Whatever shall I do with it?

[logophile]

I wrote something that I really like, which is the most important thing.
It's a little spanking piece, just right at 750 words - barely long enough to post here, but I want to.
Here's the thing. It's just the spanking. No one fucks. No one comes. No plot, no build-up, no nothing like that. The spanking is enjoyable for both parties.

What do you all think?
Reformat it and post as poetry?
Submit it in fetish and see if it will stand alone?

I know I could lengthen it into a story, but I don't want to. I like it as a peek into this couple's life.

Inquiring minds want to know!

 

[oggbashan]

As long as it is just over 750 words - post it as a story.

As a scene it can be complete in itself and stand alone.

Og

 

[Guest]

I wrote something that I really like, which is the most important thing.
It's a little spanking piece, just right at 750 words - barely long enough to post here, but I want to.
Here's the thing. It's just the spanking. No one fucks. No one comes. No plot, no build-up, no nothing like that. The spanking is enjoyable for both parties.

What do you all think?
Reformat it and post as poetry?
Submit it in fetish and see if it will stand alone?

I know I could lengthen it into a story, but I don't want to. I like it as a peek into this couple's life.

Inquiring minds want to know!

I'd certainly like to read it!



Actually, though, there are many spanking stories without any sex. It could probably stand alone.

Post it here - give us a peek!

 

[Guest]

Long long ago when I researched spanking for my 'BDSM Lite' stories I discovered many spanking texts without sex and orgasms. It was my impression that there are spankers who just like the spanks bit.

Perdita

 

[logophile]

I'd certainly like to read it!



Actually, though, there are many spanking stories without any sex. It could probably stand alone.

Post it here - give us a peek!

Really? I will - happily - but I didn't know if I should...

 

[fieryjen]

I'd read it!

 

[Selena_Kitt]

count me in as someone who'd enjoy such a story!

Post it in "fetish"... now!

 

[logophile]

Again - posting this with the question : Where should I put it?

I roll us over, so that you're under me and I'm on my knees for you.
Again.
Just the way you like. The way we both like.

I'm kissing you; your teeth are rough against my mouth, making me burn for you on both ends.

I focus on self-restraint, trying not to get ahead of myself. Or ahead of you. I'm in the mood for a slow burn tonight.

I move to your ear, breathe deep through your hair and get breathless at the feel of you under me.

I feel your fingers slide down my back and around my backside.
You cup my ass for a minute and then pat it at the place where it curves under.
I arch under your hand,
feeling the tease you're giving me,
feeling my need build.

It's interesting, this particular need.
It's not the same need for release that I've been experiencing for years.
Well, not orgasmic release anyway.

It's a different sort of thing.
A need to be claimed, called and contained all at once.
A release from self into your hands,
where I will always be safe
but always feel precariously balanced
on the edge of something big and consuming
and oh so naughty.

I moan lightly into your ear and you pat me again.
Focus focus focus I say to myself
and pull away just a little from you to keep myself on the track of pleasing you.

You laugh, one short laugh.

And then you speak with "the" voice.
You always sound a certain way when you're about to show me who's boss.
Cold, detached, commanding and fucking on fire.
"You're resisting?" I shake my head 'no,' but you repeat yourself, "Are you resisting me?"

I shake my head again, but I'm clearly not convincing you.

"What's the matter? What do you need? Do you need a spanking?"

With that I look at you, startled, as our eyes connect.
I can't answer you with words, but apparently my _expression speaks volumes.
In a move I can never fully describe, you quickly reposition us
so that I'm laying across your lap with my face in the futon
and my ass in the air.

I can feel your thigh under my belly and pubic mound and
suddenly I am breathless, hungry, nervous, wanton
and desperate for your touch.

"You have such a nice ass for spanking." And you smack me, hard.
Not the usual start, slightly reluctant and building.
This one hit home right out of the gate and all of the air is pushed out of me in surprise.
"Are you ready? You should be ready..."
I nod my head, tears welling up in my eyes,
knowing somehow that there's no way I can be ready for what's about to come next.

I feel your hand leave my ass and brace myself.

