What makes you submissive?

[babiesmiles]

There are 2 versions of it, just like there are 2 versions of Sin City. Trouble is the bastards release the 2nd version after many people bought the first so its like your damned if you do and your damned if you don't

I had the luck to have the extended version of the LOTR trilogy as a gift lately , and I must say it made an huge difference ... I loved some of the shots they missed in the previous one

 

[raven2]

I had the luck to have the extended version of the LOTR trilogy as a gift lately , and I must say it made an huge difference ... I loved some of the shots they missed in the previous one

Oh yes, the extended versions are the way to go for LOTR. The ROTK is the only movie to win best picture and still have a scene shot after it got the oscar.

 

[CTGalPal]

Oh yes, the extended versions are the way to go for LOTR. The ROTK is the only movie to win best picture and still have a scene shot after it got the oscar.

I think the extended version of the LOTR made a lot more sense to me. I loved seeing the extended version and piecing it all together. It put all the puzzles together.

 

[graceanne]

I haven't seen the extended versions of LOR, but I watched it with K. He's read the books quite a few times and would fill me in on pieces that I was missing. It really helped the movie make more sense. He also warned me if the ring wraithes were gonna be showing up, so I could 'hide'.

 

[CTGalPal]

I haven't seen the extended versions of LOR, but I watched it with K. He's read the books quite a few times and would fill me in on pieces that I was missing. It really helped the movie make more sense. He also warned me if the ring wraithes were gonna be showing up, so I could 'hide'.

One of my ex's had to explain the trilogy to me. I loved watching it with him because he would fill in the gaps for me!

 

[Jaded1]

Just a <bump> for a very good friend...

 

[Blushing Bottom]

A Dom who knows his stuff.

 

[DVS]

One of my ex's had to explain the trilogy to me. I loved watching it with him because he would fill in the gaps for me!

Trust me...I'll fill your gaps for you.

 

[CTGalPal]

HI everyone...

Good to see the usual suspects still hanging around this thread.

How has everyone been?

 

[sirgary]

...going back to the original posting....

I think most women are submissive...they naturally assume the bottom position the first time they have sex with a peticular man...

I perfer submissive women much like I like to lead while dancing...

...when the realization that one is with a confident and dominate partner, the sunmissive role becomes a position that is easy to accept...

Interesting subject...thanks for creating it....

 

[Homburg]

...going back to the original posting....

I think most people are submissive...

There you go. I fixed it for ya

 

[madetotakeit]

Going with some of the general thoughts I have gathered glancing over this thread. (I'll read the full 11 pages a little later.) I have to agree that I could not say what makes me submissive. Truthfully I'm not sure I want to know. At first I certainly tried to put together the puzzle pieces. I was wondering why I did not feel or think the same way other people do. That was when I was still struggling with even admitting that I am submissive. Okay, there was a brief flare up when I first acted on it. Now however, I am fully aware that while I may not fall into the same category of the majority of society, I am certainly not alone. I'm comfortable with that.

To me, it would be easier to say what I get out of being submissive. Although, even then I couldn't say in entirety. I get the mental break from all of the day to day stresses. I can step away from the person I am at my job (where any word or decision can mean the difference between someone living or dying- dealing with the alpha types drawn to public safety- having to manage my shift mates.) I get to exist only as me. To feel things I have not felt before. To be the source of someone else's pleasure. But most importantly it is about the connection to another human being. To find that person I have enough faith and trust in that I will give my hard fought for power over myself and travel on the journey of discovery.

 

[snowy ciara]

...going back to the original posting....

I think most women are submissive...they naturally assume the bottom position the first time they have sex with a peticular man...

I perfer submissive women much like I like to lead while dancing...

...when the realization that one is with a confident and dominate partner, the sunmissive role becomes a position that is easy to accept...

Interesting subject...thanks for creating it....

Good thing I made popcorn.

I'm not sure what part of my psyche makes me submissive rather than Dominant and I've really thought about this a lot. But I'm reasonably certain that is has nothing to do with my ovaries, vagina, breasts or my XX chromosomal patterns.

