What the fuck do I do?

[TheEarl]

Serious answers only please. I have just come home from a night out with some mates to find a spider sitting on the staircase. I am arachnophobic and have therefore run to the other side of the house and am quivering like a big girl. The spider is large, leggy and unnecessarily scary. My bedroom is upstairs. Wtf do I do?

I can't go to bed, cause I can't get past the spider and I'm not keen on the idea of kipping in a chair downstairs, because I know the spider's there. I can't kill the spider - believe me, I've tried. I can't come within more than about a metre of it and that's being very brave. Squishing it is a no-no. It's on a corner, so I couldn't catch it in a glass, even if I was able to go near it. Anybody and everybody I know who would be willing to kill it for me is either asleep, several miles away, or both. My best idea so far is screaming at it so that it moves, so I can get up the stairs, but that leaves the rather substantial problem of having a mobile spider instead of a sedentry one.

Comments such as "We have bigger spiders in Aus, don't be a wimp," "Why don't you just bite the bullet and squish it?" and "It's more afraid than you, than you are of it," will result in a punch. I'm not in a good mood and I'm definitely not joking. I don't care that it can't hurt me, I physically can't go near it and if it was more afraid of me than I was of it, then it would be dead now, or at least would have run out of the house screaming, which is what my instincts are telling me to do.

Wtf do I do?

The Earl

 

[CharleyH]

Serious answers only please. I have just come home from a night out with some mates to find a spider sitting on the staircase. I am arachnophobic and have therefore run to the other side of the house and am quivering like a big girl. The spider is large, leggy and unnecessarily scary. My bedroom is upstairs. Wtf do I do?

I can't go to bed, cause I can't get past the spider and I'm not keen on the idea of kipping in a chair downstairs, because I know the spider's there. I can't kill the spider - believe me, I've tried. I can't come within more than about a metre of it and that's being very brave. Squishing it is a no-no. It's on a corner, so I couldn't catch it in a glass, even if I was able to go near it. Anybody and everybody I know who would be willing to kill it for me is either asleep, several miles away, or both. My best idea so far is screaming at it so that it moves, so I can get up the stairs, but that leaves the rather substantial problem of having a mobile spider instead of a sedentry one.

Comments such as "We have bigger spiders in Aus, don't be a wimp," "Why don't you just bite the bullet and squish it?" and "It's more afraid than you, than you are of it," will result in a punch. I'm not in a good mood and I'm definitely not joking. I don't care that it can't hurt me, I physically can't go near it and if it was more afraid of me than I was of it, then it would be dead now, or at least would have run out of the house screaming, which is what my instincts are telling me to do.

Wtf do I do?

The Earl

Yes, I have often called upon to kill or remove these little creatures, (my X has a terrible fear) but it would take me 12 hours to get there, and would be a rather pricey extermination.

Seriously, I did have a similar problem with maggots once while living with some guys in University (that should say it all) - anything without apparent eyes is just discusting to me. I had to do something before they squirmed their eerie way elsewhere - it was one of the most discusting things I have ever had to do, but after oven cleaner didn't work, (resilient little bastards) I had to grab a crutch and squish the fuckers one by one. It still gives me shivers to this day.

However, oven cleaner should acidicize a spider. You just need to get close enough to not ruin surrounding wood or furniture, and make sure you look where you are aiming. Seriously.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Serious answers only please. I have just come home from a night out with some mates to find a spider sitting on the staircase. I am arachnophobic and have therefore run to the other side of the house and am quivering like a big girl. The spider is large, leggy and unnecessarily scary. My bedroom is upstairs. Wtf do I do?

I can't go to bed, cause I can't get past the spider and I'm not keen on the idea of kipping in a chair downstairs, because I know the spider's there. I can't kill the spider - believe me, I've tried. I can't come within more than about a metre of it and that's being very brave. Squishing it is a no-no. It's on a corner, so I couldn't catch it in a glass, even if I was able to go near it. Anybody and everybody I know who would be willing to kill it for me is either asleep, several miles away, or both. My best idea so far is screaming at it so that it moves, so I can get up the stairs, but that leaves the rather substantial problem of having a mobile spider instead of a sedentry one.

Comments such as "We have bigger spiders in Aus, don't be a wimp," "Why don't you just bite the bullet and squish it?" and "It's more afraid than you, than you are of it," will result in a punch. I'm not in a good mood and I'm definitely not joking. I don't care that it can't hurt me, I physically can't go near it and if it was more afraid of me than I was of it, then it would be dead now, or at least would have run out of the house screaming, which is what my instincts are telling me to do.

Wtf do I do?

The Earl

Do you have a gun?

 

[Liar]

Short term solution: Presicion work with a shovel.
Or, depending on how much you care about the interior of the house. Hose it down with water.


