What makes you submissive?

[alexanna]

There's no "she cooks, I do the dishes" deal. I'm not egalitarian like that. I'm not egalitarian about a lot of things. It's an unequal relationship for fuck's sake.

Yeah I'm not required to do the dishes I just do them as part of my self appointed job to provide a nice atmosphere for our family. I am very interested though in how much better that atmosphere has been since he has begun dominating me sexually. The world seriously looks different from the bottom and the happiness shows in everything I do.

I guess I like feeling submissive but I also need to feel loved and I don't think they are the same or that everyone requires both. When I suck it up and tell him some fantasy I have and he appreciates me for having the courage to tell him and then indulges that fantasy I feel as loved as I think I could ever feel. The submission I feel within a scene whether it is my fantasy or his is also delicious but it is not the same.

 

[alexanna]

I guess what it comes down is that whatever it is that makes me submissive, it's very personal, and it's internal, and as long as I know what I am and am comfortable it doesn't matter if I don't fit into some judgmental yahoo's "One True Way of BDSM". But having once been accepted for what I am, with no need to prove my subness has spoiled me.

I'll never be comfortable with my "subness" just as I am not very comfortable with much else. I will most likely not live up to my own definition or anyone else's.

I'm somewhat comfortable with this though

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Seriously what?

In fairness I shouldn't have posted my comment knowing I have limited time to address your reply, for that you have my apologies.

I'll be honest, in as much as I give you credit for being forthright Alexanna, I was kind of side swiped by the impression that your dominant partner is somewhat superfluous to you getting your own way, the tone seemed a little cavalier which for me reads as disrespect. Having said so, I should be clear, I don't know you, your more specific orientations or get the bigger picture by default as I have to date read only a small number of your posts. Hinged on that huge margin for error on my part it's an fair observation never intended as a decree.

I am also not harping on the 'real, true or natural' diatribe either, I do try respect the individual. This is a discussion on 'What makes you submissive' , on the single post alone I had a disorientating moment. I am still kind of 'there' but you know what ? It's okay. Sun will still rise and set : smiles :

I simply don't have the personal time to clarify further at the moment, I sincerely wish I did.

 

[malinborn]

Okay.. for a serious answer on what makes me submissive... i do not know honestly... life? So many beat downs as a kid.. so much mental trauma over life? being molested as a kid by a cousin? I don't honestly know how to answer that.

I enjoy my submission. I enjoy the pains, the new traumas, the new experiences. I honestly thrive at the experiences being submissive from the domestic tasks to the downright dirty.. maybe that enjoyment Keeps me so. Doesn't explain a dominant side i have as well... but.. this is all i can think of at the moment.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Dominance.

 

[alexanna]

I'll be honest, in as much as I give you credit for being forthright Alexanna, I was kind of side swiped by the impression that your dominant partner is somewhat superfluous to you getting your own way, the tone seemed a little cavalier which for me reads as disrespect.

It WAS disrespectful. I get carried away sometimes.

I do still sort of stand by the comment that his being pleased is a nice side effect of my desire to feel submissive being fulfilled. It can become a chicken before the egg argument though. The fact is I came to my husband of 10 years and asked to be dominated. The fact that he really is dominant and has finally taken the role he has filled in the rest of our relationship to the bedroom does make me feel a little uncomfortable because at root we started this to make me happy, not him. He had finally made himself content with my frigidity. I'm not quite sure how to get over that, perhaps it will resolve itself over time.

I appreciate your response.

 

[*WanderingSub*]

Well, you could be a switch. It depends on if you desire something that isn't fulfilled, one way or the other. How strong are your desires?

If you were to find yourself a Dom and be submissive to him for a while, then one night put on a strap-on and tell him "I want to try something different, tonight"...would he go for it? And if he said no, would you feel your desires are not being fufilled and seek another mate?

Switch or sub...switch or sub. Decisions, decisions. Personally, I see nothing wrong with either. You do need to decide how strongly you feel about things, though. Some Doms don't like their submissives to wear strap-ons. It tends to make them nervous.

It's something that I would like to try.
I think I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't leave him because of it. But at least let's sit and discuss it

 

[alexanna]

If submission involved being so other focused that you'll do anything for your lover most everyone I know would still be in a vanilla marriage, going "oh well, it's what he wanted."

I resemble that remark. I'm sorry but in relationships we (the girls) make shit happen.

 

[alexanna]

I would suggest applying the Marquis Test to it. Do you "do what you're fucking told to do"?

Always

 

[Homburg]

Dominance.

Best answer, period.

---------

Always

Then don't sweat it. If you do as you're fucking told, that's the majority of submission. Honestly, all these articles and internat pages about the beauty of surrender is a bunch of hooey if you can't grasp that core concept. Do as you're told, and the rest of it will work itself out.

To be honest, I am rather more pleased when I can tell that she doesn't want to do something particularly onerous, but does it anyway. Makes me happy.

 

[myinnerslut]

To be honest, I am rather more pleased when I can tell that she doesn't want to do something particularly onerous, but does it anyway. Makes me happy.

well, you are a sadistic bastard and have the hankerchief to prove it

***

ive avoided this thread for a while becuase try as i might i couldnt for the life of me come up with a good answer. i have no idea what makes me submissive. i'm me, nothing more nothing less. if what i like and how i feel and what i do puts me in the catagory of "submissive", then im a submissive. from what ive read and seen and experienced, its a good catagory for me, but since nobody can ever agree on a clear cut definition of what submissive is, then i cant be positive. sub, slave, bottom, etc etc. too many catagories with fluid definitions IMO.

 

[Netzach]

I resemble that remark. I'm sorry but in relationships we (the girls) make shit happen.

Huh.

I do, but I never attributed it to my pussy.

 

[EmpressFi]

Dominance.

I like this one alot

 

[minx1]

I like this one alot

I like it too, except altered slightly to say dominance enables me to be submissive, rather than makes me....if that makes sense.

 

[sirgary]

I like it too, except altered slightly to say dominance enables me to be submissive, rather than makes me....if that makes sense.

...it does.....

 

[madetotakeit]

David Deida has some interesting theories on sexual polarity and submissiveness in women although he would not use that label. I have read 3 of his books so far and appreciate his point of view greatly as it takes into account the dark, angry side of the feminine which I think can still be a very valid and enriching component to a D/s relationship. "Intimate Communion" is a good book to start with and I personally think any Dom should read "The Way of the Superior Man". "Dear Lover" has definitely helped me with my submission and learning to be transparent in my feelings and desires.

Thanks for mentioning these books! I just ordered a couple of them off of Amazon. I can't wait until they arrive.

 

[sirgary]

..."The Way of the Superior Man" is a must read....even if your a woman...it explains so many things in simple terms...

...of course I think he used me as a guide....