, but they are the exceptions.)

Reading this back, I'm not sure if I really answered your question... I am vaguely aware that it's different for women, although to be honest I'm not sure how the average women thinks of her professional or social relationships. I work in a tech field, and women in such fields tend to be more like men in how they approach professional relationships.

 

[Beardpositive77]

Nobody seems to have answered your question, so I'll take a stab at it. The answer is basically yes. Male friends divide into three basic categories: mentors, peers, or proteges. A lot of the time, this is simply a function of age: my older male relatives are mentors (until/unless they demonstrate that they are not reliable in that role); guys my age are generally peers, and guys younger than me are generally proteges (unless they have demonstrated that they are more competent than me at something). Obviously it's not that simple; a man may be a mentor to me on one topic, but a peer or protege on another. We work it out as we go.

At work, females that we work with will kind of fall into the same basic categories. I've been a mentor to female employees, and there have been women that I have looked up to professionally, and a fair number of women that I've regard as valuable and trustworthy co-workers. (And a few that I've regarded as trouble on two legs, but they are the exceptions.)

Reading this back, I'm not sure if I really answered your question... I am vaguely aware that it's different for women, although to be honest I'm not sure how the average women thinks of her professional or social relationships. I work in a tech field, and women in such fields tend to be more like men in how they approach professional relationships.

This is very well said! Seconded.

 

[thefishfryer]

As men, do you feel like there is a hierarchy amongst yourselves? Whether it be socially or professionally?

I must have missed this one

This about sums it up for us Brits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXBC-71aZs

 

[12568978534691178521]

I'm glad this thread took off. Lots of good questions and responses!

 

[Interested_Girl]

Nobody seems to have answered your question, so I'll take a stab at it. The answer is basically yes. Male friends divide into three basic categories: mentors, peers, or proteges. A lot of the time, this is simply a function of age: my older male relatives are mentors (until/unless they demonstrate that they are not reliable in that role); guys my age are generally peers, and guys younger than me are generally proteges (unless they have demonstrated that they are more competent than me at something). Obviously it's not that simple; a man may be a mentor to me on one topic, but a peer or protege on another. We work it out as we go.

At work, females that we work with will kind of fall into the same basic categories. I've been a mentor to female employees, and there have been women that I have looked up to professionally, and a fair number of women that I've regard as valuable and trustworthy co-workers. (And a few that I've regarded as trouble on two legs, but they are the exceptions.)

Reading this back, I'm not sure if I really answered your question... I am vaguely aware that it's different for women, although to be honest I'm not sure how the average women thinks of her professional or social relationships. I work in a tech field, and women in such fields tend to be more like men in how they approach professional relationships.

It does answer the question in a way. I guess, as I watch Ken in groups it's like many still haven't left high school. This goes for.women too. There are still the popular ones, and the ones who get picked on a lot. Sociologically, there are leaders and followers. Alpha's and Beta's. I was just wondering if you're cognizant of it.

 

[base10]

It does answer the question in a way. I guess, as I watch Ken in groups it's like many still haven't left high school. This goes for.women too. There are still the popular ones, and the ones who get picked on a lot. Sociologically, there are leaders and followers. Alpha's and Beta's. I was just wondering if you're cognizant of it.

For me, it's definitely something I am aware of (especially in non-social situations), but not something I'm generally trying to manipulate or take advantage of. I also don't generally see it as a gender specific issue. There are of course always shades of grey.

 

[Interested_Girl]

For me, it's definitely something I am aware of (especially in non-social situations), but not something I'm generally trying to manipulate or take advantage of. I also don't generally see it as a gender specific issue. There are of course always shades of grey.

I agree, in that it is not specific to men. I was just wondering if men are aware if it, because I would argue women in the work place are very aware of it, especially climbers and then socially...don't even get me started.

 

[AlwaysFara]

None of my GFs get picked on. We all support each other.

Maybe I’m too old for this shit.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

None of my GFs get picked on. We all support each other.

Maybe I’m too old for this shit.

Yeah, i can't relate to this at all. What are grown women doing behaving like this?

 

[Miles Long]

Yeah, i can't relate to this at all. What are grown women doing behaving like this?

Bitches be crazy?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Bitches be crazy?

Pretty much.

 

[base10]

I agree, in that it is not specific to men. I was just wondering if men are aware if it, because I would argue women in the work place are very aware of it, especially climbers and then socially...don't even get me started.

I fail to understand why anyone being labeled a "climber" in the workplace should be viewed as a negative. If you don't want to get better, get promoted, make more money, what are you doing there?

