What exactly happens when things go wrong in an open relationship?

[aziegmann]

Many of you here may have already read about situations in which a relationship ended up going wrong, leading the couple to separate, for a variety of reasons, but without many details.

Has anyone here seen this happening up close? I'll go further: has anyone here had this type of experience and could report here, in detail, what happened?

If it was out of jealousy, for example, what exactly went wrong? And if it was a limit breach, which one was exceeded? And how did they deal (or not) with the situation?

What I'm proposing here in this post is to know in detail about the situations that happen when an open relationship doesn't work out and leads to the couple's separation.

 

[magic_rat]

Open relationships often thrive.

The things that kill all relationships are jealousy and lies.

If a guy pushes his wife into an open relationship she doesn't really want, chances are it will fail. Either she'll resent being pushed, or, as sometimes happens, she'll develop a tastse, poor hubby will find she gets way more attention than him, and he'll get jealous. Boom.

Successful relationships, particularly open ones, require trust and honesty. Without that your relationship isn't worth shit anyway.

 

[Sallyhansen6914]

I made the mistake of telling my ex “ I want an open relationship if you aren’t going to give me the attention I want or deserve “

He only heard “I want an open relationship…”

His BFF is like his brother.. been around since the start of it all. A play boy is what my EX always portrayed him to be..

Well his BFF well call him Tom. Always has been a great guy and when in trouble has saved the day. Like my ex was out of town and my car broke down and he showed up to help. Or has picked me up when I was trashed and my EX wouldn’t answer. And actually was a stand up guy and NEVER even put a move on me or made me feel pressured for anything and made sure I safely got home.

Well he’s been a friend and at times I would vent to him about my ex because he’s known him at least 10 years more than me.. so after making the comment to my ex about an open marriage. I thought maybe if I told Tom I’d said that to my ex he’d be like dude your gonna lose your wife or see how serious I was in just wanting attention from my Ex not someone else.

Because for the last ten years I have been very open over the fact that I don’t share and I’m not to be shared I’d believe.

Anyways about maybe a month later and i told my ex i was filing for divorce and moved out.

I a couple times after this I needed help with fixing my computer, then I needed someone to give me a ride and the only one who answered was Tom..

. but like it was a bit different? One night I truly thought he’s hitting on me.. I was like wait what? And I almost tried to make a move because idk I guess I’m a slut. In all honesty I have liked him for about 2-3 years but knew that was never gonna happen and i thought he didn’t even like me was nice only because i was his bFF wife.

Well, he basically invites me to hang out with him… so I did. I’m sure I sound like a horrible person I know. But I guess I am.

But anyways overall it happens..

And we both agree my ex can never find out doily because we didn’t plan on it happening. And if it was found out he would think that’s the reason I left. And in all seriousness no that is not.

I being a little school girl I am and I get stupid and don’t hid things well. Well the house I was staying at was supposed to be my best friend and she also has known my Ex longer than me. But called it out one day and was like you’re fucking him and like an idiot in excitement was like well yes.

I mean I was head over heels, I’ve never had a man be so kind and giving and never put pressure on me in anyway. My dumbass is like this is my fairy tale and my ex was wrong that it can be like the movies.
Well in some sense yes but a horror movie.

Anyways well she’s a two faced bitch… and runs and tells my Ex when I pissed her off (long story and it’s just BS drama I won’t waste your time)

And so my ex has to get mad and shit and texts me and then I’m like wtf and I attempted to call his friend in what we should do or what and he ghosts.. like won’t answer and so I later find out they hung out that day after he ghosts and then the next house I go to stay well that was a shit show and I end up having to call my Ex to get me (my friends 16 year old son was having manic episodes and I was honestly just scared )

My ex gets me and I go back and I’m open about this is not us getting back together i just gotta get on my feet and find a stable place to move i don’t want to lead you on.

I almost got in the car because I never responded when my EX said my friend told him i slept with Tom. So I didn’t know what Tom told him the night we hung out. I didn’t know if he was honest or what.

Well I am glad because usually I am the one to just be honest if I did something wrong or honestly if I love you and I felt guilty I will tell on my self.

As a general manager I would text my boss if I was late and tell on my self even if I knew she’d probably never know. I’m just that person it causes me extreme amounts of stress if I know that it could cause me to lose what I care about.

I almost got in the car and was like I’m so sorry I hope you can forgive you’re friend because Tom’s biggest thing is that’s his BfF and he can’t fuck that up or hurt him and he knew it would hurt him.

And I knew he needs his friend because going through a divorce does suck.

And then I realized well I’m just gonna stay quiet. (Ultimately I don’t care about my ex.. he’s fucked up so much of my life the only reason I care anything is for my son at this point) so I didn’t really feel guilt to just apologize and come clean.

Well Tom apparently does the same and Denies and they’re still BFFs
And then my Dumbass hooks up with my Ex because idk I’m a slut. Make it make sense. I can’t. All I can say is I’m human.

Well then I get a yeast infection. Never have i had one but in all seriousness I was terrified that it was a STD and I was like fuck. My ex was right Tom is a player and he had a STD and gave me one. Tom and my EX and one other are seriously the only men I didn’t stop and say where’s the condom.

Anyways I attempt to reach out to Tom. I didnt want to text it all I said was “it’s serious I need to talk to you” nothing

And then my ex will mention he’s texting him like usual and shit. I’m like okay.. cool. Even that afternoon his friend came over to the house and acted like nothing happened or anything. Totally mind fuck.