It has to do with internal patterns of behavior and attitude that do not appear to be directly related to my femininity. If a submissive position in life is based on one's gender, then technically, since I am gender fluid to the point that I have been to both endocrinologists and to a genetics lab for gene mapping and other tests, I should be a switch. (It was suspected that I was an XO or XXY pattern instead. But it came out that I'm a plain old girl, with unusually extreme hormonal fluctuations.) If we're to follow the theory that Dominance is linked to gender, then I should be a switch, as my personal gender perception frequently makes extreme switches. Yet I am not. I remain steadfastly submissive in my personal life, even as my job forces to me to project an unyielding dominance over the teenagers in my care.

I don't think that the fact that women "they naturally assume the bottom position the first time they have sex with a peticular man..." has to do more with instinct than kink identity. Remember, this romantic ideal of hearts and flowers and sex and children with a long term partner is relatively recent development in history. For many years, the biological imperative wasn't a lover, or partner, or helpmeet or a significant other or whatever pretty little name we choose. It was to bear children, and the biggest, baddest, strongest man inspired a need to breed, not necessarily to submit and the man above, woman below position is one of the easiest ways to get pregnant, due to simple mechanics. That's why, when my sister-in-law was having problems getting pregnant the first time her doctor told her to "go ahead and do you gotta do to get your groove on, but give his guys a little help! The missionary position gives the ejaculate the shortest and most direct road to work. Don't forget the gravity of the situation!" Since her doctor is a pretty smart lady, she was forgiven the bad pun. I think the female below position is simply the human spawning instinct asserting itself. I know that the first time that I was with my Domme, (MtF trans) I wanted her inside me so bad! But I didn't fall over on my back in the "naturally submissive position with a Dominant." I wanted to straddle her lap, sit on her cock and riiiiiiiidddeeee off into the sunrise! And eventually, she let me do just that.

Based on the research I've done, and my personal experiences, I just can't get behind this gender based Dominance thing. I know that I would be just as submissive if I were a man. As always, YMMV.

 

[HottieMama]

Oh good lord...

i see sirgary has blessed us with his infinite bullshit...i mean, wisdom...yeah..wisdom.

Isn't there a Playground for you to be in?

 

[intothewoods]

Funny, I'm submissive, but I prefer to get off by physically being on top. I don't naturally assume the bottom position with a man, first time or otherwise. Whether I'm on the bottom or the top or standing on my head doesn't really have anything to do with my submission.

 

[EmpressFi]

...going back to the original posting....

I think most women are submissive...they naturally assume the bottom position the first time they have sex with a peticular man...

I perfer submissive women much like I like to lead while dancing...

...when the realization that one is with a confident and dominate partner, the sunmissive role becomes a position that is easy to accept...

Interesting subject...thanks for creating it....

*counts the men on her fingers*

Hmmm I'm a submissive and the first time I had sex with the men I've had sex with.. hmm 6 out of the 7 have been with me on top..because it feels better for me that way.

People are submissive.. just because that's the way they are... a dominant didnt convince me of my role, I was already submissive when he and I met.

Perhaps you should take a little more time and rethink your theory

 

[sirgary]

...hmmm....this thread sits quiet for almost two years and then it has a spurt...

Nice to see continued interest and diversity of views.

My previous statement was way too general to be of relevance so please overlook it's shortcomings. It did, however, get some intelligent and thoughtful responses...

Like a pendulum of a clock, with one end being total dominance and the other total submissiveness, we all fall somewhere in the swing...learning exactly where we fall sometimes takes some true life experiances to determine.

...and Nickki...the GB is, once again, a refreshing change from the PG...and the thin line between bullshit and wisdom is often blurred by one's corrupted perception...

 

[HottieMama]

...and Nickki...the GB is, once again, a refreshing change from the PG...and the thin line between bullshit and wisdom is often blurred by one's corrupted perception...

First, this isn't the GB. It's the BDSM Cafe.

Second, if you are going to address me by my first name, AT LEAST spell it correctly. It's N I K K I.

And last...but certainly not least....

Remember when we agreed to "leave each other alone," and stay out of each other's sandbox? THIS is my sandbox. Please stop shitting in it.

K?

Thanx.

Bye.

 

[sirgary]

First, this isn't the GB. It's the BDSM Cafe.

Second, if you are going to address me by my first name, AT LEAST spell it correctly. It's N I K K I.

And last...but certainly not least....

Remember when we agreed to "leave each other alone," and stay out of each other's sandbox? THIS is my sandbox. Please stop shitting in it.