Quickly, so quickly, you shower my ass, both cheeks, with a rain of smacks and spanks.
They come so fast I can't catch my breath between them,
all I can do is lie there and accept the fact that you have me,
and you're not letting go until you're ready.

I don't know how long it goes on.

Seems like forever and like I'm never going to be anything but this right now - a fine smooth ass for you to torment as you see fit.

But then, just as suddenly as it started, it's over.

And though I wasn't sure I couldn't take one more moment of the spanking, I am suddenly so lonely for it - all in a matter of seconds.

But you don't give me long to evaluate my inner "wicked girl."
With a firm voice you say, "Spread your legs, Kitty Cat. Cause only good girls get spanked like that. And only good girls get fucked." As obediently as I can, I spread for you. "Further." And I do.

"What do we have here?"
It's the first time you've seen me shaven all clean and smooth for you. You touch my velvet pussy
and I think I hear you smile, but I can't tell for sure.

Repeating something you said the first night you fucked me, you say, "Such a pretty pussy," and I sigh contentedly under your fingers.

You slide one inside me and
I start to move against you,
slowly,
so slowly dancing with you.

I can feel the heat pouring off the skin of my backside
and I know that in that moment,
I am yours.
Marked and claimed by you.

 

[fieryjen]

I love it. You should definitely post it, although I'm no expert in where it would fit best.

 

[logophile]

I love it.

Thanks.
Really and truly.


OK - I'm running out to a meeting. Back in 3 1/2 hours. Hope for some guidance on where to put this silly thing...

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Really? I will - happily - but I didn't know if I should...

most definetly <grin,... there are a lot of stories with a lot less erotic, erotic stories <grin

 

[Selena_Kitt]

*panting*

*fanning self furiously*

oh my good lord god.... yes! do not deprive the rest of humankind of this... post it!

but always feel precariously balanced
on the edge of something big and consuming

and can I just say...

YUMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

 

[McKenna]

Submit it as a story in BDSM. You address the emotions of D/s with just a few short sentences; that, more than anything, is why the BDSM category gets my vote for your piece. The way I understand BDSM -and I am not expert- is that it's more about the emotion and psychology than it is about the physical. These lines more than adequately reflect that:

"It's interesting, this particular need.
It's not the same need for release that I've been experiencing for years.
Well, not orgasmic release anyway.

It's a different sort of thing.
A need to be claimed, called and contained all at once.
A release from self into your hands,
where I will always be safe
but always feel precariously balanced
on the edge of something big and consuming
and oh so naughty."

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Yes, and I agree with McKenna, not fetish... BDSM...

 

[rgraham666]

(Pauses to adjust anatomy)

I liked it.

I would say BDSM is a better category for it though.

 

[impressive]

Any 1st/2nd-person piece, I'd refer to Letters & Transcripts.

Good luck with it!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Any 1st/2nd-person piece, I'd refer to Letters & Transcripts.

Good luck with it!

I'll give Imp's idea an, Amen.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Guest]

Any 1st/2nd-person piece, I'd refer to Letters & Transcripts.

Good luck with it!

I am inclined to agree, although there do seem to be quite a few 1st person in BDSM, often dealing with the submissives' thoughts and emotions during the sexual acts.

In that way, it would be a good fit for BDSM.

It's steamy, Logo.

Yum.

 

[fieryjen]

I vote for BDSM as well. It would fit perfectly in there.

 

[alice_underneath]

logophile -

I am a bit too shy to give you my feedback here, but I will do so privately if you submit this piece (and my comments will be very positive).

Submit it as a story in BDSM. You address the emotions of D/s with just a few short sentences; that, more than anything, is why the BDSM category gets my vote for your piece.

That's true for most of the piece, but the roles are twisted in the beginning:

*****

I roll us over, so that you're under me and I'm on my knees for you.
Again.
Just the way you like. The way we both like.

I'm kissing you; your teeth are rough against my mouth, making me burn for you on both ends.

I focus on self-restraint, trying not to get ahead of myself. Or ahead of you. I'm in the mood for a slow burn tonight.

I move to your ear, breathe deep through your hair and get breathless at the feel of you under me

*****

The bold phrases denote actions where the one who is about to be spanked takes control. This is particularly true in the part in red.

