"What is it that a Dom does?"

[DeepGreenEyes]

Heh. Kinda true though!

 

[Vorpalone]

I don't speak for all Doms so I can tell you simply what I do as a Dom.

My life is a very unique and controlled bubble. I take girls out of there own bubble and into mine. While they are visiting, there is no them. There is only US. It is my bubble. I control it. ABSOLUTELY. They cede all of the control at the threshold. They set down there daily worries, the stress of managing there own bubbles. I envelop them into mine. This frees them. They step into my universe.

To completely surrender requires absolute trust. They BELIEVE in me. As they surrender, I accept the gift and harness there FREEWILL. Transforming it into my WILL. I WILL know them intimately. I WILL understand. I WILL handle there needs. I WILL take control. There is ABSOLUTELY no doubt.

This Letting go and release of will allows them to shift into a liminal state known as subspace. As I take care of them I take care of US my own needs and wants are all met. as I assume all the needs of US and impose my wants upon the US dynamic. After a time I and some care I release them directing them back to there own bubble.

I become a coping mechanism. A safe respite from the onslaught of life. A mini microcosm of US.

What do I get out of it as a Dom. Pure tone resonance, a recursive reflection. The acknowledgment of my Dominion. It is my natural self. Verily there is no greater rush for me then being ABSOLUTELY TRUSTED and BELIEVED to be in complete control.

Complete HONESTY of selves.

This is what it is to be Me. This is my Domination. My bubble. Inside it someone had to be in control and for all I could tell in here gods throne was vacant. So I took a seat.

If a bigger God shows up to reclaim my throne so be it. He can defenestrate me later. But as for today I RULE.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Thank you for that chance to look at the penis doodle again.

 

[Misshotndeep]

In my opinion a Dom helps a sub relax, push and sometimes remove boundaries in a safe controlled and thoughtful environment. A Dom endeavors to help a sub become a better person in whole not just sexually. They may use may forms of mental, sexual and pain stimulation to achieve this. The depth of the rabbit hole should always be tailored to fit the sub. Absolute trust and communication is needed by both parties for it to work. Sometime it is also a romantic relationship but not always. That is my opinion.

 

[HisArpy]

In my opinion a Dom helps a sub relax, push and sometimes remove boundaries in a safe controlled and thoughtful environment. A Dom endeavors to help a sub become a better person in whole not just sexually. They may use may forms of mental, sexual and pain stimulation to achieve this. The depth of the rabbit hole should always be tailored to fit the sub. Absolute trust and communication is needed by both parties for it to work. Sometime it is also a romantic relationship but not always. That is my opinion.

This is insightful. Too many people seem to think that D/s is all about, and nothing more than, physical or emotional control in exchange for sex.

It's not. From the /s aspect, it's about submission to a dominant. For the D, it's about being trusted and valued enough to be ALLOWED to be the one in control. What it takes to get these things is different for everyone. The sex may even be vanilla if the relationship needs it to be that way.

Dominance has NOTHING to do with sex. The sex is just a job perk. Being dominant means that the D has to think about what the /s needs and then deliver it.

Need some humiliation? We can do that. Need a good spanking? We can do that too. We can also let you know that yes those pants DO make your butt look HUGE, so go change. Now. Wear the red dress instead. Skip the panties and put your hair up. You have two minutes. Go.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

This is insightful. Too many people seem to think that D/s is all about, and nothing more than, physical or emotional control in exchange for sex.

It's not. From the /s aspect, it's about submission to a dominant. For the D, it's about being trusted and valued enough to be ALLOWED to be the one in control. What it takes to get these things is different for everyone. The sex may even be vanilla if the relationship needs it to be that way.

Dominance has NOTHING to do with sex. The sex is just a job perk. Being dominant means that the D has to think about what the /s needs and then deliver it.

Need some humiliation? We can do that. Need a good spanking? We can do that too. We can also let you know that yes those pants DO make your butt look HUGE, so go change. Now. Wear the red dress instead. Skip the panties and put your hair up. You have two minutes. Go.

bwahaha!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Hazardo]

In response to the concept suggested of a Dom delivering what the sub needs outside of sex ...

I think the most powerful thing a stronger person can provide a weaker person in life is the knowledge, confidence and self-esteem to grow stronger themselves. So perhaps in the perfect D/s relationship, DOm provides the support, wisdom and strength to help the sub grow to be a more confident and emotionally intelligent person in her day to day life. The Dom takes great pleasure from this and admires the person the sub becomes. In return, the sub respects the Dom completely and thus submits to his desires out of a mutual sense of admiration.

I think this is perhaps a more specific example, but I certainly get immense satisfaction from helping people grow in themselves, and find myself very drawn to that in a relationship (bit of a rescue complex). So my ideal relationship would be one where I could assist a my sub in becoming the best person she can be, investing all my energies and emotions, and in return she provides me with the affection, pleasure, and emotional connection that I seek.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Hazardo]

Who are these PYLS who are fully formed perfection and require no support from their partners outside being pyls. Don't PYLs need to acquire knowledge too? Don't they need to be the best people they can be? Cannot pyls support that too as part of their role in a relationship? Or must we be just clay?