K?

Thanx.

Bye.

..do I denote hostility?...<grin>....nice to see you haven't changed....

 

[HottieMama]

Only for you. When someone has showed their true colors so clearly to myself and others, there is no reason to act in any other way.

 

[alexanna]

I agree it is easier to feel submissive with a Dominant man. I am a very willful, independent person in general but am very submissive sexually and in other odd ways. Unless the guy leads I often feel very uncomfortable being submissive, like I might be judged for being weak. It used to be I could tell my husband wanted me to take more of a lead and get on top. I was very uncomfortable with it but I did it for awhile because I thought it would make him happy. It was interesting that after a couple of months I could tell he wasn't really satisfied with it either. I have no problems going on top now when he instructs me to do so because he is still leading. I feel very submissive when being ordered to perform in that way actually and I can tell it is more satisfying for him as well.

David Deida has some interesting theories on sexual polarity and submissiveness in women although he would not use that label. I have read 3 of his books so far and appreciate his point of view greatly as it takes into account the dark, angry side of the feminine which I think can still be a very valid and enriching component to a D/s relationship. "Intimate Communion" is a good book to start with and I personally think any Dom should read "The Way of the Superior Man". "Dear Lover" has definitely helped me with my submission and learning to be transparent in my feelings and desires.

I am submissive because it is the only way I feel safe. No matter how capable I have managed to become or what I have managed to acheive in my life I do not feel safe or loved if I am in control. Growing up I was spanked only a few times and had very few rules. I interpreted the lack of rules to mean my parents didn't care when in fact it was just because they felt they could trust me. I was a good girl but I kept a lot of things to myself and thought if I shared them with those close to me I would not be loved anymore. It was silly, it is still silly. When I am owned, controlled, forced open and known I feel love and that pretty much sums it up.

 

[sirgary]

I agree it is easier to feel submissive with a Dominant man. I am a very willful, independent person in general but am very submissive sexually and in other odd ways. Unless the guy leads I often feel very uncomfortable being submissive, like I might be judged for being weak.

...at the munches held by the Lifestyle group I am a member of, this very subject was discussed several times...it usually evolved into a discussion of the frustration some of the submissive men felt the first time on a date having to feel obligated to being dominant until some form of trust is established.

I will seek out the books you recommended...the literature on the Albany Power Exchange web site touches this issue but a deeper perspective might be a good read...tks.



btw...you expressed yourself very eloquently...

 

[alexanna]

I should also say that although Deida approaches the topic from masculine vs feminine perspective he does say that men can be feminine and vice versa.

 

[*WanderingSub*]

Well, I'd say you are submissive. Unless you are wanting to put on a strap-on and bend some man over a table, you are submissive. But, why is difficult to say. A lot of our thoughts are started as kids. How strict our parents were, how we related to our childhood friends...if we had many childhood friends, etc.

For a long while now, I've known that I'm a sub. But, I also have fantasies of doing just what you mentioned above......"bend a man over a table". I've been told that because I do have such thoughts, that I can not be a true sub, but more of a switch. Though I have had no real life experience at being either, being sub comes much more natural to me. So, wanting to take a man...........that doesn't make me a sub?

Not all submissive's are powerful in the rest of their lives. Some are quiet people, and don't seem to want to express themselves for fear of either being put down or because they feel less intelligent than those around them. I sometimes wonder if there is a strong woman behind that wall they've built up over the years...because of possible abuse in their childhood or maybe just a strict parent. I like to think with the right partner, that strong woman could come out of her shell, but it would take an awful lot of trust.

This really hits home to me. And I doubt I could have said it better myself. I have often wondered how my life/personality would have been different if it weren't for certain things that happened in my life.
Very nicely said.

 

[sirgary]

For a long while now, I've known that I'm a sub. But, I also have fantasies of doing just what you mentioned above......"bend a man over a table". I've been told that because I do have such thoughts, that I can not be a true sub, but more of a switch. Though I have had no real life experience at being either, being sub comes much more natural to me. So, wanting to take a man...........that doesn't make me a sub?

...having just "thoughts" like that wouldn't change your status as a sub....

...<grin>...it takes a blood test to determine that...if your blood is red, you have a one in three chance of being a "true sub"......