What have you stollen? How did you steal? How did you feel?

[Sparky Kronkite]

I'm not particulary proud of it, although I did get a great lesson on life.........

As a very bored, semi-revolutionary, disgruntled teen of upper mid-class upbringing, via an artist mother and writer(newspaper/flack) father, in the non-real bio-dome of the District of Columbia suburbs - I found ways to entertain myself.

It Takes A Thief was popular on TV and early on I fancied myself a budding wannabe hi-class crook. But you had to start somewhere...... right?

I'd go to HS parties, parents our, party out of control - find a dark bedroom, open the window, launch anything I wanted out that window, leave the party and retrieve want I wanted. Once me an another fellow got a couch. Jewelry, money - clock radios. Even a gun and ammo once. We burnt the ammo not far from the parth and ran like hell.

And that was only the beginning...........

You?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

So? This is what gets me about this here board.

Everybody claims to be 'so real,' 'who they really are in RL.'

But how would any one of the rest of us know that - when, finally asked a simply yet a bit difficult question - they can't answer.

Don't tell me that nobody here has never stolen anything. Nope, no way.

Their all just afraid. They can 'only be real' regarding bullshit subjects like 'ain't fuck a great word,' or any of the vapid multi-million response threads where everyone simply tries to get in each other's pants.

When it comes to anything 'oh(!) that may be traced by Big Brother,' then - they won't even give that thread the time of day.

Oh fucking my. I'm so scared.

Who fucking cares? No one. There are much bigger fish to fry than a bunch of suedo-intellectual writer wannabe's on a half-ass (yet big) porn board of relative meaningless consequence.

And you all claim to be so real. But you never, ever, ever (with rare exception) put your fucking money where your mouth is. Only when 'it benifits' you - YOU! Otherwise you dance around the 'hard' subjects.

And I for one don't think this subject is all that fucking hard.

But you all do.

Fucking pussies!

 

[Cheyenne]

Sparky, you went to jail for theft. That IS probably unusual for others here, don't you think?

I stole candy as a kid, once. Felt so guilty I'd never do it again. Left the grocery store once with a 12 pack of Coke under the cart that I hadn't remembered to pay for. I went back to pay for it though.

I'm not in your league. But I am real.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Jesus, Sparky. Lay off the caffine for a while, babe.

I got caught shop-lifting at May Co. when I was a teen. Clothes. They called my parents and I was scared straight.

 

[Gawd]

I stole Canaan once. Then they put monechangers in My temple. I was pissed.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Nope - no drugs have influenced this thread.....

Only the ludicrous hypocracy that permeates this board. It's pretty much fluff - safe, politically correct, non-real, fluff - but most everyone will defend it as 'something more.'

With rare exception it's total bullshit.

Yeah sure - I love bullshit - but I love 'pushing the envelope' bullshit. Sure - I fail - often too - but at least I try.

I mean most of you should just revert to lurking - that's just as meaningful as what you actually post.

C'mon - 'TELL US/ME WHO YOU ARE!!!'

But you can't - can you?

 

[seXieleXie]

well sparky this was already talked about some on alex's thread about rap sheets so maybe it's more that you're boring and less that we aren't real

 

[riff]

CAUGHT!
The Story of the Sunglasses
As told by

Riff


My grandparents lived in the town of Marksville, Louisiana. When I was growing up, one of my favorite holiday trips was our family’s visit to Marksville for Easter. The particular trip in question took place when I was a boy and lived in Jacksonville, Florida. My family had traveled 750 miles on this occasion and while it was not the only trip of such distance we had made, it is a trip I will never forget.

On Easter Sunday our tradition was to get all dressed up and go to the big Mass at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church. Marksville is a small farming town and church on Sunday was a big community event. Because my grandfather was the County Agent, he knew everyone because nearly everyone was a farmer or at least had a relative who was. Following the Mass, everybody made a trip to the Courthouse square for socializing and picture taking in front of all the beautiful azaleas that burst forth into bloom at that time of the year. Later in the afternoon at home we had a huge dinner of roast pork or ham or leg of lamb. Once their bellies were full, the parents would take naps while the kids played outside.

At this time in my life I was around 12 years old. I wasn’t old enough to drive, but my brother was and since he could drive, we decided that rather than hang out at the house with the babies and the old folks, we would go to my grandfather’s camp, a small house on a lake outside of town. There we could get out on the lake and fish or hunt. We could build a fire and burn things (I always liked burning things, don’t ask me why, some of my friends called me “Fire Man,” but that is another story).

