Bindii
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2002
- Posts
- 4,405
Here are some of the ways that we are different, can you think of any others?
SEX
Women prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer
30 to 45 seconds of foreplay, less if at all possible.
For the man, driving back to her place is considered a
part of foreplay.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the local hotel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES
A women makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and some ketchup. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter then the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
GOING OUT
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earrings, finishes putting on her makeup, brushing....
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings, and funerals.
LAUNDRY
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
WEDDINGS
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor Party".
CHEERLEADERS
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.
NICKNAMES
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob, and Jack go out for the evening, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.
EATING OUT
...and when the check comes, Mike Dave, Rob, and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
MENOPAUSE
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the
individual. Menopause in a man (or, at least, its equivalent; often referred to as a "midlife crisis") provokes a uniform reaction --- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap, and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
THE TELEPHONE
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A women can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, come home, call her about the trip and talk for three hours.
DIRECTIONS
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she wills stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. men will never stop and ask for directions. men will drive in a cirlce for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and , "I know I'm in the general neighborhood, I recognize that 7-11 store."
ADMITTING MISTAKES
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.
TOYS
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly, and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
PLANTS
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
MOUSTACHES
Some men look good with moustaches: Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, and Kevin Kingsley. There are no women who look good with mustaches.
HATS
Women look good in hats; men look like geeks.
GARAGES
Women use garages to park their cars and store lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
JEWELRY
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
TIME
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.
RESTROOMS
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Bob, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
SEX
Women prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer
30 to 45 seconds of foreplay, less if at all possible.
For the man, driving back to her place is considered a
part of foreplay.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the local hotel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES
A women makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and some ketchup. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter then the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
GOING OUT
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earrings, finishes putting on her makeup, brushing....
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings, and funerals.
LAUNDRY
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
WEDDINGS
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor Party".
CHEERLEADERS
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.
NICKNAMES
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob, and Jack go out for the evening, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.
EATING OUT
...and when the check comes, Mike Dave, Rob, and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
MENOPAUSE
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the
individual. Menopause in a man (or, at least, its equivalent; often referred to as a "midlife crisis") provokes a uniform reaction --- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap, and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
THE TELEPHONE
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A women can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, come home, call her about the trip and talk for three hours.
DIRECTIONS
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she wills stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. men will never stop and ask for directions. men will drive in a cirlce for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and , "I know I'm in the general neighborhood, I recognize that 7-11 store."
ADMITTING MISTAKES
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.
TOYS
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly, and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
PLANTS
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
MOUSTACHES
Some men look good with moustaches: Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, and Kevin Kingsley. There are no women who look good with mustaches.
HATS
Women look good in hats; men look like geeks.
GARAGES
Women use garages to park their cars and store lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
JEWELRY
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
TIME
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.
RESTROOMS
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Bob, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
I like that.