I know there exists the thing about "ambitious" women, it makes zero sense to me. If you don't have any ambitions, I wouldn't ever want you to work with or for me.

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

It does answer the question in a way. I guess, as I watch Ken in groups it's like many still haven't left high school. This goes for.women too. There are still the popular ones, and the ones who get picked on a lot. Sociologically, there are leaders and followers. Alpha's and Beta's. I was just wondering if you're cognizant of it.

There have always been men of all ages who can’t resist the urge to get into pissing matches or who attempt to impose a hierarchy. I’ve always thought of it as a result of some combination of individual psychological states (ranging from fear to delusions of grandeur) and testosterone run amok.

 

[Dribble]

I fail to understand why anyone being labeled a "climber" in the workplace should be viewed as a negative. If you don't want to get better, get promoted, make more money, what are you doing there?

I know there exists the thing about "ambitious" women, it makes zero sense to me. If you don't have any ambitions, I wouldn't ever want you to work with or for me.

All depends on how and why you "climb" doesn't it?

 

[base10]

All depends on how and why you "climb" doesn't it?

How yes, why to me is obvious

 

[Dribble]

How yes, why to me is obvious

What seems obvious to one person...means nothing to another. Neither view need be wrong.

 

[AlwaysFara]

There have always been men of all ages who can’t resist the urge to get into pissing matches or who attempt to impose a hierarchy. I’ve always thought of it as a result of some combination of individual psychological states (ranging from fear to delusions of grandeur) and testosterone run amok.

Those are boys.
Real men don’t need to do that.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

Those are boys.
Real men don’t need to do that.

And some scientists

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Men are expected to prioritize goals over people. They're at work to work, not make friends.

Women are expected to balance both ambition and relationships, and never sacrifice a relationship for the sake of a career.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Men are expected to prioritize goals over people. They're at work to work, not make friends.

Women are expected to balance both ambition and relationships, and never sacrifice a relationship for the sake of a career.

 

[base10]

Men are expected to prioritize goals over people. They're at work to work, not make friends.

Women are expected to balance both ambition and relationships, and never sacrifice a relationship for the sake of a career.

Expected by whom?

(Yes, I know that is an asshole comment. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to make a point about doing what's best for yourself/family vs external society). To me women unfortunately are very concerned with not pissing anyone off. It's not what I would tell a mentee, male or female.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

There have always been men of all ages who can’t resist the urge to get into pissing matches or who attempt to impose a hierarchy. I’ve always thought of it as a result of some combination of individual psychological states (ranging from fear to delusions of grandeur) and testosterone run amok.

Those are boys.
Real men don’t need to do that.

Who think they are true alpha males, and therefore have a right to run things.

And some scientists

At my employer everyone in my department is stressed. The Managers stress each other, and everyone dumps on tech guys who have to produce. Managers who show weakness by acting decently to their team have a short shelf life.

Men are expected to prioritize goals over people. They're at work to work, not make friends.

Women are expected to balance both ambition and relationships, and never sacrifice a relationship for the sake of a career.

Watching two male dogs have a pissing contest is more entertaining watching than two guys who think they're alphas. Dogs are better at it, have better, more purposeful aim, and they're still bestest buddies afterwards.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Expected by whom?

(Yes, I know that is an asshole comment. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to make a point about doing what's best for yourself/family vs external society). To me women unfortunately are very concerned with not pissing anyone off. It's not what I would tell a mentee, male or female.

By society.
It’s okay, you’re not a woman. You don’t get it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*giggles*

 

[Interested_Girl]

I fail to understand why anyone being labeled a "climber" in the workplace should be viewed as a negative. If you don't want to get better, get promoted, make more money, what are you doing there?

I know there exists the thing about "ambitious" women, it makes zero sense to me. If you don't have any ambitions, I wouldn't ever want you to work with or for me.

Not everyone is interested in moving up. I know many people who are content where they are. They don't want extra responsibility or choose to manage work vs. People. What ever their reason they just choose to stay put.

I think there is still a misconception that certain traits are male traits, and certain traits are female traits. I will give an example, I'm constantly told, "You think like a man". But I don't, "I think like a woman." What they perceive as male traits, are really just traits that we all encompass. Some of us are stronger in certain areas and vice versa. It becomes glaringly obvious amongst peers.

Science and sociology shows that amongst groups of people either professionally or socially there is hierarchy. There is a pecking order and there are leaders and followers. It takes all types to ge things done.