So we made the trip out to the camp, glad to be away from our parents and the “children.” It got dark. I don’t remember why, but D needed something at the store so we had to drive all the way back into town again. Their weren’t many places open on Easter Sunday night, but we found a TG&Y Drugstore that was open and we went in.

The place was almost empty. While D went for whatever it was he needed, I decided to have a look around. That’s when the trouble started. There was a rack of sunglasses right over there and I started trying them on. I found a pair that I liked. I knew stealing was wrong and that I could get into trouble if caught, but thought that if I could take those sunglasses back to Jacksonville and show my buddies how stealthy and sly I could be that they would be duly impressed.

“Hey, what are you doing over there?” a lady asked me as I turned to make my escape?
“Who? Me?” I said.
“Yeah. You just put some sunglasses in your pocket!” She turned and called to her boss who was a few aisles over. By this time, my brother was making his way towards us. I was caught and I knew it. I could try to get away, but if I ran, and was caught, the stakes would only be higher.
“D….” I called. He shook his head at how stupid I had been.
Now the manager was upon me and I was scared to death! This was not good. He asked me who I was, where I lived, and when I told who my grandfather was, he said he knew him and asked me to go with him to his office.

In his office I gave him the sunglasses and he asked me why I would steal, and I said I wanted to see if I could do it without being caught, at which point he was polite enough to indicate that my efforts had been unsuccessful. He called my grandfathers house, and then, he called the police.

At this point I knew that I was doomed. I was certain my father would tan my hide for what I had done and to make matters worse, all of this was going to happen in front of my grandparents. Doomed. I was dOOmed.

My father and the policeman arrived at the same time. Very little was said that I can remember. The manager and the policeman and my father were talking and my mind was swiftly trying to arrive at a conclusion as to what would happen to me. My dad took my arm and the rest of me out of the office. He didn’t yell or scream at me (others would do that for him. Heh!). As we drove back to my grandfather’s house (where was D? I guess he just went back to the camp, preferring peace and solitude to my execution) my father told me in a way that was neither accusing nor punishing, “Your mother and I did not raise you to steal. You know that is wrong. If you wanted sunglasses, why didn’t you ask for them? I would have bought you some.” He would have bought me some. “Why did you do it?”

I told him why I did it and that I was sorry I did it. “Does everybody at the house know?” I asked him.
“What do you think? Why do you think I had to leave the house?”

I was deep in it! If my dad didn’t yell at me, I knew my mom surely would. And she did. She did. My sister did. They were all over me! My grandfather wouldn’t even look at me. They sent me into one of the rooms in the back of the house to be alone. My mother came in, chewed me up and down some more and told me she had never seen her father cry in her life until that night. Then she slammed the door and left me in there in the dark.

I was so ashamed at all of the trouble I had created. I buried my head in a pillow and cried and thought of my grandfather and how he must have thought I was the worst of his grandchildren, the worst kid in the world. I sobbed. Then I started to get angry at everybody for yelling at me and I began saying to myself that I didn’t care what they thought. The door opened.

It was my grandmother. She leaned over me on the bed and rubbed my back and told me that everything would be all right. Her hand felt so good on back! She told me she loved me and that she didn’t think I was a bad boy, just that I had made a mistake and that God stilled loved me and that he forgave me. I turned around and hugged her. I don’t think anyone has ever been kinder to me than my grandmother was that night.

The next day we drove a very long drive to Jacksonville and when we arrived at the house, my parents called me into the living room and told me that I couldn’t go outside of the house for three weeks. And I forgave them.


(I wrote this a while back. Thank god for cut and paste.)

 

[kotori]

I stole your thunder, but you didn't give me a rumble. . .

I stole your heart, but it was beat. . .

I stole your voice, and now it echoes in my memory. . .

I stole your youth, an age-old problem. . .

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

I was a Marine theif.

3rd Training Battalion - Paris Island - 1973 - Fire Watch duty - 3am on a cold, rainy night.

(Note: Boot Camp burns calories from a human body like gasoline through a dragster. Everybody, unless a fat-body is starving to death. I, for the first and last times of my life - dreamt of chocolate cake.)