Long term solution: Get therapy.
And no, I'm not saying that to be cheeky. It worked wonders for my sister.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Hey Earl,

Have you got a vacuum cleaner?

 

[doormouse]

Comments such as "We have bigger spiders in Aus, don't be a wimp,"
Wtf do I do?

The Earl

Well, we do LOL

Get the hair spray and a lighter. Flame thrower

Or... brake fluid works too

 

[doormouse]

Re: Re: What the fuck do I do?

Do you have a gun?

PMSL!!!!

Suicide over a spider? LOL

Ohhhhh for the spider

 

[UnderMyKilt]

Do you use spray or gel on your hair?

I took care of a Black Widow spider, who came out of a little gap in the wall where the water supply goes to the toilet in our master bath, by spraying it with some Sebastian Shaper Plus Extra Hold hair spray.

It glued all of his legs to his body and he finally died (suffocated I think). It really made me wonder what that stuff is doing to my wife's lungs and brain.

 

[impressive]

Yuppers to the hairspray! Doesn't kill instantly, of course, but does immobilize. Lysol spray works well, too -- as does the oven cleaner.

Man, I used to be shit-my-pants afraid of the buggers ... but I can at least squish 'em now.

Or, you could take some duct tape, wrap it (sticky side OUT) around a broom handle -- and get 'im that way. Just toss the broom -- spider & all -- outside for the night. A critter will come along at eat the spider before morning. (Yum!)

 

[doormouse]

by spraying it with some Sebastian Shaper Plus Extra Hold hair spray.

It glued all of his legs to his body and he finally died (suffocated I think). It really made me wonder what that stuff is doing to my wife's lungs and brain.

Well if she dies, at least her hair will look good.

 

[TheEarl]

Oh dear God, it's moved. It's not on the stairs anymore. This is a goodthing, because it means I cna get upstairs. It's a very very bad thing, because I'm now faced with the knowledge that there's a spider in the house and I haven't a scoob where it's gone.

Off to check my bedroom. If I'm not back, then it's either clear and I've gone to bed, or it's eaten me. Wish me luck.

The Earl

 

[Lisa Denton]

Oh dear God, it's moved. It's not on the stairs anymore. This is a goodthing, because it means I cna get upstairs. It's a very very bad thing, because I'm now faced with the knowledge that there's a spider in the house and I haven't a scoob where it's gone.

Off to check my bedroom. If I'm not back, then it's either clear and I've gone to bed, or it's eaten me. Wish me luck.

The Earl

The deadly Sleeperkiller spider from (where did you say you live) will wait for you to sleep and then bite your ass to death. Don't worry about it though and sweet dreams.

 

[impressive]

The deadly Sleeperkiller spider from (where did you say you live) will wait for you to sleep and then bite your ass to death. Don't worry about it though and sweet dreams.

Didn't know you had such an evil streak!

(Okay, I'll admit I was tempted.)

 

[doormouse]

spiders can travel at lightening speed, especially in the dark.

Slim Dusty wrote a song about a redback on the toilet seat, maybe we should come up with one about the dreaded spider that was on the staircase and ended up curling up in the blankets?

 

[Lisa Denton]

Didn't know you had such an evil streak!

(Okay, I'll admit I was tempted.)

I think he knows i'm jus joshin

 

[impressive]

Harsh and vicious women in here!

Someone, quick! Lick 'em into submission.

 

[impressive]

Harsh and vicious women in here!

Someone, quick! Lick 'em into submission.

Oops -- transposition error -- that's lick ME into submission ...

 

[Lisa Denton]

Oops -- transposition error -- that's lick ME into submission ...

I wanna get a few licks in.

 

[doormouse]

Oops -- transposition error -- that's lick ME into submission ...

Me too!!

 

[impressive]

I wanna get a few licks in.

And I want them gotten in.

Hey, wait a minute! Define "lick" in this context. (Oh, hell -- nevermind -- either will do.)

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Earl, I feel for you. I too am deathly afraid of spiders. Door took my answer of hairspray and lighter, I've done that and it works.


I've got the willies now just thinking about it.


Wicked

 

[Guest]

Sorry I wasn't here earlier, lad. Do let us know how you are tomw.

Pear

p.s. Warning: Loulou is not going to like this thread.

 

[impressive]

I've got the willies now just thinking about it.

Ah, shit! You've got more than one willie?

And all it takes is a spider?

Hmmmmmm

 

[Lisa Denton]

Is Og around, this spider could be trying to communicate. We can get Tatelou to translate.

 

[doormouse]

Earl, I feel for you. I too am deathly afraid of spiders. Door took my answer of hairspray and lighter, I've done that and it works.


I've got the willies now just thinking about it.


Wicked

sowwy

It works though LOL