The clear implication of "I'm in the mood for a slow burn tonight" is that the one to be spanked (not the spanker) is in charge of what's going on.

Logophile, I agree that this piece would do well in the BDSM section. However, if you decide on that category, my suggestion would be to adjust the wording in the beginning so that the spanker is in control from the outset.

In my opinion, the piece will make more sense as a cohesive vignette of dominance and submission if you do this.

Alice

 

[logophile]

I was thinking about BDSM originally, because of the emotional aspects of the piece - but then I thought since there was no actual sex, just the spanking maybe fetish would be a better place. Though I'm also intrigued by Imp's suggestion (and Rump's endorsement) of letters and transcripts. That's what this piece was originally written as ... a letter to a lover. Email, technically. I'll think over all of that and submit it in the morning.

For Alice, I really and truly appreciate your honest feedback. It's interesting, isn't it? The D/s relationship, that is. As a sub, I am truly focused on her pleasure. Mine means almost nothing in that moment. I guess the part that is missing from this is the background: In the relationship I'm writing about she was always in the mood to take it slow, and I usually bounded in with heaps of energy and enthusiasm. We had to work on balance in that area a lot. So in this particular scene, I've slowed myself down to her pace, in deference. Perhaps I could write that in smoothly.

Also: We almost always started sex this way, with her under me and me on my knees for her. I would make her come first, almost always, because if I got too turned on, I wasn't any good for her. Well, it's not that I wasn't "any good," but I certainly wasn't as focused as usual. The fact that she rolled me back over so quickly was the surprise part because it was totally out of order for our usual scenarios. I can probably slide that in somewhere as well.

The fact that we started with me pleasing her didn't lessen the amount of control she had on the entire situation every time. Even when we tried to switch rolls (what a joke), she clearly topped from the bottom. And to be completely honest, I bottomed from the top, too. But it was fun... I will try to convey this more clearly. Your input has been invaluable.

And Sarahhh... Glad you liked it...

 

[Belegon]

Logo, I have not read your reply to Alice yet...I went upstairs after reading the piece and then was up there for an hour, after only expecting to be there for a minute...got sucked in by VH1 and a wifey who wanted company...

My first thought is BDSM. Now I freely admit to being very naive in the manners and nuances of that "world", so I don't really know if Alice's suggestions will make good sense to those more versed...but I did not see anything that broke me out of the scene.

I like how you have let the lines find their own breaks and I can see why you think of it as poetry...but I think it will find a bigger audience as a story, and one more willing to judge it's content rather then critique it's form.

I saw a couple of tense breaks between past and present...

"You have such a nice ass for spanking." And you smack me, hard.
Not the usual start, slightly reluctant and building.
This one hit home right out of the gate and all of the air is pushed out of me in surprise.

...little tiny things like that...all it needs is an "s" after "hit"...might not even be a tense thing, just a typo...(edit: ya know, that might be the only one )

as far as the content....I thought it was VERY arousing, and spanking is not really that big a thing for me...it is something I would do for my partner, not for myself; therefore, the writing is making your fantasy mine in a way, and that shows it is effective.

I like how it is almost entirely internalized narrative.

In short, it's yummy.

 

[logophile]

Thanks Bel. Your words mean a lot to me.
It's funny about spanking.
And me...
Cause I was always a girl who liked a good smack on the ass during sex, but I never thought I'd like a spanking for its own sake.
This piece clearly shows that my opinion on that has changed. And while it's clear that the couple is about to have sex as the piece ends, I'm still surprised that the main thrust of the story wasn't two satiated partners.
As I was writing about the need for release from self, I released the story from the need to portray the orgasm, but it was entirely subconscious. When I typed the last period, I realized, "They didn't come. Neither one of them." But I didn't feel the need to change one thing.

Thanks again, friend!

 

[logophile]

Anybody got a title suggestion?
Cause I'm coming up blank...

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Marked and claimed by you.

This, along with the kitty cat reference, makes me think something along the lines of claiming territory...

but maybe "spanking" itself should be in the title... just to let people know up front?