It's most certainly a mutual thing. I'm fully aware the desire for control is born of an internal weakness. In providing help to grow, I am given a purpose, which is the void I personally need to wash. And the desire to be respected is a weakness. It's definitely a two way thing, but I am talking from my perspective and will of course instinctively see it with rose tinted specs on first thinking about the topic.

 

[Misshotndeep]

A proper Dom should have their own shit in order. They need to be able to control their emotions and desires enough to provide what a sub needs. While a sub is expected to serve the Dom in many ways as a form of please and training. A Dom is expected to be able to read, communicate with and lead a sub in a was as to better themselves and help them grow. It is very much a two way street. the sub has to willingly give up control to the Dom. The Dom than has to take that control and use it respectfully (if applicable) and according to the terms agreed to (yes you do need a written contract). Again communication is the very most important aspect of this kind of interaction. While you need trust too, if neither party is able to communicate their need and limits than it will fall apart fast. People get hurt physically and emotionally when communication and trust are not open. Having a sub that get broken because a Dom didn't take care of them in all ways is most Dom's worse nightmare.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

A Dom is a member of a two-person group project, and has been elected by the members of that group as its leader.

 

[Misshotndeep]

A Dom is a member of a two-person group project, and has been elected by the members of that group as its leader.

Uh Hmmmm, as I said communication is key.....

 

[Hazardo]

A Dom is a member of a two-person group project, and has been elected by the members of that group as its leader.

I personally think this is a very succinct definition.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Uh Hmmmm, as I said communication is key.....

My words are the distillation - exactly - of what I believe about D/s.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

A Dom is a member of a two-person group project, and has been elected by the members of that group as its leader.

I want a recount!!!!

Jk

 

[Misshotndeep]

My words are the distillation - exactly - of what I believe about D/s.

I wonder how yours subs take your direction if you are that vague with them? I truly hope not.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Misshotndeep]

I like this one. It allows for strengths and weaknesses, delegation, falability of team members...being human and all, aim for successful project outcome.

It's not destined for disappointment.

( two people only and ever though might be disputed....)

I still think it is very vague. Good thing I am not a sub. Not my issue.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I wonder how yours subs take your direction if you are that vague with them? I truly hope not.

I see. So this thread can't accomodate statements of belief or guiding philosophy, along with its multi-paragraph essays.

How many words would you recommend that I include in such a statement? Can you just tell me the minimum word-count I need to get an A? Because I totally need this grade to get exempted from exams.

 

[MeekMe]

A Dom is a member of a two-person group project, and has been elected by the members of that group as its leader.

This works.

_____________

I don't need someone to "make me a better person or help me grow." Any betterment or growth that needs to be done I'll do on my own.

 

[Misshotndeep]

I see. So this thread can't accomodate statements of belief or guiding philosophy, along with its multi-paragraph essays.

How many words would you recommend that I include in such a statement? Can you just tell me the minimum word-count I need to get an A? Because I totally need this grade to get exempted from exams.

50 word minimum, a yes Miss and a box of chocolates guarantee you a pass. hehe

No my statement was more that it seems so vague an explanation. I am not discrediting your view at all. It just leaves a lot of questions, if's and to me seems to lack substance. No maybe the word is depth. It just tells so little of what you are actually thinking. To me that is. I could care less what the subs licking your boots coo.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Misshotndeep]

But how can such a statement encapsulate both an overview and a detail?

Detail will vary, using Dge's parrallel, according To team members and the details of the project. The project itself might change direction, reflecting research / information gathering as the project is undertaken.

A project G and I undertake might be different to a project DGE might strive to complete with someone, AND the same players, say for sake of argument, and be still my beating heart, the project DGE and I might explore, because we bring different aptitudes and experiences to the table.

One pyl ( I do not identify with 'sub' right now) is not interchangeable for another in many a relationship, more than one man is the same as another.

DGe's phrasing suggests to me, respect for the team member, with leadership and direction.....biased by my enjoyment of his humour and soul. But we probably all know about really unreasonable bosses, and the people who still stay at their jobs, even get fulfilment from working from corporate sadists.

( DGE, may i be excused boot licking tonight?)

After rethinking my position, I think I have missed his point because the statement was not meet for me. It was meet for a sub to understand. That is not meant to upset any tinder sub skin either. I just don't get vague. I am a detail person.
If you read my first statement in this thread, I gave a general over view according to my opinion that was not specific either.

 

[Blue]

Doesn't any accurate definition of a dom necessarily have to be vague to actually be correct?

In this instance, if the fundamental premise doesn't potentially apply to literally every single person on Earth, then it can't be a correct definition because then you're arbitrarily quantifying combinations of personality traits that at least a handful of people won't meet or won't be able to meet. Regardless of how much of a basic requirement you consider any given trait to be.

Edit:
e.g Even if your measurement for working out whether somebody is a dom is as apparently agreeable as:
"They must consider power exchange to be a part of their sexuality"
Even that doesn't apply to some people who would consider themselves doms. E.g partners who 'go with it' for the benefit of their pyl partner.

Am I explaining this right?