What pissed you off today? Mark II

[catalina_francisco]

To be brutally honest here, what I get from your post is a drive to fix this as soon as possible. I totally get it but I think you're giving your feelings the short end of the stick. If you've just now you've discovered that you've been lied to by someone you've been happy with for 12 years, that's kind of a big deal. Don't gloss over it, because that means you're squelching your pain and feelings rather than dealing with them.

We're taking it a step at a time, and there is a lot of expressing of a range of emotions on both sides which has been good in making us both realise we still want the same things and a life together. He has been subjected to my rage a few times in the past few days....not a pretty sight. Neither of us are perfect, and unfortunately due to a combination of factors over time, we both didn't give each other the best of ourselves. In part it was like taking the other for granted and feeling too safe in our bubble to remember to protect it and each other. A growing lack of communication and negative factors outside our control did not help. That has changed and we have refocused out attention on each other and what he had/have.

Don't worry, if I did not see genuine remorse from him, and an extremely high level of patience with me right now, an effort to make amends whatever it takes, I would not feel so positive...and I have told him I do not expect it to be back to where we were overnight, and nor should he...maybe it will never be the same, but may be different and even stronger. Could take a very long time until I trust him 100% again....don't think it would have been possible for me if it had involved any RL in the flesh betrayal. It is a work in progress with a good ratio of tears, anger, grief, love, kindness, healing, and surprisingly in the last few hours, a little laughter shared...and some good D/s and S&M to help relieve the tension and give some structure again.

Catalina

 

[LustreMunky]

I didnt get one pm today.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Farkin' wind.

 

[midwestyankee]

Farkin' wind.

My sentiments exactly. I went out for a walk a while ago - it's over 50F here - and still felt cold around my face and head. Plus, it was enough to induce a short bout of neuropathy so my finger tips are a bit painful at the moment. This is not my idea of a fun Spring day.

 

[Vixandra]

Down in weight, again. This would be good if I wasn't pregnant. I'm fluffy enough it isn't going to hurt the kiddo but it isn't good to be loosing weight. Add in the super-pale vampire with black eyes look I'm rocking because my blood pressure hates me and its a super 'fun' day.

So pushing for a hysterectomy after this one, I loathe being pregnant. I'll adopt a girl later on.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

....This is not my idea of a fun Spring day.

"Spring?" Wtf is that?

 

[Loverskitten]

"Spring?" Wtf is that?

It's funny, where I live we've had summer all winter and I still hate it here. Grass greener....

 

[gentle_heart]

Not being able to sleep.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

So pushing for a hysterectomy after this one, I loathe being pregnant. I'll adopt a girl later on.

THANK YOU. Why? because every time I talk about how much I HATE DESPISE AND DREAD the thought of being pregnant, people talk about how ridiculous that is, or how I won't mind once I'm there, or it'll be worth it and then I'll entirely forget about how awful it was and look forward to it again. and it's WONDERFUL to hear someone countermand that. Fuckin' eh....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Down in weight, again. This would be good if I wasn't pregnant. I'm fluffy enough it isn't going to hurt the kiddo but it isn't good to be loosing weight. Add in the super-pale vampire with black eyes look I'm rocking because my blood pressure hates me and its a super 'fun' day.

So pushing for a hysterectomy after this one, I loathe being pregnant. I'll adopt a girl later on.

Hope things improve soon.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Little voice that keeps interrupting my days and nights.

Catalina

 

[midwestyankee]

THANK YOU. Why? because every time I talk about how much I HATE DESPISE AND DREAD the thought of being pregnant, people talk about how ridiculous that is, or how I won't mind once I'm there, or it'll be worth it and then I'll entirely forget about how awful it was and look forward to it again. and it's WONDERFUL to hear someone countermand that. Fuckin' eh....

It seems that a fair number of people have a need for their own preferences to be validated by the behavior of others. These same people get very touchy when someone refuses them their needed validation.

 

[Loverskitten]

THANK YOU. Why? because every time I talk about how much I HATE DESPISE AND DREAD the thought of being pregnant, people talk about how ridiculous that is, or how I won't mind once I'm there, or it'll be worth it and then I'll entirely forget about how awful it was and look forward to it again. and it's WONDERFUL to hear someone countermand that. Fuckin' eh....

Do you want kids someday?
If these comments follow you stating that you don't want children, I can understand the annoyance. I respect people's decision not to have kids (except my son's, I want him to have a kid in the future, but he absolutely does not)

However, if you are just terrified of being pregnant and giving birth, everything they say is right. I hated being pregnant too, but it was the best thing I've ever gone through.

 

[Vixandra]

THANK YOU. Why? because every time I talk about how much I HATE DESPISE AND DREAD the thought of being pregnant, people talk about how ridiculous that is, or how I won't mind once I'm there, or it'll be worth it and then I'll entirely forget about how awful it was and look forward to it again. and it's WONDERFUL to hear someone countermand that. Fuckin' eh....

Pregnancy is scary. Hell, I made a big whoop when I realized that I was at 24 weeks and now viable. No, I've never had a miscarriage, but that fear is still there, especially with my other medical issues coming into play.

I've had women tell me, 'oh you'll forget the misery once the baby is here.' Fuck those women, seriously. I want to throw up on them because my experience is not theirs. This is not all flowers, rainbows and happy sighs.

Nope, my first pregnancy sucked balls, this one is worse. But it was worth doing because my son is awesome and I bet this one I'm making now will be too (its another boy).