I was on patrol - the CO's office was on my beat - I had been by there in an earlier shift - that set me wondering. Now early into the dark morning - I 'checked' the door knob to the CO's office. It was open. I looked around - everybodie's sleeping. I walk on in - 'checking.' I spy a candy vessel full of lemon drops - I take half of them, putting them in my pocket.

Later I put them in a dress sock inside my footlocker. I later traded them 2 or 3 at a time for deserts that others did not want.

I never got caught and have never told anyone else.

There, now you have it.

Yet, that is only the small side of Sparky Kronkites foray in crime.

 

[Rambling Rose]

OK, OK Sparky...I'll tell...

When I was a little girl I used to steal candy bars in my panties. I would crackle out of the drug store and hurry home to leave Three Muskateers bars for the elves so they would clean my room.

True story.

Now take these bamboo sticks out from under my fingernails!

 

[shynsexy]

i have stolen before and almost got caught (had 3 dvd movies in my purse) am not proud and it wont happen again... but yes i did it target, come get me, lol

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

When I was a young'un, prior to Jar Head City.....

I worked at a drug store chain in Northern Virginnie called Drug Fair - now our of business.

In those days - big bell bottom trousers were the rage - I had a pair of Lee Super Bells. Huge!

I cut some rubber bands to where around the chin/calf area of my legs. I'd pull up my trousers - and stick anything that would fit - 8-track tapes, tools, magazines, food, fucking anything - in those rubber bands. Pull my pants leg down and walk the fuck out like I owned the place.

Same deal in grocery stores - ham, cheese, you name it - if it worked under my pant leg - I put it there and took it.

And that was when I was real young.

What happened later was much more sophisticated.

 

[scylis]

what do i steal?

lives.

that's what a professional assassin does, whoremonkey.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Whoremonkey?

Who you callin' a whoremonkey?

Fuckape.

 

[scylis]

fuckape?

asscock

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Ass - ass - in?

You've offed no one.

Prove it.

Cunter Cable Dickless.

 

[bluemuse]

Confession is good for the soul.......

When I was seven years old, my aunt (who was the same age) and I stole some marshmallow peeps from the grocery store. On the way home we stopped, dropped to our knees, and asked the Lord's forgiveness.

He must have forgiven us....we never did get caught.



bluemuse

 

[scylis]

Re: Ass - ass - in?

You've offed no one.

Prove it.

Cunter Cable Dickless.

oh please. i COULD tell you, but....

you know the rest of the quote.

 

[lickerish]

I've stolen before.. your typical candy from the store as a kid and all.. but a few years ago I worked at a 'you name it, they've got it..' store similar to Target/Walmart.. I was kind of like a supervisor, um.. 'team leader' in the electronics department. I'd have to stock and face the CD's, and sometimes, for whatever reason, one would be opened (someone wanted to listen to a track or something) so if it was ever a CD I liked, I'd slip it in my back pocket (baggy jeans phase ) and no one was the wiser... musta got a dozen CD's that way.

Palmed earrings and make-up and shit from the same store when my shift was over.. yeah I was dumb, but I didn't care at the time.. I guess I figured they owed me for putting up with so much of their crap, holier-than-thou office politics.. and minimum wage pay.

yeah, i'm an evil thug.. can't ya tell?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Fuck you!

You are a dip-shit.

Right?

You wouldn't even be here if you had anything like that to loose.

You fucked up pretender.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I steal bandwidth. I steal copyright protected material for personal use. Covers it.

Unlike some people, I happen to respect the property ownership rights of my fellow human beings. I'm a lucid enough person to think that I only deserve something when I've earned it.

Larceny is not something to be proud of and neither is jail time.

Lack of respect for you fellow human beings is not something to be proud of.

People who lack respect for others should not get all bent out of shape when no one respects them. Of course, they have no concern for anyone but themselves so the whole "should" business is moot.

You can't steal honor or integrity. If you have neither than you are scum.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Hey, eat me Muff!

I have learned the error of my ways.

I don't do that shit anymore.

As many here who won't admit to it.

I'm just askin'.

Goody Two Shoes!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Goody two shoes my ass.

You maybe.

I'm a good one for disrespecting all and sundry just because. I just don't steal stuff when I do it.

Now quit knocking me off of my high horse, I really like it up here.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Hey Muff?

What the hell is 'sundry?'

Everyday, takin' care of business shit?