What makes for a good Dom/Domme?

[Ezarc]

I am currious to what the subs would day makes a Dom/Domme good for them. What is it that helps you feel the comfort and trust need in this type of relationship?

 

[A Desert Rose]

I am currious to what the subs would day makes a Dom/Domme good for them. What is it that helps you feel the comfort and trust need in this type of relationship?

A Dom who listens, is responsive to my needs and my limits. One who cherishes the submission I need to give.

I need one who loves me.

 

[bunny bondage]

full of confidence, sure of himself, but not arrogant. kind enough to listen to me, but firm enough to insist on things he knows are best. a good mixture of violence and tenderness, aggression and compassion. i think it was described best in this teen magazine i saw once when i was, well, a teen. it was some tell-all story about a girl whose boyfriend had abused her. the caption for the cover said "he beat me then kissed my bruises". i thought "damn, now that's a lover."

 

[Zaudika]

I am currious to what the subs would day makes a Dom/Domme good for them. What is it that helps you feel the comfort and trust need in this type of relationship?

The three top things that come to my mind when I think about this are communication, trust and love. All of these things are a must.
Someone who takes the time to get to know me, and my body language, .. someone who's firm and forceful, the word Domination or Dominating fits that perfectly.
Someone who'll never take me, or what I offer for granted. That will know how strong the connection is between us, and cherish me like I love, adore, and cherish him.
Someone that understands my needs and boundaries and knows how far to push them. Someone that can feel comfortable pushing those limits, and extending my boundaries.
Someone that I can talk with, laugh with, and have many wonderul days and nights with inside of our relationship.
Someone who's comfortable being a Dom. Confident, but not arrogant like stated above.
Those are a few, though many other thoughts go through my mind in thinking about this.

 

[BlondGirl]

Education. My partner had better be on a quest to educate himself always. I am not referring to hanging out at SM clubs trying to look tough. I am referring to learning about anatomy-- the nervous system as well as others, psychology in general, activities that accentuate any physical and emotional relationship, etc.

(I must add that the guys who go to SM clubs or balls and show off how they have developed a talent for cracking a single tail are not impressive. They remind me of eight-year-old rednecks. In costumes. The relationship is between myself and my partner--and that does not include any audience-real or imagined.)

 

[BlondGirl]

Oh yeah--I forgot to mention

My partner MUST be employeed. Not negotiable. Being between jobs is a short term thing that I can deal with. A man who announces himself retired at 22 is a mooch. No thanks. (Of course, circumstances must be taken into consideration, but I have never dated a guy who was incapable of work thus far.)

Besides, if the guy does not have anything to do all day, he can become a pest--ask any grandma who has a retired husband!)

 

[MissTaken]

I am currious to what the subs would day makes a Dom/Domme good for them. What is it that helps you feel the comfort and trust need in this type of relationship?

I learn to trust by seeing that his behavior and acts are consistent with what he says and what he claims his beliefs are.

His demonstrating respect for me as an independent woman as well as a submissive woman also goes far to garner trust.

When a Dom can recognize that he needs me and let's me be needed, I can see the man behind the Domly face. That carries it further.

As for feeling the comfort, well, that builds with each time he does or says something that indicates he is honorable and trustworthy, that he recognizes what I need, sometimes before I do. There are times I need a hug and a good cry and other times, I need a kick in the pants and a "Get over it" talk.

Chemistry is what it all boils down to in the long run. As with any relationship, whether or not we have a checklist to draw from, chemistry between two people is a necessary foundation for all the elements of BDSM and just plain ole good solid love.

 

[MissTaken]

bump

 

[Pixie Mischief]

I'm butting in somewhere I dont know much about Just going by what I think. what I feel. and how my bf is.

First trust. trust is VERY important. this is true of any relationship. Listening and understanding.. I feel bf needs to work a little on that.


And communication..


But Trust is a big issue. being disabled and fragile. For me to have sex with my lover. I had to trust him with my life.. There is no truer show of devotion to someone then trust.

But you have to make sure you trust someone who is WORTH trusting

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Also.. Someone whos patient. and doesnt just throw everything at you at one time.


someone who is able to make you listen.


Ok.. I'm describing my bf LOL

but trust. VERY important.

 

[meria_serves]

A few months ago, my mentor (not my Mistress) had me write an essay for her, and one of the questions i had to address was this topic. So i'll just copy it over here ... my feelings haven't changed.

i need to be challenged. i need to be pushed, to be stretched, to have my potential fully explored

i need to give pleasure, to feel the delight at satisfying the One i adore, knowing Their pride in me, and in my efforts

i need accountability, i need One who i will never dare to give less than my best to, and to Whom i will always offer my complete surrender, day-by-day renewing the submission i granted at first

i need One who cares for me, who wants me to become better than i was yesterday even if it is uncomfortable or unpleasant at the time, One who understands that in order for me to grow i may have to experience pain

sexually ... i need One who is creative and who makes my mind blank with Their presence, whose energy overwhelms me and makes me weak

i didn't include love in there because at the time i was submissive to One who i love deeply, but i would say that although i need not be passionate about the Dom at the time of my first submission, i must feel as though that possibility is there and can develop over time.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Well it seems my bf is not the only one who gives there partner homework!!!!
I always thought it was odd. Hes given me homework on a few occasions.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I find myself attracted to natural leaders, men whose very nature calls for them to be first.