what happened to women looking for a gentleman?

[chisim]

Why does it appear that women no longer are looking for gentlemen? No opening doors, no giving up of seats, not even in a bar. i was raised in the south to be a gentleman and now women get mad!!! if i do as i was raised. why? what happened to romance while i have your attention?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I think mostly because woman are no longer willing to stop growing past the age of fifteen.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Welcome to a new century! Woman no longer ask for that in a man. Times have changed and so have the people who live in those times. If you find a gentleman grab him and keep him cause he is one in a million.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

I think mostly because woman are no longer willing to stop growing past the age of fifteen.

I respectfully disagree, DCL, with the notion that a woman who desires and/or expects the "gentlemanly" behaviors Chisim mentioned above is necessarily immature or in some state of arrested development.

I'm from the south, so I may have a different conception of these behaviors than people from other places, but to me, holding doors, pushing out chairs, and unlocking car doors, and the like are not condescending acts. Rather, they're acts of affection and respect. To my thinking, they're unspoken affirmations of your feelings for her, much the way a woman may cook a meal for a man that she loves.

My holding a door open for a woman in no way means I think a woman is incapable of doing it, herself. I suspect too, that if asked, most women here would appreciate and welcome such gestures. I'm interested to see how they'll respond.

But for my part, it's something I like to do for women and I've never encountered a woman who didn't appreciate it (or at least none have complained).

Forgive me if I misinterpreted the meaning of your post, but I don't think women who eschew gentlemanly behavior are necessarily more mature or "grown up" than those who accept it.

Until a woman tells me she wants to open them by herself, I'm gonna beat her to the doors.

[Edited by Oliver Clozoff on 08-22-2000 at 12:12 PM]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I was referring to how men used to expect women how to behave, like pretty children, seen and not heard, not to how women once expected men to behave, and, frankly, still do to a degree.

I still think manners count, and I'm a gentleman. But women no longer require only manners from a mate, they also require equal partnership. They require the gentleman to let them be the adults they are.

So I don't think it's that women aren't seeking gentlemen, but opening a door alone just doesn't cut it anymore. You have to open the door with the understanding that she's damn capable of doing it herself.

 

[Whispersecret]

If a woman gives you a "look" for opening a door for her, or pulling out her chair, I think that woman is a rude bitch. I don't think that there was EVER a time when men thought a woman wasn't capable of opening the door herself. COME ON. That's ridiculous.

In fact, just last week I was on a bus in San Francisco, and this young guy gave up his seat for me. I protested, "Oh, no, you don't have to do that, I can stand!" But he refused to sit down again, so I thanked him and sat. I can assure you it never entered my mind that he thought I couldn't stand up on my own. ACtually, I was quite pleased to see that a young man (He couldn't have been more than twenty-three or so.) had been taught that he should give up his seat for a lady.

I proceeded to explain to my sons (5 and 6) about how sometimes men give up their seats for women and old people to be polite.

Now, holding a job, balancing the checkbook, stuff like that--if a man insisted his woman couldn't do that, then I'd get incensed. But as for the courteous gestures? Bring 'em on!!!

If I had two dates, and the only difference between them was that one of them pulled out my chair, opened my doors, picked up the check as a matter of course--guess what! The "gentleman" would rank much much higher on the scale than the "new millennium" man. But then, I'm 37 and admittedly, proudly, old-fashioned.

The bus incident reminds me that on that very bus, I saw a sign that said that that people were expected to give up their seats for the elderly. I can't remember if it was an actual city ordinance or not, but the very fact that a sign had been posted about that made me sad. I was disappointed that our society has grown so ill-mannered and self-centered that they had to be told to do this.

 

[Bobtoad777]

I have often wondered the same thing, sorry women but i just cant undeerstand for the most part why you would rather have an asshole who will beat them around and treat them like trash.

 

[teresafannin]

I consider opening doors to be a common courtesy. If I see anyone, man or woman, with an armload of bags, etc, I will open the door for them. It isn't just men doing these things for women, it is something everyone should do for each other. My guy is the ultimate gentleman, he opens doors, holds my coat, etc. I waited a long time to find him, but he was worth the wait.

 

[Jade]

I don't mind when a man opens a door for me or does something else sort of stereotypical like.. I don't know.. help me lift something heavy or something, etc.
I can't speak for all women though... and I feel bad even admitting it b/c now everyone is going to think I want to live in the 50's again, bare 8 children, and drop out of college.

Women today live with such a double standard. Honestly, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't... so "chis" just go with your gut instinct and the lady that is your match will adore it when you open her doors.
Bon Chance!

 

[Dreamer1]

I am from the midwest and I believe in acting like a gentleman. However, I do not want a woman who needs me to open her door and "take care of her." The idea of two strong, independent people sharing their lives together and helping each other is my idea of happily ever after. Opening doors is just polite behavior from a man or woman.