I look at it this way- anything worth doing is going to be difficult in some way or another, that's just the slice of karma I've been dealt this time. I have the opposite of pre-eclampsyia- my blood pressure likes to drop out from under me. I faint (or get really close), I'm dizzy, have severe nausea that's inhibiting my eating habits, difficulty going out because of said issues and every kick/roll/punch/wiggle the baby makes hurts because I process it differently due to fibromyalgia.

I knew going into this that it would be difficult but I still did it because I wanted a minimum of two kids. I would have preferred a girl on this go round but I see this as meaning that about four years down the line there will be a girl that needs to be adopted that we can bring into our family and love just as much as our boys.

If you choose not to give birth, that's your right. If you still want kids, there are plenty that need adopting, especially sibling sets that don't want to be separated (at least in the USA, not sure how the rest of the world works.) I won't tell any woman that she needs to birth babies to be connected to her children.

Sorry if this is kind of scattered all over, I have a cold right now.

 

[Vixandra]

Hope things improve soon.

Catalina

Thanks, Catalina. I've accepted that while I bear healthy babies, I'm going to be miserable doing it. Better that than the opposite.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Thanks, Catalina. I've accepted that while I bear healthy babies, I'm going to be miserable doing it. Better that than the opposite.

The ability to step outside of your own needs to meet the needs of another seems like the foundation for a kid that will be well cared for. My deepest respect for your attitude and acceptance of this path you consciously chose. Whoever that little guy is that is growing in your belly, it's touching to know that he is and will be well loved. I have seen so many who breed so they don't "miss out on having kids" without truly embracing the role of being a life long parent.

You may be struggling, but you don't sound miserable as much as you just sound like a true parent. It's beautiful and clearly so are you. My best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Vixandra]

The ability to step outside of your own needs to meet the needs of another seems like the foundation for a kid that will be well cared for. My deepest respect for your attitude and acceptance of this path you consciously chose. Whoever that little guy is that is growing in your belly, it's touching to know that he is and will be well loved. I have seen so many who breed so they don't "miss out on having kids" without truly embracing the role of being a life long parent.

You may be struggling, but you don't sound miserable as much as you just sound like a true parent. It's beautiful and clearly so are you. My best wishes to you and your family.

Awws, thank you! I grew up in a less than ideal environment so I want to provide the most stable, healthy one for my kids so they can grow up healthy, happy and capable of sustaining meaningful relationships.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you want kids someday?
If these comments follow you stating that you don't want children, I can understand the annoyance. I respect people's decision not to have kids (except my son's, I want him to have a kid in the future, but he absolutely does not)

However, if you are just terrified of being pregnant and giving birth, everything they say is right. I hated being pregnant too, but it was the best thing I've ever gone through.

I got the impression that it's much more than annoyance.

Personally, I enjoyed both of my pregnancies, but there are times I regret having brought kids into this world. And I'm sorry that I saddled them with me for a mother. And my own genetic heritage.

That is the honest truth.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Do you want kids someday?
If these comments follow you stating that you don't want children, I can understand the annoyance. I respect people's decision not to have kids (except my son's, I want him to have a kid in the future, but he absolutely does not)

However, if you are just terrified of being pregnant and giving birth, everything they say is right. I hated being pregnant too, but it was the best thing I've ever gone through.

I'm fairly ambivalent on the subject. NO kids any time soon. PERIOD. We aren't ready, I'M not ready, and our life is not ready. I'm not against having kids in the future, but I'd be happy if I didn't. If we do make the decision to have kids, it will be primarily because my partner does want them and I don't not want them. And he better do the "Mr. Mom" like he says he will, because otherwise kids are coming to house calls and barns with me in some native-child-esque fashion.

Regardless, those kind of statements upset me because they're highly presumptive, judgmental and sometimes rather condescending. It's quite dismissive of someone's aversion/concern to just wave it off and go "oh, you'll be okay when its over". It's the same reason I get upset when people tell children "don't worry, you'll like boys/girls/whatever when you're older." or "you only hate X now, when you're older you'll love it!". True as that may be, it's fairly dismissive and, you know what, sometimes it IS wrong.

I have some close friends who are ADAMANT about not having children, so I also get a little defensive for their sake. Entirely unnecessary, but it's still the reaction I have xD

 

[seela]

BBH, I totally understand where you're coming from. I have zero interest in being anybody's mother and even less being pregnant.

Recently I got scolded by a close relative for not producing any future tax payers, like she has done. I'm not fulfilling my duty as a good citizen. Just thinking about the conversation still gets under my skin. I think I ranted about it here, too.

 

[drinkz]

......

 

[musicman1978]

The internet allows us to meet people from all over the world, but all over the world does nothing for you when you're in the mood and there are time zones between the two of you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

BBH, I totally understand where you're coming from. I have zero interest in being anybody's mother and even less being pregnant.

Recently I got scolded by a close relative for not producing any future tax payers, like she has done. I'm not fulfilling my duty as a good citizen. Just thinking about the conversation still gets under my skin. I think I ranted about it here, too.

Future TAX PAYERS???

What other bees are in that bonnet, one wonders, because that's goofy.

 

[seela]

Future TAX PAYERS???

What other bees are in that bonnet, one wonders, because that's goofy.

Yup.

Isn't that the most common reason to have kids: to ensure that there are enough future tax payers?

 

[bobbyinhouston]

Po

All government programs are Ponzi schemes and constanly need new blood to make them work.

Said with tounge in cheek in case anyone is monitoring.