Well.. I get scared. And and sense Indid it with my ex I’m like fuck now he’s probably got annSTD. Basically I’m like chicken little over here thinking the worlds ending and things are happening to my body and it’s horrible. My advice is give is wear a comdom dumbass. Or if I you are stupid and trust that after 11 years someone would wear one if they knew that. GO TO a doctor don’t fucking google your what’s happening to you.

Well I have no car I couldn’t.. so I broke down and told my ex because I needed to go to a doctor I was very sick it was awful. Because on top of the infection I was sick.

Well my ex doesn’t do anything really he was upset he seemed like but that’s it’s even mentioned seeing his friend and not saying anything about.

Well I attempt to message his friend again and I tell him about what i thought was a STd and his friend finally responded and blows up on me.

Anyways long story short I find out it’s a yeast infection and things go better and blah blah blah.


And sense then they are still going along with they think I’m just thinking my ex doesn’t know and we’re sneaking around behind his back.


Nope. Not at alll. My ex knows everything. And on top of that I didn’t think about this until way later but he even watches the blink camera in Tom’s room. (That camera is new and he said it’s only on to record when he’s not home )

It’s such a mind fuck. And I wish that they’d just be fucking honest with me and stop fucking with my head. But I know both of them think I would seek justice in some way for the fuckery or attempt to seek revenge but I don’t understand why they don’t realize I just want peace in my life and they broke my fucking heart because I truly fucking fell for Tom. I thought he did me to, he acted like it. But it was all a perverted mind game in the end.

that was only the first 2 weeks of it. This has gone on about a month and a half now. And it’s only gotten more fucked up until i put it all together.

Part of me is a weak bitch a

 

[BiDrew42]

Following our divorces, which were both finalized about the same time, I entered into an open relationship with my long-time secretary. We had both been married about 20 years, and neither of us was interested in monogamy when we started seeing one another. We were both in financial dire straits due to our divorces, so we agreed to move in together even before we had sex for the first time. Even though we had worked together for over 20 years, each of us had no idea of the things we were into sexually, but it turned out we had a lot in common. We were both bisexual, both enjoyed threesomes and group sex, were both willing to try anything at least once.

We established some ground rules: 1) Not to have sex with anyone without informing each other, in advance if possible but immediately thereafter if not possible, 2. No secrets, 3) No lying, 4) safe sex with anyone outside of the small group that we mutually agreed we could bareback with, 5) inform each other at any time we felt like we may be falling in love with someone else. I think there was one more but I can't remember what it was right now.

Most of the ground rules were a result of both of our exes cheating on us and neither of us was willing to risk similar hurt in the future.

For 5 years it was absolutely incredible. We each had additional partners outside of our relationship, but we kept each other informed of what we were up to. Telling each other about our experiences became a way to enhance our own lovemaking. Together we had threesomes, foursomes, larger groups, and orgies. I arranged gangbangs for her, and she arranged gangbangs for me. I loved watching her with other men and women and she loved watching me with other men and women. I introduced her to trans women, and while she initially felt uncomfortable with it, it didn't take her long to realize how much I enjoyed them and she was soon enjoying them as well. There was never any jealousy, and we never lied to each other.

After my divorce, I was determined to have sex with as many trans women as I could. Once each year, I spent a week in Brazil and a week in Thailand having as much sex with trans women as I could. I invited my partner to go with me on these excursions, but she wasn't interested. I went off and had fun without her, and she had plenty of sex while I was away, and we described our experiences to each other in great detail when we spoke on the phone while we were apart.

Five years in, I was on my annual pilgrimage to Thailand, having an amazing time as usual. Shortly before I was scheduled to return home, we were talking on the phone and she wasn't her usual self. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. I could tell something was bothering her and I reminded her that we didn't keep things from each other. She said she was just tired and really looking forward to my coming home. A couple of days later I was home and we engaged in our usual fantastic homecoming sex. Afterwards, I began telling her about the adventures I had enjoyed in Thailand. When I asked her if she had enjoyed any experiences, she started to cry. After lots of probing, she admitted that she had participated in a gangbang with several men and none of them had used protection. Then she admitted that it had been on two occasions, the first time with four men and the second time with six men. I asked her why and she said she really couldn't explain it - when one of the men participating suggested bareback, she knew it was wrong but found herself agreeing. And during the second time she had been the one to suggest no condoms. She said she just wanted to feel her pussy and ass full of cum and have it all over her body. And then I asked her why she hadn't told me before we had sex. She told me she loved me and that she knew her actions would end our relationship.

I was furious. I hadn't unpacked my bags yet so I got dressed and went to a hotel for the night. She tried calling me several times but I ignored her. The next day while she was at work I removed all of my belongings from the house we had shared for the last five years. It was her house, we had kept our finances separate so there were no issues preventing me from going. I had several job offers so I knew I could also cut off our work relationship easily. I went back to my hotel and called her at work, explaining what I had done and what I was going to do. She didn't even argue, and that was that. I obtained a PEP prescription and agonizingly waited 10 days to have a NAT test for HIV, which thankfully was negative. After 28 days on PEP, I had additional HIV tests and all were negative.

We only spoke one more time after that, when she called me and begged forgiveness and asked for money. I hung up on her.

 

[SPARTAN047]

From most of the ones I heard, the husband or wife cheated, went to the other lover, and/or split up.

 

[Britva415]

It hasn’t happened to me personally, but the killer of open relationships is usually either selfishness or else simple incompatibility and inflexibility, like any other relationship.

Lots of people seem to “try open” and then disregard common courtesy and things they agreed to with their partner. Pretending they didn’t know where the boundaries were - or, keeping the boundaries secret and wigging out when the partner crossed them.

Some couples who agree to try it don’t want it for compatible reasons and don’t have compatible expectations about how it’s supposed to go. A lot like how moving in with someone can break them up.