 

[Cheyenne]

I think it is very nice when men offer to do things like hold your coat (even if that makes it harder to actually get it on!), open doors, give up seats. Doors are usually a matter of who gets there first.

Last time I was on a bus it was one of the shuttle buses at the airport in Montreal. I was one of the last to get on the bus, and it was mostly filled with male business travelers. There was almost a contest to see who could hop up fast enough to give me their seat! Either I looked as tired as I felt, or that was one bus full of gentlemen. And the seat was very much appreciated.

 

[goldenboar]

In my country, It was some kind of habit to help each other without discriminating the gender.. Sometimes when you came first to the door, you would hold it open for others to come in. But I notice also that slowly the custom has changed from good to bad.. People nowadays start to become more egoist, and they never care to each other anymore.. Sometimes when you meet someone on the street and you give them smile, they will return it with a frown.. But I stil believe deep inside their heart, they appreciate your good will.. I just want to encourage you to keep doing the good things.. If we want our society to become better, we should start it from ourselves, and hopefully it will infect others..

 

[Whispersecret]

Atta boy, Goldenboar! That's the spirit.

I've noticed that about half the time someone will hold the door for me going into a mall or a store, while I always look behind me to see if someone is there so I can hold the door for them. (Especially someone with a stroller!) I don't know about the appreciation factor, GB. From the way they often push past without a word or a glance, I think that they don't even notice someone did something nice for them. GRRR. Another pet peeve is when people bump you and pretend they didn't. Are we becoming such a ME society that common courtesy is disappearing?

I'm doing my best to instill good manners in my children by talking about them repeatedly and, more importantly, showing them by example. I hope there are others out there doing the same thing, but judging from the manners of many of the kids and adults I encounter, parents like me are an endangered species.

Yeah yeah, there I go again sounding pompous. You should be used to it by now. <steps out from behind the pulpit>

 

[Ticklish Girl]

Courtesy and civil behavior should be practiced regardless of gender. I love it when someone holds a door for me or extends some other common courtesy. It's a sign that civilization has not entirely declined.

 

[Samuari]

Robert Heinland once said that courtesy is the lubercation of the fine machinery of society; being rude is the equilient of throwing sand into the fine machinery.

Its too bad, but we can only controll ourselves, and usally don't do a real good job of that. Civel behavor is every one's responsibilty, but it can only be enforced with self controll.

 

[Guest]

Public canings could be a good deterent to rudeness.

Though with some people today, that could incite more rudeness from people who are into that.

 

[Silkyheat]

When my daughter was about 3, (a few years ago) we were out shopping and encountered a man blocking the aisle we needed to go down. Holding her hand, she was directly behind him and said, "Excuse me." He turned around to look, and had to look way down to see this tiny little girl who had asked him so politely to move. She smiled up at him and he got the funniest look on his face - I still can't quite describe it, but you should have seen him jump out of the way. LOL. People are rude, it seems, but there are still many who are not, so I say just be you and enjoy the ones who reciprocate while ignoring the "rudies".

 

[He||z]

Ive been asked out 5 times by chix and i have never asked a chick out...so i disagree with this thread...maybe your just to damned ugly.

 

[Cheyenne]

Ive been asked out 5 times by chix and i have never asked a chick out...so i disagree with this thread...maybe your just to damned ugly.

sniff sniff- Age Violation alert! I smell teenager younger than 18! Aren't you back in school yet, child? Come back when you're a little older.

 

[He||z]

Actually...im not under 18 years of age...so stop being immature.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I think your being a bit nasty don't you think?

 

[Cheyenne]

Actually...im not under 18 years of age...so stop being immature.

Then that makes your original comment even sadder. Youth would have been an excuse.

 

[He||z]

I really have no idea what your trying to prove here...ive been asked out 5 times by chicks...i was just proving a point in this thread that there are girls that are looking for guys, then you go jumping right in by saying that im a kid. Maybe your just upset because you dont have the guts to ask a guy out...or maybe your just pissed off cause no one will ask you out. Whatever the situation may be, no one wants to here your pointless remarks, keep them to yourself.

 

[Silverlily]

Look, speaking of pointless comments, the thread is about women looking for gentlemen. Gentleman do not call women chicks. Gentlemen do not need to attack some one voicing a concern. Cheyenne called you a kid because you were acting like one.

Yes, we all know now you're 18 (a whole three weeks into it). Of age or not, there is no reason for you to start flaming anyone.

 

[Cheyenne]

Thanks, Kitten. Even over 18, it was obvious he was still young. Maybe he'll learn something about women by sticking around- he has his work cut out for him.